Subject: Huh. (Perchance to Dream review-ish thingy)
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Posted on: 2024-08-20 21:09:53 UTC
That was (intentionally, I can tell) weird. I'm... not sure what to make of it, honestly. I liked the way it was written, as always, but it was quite trippy.
And of course it wasn't hell at the beginning, there was nowhere near enough paint for that.
--Ls
Took me long enough, considering how short these were and how much time I had over the summer, but here comes another mission/interlude dual feature! Though I do wonder if the mission here really counts as a mission, considering where the agents get sent...
Perchance to Dream, a kind of mission in which the console acts up and nothing happens.
Alopecoid, an interlude where Makes-Things meets a monster from his culture's folklore.
Not much to say here, except I'm glad to finally get some writing done after a few months of stagnation. Been trying to take writing as a hobby more seriously as of late, so I'm finally getting through my chronic perfectionism to actually finish old works. Anyways, hope yous enjoy this one!
Sorry it took me so long to get to this. I volunteered as a back-up for a reason. >.>
Anyway! "Perchance to Dream" is an interesting story. It's not the only one I know of that features dreaming (or at least something like it; thinking of this one, if you don't mind going into it partly spoiled), but this one is on the lighter side for all it features maybe-hell. I enjoyed all the bizarre dream-like imagery and loosey-goosey transitions. The imagery came across clearly, despite being intentionally nonsensical. The collapse sequence was very good, and conveyed a sense of real danger despite Jiwon being pretty sure s(he) was dreaming. I wasn't completely convinced, myself, and given the ending, I'd say I was right not to be, haha. Will it remain a mystery? I would accept Charlie being able to turn up in dreams just because they think they can, but maybe it's a bard ability, too? Or maybe something else entirely was going on.
The one thing I'm not sure worked as intended is the characters feeling pain from their fur touching the hot floor. What confuses me is that specifically Jiwon's big, floofy tail and "where [Charlie's] fur touched ground" is described, not paw pads or anything else with nerve endings. Maybe that was a deliberate hint that the characters were not experiencing reality, but with that not being definitive, I'm left in doubt.
Incidentally, is the word "the" missing from "where their fur touched [the] ground," or is that a style thing? Just noticed while writing this.
All in all, nice work!
~Neshomeh
I will fully admit the tail and fur and pain dissonance were an oversight, but I'm glad that out of all the things I've written, it happens in the one story where it might find justification, haha. Decided to touch up on that part, so thanks for catching that. And yeah, the ending is definitely staying a mystery for now, I think it works best that way.
I'll be honest, I'm not sure what I was thinking with the 'touched ground' thing. I think it was intentional? Sometimes I'll write something and come back to it months later wondering what even happened. I think it kinda works as-is, but I'll keep it in mind.
That was a neat little mission/interlude segment, very well-described.
--Ls
That was (intentionally, I can tell) weird. I'm... not sure what to make of it, honestly. I liked the way it was written, as always, but it was quite trippy.
And of course it wasn't hell at the beginning, there was nowhere near enough paint for that.
--Ls
“Perchance to Dream”
The dream imagery starting right out the gate, inside the RC, is such a good idea, because it removes any question for the reader whether the mission is just an unusual story. And the imagery itself is perfect, a slightly distorted “offness” without degenerating into lolrandom or a mess of unreadable surreality. The mission scenes in particular feel like the sorts of scenes a PPC agent’s mind might “construct” during a dream. (It was a bit weird for me, too, because I’m reading a book where the characters were hiding in a church, and after I read “Perchance,” I hit a chapter where the church burned down. So hitting another story with both a church and inferno around the same time by coincidence is a little spooky!)
That early assurance that the whole story is clearly a dream makes the ending more unexpected and startling! Did they just have a shared dream, were they actually in a reality warping mission, did Bill Cipher actually do something to cause this? Spooky!
“Alopecoid”
Yeah, that’s a new word for me, perhaps embarrassingly, but we don’t tend to use the Latin or other fancy names much in conversation at the zoo . . . It was a fun idea to explore a continuation of Makes-Things’s scene with Drake, and play more into his Korean roots; at the same time, it’s a bit sad to see him being a bit on the prejudiced side, although I suppose it is a logical conclusion from his jumpy, mistrustful nature. Still, it feels like he ought to know that any species can be written as good or bad; he ought to read Yoon Ha Lee’s Dragon Pearl series at some point! Here’s to hoping his locker of “monster cancellers” serves an actual good use stopping a trespassing Suvian at some point, rather than being used against agents!
Hm. A mummified Makes-Things? Is that a joke about his “death” way back, or is he building a lookalike dummy for some reason? Weird!
The space is missing between the paragraphs that start with, “’But why?’ Charlie asked” and “’Believe me, if I”
—doctorlit doesn’t eat liver, either
I think for now the ending of Perchance works best left vague. At the end of the day it's pretty low-stakes (though funnily enough it wasn't originally; I decided to tone it down when I realized I struggle to write strong emotion), so it adds a comedic bent to the whole thing.
And the mummified Makes-Things was a reference to the Invasion 'death,' yeah. Probably going to keep this the deepest I get with that, though. It's fun having that aspect of his life be slightly mysterious as well, and I don't think I trust myself to expand on PPC lore just yet, haha.
(Never heard of Dragon Pearl myself, might check it out if I get the chance)
(I don't think I'll repeat thoughts on the mission since I did the beta-ing)
That was a nice interlude and a good look at DoSAT, and it flowed well.
Charlie's "just keep nodding until the conversation's over" thing is relatable.
Also, in minor comments, you have “Nah, so do I. in the are-Suvians-people chat and that threw me a bit given how many negatives were going on. Maybe you wanted "Nah, I do too. or something like that?