I plan to review the mission above, so I will probably post up there. Will try for mid-week when I have a little more time between cat care drop-ins.

~Neshomeh

Here we go, let's review Tomash's 'The Heir of the Phoenix'! Kind of. It's been a while, I'm very rusty on this whole reviewing thing.

I have no idea whether this is the first work Peregrin and Taq ever showed up in, but I got a handle on their general characters soon enough even without prior knowledge or long descriptions. Taq is also comprehensible despite his accent, something I wish was more common in writing with phonetic accents. The spork is fine for a first mission - good notes on the fic's flaws, it actually affects the agents, and it also notes where it does decently. It was somewhat light on humor, personally, but again, this was a first mission, and it's not like it actively takes away from the mission quality. It's easier to go through a read light on humor rather than one that tries for it frequently but with half the jokes being agonizingly bad, at least for me. So yeah, solid stuff.

Small question:

Around this time, the fic began and left the agents standing on top of the locomotive for the Hogwarts Express thanks to Hermione’s compartment being on the large red steam engine. Nearby, a bread roll in a straw hat walked past the train on one leg and one arm.

Right after this, Peregrin makes a comment on how many typos there are. Did autocorrect fix the typos in this passage while transcripting the fic, or am I just missing something?

So, I ended up reading two things, "Snow Problem" and "Maya Sue"

First, "Snow Problem" was a nice bit of HQ slice of life, though I suspect Mina should be glad she didn't manage to actually get the head of External Security with a snowball. One thing that confused me was why Mina's RA was beeping, and I'm also not entirely sure why there's 2000s-era text abbreviation going on (presumably people have flip phones and I just don't have the context?). But, my confusion aside, the concept was good.

As to "Maya Sue", my overall impressions is that you've got a solid mission. I got a good idea of what the issue with the fic was and there were several interesting agent interactions (I particularly liked the opening and the fact that the charge list was actually a list of complaints about Carlisle stood out. I'm assuming that the Reality Room-ing comes up in a followup interlude, and perhaps triggers an argument between Mina and Carlisle - that feels like what you're setting up. If I had a point of complaint, it's that the fic-watching felt a touch disconnected - it felt like there was a lot of yelling about the problems with the story and not a lot of showing them. Then again, that's a hard balance to strike.

• Tomash

Thank you; that was a very nice review! I appreciate the specific comments on what you liked about the mission and why.

Re. "nonplussed," I mean it in the original sense of perplexed or at a loss for words. If you're curious, here's an interesting article about the origins of the word and how its meaning has changed in modern times.

~Neshomeh, word nerd.