Subject: Well, that was fun.
Author:
Posted on: 2012-09-11 09:54:00 UTC
First and foremost, I love some of the description you've got floating around. 'despite Tabitha being about as interesting as a bar of soap' caught my eye for some reason (oh, wait, I know the reason: because it's funny). I also enjoy Cale's occasional cluelessness - and the 'discussion' over the portal was hilarious.
On the other hand, sometimes 'clueless' charges directly into 'exposition' without looking back. I could almost see some of the discussions they have (the naming of the Remote Activator, the thing with the DORKS, and the discussion of CADs all come very close together) as acceptable if you were writing this as an 'introduction to the PPC for new readers'-type mission - which the intern format would work very well for - but for someone who already knows what's going on, I don't think you handled it quite gracefully enough. At times the two experienced agents come across as little more than encyclopaedias.
That said (am I allowed to keep shifting back and forth on every subject imaginable? I rather think I am), I enjoyed the references to all the heaps of things that make up HQ. PPC Cluedo will have me commenting further down the thread (seriously, like I was ever going to be able to resist a board game), and it makes me grin to see Nurse McKay making a snide appearence.
So, overall: good mission, you two. The excerpts make it very clear why you killed this one, without turning it into an MST. Nicely done.
hS