Subject: Filks? I have some laying around here somewhere...
Author:
Posted on: 2021-12-26 20:43:53 UTC
To the tune of O Come, O Come, Emmanuel:
O come, o come ye hobbits fat
About the Ring, you need to answer that
The Dark Lord wants to find it again
And to the Shire his Nazgul send.
Frodo, Frodo, to Mordor you must go
To melt the Ring in Mount Doom's fiery glow.
Two of the most famous Christmas films ever are The Nightmare Before Christmas and How the Grinch Stole Christmas (of which there is only one version, and I will bite you if you argue). But did you know that these two movies are in fact... a series?
Yes, it's true. The mean, grumpy old Grinch is actually one and the same as the "Sandy Claws" kidnapped by Hallowe'en Town. After his change of heart, Whoville became Christmas-town, and the costume he had sewn to imitate the fictional Santa became his own trademark. (Fictional? Of course! The Grinch steals every Who's stocking, but those stockings are clearly empty; if Santa was real, he would have come by after the Grinch's visit and provided at least some presents!)
Want the proof? Of course you want the proof.
Our first views of the town in the two movies. Note the arrangement - a circle of houses around a central tree - and the backdrop of snowy hills leading to mountains. The only difference is that big house with the tower - but that's where Jack first sees Sandy Claws. That's the Grinch's new residence!
The great big electro Whocarnioflux (sp?) is a direct ancestor of the penguin-powered song-wagon on the right. Clearly, given the Grinch's dislike of too much noise, noise, noise, NOISE, the considerate Whos toned things down a bit (though they still love to sing). The various railways in Christmas-town are just more of the same technology.
Their children even sleep the same way! Has any family since the writing of There Were Ten In The Bed actually put all its children side by side in a wide bed? Only in Whoville/Christmas-town! They've got the same little noses and all, and their red hats are clearly to hide their antennae.
Finally, there's the big man himself. I will grant that there are some slight differences between the two renditions, though no more than a few decades out of that drafty old cave can account for. But do you know what they have in common, that sets them apart from every other image of Santa ever?
Neither of them wear trousers.
Case closed. Merry Christmas, I hope the Grinch brought you something nice.
hS
Now I'm wondering if the whole Sandy Claws guise is one big suit. O.o
Meanwhile, late as usual, I've updated the Holiday Songbook with last year's filks! Cheers to Kittyauthor, Tawaki, and Thoth for participating.
It might be a bit late for the Filk Game this year, but I actually have one to share:
AGENTS, GO WHERE I SEND THEE
To the tune of "Children, Go Where I Send Thee" (trad. African-American)
Agents, go where I send thee.
How shall I send thee?
I'm gonna send thee one by one.
One for the Urple Lady,
And more (more!), more! Duty never ends.
Agents, go where I send thee.
How shall I send thee?
I'm gonna send thee two by two.
Two for pairings mangled,
One for the Urple Lady,
And more (more!), more! Duty never ends.
... Three for canons tangled
... Four for the gore we'll stand no more
... Five for the misplaced creatures
... Six for the fics that spellcheck won't fix
... Seven for our brains breaking Rule Thirty-Seven*
... Eight for a spate of angst by the crate
... Nine for the time bent out of line
... Ten for the lands uncanon
... Eleven for the power-levels creeping
... Twelve for the blatant rip-offs
* Rule of the Internet #37: You cannot divide by zero.
Each line is a reference to a different Action department. Can you guess them all? ^_^
Feel free to write your own filk if you want to! The following guidelines apply:
Merry Christmas to those who celebrate, Happy Saturday to those who don't!
~Neshomeh
To be sung to the tune of God Rest Ye Merry Gentleman. Many sympathies, I can’t write filks to save my life, but I tried.
God rest ye merry agents
Let nothing you dismay
Remember that Bleeprin
Was given to us this day
To save us all from badfics pow'r
When we were gone insane
Oh tidings of misery and pain
Misery and pain
Oh tidings of misery and pain
In the General Store, in Headquarters
This blessed Bleeprin was sold
And laid within the dusty vaults
Of this blessed place
The which the miserable agents
Did nothing take in scorn
Oh tidings of misery and pain
Misery and pain
Oh tidings of misery and pain
Fear not then, said Leto Haven
Let nothing you affright
For Bleeprin’s bought upon this day
To free all those who trust in it
From badfic born insanity
Oh tidings of misery and pain
Misery and pain
Oh tidings of misery and pain
God rest ye merry agents
Let nothing you dismay
Remember that Bleeprin
Was given to us this day
To save us all from badfics pow'r
When we were gone insane
Oh tidings of misery and pain
Misery and pain
Oh tidings of misery and pain
To the tune of O Come, O Come, Emmanuel:
O come, o come ye hobbits fat
About the Ring, you need to answer that
The Dark Lord wants to find it again
And to the Shire his Nazgul send.
Frodo, Frodo, to Mordor you must go
To melt the Ring in Mount Doom's fiery glow.
Alas, canon, they do you wrong
And mess with you so shamelessly
But we have loved you for so long
Delighting in your histories
Canon is our delight
Canon what we fight for
Canon is what we love
But Sues would make it Glittery
Intro: What do we do with a broken canon?
Chorus: Wey-hey and up spork rises!
Verses:
That's one of my favorite carols. Good job on the scansion! I'd love to see another verse or two. {= )
~Neshomeh
Behold, legolas by laura: the opera, which I did not write, but is too hilarious not to share, and not only because it contains a parody of the infamous "taking the hobbits to Isengard" remix meme.
because I’ve got a couple filks percolating in my notes.
First, to the tune of the Dreidel Song, “I Have A Legendary”:
I have a Legendary
Where ‘goffik’ girls are in
We’re not sure if it’s troll fic
But it makes my head spin
Oh badfic, badfic, badfic
I cannot look away
I’ll have to eat some Bleeprin
And then this fic I’ll slay
Another Legendary
With million words of dreck
Made Wangxian clones a-plenty
And AO3 got wrecked
Oh badfic, badfic, badfic
I cannot look away
I’ll have to eat some Bleeprin
And then this fic I’ll slay
This Legendary Badfic
Has Harry partly kissed
He gets a dryad army
And other things to miss
Oh badfic, badfic, badfic
I cannot look away
I’ll have to eat some Bleeprin
And then this fic I’ll slay
(Feel free to add your own stanzas about the Legendary Badfics closest to your hearts :P)
(Additional note about stanza two: I don’t think the Board ever did a vote on STWWX being Legendary but personally, I feel like if your fic more or less led to a critical restructuring of a fanfiction website’s tagging policies, you’re basically the author of a Legendary.)
Anyway: departments listed: Mary Sues, Bad Slash, Implausible Crossovers, Disturbing Acts of Violence, Misplaced Flora and Fauna, Technical Errors, …not sure on this one. DoWT? Bad Angst, Temporal Offenses, Geographical Aberrations, ESAS?? and… Plagiarism? Will have to find a recording of this song though!
ETA: Zing contributed the PKH lines and I forgot to mention that at checks clock 4AM yesterday. Whoops haha
“Console, Tell Me”, to the tune of “Santa Tell Me” by Ariana Grande:
Console, tell me what mission is this?
Don’t make me go into a fic where my favourite is messed with
Console, tell me my favourite is spared
Don’t make me watch them fall in love with some Mary Sue, again
Gotta go into a fic
And I‘m trying to play it cool
But it’s hard to focus when I see my fave across the room
Some pop song is playing now
Which is odd for Middle-earth
I’m avoiding being noticed until I know that it’s
Canon getting ruptured
So the Duty I can carry out, oh
Console, tell me what mission is this?
Don’t make me go into a fic where my favourite is messed with
Console, tell me my favourite is spared
Don’t make me watch them get possessed by some Bad Slash wraith, again
I’ve been down this road before
With a Dark F*ck Sherlock Holmes
And a woobie Watson crying into his soft white jumper
I’ve got all my canon books
And a Beeblock DVD
And I’ll call on Conan Doyle for the power of the
Canon getting ruptured
So the Duty I can carry out, oh
Console, tell me what mission is this?
Don’t make me go into a fic where my favourite is messed with
Console, tell me my favourite is spared
Don’t make me watch them get replaced by some horrible badfic
Oh I wanna see them in character, like oh-woh
Not some duplicate going through the motions, oh-woh
Gotta stay and collect the charge
Why is this mission so hard?
Oh Glaurung
(Console tell me, console tell me)
If they will be, if they will be spared
(Console tell me, console tell me)
Oh woah
Console, tell me (Console, tell me) what mission is this? (‘Cause I need to know)
Don’t make me go into a fic where my favourite is messed with
Console, tell me (Tell me) my favourite is spared (Please spare them)
Don’t make me watch them get replaced by some horrible badfic
Console, tell me (Tell me) what mission is this? (What mission)
Don’t make me go into a fic where my favourite is messed with (Leave my favourite, leave my fave alone)
Console, tell me (Tell me) my favourite is spared (Are they spared?)
Don’t make me watch them get replaced by some horrible badfic
“Dearest Upstairs”, to the tune of “Santa Baby”
Dearest Upstairs, just slip a good fic into the queue for me
Keep my sanity keen
Dearest Upstairs, I’m putting down the flamethrower now
Dearest Upstairs, a type-40 DoSAT TARDIS, too
Bright blue
I’m relying on you
Dearest Upstairs, I’m putting down the flamethrower now
Think of all the fun and thrills
Think of all the badfics that I haven’t killed
Next year I could be just as good
If this list’s items you could fill
Dearest Upstairs, I want a flat in sunny New Cal, right now
I won’t torch up my pals
Dearest Upstairs, I’m putting down the flamethrower now
Darling Upstairs, one little thing I really need: the Bleep
A plothole-ful would be nice
Darling Upstairs, I’m putting down the flamethrower now
Lovely Upstairs, and fill a crate with Swiss chocolate and tea
Leave it in my RC
Lovely Upstairs, I’m putting down the flamethrower now
Give me time off in Middle-earth
Or a leisure planet out in Whoniverse
I really do believe in you
Let’s see if you believe in me
Dearest Upstairs, just one more thing I want from this place — a raise
I don’t mean with your fronds
Dearest Upstairs, I’m putting down the flamethrower now
Putting down the flamethrower now
Putting… it down.
(and then this agent is dragged away kicking and screaming haha)
One question:
> Think of all the fun and thrills
> Think of all the badfics that I haven’t killed
> Next year I could be just as good
It doesn't seem like the agent has been that good if they haven't been killing badfics, so I wonder if there was a typo or something?
~Neshomeh
but I think I was thinking about the fics they’ve already killed and then all the ones left to kill and they’re like, make my working conditions better so I can kill more badfics? So maybe “think of all the badfics I’ve yet to kill”?