https://www.plotprotectors.org/posts/176192

And welcome!

~Z, in a bit of a rush

Once upon a time, there was a hight schooler by the name of Merlin. When he was in class one day, he opened his locker- only to see a magic portal! He quickly fell in, only to land on sone grey concrete. He looked down and said wow that is sonr gray concrete!

Then Majesthibgs showed up abd gave him the all new all cool ppc device-tje ultimate allinone Sue fighter@!

So merlin took the device, opened a portal, and went out to fight mary Suez!

An; Sorry its shory abd laye I had a test to study for, abd I had to go to my mom's funeral so if you flame YUO HATe hER and YUOR EVIL no im not making that up it's totalky reall byeeeeeeeeee!!!!

sorry i took so longggg some meanies tried to cancel my vid

its v long and i think ive made some improvements from last time uwu

hope u like it

oh also if ur in russia u cant watch it there bc of copyright

Title: The Mastersmith’s Apprentice

Author: The Half-blood Ponce

Summary: What does Agent Suicide do when a Pern mission almost goes horribly wrong?

One day, Agent Suicide needed a partner for a mission. Agent Diocletian was being gross with her boyfriend, everyone else was busy, and his intern Henry Robinson couldn’t go because his mom wouldn’t let him. It was super annoying, but since they weren’t dating anymore, he couldn’t do anything about it.

He sent a message to the Flowers, and finally they wrote back that they were sending him a new recruit.

“Oh, great,” said Suicide. “Some idiot newbie I’ll have to train. Okay, fine.”

Soon, there was a knock at his door. When he opened it, there was a teenage boy standing outside. He looked pretty normal, which didn’t really mean anything, but at least he wasn’t a total Sue.

“You must be the kid they sent me,” said Suicide. “What’s your name?”

“Robert,” said the boy, “Robert McGillicuddy.”

“Okay, I’m gonna call you Bob. Is that cool, Bob?”

Robert shrugged. “I guess. So you’re Agent Suicide? I’ve heard all about you. It’s an honor to work with you.”

Suicide nodded. “Sucking up to your betters. Good life skill. Keep it up and I might just make a man out of you.” He invited Bob into the RC. “First of all, do you have gear in that backpack?”

Robert nodded. “Yes, they gave me a CAD, an RC, and everything. My parents gave me a lunch, too. They’re both agents,” he added.

“Oh, you’re a Headquarters brat?” said Suicide. “Great, then I shouldn’t have to tell you how this works. Ever killed anything before?”

Robert shook his head. “No, but I’ve trained a lot. I can shoot a bow and a gun, and I can tie really good knots.”

“You’ll do,” said Suicide approvingly. “Sadly, you probably won’t need to shoot anything, since we’re going to Pern. What do you know about it?”

“Everything,” said Robert, looking excited. “I’ve always wanted to see a dragon up close!”

“Well, Bob, it’s your lucky day,” said Suicide. “Don’t screw it up.”

They went through the portal and came out disguised as a mastersmith and his apprentice. Instead of “darning needles,” Suicide had a big smithing hammer and a belt knife. Robert had a belt knife and a punch for making holes in runner-shoes.

The fic was set in a Weyr, but it didn’t say which one, so it just looked generic. The Hatching was about to start.

“Typical,” said Suicide. “They always have to have a speshul dragon.”

“Looks like he gets a regular blue dragon, though,” said Robert.

“It looks that way, but the Sue is a girl who dressed as a boy to get Searched in the first place.”

“Oh. Why didn’t she just set the story after Mirrim Impressed Path? Or just be a boy?”

“Who knows.”

“Wait a minute, is this a crossover with Eragon?” Robert looked at the Words. “Her name is Erake. That’s like how Eragon is ‘dragon’ with an E instead of a D. And... uh-oh. If she Impresses, the dragon is going to give her magic powers! We have to stop her!”

“Wait, don’t get too close!” Suicide yelled, but it was too late.

Robert jumped onto the Hatching Sands and ran up to Erake. “Stop!” he said. “I know you’re a Mary Sue, and you can’t do this! I’m an agent of the PPC and I’m charging you with having a silly name, tricking the dragons into Searching you by wearing boy’s clothes—which totally wouldn’t fool them, by the way—and crossing Pern with Eragon just so you can have extra-speshul Sueper powers. The penalty is death.” Robert took his punch and put a hole in her head. She fell down.

Just then, the egg in front of her and Robert cracked open! The blue dragonet stumbled out, keening. For one moment, it looked at Robert, and Robert stared into its rainbow eyes. Oh no. This was why Suicide had told him to stop. If he Impressed, he would have to stay on Pern forever. He could never go home or be an agent again!

But then Erake died, and the blue dragonet couldn’t see Robert anymore. It went away to find another candidate (and didn’t give him any magic).

Robert sighed with relief. He and Suicide got Erake’s body and dropped it in Mount Garben during the eruption.

“You got lucky, Bob,” said Suicide. “If you had actually Impressed, either you’d be stuck here or I’d have to kill you for being a Gary Stu yourself.”

“I know,” said Robert. “Not gonna lie, though, it would be really, really cool to have a dragon.”

“That’s true,” said Suicide. Then he looked around, all shifty. “Tell you what, kid. Since you made your first kill today, that deserves a reward. And since we’re already on the Southern Continent, I bet we could find a fire-lizard clutch. No one would have to know.”

Robert stared at him. “You’d let me Impress a fire-lizard? Is that allowed?”

“Well, technically, yes as long as the Flowers don’t find out until it’s too late.” Suicide winked. “Come on, Bob, let’s go.”

THE END

A/N: I don’t really write fanfic, but I had to write a short story with an OC in it for a class. It turned out okay I think, so I put it up here, but whatever.

Beta’d by my friend Mugglus Vulgaris. (It means the Common Or Garden-Variety Muggle, not anything gross, so you sickos who made fun of her had better keep your mouths shut or I’ll hex you. I MEAN IT. You know who you are.) She’s cool, go read her stuff if you don’t like mine.

(( I wasn't going to leave OOC notes, but I want it on the record that writing "RC" instead of "RA" was a genuine mistake I failed to notice until after I posted. It's staying in, of course. Hurrah for unforced errors! {X D ))

Title: When PPC Agents Need Help

Author: Glycoside Party

Summary: What happens when two PPC agents need help? Will they learn something??

ONCE upon a time there was a very old PPC agent named Tafydd Issian. He was incredibly old, like older than dirt, and everything he said seemed to start with "when I was young, back before the BIG BANG".

His partner was Nonstance Zims, who was not as old but said she felt older. Everything she said started with "ow my back aches". And they worked together, stabbing things and setting them on fire, or sometimes the other way round. And Tafydd was an elf.

Now this all happened so long ago that there were only three canons, and they were the Epic of Gilgamesh, the Silmarillion, and that Robin Hood movie with the foxes in it. And Tafydd and Nonstance went on a mission to the Robin Hood, but little did they know!

ONCE upon a time in Sherlock Forest, Robin Hood and his friends Sparrow Hat and Qua-qua Cap were playing a game. The game was called Don't Let The Sherrif Catch You, and the goal was not to let the Sheriff catch them.

"Oh dear," said Nonstance as the agents got there, "they got the name of the forest wrong."

"Yes," said Tafydd, "everyone knows it is Sherbert Forest."

Nonstance groaned because her back ached. "But we will do better than the Sherriff, because we will catch them."

So Nonstance took her knives and Tafydd took his fire things, and they went into Sherbert Forest after Robin and his two friends, because they realised that his friends were Suvians. Because Sparrow Hat was a girl, and the patriartchy says that Robin Hood wasn't allowed to have girl friends apart from Maid Marian (even though the girls in the film are cool, like the nurse and the little rabbit), and Qua-qua Cap ran around saying "I'm gonna steal from the POOR and give to the RICH", and he pretended it was a joke but the agents could knew that it wasn't.

The Sherif and King John and Sir Hiss were walking through the forest when suddenly an arrow hit King John's crown! It knocked it off and Sparrow Hat stole it.

"Good because I don't hit girls!" shouted the Shirrif , even though HE REALLY DID because he was a baddie.

"Why is there so much shouting," asked Nonstance, "it makes my head hurt."

"Nobody should be allowed to shout," agreed Tafydd, "even when it is really important and they need to get your attention but you just tell them off for it."

"I am glad we agree," said Nonstance.

"Look, Sparrow Hat is by herself." Tafydd pointed to where Sparrow Hat was hiding in the forest while the Sheriif looked for her (but didn't find her). "Let's go and kill her."

The agents snuck through Sherbert FOrest, but OOPS! They forgot that Robin Hood had laid traps! They fell into a hole and were trapped at the bottom of it.

"Oh bother," said Nonstance.

"In my day we didn't fall into traps," said Tafydd.

"Are you okay?" said a nother voice, and they looked up to see two children! One was a fox girl with a blonde streak of fur on her head, and one was a speedy sloth who was hanging upside down in a tree.

"Hello," said the girl, "I am Thaphne and this is my bother Woleander. We live in the forest."

"We used to have parents but they were killed by King John," said Woleander, but he didn't look sad about it.

"Oh, you live in the forest," said Tafydd. "Then you must know Robin Hood."

"We do!" said Thaphne. "But we don't know his new friends."

"We don't like them", said Woleander, hissing like a snake (but he wasn't a snake). "We think they are evil."

"You are completely right," said Nonstance, "well done. They are called Suvians and we are here to kill them."

"But we are stuck in a hole," said Tafydd, "so you will have to kill them instead."

"Okay," said Thaphne and Woleander, and they took Nonstance's knives (but not Tafydd's fire things because they knew that lighting fires in a forest is really dangerous and nobody wants another Rivendell Incident) and went to find the Suvians. It wasn't hard, because Tafydd taught them to read the WOrds.

Sparrow Hat and Qua-qua Cap were by the Sherlock River, arguing about the crown. "We should give it to the poor," said Sparrow Hat.

"We should give it to the rich," said Qua-qua Cap with an evil smile.

But they weren't paying attention to what was going on nearby. Thaphne and Woleander snuck up on them, and then Thaphne stabbed Sparrow Hat and Woleander stabbed Qua-qua Cap, and they died.

"Good job," said Tafydd.

"We couldn't have done it without you," said Nonstance.

"I wish I had known you when I was a child," said Tafydd, "which was a very long time ago."

"Now I understand that children are great at doing things and don't need to be told off," said Nonstance.

"Wow, thank you!" said Thaphne. "Can we join the PPC?"

"You already have by your amazing work," said Tafydd. "Welcome, Agent Thaphne and Agent Woleander! We will take you to the Sunflower immediately."

"WHat's a Sunflower?" asked the children together as they went through the portal and into… their destiny.

FINE

"I'm monkey d puffy," said the boy cheerfully. "I'm going to be kind of the pirates!"

"Oh, I see!" Said ilraen. He rather liked this boy: his attitude was very good natured, and Ilraen thought they might get along well. "How will you do that?" What a strange world he was in.

"Well," said Liffy, "first we're going to find the One Piece!"

("Hang on," Dawn said. She was reading over Jenni's shoulder. "Is that what One Piece is about?"

"Mhm." Jenni scrolled down a bit further, sparing a smile and a scritch for the very pleased gold fire lizard Gwilithiel. "Pirates all the way down..."

"Cool," Dawn said, with feeling, and the two kept reading.)

"So we're going to get there, but first we need this map," Luffy said. "And we've lost it, so--"

"What's the map look like?" Asked olraen. "Maybe I can help."

("It looks like a map, probably," Dawn said. "On the plus side, this looks pretty harmless! Just a lot of minis. I don't see anything that would be upsetting for Ilraen to read yet."

"Better safe than sorry," Jenni said. Her tone warned of knowledge gained through harsh experience. "You never quite know with these. Poor Gerry once read one about himself that was fine - even funny - until he reached the last chapter..."

"Oh, poor Gerry," Dawn said, grimacing. "Okay, let's keep going. Ilraen's a sweetheart; if we're going to screen this for him, I'd feel especially bad if it turned out we missed something awful...")

[~Z has been watching the live action One Piece and mostly rather enjoying it, with zero prior knowledge apart from the title name and animation style of the original. The pirates were a surprise!]

Something silly will probably happen

Thanks to Louee Carolole for beta reading.

John made his way down the Generic halls, his heavy footfalls echoing loudly with every step.

At nine feet and over half a ton of armored giant, many passing Agents gave him and the heavy rifle slung over his back a wide berth as they passed.

John, for the most part, was more confused than anything else. His senses were dulled from years of scavenging to survive, killing to survive, and he couldn't remember the last time he had even met a living creature that hadn't tried to murder him. Now here he was, walking through hallways full of people - actual, living people, all of them perfectly content to leave him be.

Before this, his only memories of humans came in the form of corpses, decaying with expressions frozen in fear or pain or defiance. John never had the time to mourn the dead as he scavenged their bodies for ammo and tools to fight back the Invaders that plagued his homeworld, his brain filled with nothing but masterfully crafted plans to stand and fight as the last living resistance.

Except he wasn’t the last living being, apparently. There were humans here, and they seemed blissfully unaware of any horrors in his home world. It was almost funny, but John’s sense of humor had atrophied long ago.

The current lack of action felt as alien as the monsters he had fought for so long. He felt caged, despite being more safe here than he had ever been back on his fallen Earth.

Lost in his thoughts, he almost missed the door to his newly assigned 'Response Center,' denoted by the balsa-plated 682 etched neatly into its metal surface. He pressed a hand against the metal door and leaned in, checking for noise - nothing. With that, he pulled the knob and entered the RC.

It took a moment for him to register the room as a living space, simply because he was only used to seeing them destroyed - holes melted through walls, the rotting corpses of former occupants usually littered across the floor.

This place was clean, tidy, and simply decorated. The walls were a completely smooth and featureless gray, a messy painting of a man he didn’t recognize hung up on one of them. What looked like black sharpie was scribbled over its casing, blotting out any notable facial features.

In the center of the room was a low table seated on a carpet, a set of cushions laid out around it in a ring. On one of them sat what must have been his ‘veteran partner’ (as the talking flower had put it), staring intently at him.

It vaguely reminded him of a stuffed animal, like the ones he sometimes found in the wreckage of suburban homes ravaged by Invaders, a sign of an innocent life cut short by fire and fangs. This creature actually resembled one to a startling degree, with its stubby limbs and soft features, only that it was flesh and blood (at least it appeared to be) instead of fabrics.

It was very small, barely reaching his waist in height. Despite it standing on two stubby legs and wearing what looked like human clothing, its head shape brought to mind a children’s drawing of a mouse with its clean, white fur and round ears. Thick, oversized glasses framed small, beady eyes, and while part of it may have been the angle their height difference caused, John was half certain the mouse didn’t have a mouth. It wore a button-up collared shirt and a matching skirt, with a hand-knitted purse looped around one shoulder. A rope-like, hairless tail poked out from behind it, nearly reaching the floor.

A hint of confusion went through his mind as he took in the fact that it had hair, blonde and styled into a ponytail tied back by a small red band. Then the thought vanished as the tiny mouse reached up to him with a fittingly tiny paw.

“Hello, Mister! Are you my new partner?" Her voice was a fast and staccato babble, and his helmet’s HUD struggled to match subtitles to the words.

A vague memory of how greetings worked passed through John’s mind. He decided to listen to it, and kneeled down to the little mouse’s level to hold out a hand.

The creature took his single outstretched hand with two much smaller ones that were a single one of John's fingers dwarfed. John shook his hand, and the mouse’s feet actually left the ground slightly, pulled up by the momentum with a barely restrained squeak. More out of reflex than anything else, he immediately let go and backed away, letting the mouse drop to the floor once again.

As John stood up straight, the little mouse took a moment to regain her balance, before stepping back to hold her paws behind its back.

“You’ve got a strong grip, mister!” It said in its squeaky voice. “I’m sure you'll be a great help!”

John, still rather confused, tilted his head slightly to the side. The mouse, surprisingly, seemed happy at that. She pushed up her glasses, then leaned her head back to look at him.

“I’m Molly, your partner!” she said. “Cheesed to meet you!”

John didn’t register all of what she said at first, as his mind had stalled on one word: partner.

He knew what it meant, at least - the basic knowledge of the human language he had been created with made sure of that. He simply did not know what to expect, and that thought stirred the faintest trace of unease in his core. At least when traveling his razed Earth, he knew what monsters to expect, what they would do and what he had to do. But for this? Actually working with someone else? This was a completely unfamiliar situation, and that concerned him more than any Invader ever had.

Blissfully unaware of John’s inner thoughts, the mouse creature reached into a little pocket on her shirt and pulled out a neatly folded slip of paper. "And you would be Mister… ‘John Densepiston Flexgirth.’" She paused, adjusted her glasses, then squinted closer at the paper. "...Huh. Did I get that right?”

John was too confused to answer right away. In addition to the unfamiliar emotions from earlier, it had been such a long time since he’d had to think about his name, and trying to remember the relevant details felt like swimming through molasses. He knew the full name she gave wasn’t accurate, but his complete silence had annoyed a secretary enough to write it down as such on his official record. He didn’t feel the story was worth bringing up, though.

“Well, it’s a great name!” Molly said with a cheery, high-pitched laugh, despite him not saying a word. "Say, you don't mind if I just call you 'Mister John,' right?"

After a moment of hesitation, John gave a vague nod. Molly seemed to stand up straighter, whip-like tail flicking back and forth.

“You’re a lot nicer than my old partner, by the way,” she said. At John’s resulting helmeted stare she added: “Er - nevermind that! I'm so happy to have you here!"

John continued staring at her. He hadn’t the slightest clue what she was talking about. He was beginning to recognize a pattern.

Molly held her paws together, trying to think of what to say next.

[BEEEEEEEEEEEP AAAAAAAGH OHHHHHH THE PAAAAAAIN MAKE IT STOP—]

Molly jolted in her spot, then let out a squeak of surprise as John drew his heavy energy rifle and aimed it at the source of the noise.

“Mister John, wait!” she cried, waving her paws in an attempt to get his attention. “It’s just the console!”

She scrambled over to the blaring machine, hopping up to hit a large red button on its surface. The beeping stopped.

“There we go. Say, do you know what we do on missions, Mister John?” she asked, turning back to her partner. She noted, thankfully, that he had lowered his weapon.

John paused. He raised his rifle in one hand, tapping its side lightly with a finger.

Molly squinted, trying to guess what he was saying. “Um… oh, are you asking if there’s fighting involved? Yes, most of the missions I’ve been on end up… messy.”

Re-holstering his rifle, John stood up and walked over to the console, looking over the screen. His helmet’s programming took the words on the screen and amplified them in his vision, making them easier to read.

The Narnian Revolution

Narnia has toiled under the iron paw of Aslan and his cronies for too long! Brock Dawkins and his band of merry men set out to plan a coup that will overthrow the leonine tyrant and his church and establish a more rational form of government! Rating: T for violence. Don't like, don't read.

“So, a quick rundown on how missions work!” Molly said behind him. He heard her clap her paws together a few times. “Basically, these wish fulfillment-fueled monsters called Suvians go out and invade different worlds and mess them all up. Our job is to go and fix these problems, and then sometimes we get paid! Sound simple enough?"

It was the last part of that sentence that greatly confused John.

In all of his years killing aliens, wiping out hives, his only comfort had been the knowledge that killing monsters was his mission and his reward. John knew what a paycheck was, but the idea of receiving one was something he struggled to wrap his head around. He didn’t even know what he would do with it, seeing as he had spent decades without having to deal with money at all.

“...Mister John, are you okay?” The little mouse sounded concerned, enough so to make John snap out of his thoughts. He nodded, and Molly looked satisfied.

She reached to the side of the console and pulled out a small stepstool. She scrambled atop of it, took a moment to read the fic summary, then started typing on the console keyboard.

A shimmering blue portal opened up in the center of the room. John backed away instinctively, drawing his rifle up to bear. However, instead of the enemies he was expecting, there was… nobody. The inside of the portal revealed a hill, covered with living green grass and scattered stones.

“Don’t worry, Mister John, it’s just our portal!” Molly hopped off the stepstool and scurried over to the rift. She stepped through, then turned to look at John expectantly. “Just step through here, and we’ll be ready to go!”

John ran a few gauntleted fingers along the edge of the portal - sharp, but not enough to penetrate his armor. Preparing for anything, he stepped through the opening and into the space beyond.

(Author’s Note: Hello, y’all, Lou here again. Louie’s lost interest in participating this year. I can kind of see why, four years is a long time to dedicate for someone as young as him. Besides, he’s busy with middle school now. He wanted me to relay this information to explain his absence, so… yeah, here you go.

Anyways, looks like I’m completely filling in for him this year. Hope you don’t mind, and thanks for the patience.

-Lou Carolina)

((The Protectors of the Plot Continuum belongs to Jay and Acacia, and I only own RC #682's John and Molly, in addition to the fic being sporked. John’s PPC name was suggested by doctorlit.))

One morning Agent Corolla* and Agent Helena** were walking along**** hand in hand****** when they saw Flickerbright.******* "Hello," said Corolla.******** "I thought you were dead."*********

"No,"********** said Flickerbright, "I survived, but I have had a lot of time*********** to think. I am almost sorry for being so bad."************

"Why only almost?" asked Helena.**************

"Because*************** I have not found anyone who loves me," said Flickerbright.

Toy**************** and Hel***************** looked at each other and then at Flicks.******************* "Maybe we could love you," said Toy.*********************

"I would love********************** that," said Flicks, and they all went somewhere.***********************

~

You'll have to imagine them all kissing (and maybe more???), I think the story stops there.

~

*Corolla is a magical robot fairy who can turn into a car. Her full name is Toyota Corolla. Helena calls her Toy as a pet name.

** Helena is a magical not-robot fairy who wears lots of bright colours. She works in both the Department of Floaters and the Nursery for some reason. ***

*** Oh, Corolla works in DoSAT, I should have mentioned that.

**** Or flying along, because they're fairies. Does Corolla have wings? Her pic on the Wiki doesn't show. I guess she has wingMIRRORS haha. *****

***** Because she's a car.

****** I did SAY it was fairyslash. I think they'd be really cute together. They could curl up in like a flower or something together and Helena could stroke Toy's hair while she sleeps. Awww.

******* Flickerbright is a magical fairy who is kind of grumpy and gets a bit murder-y at times. I think she sometimes has poison fairy dust? Not sure though so I'm not using it.

******** I imagine they all have really high pitched voices, but more alto than soprano (but higher than both). Just really warm cozy voices that are also squeaky.

********* I should have said, Flickerbright was in the Black Cats and tried to destroy the PPC. Corolla was around then, so she knows they were beaten, but I don't think it ever said what happened to Flickerbright.

********** Haha, were you expecting her to be mean? Nope! Read on to find out why she's not trying to kill them.

*********** I think it's been like 5 years since Crashing Down came out. Crazy right?!

************ How bad was Flickerbright? I haven't read it in a while but I think she killed a Flower, and maybe Blue too? Unless that was the vampire, ************* I might be getting them mixed up.

************* So WHY DID Selene turn evil and start calling herself Lady Thingy? And why did the SO let her back into the PPC afterwards? I never understood that bit.

************** Because she works in Nursery I figure she must be really kind. I've not read her spin-off much though.

*************** "Never start a sentence with because!!!" - Mr Young back at school. How do you like that subducting clause, Mr GRUMPung??

**************** Remember I said that's what Helena calls her? FORESHADOWING.

***************** I'm not sure about this one. I want Toy ****************** to have a nickname for Helena but I don't think this works. But she doesn't have a last name??

****************** Haha it autocorrected that to "You". No, you don't have a nickname for anyone!

******************* She's called that in the story ******************** ! See, I did my research.

******************** I think.

********************* It corrected it wrong again! Anyway Toy is the most decisive one so that's why she said it, but she checked with Helena first.

********************** Not sure what that's called when you repeat a word? It's like alliteration but different.

*********************** Haven't managed to think where. Helena has infinity response centres ************************ so I don't think they could find one. Corolla works in DoSAT which is way too dangerous to let anyone else in. And Flickerbright has been hiding/lost/missing and I don't know where.

************************ Somehow.

((NO REGRETS! NO APOLOGIES! ~hS))