Well, then, I'll go over your first mission.

Review Chain thread; Yuki's review by Kі nо Shirayuki on 2024-08-10 21:10:10 UTC Game Reply

Here's the list for this session's players:

Kі nо Shirayuki - review here
Linstar - review
Tomash - review
OrangeFox - review
Neshomeh

Since I'm the first on the list, I will review a PPC story from the last person on the list, Nessie. I've decided to review Ring Child. I apologize in advance if my review is not particularly good.

This one has to be one of the most enjoyable missions I've read, mainly because the four agents featured are tackling a particularly annoying fic (I'm personally very irked by infantilization and overblown saccharinity, so seeing the agents poke holes in the Stu's supposed "cuteness" is cathartic). I especially enjoy the dry sense of humor in the narration as it detachedly relays outlandish phenomena such as spots growing on everyone and the Stu briefly becoming undead. The resolution where the replacement-Stu reveals a true form is very creative, and nicely averts possible disturbing implications.

I only have one question:

“My god, the Breefolk. Look!” He gestured at the common room, where indeed every Breeman and about half the other patrons displayed the same markings. “That’s . . . new,” he said, too nonplussed to even get angry over it.

What sense of "nonplussed" is being used here?

For my optional rec, I'd go for another HP × LotR crossover: the "Marimtudada" mission by Manx and Shadow. It's truly hilarious stuff.

So, uh, is this dead now? (nm) by Linstar on 2024-09-12 19:11:36 UTC Reply

I'm waiting for Nessie's review by Kі nо Shirayuki on 2024-09-13 11:31:06 UTC Reply

When it's done, I'll archive the reviews.

You can see Nesh's review under my recent mission, to be fair (nm) by OrangeFox on 2024-09-13 12:57:25 UTC Reply

Yep. Where I said I'd put it. (nm) by Neshomeh on 2024-09-15 21:35:32 UTC Reply

Review for OrangeFox is coming as soon as I get a minute. by Neshomeh on 2024-08-19 02:23:54 UTC Reply

I plan to review the mission above, so I will probably post up there. Will try for mid-week when I have a little more time between cat care drop-ins.

~Neshomeh

I'll try to get a review of the interlude I haven't beta'd, too. by Linstar on 2024-08-19 19:38:48 UTC Edited Reply

(Stupid me, pressing enter before I was done.)

--Ls

Review: The Heir of the Phoenix (Tomash) by OrangeFox on 2024-08-15 04:06:45 UTC Edited Reply

Here we go, let's review Tomash's 'The Heir of the Phoenix'! Kind of. It's been a while, I'm very rusty on this whole reviewing thing.

I have no idea whether this is the first work Peregrin and Taq ever showed up in, but I got a handle on their general characters soon enough even without prior knowledge or long descriptions. Taq is also comprehensible despite his accent, something I wish was more common in writing with phonetic accents. The spork is fine for a first mission - good notes on the fic's flaws, it actually affects the agents, and it also notes where it does decently. It was somewhat light on humor, personally, but again, this was a first mission, and it's not like it actively takes away from the mission quality. It's easier to go through a read light on humor rather than one that tries for it frequently but with half the jokes being agonizingly bad, at least for me. So yeah, solid stuff.

Small question:

Around this time, the fic began and left the agents standing on top of the locomotive for the Hogwarts Express thanks to Hermione’s compartment being on the large red steam engine. Nearby, a bread roll in a straw hat walked past the train on one leg and one arm.

Right after this, Peregrin makes a comment on how many typos there are. Did autocorrect fix the typos in this passage while transcripting the fic, or am I just missing something?

Thanks! by Tomash on 2024-08-18 04:00:30 UTC Reply

Yeah, this was the first mission for those two, and I'm glad it went well.

As to the steam engine bit, my best recollection was that I was pointing out that they'd put a compartment on the engine specifically - that is, not in any of the train cars, hence the bolded calling out of the weirdness.

Reviews for Linstar by Tomash on 2024-08-12 05:24:24 UTC Reply
So, I ended up reading two things, "Snow Problem" and "Maya Sue"

First, "Snow Problem" was a nice bit of HQ slice of life, though I suspect Mina should be glad she didn't manage to actually get the head of External Security with a snowball. One thing that confused me was why Mina's RA was beeping, and I'm also not entirely sure why there's 2000s-era text abbreviation going on (presumably people have flip phones and I just don't have the context?). But, my confusion aside, the concept was good.

As to "Maya Sue", my overall impressions is that you've got a solid mission. I got a good idea of what the issue with the fic was and there were several interesting agent interactions (I particularly liked the opening and the fact that the charge list was actually a list of complaints about Carlisle stood out. I'm assuming that the Reality Room-ing comes up in a followup interlude, and perhaps triggers an argument between Mina and Carlisle - that feels like what you're setting up. If I had a point of complaint, it's that the fic-watching felt a touch disconnected - it felt like there was a lot of yelling about the problems with the story and not a lot of showing them. Then again, that's a hard balance to strike.
- Tomash

Oh, thanks! by Linstar on 2024-08-13 00:50:38 UTC Edited Reply

If you want, you can check out any Asylum riffs with Mina or Carlisle, though some of those might require further context. I don't have very many missions, sadly.

Anyway, for the reviews themselves:

Thanks for the review! The textspeak dates from my conception of Charity being somewhat Suvian still; and the RA is because I originally used RAs for Mina and Charity's conversation, only to retcon that after Nesh pointed out that that wouldn't make much sense for RAs to do. I uh, might need to go back and fix that. It's definitely a good thing Mina failed, haha.

Thank you for the feedback on 'Maya Sue'! This was my first mission, I believe, and it's... what, two years old? ...that's weird to think about. In any case, I do think that this mission has a bit more observing than directly showing the fic's problems. I think that was mainly because of how short the fic being missioned was; there was only so much to work with. I do think I do a better job with that in 'Eternal Sue', the next mission, so... uh, yeah, I'd be interested to see what you think of that.

--Ls

So, uh, do I review Yuki's most recent mission first? (nm) by Linstar on 2024-08-11 14:28:31 UTC Reply

Any of my PPC writings is fine by Kі nо Shirayuki on 2024-08-11 15:37:01 UTC Reply

You can choose whatever piece of writing you feel you can write the best review for 😉

Well, then, I'll go over your first mission. by Linstar on 2024-08-14 00:53:13 UTC Reply

Which is here, of course. Very nice, very nice. I liked the interpretation of the typos; the MUSCULAR MALES NAKED part was especially funny. I liked the contrast between Kaguya's ranting, the fic's insanity, and Momoka's shyness. If I were to give criticism, I would say that the mission could use a bit more explanation of canon concepts, and Japanese words that most PPC readers wouldn't understand. Still, a good read, and quite funny.

--Ls

Thanks! by Kі nо Shirayuki on 2024-08-14 04:04:50 UTC Reply

I don't consider it one of my best missions, but I'm glad you like it 😊

Off we go, then! Replying to review. by Neshomeh on 2024-08-10 23:17:58 UTC Reply

Thank you; that was a very nice review! I appreciate the specific comments on what you liked about the mission and why.

Re. "nonplussed," I mean it in the original sense of perplexed or at a loss for words. If you're curious, here's an interesting article about the origins of the word and how its meaning has changed in modern times.

~Neshomeh, word nerd.

Huh, didn't know that nonplussed had that original meaning. Neat! (nm) by Linstar on 2024-08-11 14:39:13 UTC Reply