I will no longer feed Sues to Cthulhu lest he get uncanonically fat.

• Unless it would be funny.

• This also applies to other canonical monsters, such as Shelob.

I will not summon Cthulhu, or any other such monster from H. P. Lovecraft.

• Even if I have a good reason.

• If he eats me for dinner, it is my fault.

• If seeing him drives me unfixably insane it is my own fault.

Same goes for summoning any other canonical monster.

I will not get myself, a Sue, or anyone else assimilated by the Borg.

• It happened once, and we do not want it to happen again. We do not want the Borg to know of the PPC's existence. Then they would be able to assimilate pretty much every universe there is. We do not want that to happen.

If I want to listen to loud music in public, I will wear headphones, for politeness sake. Not everyone likes to listen to heavy metal at 100% volume.

-I will no longer appear to technologically backwards canons and show them cell phones

-I will no longer go to canons without magic and recite hexes.

-I am not allowed to prune the Flowers

-Dressing background bits as clowns is forbidden

-A flamethrower is not appropriate in Middle Earth

-A flamethrower is not appropriate in Hogwarts

-A flamethrower is not appropriate anywhere

-I will stop sneaking Whoopie Cushions underneath the feet of canons

-I am forbidden from mixing "all the things in Medical".

-I am not allowed to ask FicPsych about their mothers

-I am not allowed to ask Medical about their mothers

-I am not allowed in Medical unless I am wounded

-I am not allowed in FicPsych unless I am insane

-I am not currently insane

-When asked how much explosives are appropriate, I should not say "ALL OF THEM".

-I cannot pants Sauron

-Gallows humor is appropriate only to a point.

-I cannot replace Agents with Shipverse versions of themselves

-I cannot replace Canons with Shipverse versions of themselves

-Covering myself in glitter and running through the Cafeteria is forbidden

-The Pancakes Incident will never be spoken of again

-I am to stop asking DOSAT if their refrigerator is running, they're still very angry it went missing.

-I am forbidden from making jokes about glue in the canon of My Little Pony

-I am called an Assassin. I am not LORD SPARKLE-BE-GONE

-I am not allowed to join a militia

-I am not allowed to found a militia

-Vampire members of the PPC do not "vant to suck my blud"

-I'm not allowed to flashback to Missions, canons, or wars I did not participate in

-I am not paid in "magic beans" and cannot demand to be paid in such.

-Flowers did not sprout from "magic beans"

-Jackboots are worn on the FEET

-Unless I am in Medical I cannot give prescriptions for any substance

-I am not allowed to challenge anyone to a "duel by righteous combat" anymore

-It is inappropriate to be dressed as a mime while on mission

-I am not authorized to arrest individuals for any reason

-No "drinking of alcohol" on mission applies to I.V.

-I cannot attempt to disprove the notion that the pen is stronger than the sword

-Screaming "I DIDN'T DO IT AND EVEN IF I DID, YOU'LL NEVER FIND THE BODIES" is not an appropriate way to greet someone

-I will not try to pet the Balor

-I will not try to pet Cthulhu

• I will not abuse the Neuralyzers for economic profit, even if the Narrative Laws of Comedy are unlikely to let any gain last for long anyway.

• I will not attempt to assassinate Aslan, regardless of cross-dimensional philosophical differences.

• A friendly reminder from the Flowers to stop asking for pay raises. And stop trying to form unions. It’s a waste of time.

• I will stop shoving anime-native Agents into the Reality Room “just to see what happens.”

• I will not ask the Flowers about their reproductive cycles. Ever.

• I will not attempt to modify my console to play calming music instead of BEEPing. (The last Agents to try this ended up with a trip to Medical and bass-boosted techno music blasting through the halls for half an hour.)

• I will not play music near the Tomb of the Unknown PPC Agent. Not only do the veteran Agents get grumpy about it, but the skeletons also get restless.

• I will not ask Dr. Glocktopus

• Even though research on de-Suefication has advanced, I am not by any means immune to glitter influence and will stop acting as such.

• Just because a tail is especially large and fluffy does not mean it can't feel pain. Please stop trying to use them as cushions.

• I will refrain from abusing the buggy physics engine of certain video game-related canons.

• I will not ask what the DIO is. The DIO does not exist.

Mussing up Kaguya's makeup, or just messing with Kaguya in general. He wouldn't mind, but Momoka will be very cross with you.

• Putting Agent Luxury and Sanji in the same room is a Very Bad Idea.
• Luffy is to be described as a rubberman, not a living condom.
• Buster Calls are only for use by DOGA.

I might do more soon...

Do not mention Ringwraiths to Rebecca Buch. We don't want her to have a fit.

• She is a newbie and needs to stay sane as long as possible.

Do not play Rammstein in front of Rebecca, either. She will help Zara do all this.

Do not kill people who respawn after they die.

• They may get mad enough to forget that you probably don't respawn after you die.

• Dying is not fun. Even if you do respawn.

Do not give invalid money to anyone.

• Especially if they just got back from a bad mission and they need a stiff drink.

Agent David Null is not related to Dracula, either.

-Actually, for your safety, do not assume any vampire agent is related to Dracula unless they say so.

David Null does not like you pointing out he is a vampire, so don't.

-Paye only gets away with it because she works with him. You do not have that advantage.

Also, do not ask David Null if he has turned anybody.

-Do not ask to be turned, either. Unless you're okay with him hating you.

-Do not, also, ask if David Null is a Twipire. He is an English teacher. He will laugh at you.

--But not in front of actual Twipires. He'll laugh at you in private. He's rude, but not that rude.

Do not ask Paye about Player.

And that's all I could come up with.

-kA, who enjoys these sorts of things.