All I have are plastic dinosaurs and unicorn blood.

Subject: All I have are plastic dinosaurs and unicorn blood.
Author: Lily Winterwood
Posted on: 2012-09-11 01:30:00 UTC

Obviously the suspects should include:
-Jay Thorntree
-Acacia Byrd
-Lux
-Makes-Things
-Dafydd Illian (idek, he's pretty well known isn't he?)
-The Mysterious Somebody
-The Sunflower Official
and ten others, because seventeen suspects.
And then there need to be at least seventeen weapons (two of which are, as I said, tiny plastic dinosaurs and unicorn blood) and seventeen locations, but knowing the PPC there will be way more weapons and locations than suspects, to mess everyone up.
And the layout of HQ on the game board would be highly inaccurate. It'd be a rendition of what someone wished HQ was laid out like, but obviously HQ, being more or less quasi-sentient, would seek to not conform to the layout delineated on the board.

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And another Sue bites the dust... by Lily Winterwood on 2012-09-11 00:18:00 UTC Reply

Thanks to the brilliant commentary and ample help from IntelligentAirhead, I bring to you all the death of Tabitha Watson.
Fandom: BBC Sherlock
Rating: PG-15 for dirty mouths and Sherlock discussing post-coital refractory periods. We often seem to find him in his plothole around the time of Suvian sex scenes, I'm afraid.
Agents: Eledhwen Elerossiel and Christianne Shieh, as well as intern Cale Serfe from the Modern Baker Street Fanfiction Academy
Target: Tabitha Watson and Stulock Holmes
Word Count: 11,699
Things added to continuity:
-The PPC sometimes takes in interns from OFUs who shadow Agents on missions. Oftentimes the interns end up joining post-graduation. (Chances are that's how they got Karen DuLay and Agent Kitty Smith, both of whom are IAHF alums?)
-BBC!Holmes, due to his access to the internet and powers of deduction, becomes extremely aware of his situation and of the PPC when he is plotholed away to be character replaced. This was suggested last mission with Alexis Gilmore, but now is confirmed because he recognises Eledhwen. Neuralysation and Bleeprin can cure him of this newfound meta-knowledge until the next replacement.
-Glopsnerch also blocks annoying Author's Notes.
-Some types of Character Analysis Devices find the presence of Mary Sues by measuring the amount of Aura of Smooth emitted by characters, and sometimes the residual amounts of Aura of Smooth hovering around plotholes will also be picked up. Perhaps that's also how litmus strips work?

You link me to such lovely things by Sevenswans on 2012-09-11 22:25:00 UTC Reply

Hmmm... I always thought litmus strips were measuring the amount of stomach acid that sues produced in the agents, the continuum, and anything else that was handy. Good to know.

Well, litmus papers do have to be in contact something by Lily Winterwood on 2012-09-12 00:13:00 UTC Reply

and it's a bit hard to measure the acidity of stomach acid without putting the paper in the acid. So yeah, that's my take on it.

Makes sense to me. by Calista on 2012-09-12 05:01:00 UTC Reply

I'm not sure whether anybody's written about it yet, but I'm sure it's been mentioned that in the worst of the bleepfic and the Legendaries, litmus paper has been known to spontaneously combust when you try to use it. These are the fics where a CAD will explode on entry, so you can't even take one with you. Usually litmus strips are the solution, but if you want to turn it up to eleven, even the litmus strips won't last long.

You usually use them by touching them to the canon or OC in question, but if it's gotten bad enough, just exposing them to the nearby air would start to turn them funny colors. Of course, by then the agents are half-insane and probably have bumps and bruises from scene shifts, punctuation storms, and flying bits of bad writing; so a few burnt litmus strips are the least of their worries.

Praise *insert entitiy here*! (nm) by Kookija on 2012-09-11 12:20:00 UTC Reply
Good job! by Sergio Turbo on 2012-09-11 11:52:00 UTC Reply

Holmes being able to re-deduce everything was really a great idea. It helps making canon characters more people and less dummies thrown around by the whims of a writer.

If he keeps going this way, however, it will not take long before we have to add him to the "Canons who know about the PPC" list.
Well, that was fun. by Huinesoron on 2012-09-11 09:54:00 UTC Reply

First and foremost, I love some of the description you've got floating around. 'despite Tabitha being about as interesting as a bar of soap' caught my eye for some reason (oh, wait, I know the reason: because it's funny). I also enjoy Cale's occasional cluelessness - and the 'discussion' over the portal was hilarious.

On the other hand, sometimes 'clueless' charges directly into 'exposition' without looking back. I could almost see some of the discussions they have (the naming of the Remote Activator, the thing with the DORKS, and the discussion of CADs all come very close together) as acceptable if you were writing this as an 'introduction to the PPC for new readers'-type mission - which the intern format would work very well for - but for someone who already knows what's going on, I don't think you handled it quite gracefully enough. At times the two experienced agents come across as little more than encyclopaedias.

That said (am I allowed to keep shifting back and forth on every subject imaginable? I rather think I am), I enjoyed the references to all the heaps of things that make up HQ. PPC Cluedo will have me commenting further down the thread (seriously, like I was ever going to be able to resist a board game), and it makes me grin to see Nurse McKay making a snide appearence.

So, overall: good mission, you two. The excerpts make it very clear why you killed this one, without turning it into an MST. Nicely done.

hS

Excuse me as I proceed to squeal and flail by IntelligentAirhead on 2012-09-12 00:03:00 UTC Reply

I'm still recovering from the shock of being complimented, never mind the fact that you cited one of my sarcastic tirades.
Yay, thanks! by Lily Winterwood on 2012-09-11 16:51:00 UTC Reply

Yeah, I need to work on the whole 'infodump without really infodumping'; that's kinda a side effect of writing so many OFUs. Heh.
Anyway, thanks! And you should thank Intel for that bar of soap observation. She's good at things like that.

And there was a relieved sigh from the afflicted continuum. by KittyNoodles on 2012-09-11 01:05:00 UTC Reply

Congratulations on another dead Sue - and also on the discovery of new things to add to the continuity! -hearty pat on the back-

-Oh, and one for IntelligentAirhead, too!-

/is patted (nm) by IntelligentAirhead on 2012-09-11 01:22:00 UTC Reply

Because the helpers need love, too. (nm) by KittyNoodles on 2012-09-11 01:23:00 UTC Reply

/is patted on back very heartily by Lily Winterwood on 2012-09-11 01:17:00 UTC Reply

Now I am extremely curious as to what exactly are the rooms, murder weapons, and suspects in the PPC version of Cluedo. Heh.

May I suggest by SingingTheThunder on 2012-09-11 19:02:00 UTC Reply

Cafeteria food as a murder weapon?
Ooooh, I bet one is the Chronotransporter by IntelligentAirhead on 2012-09-11 01:23:00 UTC Reply

But is it a weapon or a suspect?

All I have are plastic dinosaurs and unicorn blood. by Lily Winterwood on 2012-09-11 01:30:00 UTC Reply

Obviously the suspects should include:
-Jay Thorntree
-Acacia Byrd
-Lux
-Makes-Things
-Dafydd Illian (idek, he's pretty well known isn't he?)
-The Mysterious Somebody
-The Sunflower Official
and ten others, because seventeen suspects.
And then there need to be at least seventeen weapons (two of which are, as I said, tiny plastic dinosaurs and unicorn blood) and seventeen locations, but knowing the PPC there will be way more weapons and locations than suspects, to mess everyone up.
And the layout of HQ on the game board would be highly inaccurate. It'd be a rendition of what someone wished HQ was laid out like, but obviously HQ, being more or less quasi-sentient, would seek to not conform to the layout delineated on the board.

Like this, for instance. by Huinesoron on 2012-09-11 15:00:00 UTC Reply

(And can I recommend Jaycacia Thornbyrd as a suspect? Because I find her highly suspicious)

hS, because someone mentioned PPC board games and picture manipulation in the same sentence

Definitely Jaycacia. by Lily Winterwood on 2012-09-11 16:52:00 UTC Reply

And these look fabulous, haha.
Yeah,the risk board looks like a good place to start for the cluedo board, and there is probably a mid-game shifting thing for the layout, perhaps in lieu of secret passages.

Weapons! And rules! by Huinesoron on 2012-09-11 17:04:00 UTC Reply

(I'm more satisfied with the dinosaurs than the blood, actually)

As to the rules, I've come up with one 'house rule' (in addition, of course, to standard Cluedo rules) that would make it very PPC:

-On rolling a 1/double 1 (depending on number of dice), you fail to distract yourself sufficiently, and are moved to a random location on the board. (In practice, this would either be decided by the other players, or make it 'a random room' and use a random-number generator)

For board-changing... probably the easiest way would be to make the board from four square sections, which are arranged to form a larger square, and shuffled when a player is enabled (or every third turn, or whatever). But I think the fail-to-distract rule actually takes care of that aspect well enough...

hS

So the suspect list is as follows: by Lily Winterwood on 2012-09-12 00:34:00 UTC Reply

Jay – well-known DMS Agent
Acacia – well-known DMS Agent
Dafydd – well-known DOGA Agent
Lux – infamous DBS Agent
Trojanhorse – well-known DBS Agent
Tawaki – were-penguin, well-known DTO Agent
Boromir – the Team Phoenix version, popular lust object in LotR division
Architeuthis – well-known DoI Agent
GreyLadyBast – PPC Goddess
Jaycacia – Mary Sue daughter of Jay and Acacia
Makes-Things – the techie guy, head of DoSAT
Marquis de Sod – Head of Personnel
Mysterious Somebody – attempted to take over HQ
The Sunflower Official – come on if you don’t know him shame on you
Grammer – Head of Grammar division,
The Uncommon Comma – Head of Department of Technical Errors
Otik – Head of Postal Department

And the weapons list (knowing the players, they'll keep on adding to the list of weapons):

Unicorn blood
Small plastic dinosaurs
Cafeteria food
Flamethrower
Punctuation rain
Avada kedavra
Extra ring of power
Punjab lasso
Curare tipped arrow
Ye olde poisonous poison
Revolver
Sting
Dalek
Sword
Throwing knives
Poisoned apple
Marley the giant king cobra
Numbweed
Australian Indoor-Rules Quiddich bat

And as for the rooms, I think the failure-to-distract rule beats having to arrange the board, which disrupts play. So yeah.

Some weapons. by Huinesoron on 2012-09-13 18:35:00 UTC Reply

(Not finished yet; I got tied up making a layered version of the board with all the suspect heads as playing pieces, for potential email-based play)

hS

We'll actually get to play it? by Lily Winterwood on 2012-09-14 06:22:00 UTC Reply

Christmas has come early and I love you.

Maaaaybe. by Huinesoron on 2012-09-14 18:50:00 UTC Reply

I'm vaguely planning how it could be done (involving me doing most of the legwork, naturally); I think it's workable, but it depends on getting enough players...

hS

If you need help I'm here. by Lily Winterwood on 2012-09-14 20:15:00 UTC Reply

More for photoshoppy things but still. Send me an email if you need help because I certainly can't have you doing most of the legwork (it doesn't seem fair).

Eh, the 'art' side's no problem. by Huinesoron on 2012-09-15 06:20:00 UTC Reply

Taking a bit longer now I'm back to work, but it'll get done. It's just the potential 'coordinating 17 people's moves through email' aspect that's a bit intimidating...

hS

Bored now... no, wait, the other one. by Huinesoron on 2012-09-12 18:43:00 UTC Reply

Board now.

It seems Photobucket can't handle the full-sized version, so in case it's hard to read, the portals link:

-The Lobby to the HQ Pool
-The SO's Office to Room One
-DoSAT to the Cryptomusic Archive
-DIA Central to the Tomb of the UPA

Anyone who cares to spot any errors in this or the cards is most welcome... although if you flag up either of the jokes the board contains, I will laugh at you.

hS

You are a gorgeous, wonderful person. by IntelligentAirhead on 2012-09-13 04:29:00 UTC Reply

These are amazing! Permission to glomp?

And a suspicious-looking lot they are. by Huinesoron on 2012-09-12 11:29:00 UTC Reply

That was quite tiring. I think I'm going to take a break and do something less intensive - like building that Minecraft superdreadnaught...

hS

Waaaugh, all of these are so pretty! by Lily Winterwood on 2012-09-12 21:40:00 UTC Reply

You are amazing and I think I may be in your debt.

Dafydd says he wants to be left out of this. by Huinesoron on 2012-09-11 10:04:00 UTC Reply

Unfortunately, he doesn't get any say in that; if he wanted an input he shouldn't have quit. :P

I'm going to try and make some suspect cards (well, of course - this is me, here) for the ones you suggested - and maybe weapon cards for two of those - but for the board, might I suggest it be based on (but not identical to) my PPC Risk board? Obviously it lacks some key characteristics of Cluedo (secret passages, actual spaces in the corridors), and losing the need for 'continents' would let some of the less interesting rooms drop out (India's RC is only in there because I needed more for DAVD), but it seems confusing enough...

Or, of course, a modular design whereby it's never the same setup twice. I can even imagine rules for rearranging the board mid-game...

hS

Interesting question. (nm) by KittyNoodles on 2012-09-11 01:19:00 UTC Reply