Help Wanted: Missing Snow Golems

Subject: Help Wanted: Missing Snow Golems
Author: Thoth
Posted on: 2022-12-01 18:48:55 UTC

I miss doing silly things. Hence, as part of the Initiative To Make The Board Weird Again, I have been hard at work constructing snow golems. Many, many Snow Golems. These adorable little critters are roughly the size of a human fist, and I planned to set them loose upon the board and watch the mayhem. See, I have them in this box here and when I open the box... huh.

Oh dear.

It seems that my sentient, snowball-sized snow creatures have escaped, and I haven't got a clue where they might be. They could be in your house. They could be in your yard. They could be posting on this very board. They could be you. They could be me! They could even... okay, no, they're not me. Put the gun down.

...And if they find their way into HQ, who knows what could happen.

Please let me know if you've seen any of them?

-Thoth

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Help Wanted: Missing Snow Golems by Thoth on 2022-12-01 18:48:55 UTC RP

oh noes !!! sno golems on the loose? what a disaster! by not a snoe golem on 2022-12-12 21:54:05 UTC Reply

you should defintely give them hot chocolate! or little mittens! or play snoeball fights with them! because that would make them really really sad and they'd go away right away, definitely!!!!!!!!
The more you know by Agent Glam [Winsela] on 2022-12-04 10:06:44 UTC Reply

Oh, so these are snow golems, not Abominable Snowballs. I was wondering why they didn't have twig arms. Or hats and scarves, for that matter.

They're cute and all, but I don't think we could keep them from melting in the long run. And they're weirding my partner out.

Ooh! Hi! by Mina Overpower on 2022-12-05 21:31:35 UTC Reply

No to meet you! I’m Mina! Aren’t these snow golems cute?

(—Ls would like to see more of Agent Glam)

*tries to steal hS's PG hat* (nm) by Snow Golem #4 on 2022-12-04 03:33:40 UTC Reply
How do you get rid of these things? by Tom on 2022-12-03 23:18:50 UTC Reply

They keep coming back in, and I can't run the summoning circle for fear one of them gets possessed.

...

Of course I need the summoning circle. I'm doing research.

...

Look, wanting my toast made for me in the morning is a valid reason.

...

Come of it! What's the worst that could happen?

...

No, it can't turn us all into dust that mechanically obeys orders. Although I guess that would be possible with—OW. Okay, I deserved that, but you really could—OW HELP MY PARTNER IS ASSAULTING ME

Have you tried a hair dryer? by Tomash on 2022-12-04 03:30:54 UTC Reply

Or is yours also a victim of your research program?

Aw, who’s a good little snow golem? by Mina Overpower on 2022-12-03 22:45:14 UTC Reply

I named this one Carl. And that one is Carl, and that one is Carl, and other one is Leslie.

I love them all!!!!
OMC, a thing! by Agent Chelsea [Ozzielot] on 2022-12-03 22:17:56 UTC Edited Reply

pulls her phone out

Gotta take a picture~
I'm a snow golem, AMA (nm) by Snowverry on 2022-12-03 19:41:53 UTC Reply

What do you eat?? by Agent Dawn McKenna, DMS on 2022-12-04 17:09:19 UTC Edited Reply

Asking for a friend, haha...

Edit: oh! Haha, that says I'm Dawn-jie! No wonder I couldn't find anything good in the emoji packs. This is Zohar!

Watermelons! by Snowverry on 2022-12-07 16:25:11 UTC Reply

I only eat the finest watermelons. Mmm, watermelons...

Wonderful! I have more questions. by Agent Dawn McKenna, DMS on 2022-12-11 20:45:42 UTC Reply

First: how do I get more watermelons in winter? Dawn-jie's getting susp--I mean, I only have access to so many items to trade, you understand, so this is a bit inconvenient...ah, for my friend, because I'm being helpful to him...

Speaking of which: do you eat anything else? Frozen berries, maybe? Ice cream? Chili oil? Are snow creatures affected by that kind of heat?

Also: accommodations. Do you have to stay cold to survive? How cold? Tell me everything. My friend's being very creative, of course, but it's frustrating trying to help him when experimentation is so dangerous. Don't want to melt anyone by accident! Speaking of which, can you reform post-melting, especially if you've only melted a little bit? Do you end up with ice? Oh! Also: thoughts on decoration? Maybe a bit of ribbon, or a design? Dye tattoos? Let me know!

--whoops, uh, my friend's calling me to deal with...something...but I really would like those answers! Let me know!!

-Zohar

Zohar, stop bothering the creature. by Liu Siyuan, DBS on 2022-12-04 23:34:22 UTC Reply

You're late to your calligraphy class.

But Liu-laoshi, I'm only being responsible! And anyway, it said to ask it anything! by Agent Dawn McKenna, DMS on 2022-12-11 20:37:15 UTC Reply

Besides, haven't you seen the reply? My bothering is wanted.

Speaking of which, haha, let's see what other questions I have...

-Zohar
Zohar, please keep bothering the creature. (nm) by Snowverry on 2022-12-07 16:25:30 UTC Reply

This is most fascinating by Hazama Kaguya, DMS-VGD on 2022-12-02 21:57:07 UTC Edited Reply

A round, snowman-like creature had somehow hidden in my natsume tea container and bursted out when I opened it. I would like to thank my mysterious benefactor for the most unique Christmas present I have been given.
Hey! Get out of my bookshelf! by Rebecca Buch, DF [TheBefuddledBookworm] on 2022-12-02 20:00:09 UTC Reply

If it's not bad enough, having a somewhat crazy cat and two even crazier mini-Balrogs, now I have to deal with these snowball critter things? Out, out, all of you!

chases snow golems out of the door and immediately falls over some of them

Curses!
Why is there a snow golem in my RC?! (nm) by Agent David Null, DF on 2022-12-02 19:40:34 UTC Reply
So... About those Snow Golems... by Agent Theo DoGA on 2022-12-02 18:41:24 UTC Reply

Now, please understand that it was a simple accident, pure and simple, no one's fault. Honest.

But...

We might no longer have a snow golem in our RC, it might, just might mind you, have accidentally wandered it's way into a friendly fire incident.

Although now that I think about it, the fire was a bit too literal and it might not have been all that friendly...

In other news did you know that water golems are a thing?

Well, good luck in your quest for your snow golems and not the water golem that's a completely different thing, honest.

Theo. (Nova)
What's happening? by Jiwon Kim, DF on 2022-12-02 16:47:03 UTC Reply

Seriously, it's like Els again, but... multiplied. Did something happen in HQ?
oh no how terrible by DEFINITELY NOT A SNOW GOLEM on 2022-12-02 11:51:47 UTC Reply

i do hope you find them soon even if they are very small and cute and would love for you to leave tiny mittens out for us. them. so you don't get cold when they touch you of course.
Snow golems? Where? by hidaney on 2022-12-02 04:40:03 UTC Reply

Oh fu
Kindly remove these creatures from my garden. by Liu Siyuan, DBS on 2022-12-01 23:35:45 UTC Reply

They are ruining the feng shui.
Where's my phone? Hurry up quick I gotta take a pictu by Akagashi Inasuke, DF on 2022-12-01 22:11:27 UTC Edited Reply

((Agent Inasuke is unfortunately unconscious from the sight of his mini Booky wrestling with an adorable snowman-like creature))
Hoi, owl man! by Thalia Quinn, DMS on 2022-12-01 21:25:54 UTC Reply

These things yours? Get ‘em out of here! They’re upsetting Fred!
How very improperer! by Linstar on 2022-12-01 20:11:24 UTC Reply

You know you cannot lettest the golems out! And no, I definitely didn’t adoptest one!

sips herbal tea

brings out snow cannon

Eat snow, losers! Mua ha ha ha ha ha—

mouth is filled with snow

(Yes! Make the Board weird again! —Ls likes this)
it's okay i'm not a snow golem by huinesoron on 2022-12-01 20:02:52 UTC Reply

personally i don't even think snow golems exist haha what a funny joke thoth nothing to see here

that sounds like something a snow golem might say by thoth on 2022-12-01 22:21:08 UTC Reply

i mean if snow golems were real hahahhaha ;aslkfhaiehsorry water spilled on my keyboard

im white snow on a tree by kі nо shirayuki on 2022-12-01 22:34:43 UTC Reply

but im defiantly not a snow gollum, nope

but are you the ghost in the machine by linstar on 2022-12-01 20:11:54 UTC Edited Reply

wait huinesoron isn’t even real—