Subject: Re: Things I Am Not Allowed to Do at the PPC
Author:
Posted on: 2012-08-03 00:48:00 UTC
I will not introduce Han Solo to Indiana Jones.
-In fact, if two characters are played by the same actor, introducing them would cause quite a bit of confusion.
Just going to slip these in:
I will not tell Manwë to 'do the windy thing'.
I will not insinuate that Manwë and Varda are John and Rose from Homestuck.
-They don't even know what Homestuck is.
-I won't tell them what Homestuck is.
Nienna cannot bend tears.
Ulmo is not a Water-bender, nor is Manwë an Air-bender, nor is Yavanna an Earth-bender, nor is Aulë a Fire-bender.
-And Illúvatar is certainly not the Avatar.
N. All of the Eleven are forbidden within HQ.
- We don't need any agents on Allswell.
N+1. I will not open a portal to the Nevernever in HQ.
- If I do, I'm responsible for dealing with whatever comes through.
- And the damage.
N+2. I will not set up a fight between Harry Potter and Harry Dresden to "see what would happen".
X. Agent Saline must never be allowed to have a proper conversation with anyone bent on taking over the world.
X+1. I will not make any variation of the "I'd tap this" joke around agents or canons from the Magic: the Gathering 'verse.
- This is mostly for my own good.
X. Under no circumstances are Araminta Meliflua and General Zaroff to meet.
X+1. I will not attempt to use a Retief-verse Jaq as a magic carpet.
X+2. I will not introduce teenage James Potter to Gilda the Griffon.
X+3. If I am in a music shop on the Disc and every instrument has a number, I will NOT test any of the instruments.
- Nor will I buy the guitar labeled "1".
-I will not sell Smile Dip (from Gravity Falls) in Headquarters.
-I will not let BBC Sherlock and Watson meet any movie version of Sherlock and Watson
-I will not allow any blockbuster movie characters to meet cheap, knock-off versions of themselves (Iron Hero and Iron Man, for example)
-I will not do any of the following to get rid of paperwork
--Feed it to a mini
--Use it as mulch to feed the flowers
--Throw it into Mount Doom
--Use it as firewood
--Hide it in any enormous library
-I will not become one of Kiel'ndia Vel'Vloz'ress's princes or princesses.
I am not allowed to let a Bolo MK XXXIII into the Mass Effect-verse.
-Or any verse without common laser weapons.
-Or any verse at all. They are PLANETARY siege units after all.
I must not introduce the Replicators from Stargate to the Marvel Avengers-verse.
- Adamantium and/or Vibranium Replicators would be a Very Bad Thing.
- In fact, no introducing the Replicators to any special metals from any continuum beyond their own.
There were two PPC Assassins who were also Discworld Assassins. Vemi (Veminta Fincaran) and Penny, they were called. Just saying. :P
I will not introduce Candace Flynn and Stacy Hirano to Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson.
I will not put Sherlock Holmes and Inspector Javert into an interrogation room to 'see what happens'.
I am not allowed to dress as Mary Poppins while working in the Potterverse.
-Especially if I'm dealing with Voldemort.
I am not allowed to kidnap Arthur Kirkland, strip and bind him, and leave him as a present to BBC Irene Adler.
-When Mycroft said she was the dominatrix who brought a Nation to its knees, he didn't mean it literally.
In that same vein, introducing BBC Irene to Agent Lux is a Very Bad Idea.
I will not drop BBC Sherlock Holmes into the Labyrinth.
-He's only going to solve it, meet Jareth, and cause Something Very Bad.
Singing the Hedgehog Song around anyone from the BBC Sherlock fandom is a terrible, terrible idea.
-Especially if it's John Watson.
I am not allowed to try and create Sonichu.
Greebo from Discworld is not allowed anywhere near Barn Owl!Jareth, Pikachu, or Scabbers.
-And certainly nowhere near Ro-Hans.
-Or the ROUSes.
Edward Scissorhands meeting Sweeney Todd is a terrible idea.
-The sheer amount of angst and sharp things resulting from that meeting might rent a hole in the fabric of space and time.
No more 'not my division' jokes around Agents working in the BBC Sherlock fandom.
-Especially since the official Doctor Who Tumblr says that Lestrade found his division in the Whoniverse.
I will not introduce the Cylons to the Cybermen.
-Or Daleks.
The RDJ version of Sherlock Holmes is barred from meeting Tony Stark. Ever.
-Ditto goes for BBC Mycroft Holmes and Agent Coulson.
I will not provoke Bruce Banner.
-Nor will I dare newbie Agents to.
Captain America's shield is not for sliding down stairs like Legolas did in the LotR films.
I will not introduce BBC Holmes and Watson to Smaug and Bilbo Baggins.
-Nor will I show any of these four Bad Slash featuring them.
-Yes there is Bad Slash where BBC Holmes and Watson essentially possess Bilbo and Smaug and force them to have biologically improbable sexytiems.
-I will be responsible for their therapy afterwards.
I am not allowed to distribute copies of Hunk Rump.
-Especially not to Bad Slashers.
-Especially not to Agent Lux.
-And most definitely not to Elf Agents.
In fact I am not allowed to show copies of Hunk Rump to anyone.
-Especially not Elves from various continua.
-Even if it's mostly MSPA Elves that cry at pornography, we're also pretty sure that Legolas will not appreciate such raunchy rags.
I am henceforth banned from owning copies of Hunk Rump.
I must not replace LotR Elves with MSPA Elves.
Nor will I ~accidentally~ drop MSPA Elves into Fairyland.
I will conceal all cleaning implements near Homestuck Agents.
I will not introduce Han Solo to Indiana Jones.
-In fact, if two characters are played by the same actor, introducing them would cause quite a bit of confusion.
1563: I will not whistle the tune to "Rainbow Factory" in the presence of any native of the MLP G4 continuum.
-Even if it is pretty catchy.
1564: I am not a chemist. Mixing Bleeproducts with Purple Stuff to make fireworks is strictly prohibited.
1565: I will not administer Eragon Shadeslayer Logicillin.
1566: I will not introduce Dr. Evil to the Evil Overlord list.
-Then again, he might not even understand it.
1567: I will not put Captain Beatty in a library "just to see what happens".
-I will be charged with arson.
--And billed for damages.
1568: No matter how good I am with animals, the Mechanical Hound is not to be approached.
-Beware its sting.
1561: I will not introduce Gamzee to Real World mind-altering substances.
- Zydrate is right out.
1561: I will not strand Sam and Dean Winchester in Gravity Falls.
- Nor will I strand Dipper and Mabel in the Supernaturalverse.
15XX: If Optimus Prime dies during a mission, I am not allowed to say "He always gets better" and ignore the matter.
- Yes, he canonically died and came back to life more than fifteen times already, but he would still need Medical for a check-up. And an oil change, maybe.
15XX+1: No matter how much I think Optimus Prime and Madoka Kaname would be good friends and how much it is true, they are from different canons and so I will not arrange a meeting.
- Besides, Madoka's currently a goddess present everywhere and everywhen in the multiverse, and Optimus spends a sizeable part of his existence in the afterlife. They probably already met.
15XX+2: It doesn't matter how disturbing it is, Tranformers Kiss Players is canon. I am not allowed to spork it.
- It would be a painful job, too.
- For the same reason, I am not allowed to force anyone to see it.
15XX+3: Fifty Shades Of Gray, despite being born as a Twilight fanfic, is currently a canon. I am not allowed to spork it.
- If I go rogue only to kill it, I will surrender to any PPC Agent sent to retrieve me. I will not try to make them join my cause.
To 15XX+1 (and before the previous addendum):
-No, the fact that they both sacrificed their lives several times already doesn't necessarily make them good drinking pals. And Madoka's still underaged, too.
15XX+4: I will not give a Glodstopper to Timeline 6 Homura Akemi in order to make her be able to see Madoka again, no matter how much they miss each other.
- The fact that a Puella Magi body is probably capable of handling such a substance isn't a valid justification.
- Besides, Homura would probably get addicted to the stuff, and Medical would be Not Happy.
1557: I am not allowed to arrange an 'arm wrestling' match between Treebeard and the Whomping Willow.
1558: I am not allowed to start a flame war between Karkat Vantas and Dogbert from Dilbert.
- This also goes for Catbert.
- And Eric Cartman.
- And pretty much any tool with access to the internet.
1559: I'm NOT ALLOWED to put butterfly wings on the Cullens so that I can 'prove' they're fairies.
1560: I am not allowed to give Hammy (Over the Hedge) caffeinated ANYTHING. This includes marshmallows, bacon, and lollipops.