Subject: Re: Surviving in Horror
Author:
Posted on: 2021-08-03 13:52:14 UTC

(Just read the three free parts, I'll look into this "token" system when work allows me the time.)

Okay, this is cool. Like, it's fun seeing so many facets of the PPC translated over, but I also love this purely as a standalone canon. There's just so much intriguing about the setting. Is this taking place on Earth? How are stories coming to life this way? Did people already have access to magic, or did it come from the story infections? I'm looking forward to hearing more of this setting's history! I also really like the visual of magical threads tying the story elements to the real world. (Plot threads?) it makes for a more unique visual for magic than the standard, D&D-style of shooting fireballs. I also like that the zombies are dispatched with actual weapons, rather than with the magic, as it separates what's real from what's pure story.

Lawrence and Allen are interesting protagonists. At first, they seem like the classic PPC jaded-veteran-plus-hyper-newbie combo. But by the end of part three, I see that Lawrence has some unhealthy coping mechanisms against her trust issues and asocial demeanor, and Allen is frighteningly manipulative, and doesn't handle lack of control well. I'm interested in seeing where their relationship goes, and whether they can get a better handle on their mental states.

One minor note, I also liked your frequent use of capital letters for what we see as common nouns. It shows that some elements of the job are official procedure, but so commonplace to the actual agents that they don't warrant much conscious thought.

One typo I found in assignment 1, part 2:
"More enemies rustled into the room, and the agents pressed onward, killing had long been dead and venturing ever deeper."
I think you were wanting "Killing what had long been dead."

Thank you for coming to share this with us!

—doctorlit, ready to read

Reply Return to messages