Hey, look at us, all rebellious on the second page!

Luna is just the best, and she’s going full, absolute Luna today, just ripping her society’s entire economic and education systems apart. (And not just her society’s!) Yes, Luna, save your generation’s working class from exploitation and serfdom! It’s too late for my timeline, but not for yours!

Ugggggggggh Umbridge. Is here. Yup. At least she’s not an actual professor this year, since Defense and Etiquette are already accounted for. Still, I’m filled with existential dread to learn what horrible abuses and social controls she’s ready to impose over everyone present this year.

They’re . . . they’re . . . Draco’s parents are making him marry Astoria? When Daphne is already Draco’s age in the first place? And also isn’t a criminal who attacked Draco? Like, I get that Astoria was Draco’s canon wife, but this timeline is so different . . . Draco’s parents aren’t exactly parenting goals, but I would have expected even them to go to bat for Draco to at least not spend his life with someone who attacked him! Someone he’s reminded of when Dementors are around! (Though I do wonder if the Greengrass parents are pushing desperately for Astoria to marry as early as possible, knowing that the blood curse is going to end her life early. (Assuming it’s roughly the same as the curse from canon?))

“You can bring me your precious High Lord Slytherin’s head, Astoria, and then I’ll consider forgiving you.”
Ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha! Ha . . . But imagine if she did it though? Like, she’s soooo brainwashed into the Mother Magic stuff being real, what if she actually believes that the only way to be forgiven by Harry is to behead Gaunt? And she was already capable of overpowering adult wizards at age 11! What if actually she did it though? (I know I’m being overly silly here, but it’s funny to think about.)

—doctorlit wonders what happens if Gaunt wins the election but is unable to fill the seat due to getting beheaded by a malnourished teenager

Ah. Thank you for having Hermione pronounce Love’s name phonetically, because I was definitely reading it as “luv” last school year. Now, it took me a very long time to identify this joke, but I think I’ve identified it correctly, and I hope I’m right, because it’s making me feel very smart, so here’s my question: Is ASKE “IKEA but for potions”? Is that the joke? Because they’re both from Sweden, and they have packaged products that have to be combined at home by following instructions to produce the final form, and they’re both four-letter words with all capital letters? Is that the joke? Am I right? I bet I’m right. I’m so smart.

It's one thing for me to know, on an academic level, that this culture places value on women’s hair, and that there is a legitimate practical reason behind that, because of the actual magic stored in hair. (Though side note, I’m expecting that to be debunked as a superstitious pseudoscience (pseudosorcery?) by the end of year 7.) But I keep forgetting how that also leads to what basically amounts to a common hair fetish, and every time your story reminds me of that fact, it absolutely destroys me right here at my keyboard, because it so stupid and funny. “Oh no, the twins are handing Ron a nudie mag in public, gross, and on the cover is going to be a partially clothed witch in a certain sort of pose and nope it’s a hairbrush she is brushing her hair on the cover of this magazine and that’s considered lewd in this culture, this is an adult magazine that entices readership with a hairbrush." I cannot survive many more of these moments, Lily! You are going to slay me yet! Oh, I’m also absolutely headcanoning that the mag went home with Ginny rather than Ron, because she was clearly less embarrassed about it, and Ron wouldn’t have tried to take it back with Hermione right there anyway.

Poor Harry; he’s deep enough in the timeline that he knows something is going to happen again this year. Main Character Syndrome (sympathetic)

—doctorlit is as disappointed by the short reading list as Hermione, but then again, it’s always textbooks and no novels at Hogwarts, huh? That was doctorlit’s favorite part of the book lists, getting to see what new stories he would be “forced” to read . . .

This was quite an intense courtroom scene! I suppose I knew in my head Harry would be let off again, but it really wasn’t looking very good. The bias against Harry and the witnesses was practically flowing down the Wizengamot seats in liquid form. (And Lord Avery can go swallow a sofa, please and thank you.) And even worse . . . she is back. I just do not want to read any more of that wretched Dolores Umbridge, ever again. She is such a gross, heartless beast of a person . . . but I know from the story’s intro blurb that she’ll be appearing at Hogwarts later, so, yay. Going to have to buy some chocolate to get through those chapters. (It’s not just for Dementors, you know!) I love that you wrote it so that Lucius has to step in and save Harry in order to save face! He’s just such a brat about it, though. And his comment about “turning my boy into one of your filthy lap dogs,” . . . Is that really how he views Harry’s friends? Or . . . all friendships? Dang. That’s the trouble with the authoritarian mindset; every relationship has to be turned into a hierarchy to fit.

Ooooh, the statue . . . it’s like a combination of the regular Ministry statue and the bad-guys-controlling-the-Ministry statue. Gross! And even grosser, I’m interpreting the black-and-white segments of the witch and wizard to representative of how they “fit together” in a traditional hetero bond, with the witch’s hair complementing the wizard’s magic. Which also implies that both figures are only valuable for their magic energy, which implies the witch is mostly useless, other than some man using her as a battery. Gross! Gross gross gross!

Interesting choice, saying Mrs. Figg is a member of the Pureblood house of Crabbe! I’m glad it got the cruddier Wizengamot members all sad and upset!

One thing, about the line:
“He glanced up at Lord Malfoy again, but the older man’s expression remained impassive and cold.”
It might be my cold throwing off my reading comprehension, but I think this is the first time Harry looks at Lucius during the hearing, so the “again” is out of place?

—doctorlit forgot about the call box entrance to the Ministry, and spent about four seconds thinking Mr. Weasley had constructed a functioning TARDIS when it landed in the fireplace entryway

(Edited the title because I typed the chapter number wrong)

Aw, I thought we would get to see Harry under the Veritaserum’s effects! But uh . . . sounds like maybe that’s for the best? I guess the happy memories used to fuel a Patronus charm don’t need to be “wholesome” ones? Extremely funny, Lily! Marlene is very professional, I bet she’s really good at her job. Harry’s lucky to have her as defense! And she’s certainly more interested in preparing him for the court than Dumbledore was in canon, though I know he was trying to avoid getting spied on through Harry’s link to Voldemort at the time . . .

That was a very nice scene between Harry and Regulus! They haven’t gotten a lot of one-on-one time together, and it’s good to for Harry to hear from the more stable uncle. I can really sympathize with Regulus, seeing so many relatives disowned by his mother, and especially seeing Sirius sent to “jail but it’s constant psychological torture,” over the concept of blood supremacy . . . yeah, I can see why he’s running on the reform/progressive ticket. That story about the three-year-old is especially heinous. “My perfect family line could never produce a squib; it’s much more likely that a literal toddler offended god and had his magic taken away instead. Yes, perfectly reasonable, my faith is undiminished.” Yikes, what a culture!

—doctorlit looks forward to seeing Arthur and Gary conquer both the Wizarding and Muggle worlds using magical-mechanical robot troops constructed from 90s junk drawer kitchen appliances

yeah, the adults had a point to keep the kids out of the Order stuff. Jesus Christ I would not trust 15 year old me with a screwdriver, let alone plans to defeat wizard fascists!

Harry was also long overdue to explain magic to his friends, so here they are! A bit different from the Dursleys, but hopefully just as absurd, haha.

And yes, you did pick up a Hamilton reference there!

Luna endorsing batshit conspiracies isn't out of character for her, though. In the books she believed that Fudge had a private army! So yeah, a bit of digging at Big Doxycide there, even if it has some creepy anti-vax vibes. Also, honestly, I wrote it because her banter with Hermione was funny.

You'll see more Marlene next chapter! And thanks for catching the missing quote!

(Well, albatrosses have literary symbolism!)