One definite badfic... -sob-

Subject: One definite badfic... -sob-
Author: Lilac Lielac
Posted on: 2012-07-20 03:50:00 UTC

Internal Instinct by Ideasnow53
Fandom: Bionicle
Rated: M
Length: 1 chapter; 2,411 words
Summary: Mata Nui x Kiina oneshot. these two were made for each other. funny ending with Teridax, Mata Nui x Kiina lemon.

By the Spirit, where do I even begin. It's uncanon even before it gets to the sour yellow fruit bit, as it starts with Mata Nui returning with the power source he needs for the prototype robot while it's only been "days" (and I quote) after the Battle of Roxtus. No, no no no, he didn't go up to the Valley of the Great Beings until approximately five months after that battle, so one down right there.

The prose is awkward and odd and painful to read, and that's before the dialogue, which is OOC and also painful. (Mata Nui uses a contraction ["I'm"] in his first line of dialogue, for the love of the Great Beings!) The timeline is all messed to Karzahni, as Mata Nui is trying to convince Raanu to let him use the prototype robot (which the Glatorian and Agori are using as their home) to fight Makuta Teridax, when in canon Mata Nui convinced Raanu to let him do that before going on his quest to find the battery.

Gresh is written as a paranoid little pest, suggesting Mata Nui would use the abilities of his giant robot body for destructive purposes when he has seen Mata Nui be nothing but noble and selfless, and the words put in his mouth say Mata Nui thinks he is better than them when, again, Gresh respects Mata Nui. Ackar's pretty much in character when he admonishes Gresh, though, which is a small light in the shadows.

The dialogue is, again, painful. In addition, Mata Nui knows more things in more detail than it seems like he should, like the Great Beings' original plan to have two giant robots for the reforming of Spherus Magna and that Makuta Teridax was in fact destined for one of them.

Then the sex scene. Not only is it not erotic in the slightest, the euphemisms it uses aren't even interesting ("love" for... well, everything from tingling in the 'nads to the 'nads themselves, as well as "heat" for erotic feelings), and the sex scene itself is completely uncanon because Mata Nui A, doesn't have the bits for it, and B, as a creation of the Great Beings along the lines of the inhabitants of his giant robot body AKA the Matoran Universe, couldn't feel sexual attraction if he wanted to. Greg Farshtey said so, no one has to like it but it is going against canon.

Also there was one line where the Mask of Life apparently has opinions on 'forbidden love' and I don't even care anymore.

Then... -sigh- Then Teridax... notices that the two had sex... and there was a mention of potential nosebleeds... and words in his mouth more appropriate to the typical teenager than the suave scheming son of a Doom Viper that Teridax really is... and ugh okay it's terrible and there are tense shifts and a lack of scene breakers and Teridax was freaking out which is not the right wording if he's disturbed by something PLEASE to be retaining the dignity of an evil schemer with more plans than months he's been alive and... and ugh. Also not much description anywhere, yay not.

I think the Mata Nui is a replacement, what with the whole him having equipment appropriate for sexing thing. Gresh is probably just possessed and Raanu is OOC a bit, I'm not sure about Kiina but she's more OOC than Ackar (but then he's pretty much entirely IC so that's not hard). Teridax will need neuralyzing and that will be a fun little adventure for any agents going into this thing won't it. Anyone got a way to neuralyze a spirit possessing a 40 million foot tall robot?

Verdict: Somebody forcefeed me Bleeprin before I get my hands on a spork and cause injury to my eyes.

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A fistful of fics, good and bad! by loomCAT on 2012-07-20 02:19:00 UTC Reply

Okay, so I figured I'd show some of the fics I've read over the past couple of weeks. I'll be listing them in order of descending quality (according to my own opinions, of course; I have strange tastes so you may disagree with me on what I consider "goodfic" or "badfic.") Do with them what you will; I'm just here to share.

The Passionflower by Poofable
Fandom: Pokémon
Rated: K+
Length: 30 chapters; 193,660 words
Summary: Alfie hated Pokémon until the day she died, and she had no intentions of seeing the world through their eyes. Told that destiny is her guidance and courage is her strength, she must now battle the dark forces that have festered in the overlord's body and brought destruction and mistrust to an entire kingdom, all while trying to find what she never knew was lost.

HOLY CRAP THIS THING IS AMAZING. The author gives us a really cool interpretation of the Pokémon world here. I love all of these characters, especially the lead, and there's some great action here, too. If I have anything against it, it's that the ending is a tiny bit anticlimactic, but not by all that much. Highly recommended; I'd even go so far as to say you'd enjoy it even if you're not a Pokémon fan.

Even better? It has a sequel (in progress) called Life Beyond Listening that should certainly be read as well. Have fun!

===

The Tale of a Lupe and a Faerie by RandomlyInsaneWhitePony
Fandom: Neopets
Rated: M
(WARNING: Chapters 10, 11, and 17 are NSFW)
Length: 26 chapters; 82,781 words
Summary: A scrawny and unusually large lupe escapes from the Neopian Pound and falls in love with the Soup Faerie. Will he win her heart? If he does, will society accept a relationship? Beware of teh fluffy cuteness!

So I'm a bit embarrassed to share this one. If you can't tell by the author's note in the second chapter, this is adapted from a roleplay, and it shows a lot of the time in the quality and formatting. I warn you: the author isn't kidding about that "beware teh fluffy cuteness" bit, either. This probably won't be something everyone will enjoy, given the very lighthearted and silly tone and the NSFW parts, especially given the pairing. Also, the fic takes a dark turn around the 20th chapter that I found to be a bit frustrating, and the story ends on a bit of a downer when you stop and think about it like I did. I'm honestly not certain if that's where the author(s) intended it to stop or if they just gave up; it's a bit vague.

Well, your mileage may vary here, but I definitely enjoyed myself with this. A part of me wants to see Blaze (the titular Lupe) to be recruited into the PPC, because he's just so much fun, but I can't make the call on that. Just sharing a thought. ^^

===

<a href="http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7864510/1/PokemonJourneysAaronsNewExperience">Pokemon Journeys: Aaron's New Experience
Fandom: Pokémon
Rated: M
(NOTE: Current chapters are worksafe. If the author continues this work past Ch. 16, however, I cannot guarantee this)
Length: 16 chapters; 54,660 words
Summary: A heartbroken college student makes an amazing discovery. Pokemon become real and he quickly befriends a Zorua. What happens as they slowly become more than friends? Read and find out. Rated M for language, violence, and a M/F Human/Zoroark lemon.

Despite the summary, there's no lemon. Yet. See above note in bold.

This one's sort of like the Neopets fanfic above in that it's a case of "Your Mileage May Vary," but in this case, I'm not certain what to think of it, either. There's a lot going for it: the author does a decent job explaining how this world works and there's some genuinely funny moments, some good character development for the leads, and a lot of good action sequences.

On the down side, there's some moments that are just grating, like where the author goes on about pointless things (nothing controversial or insulting, just... pointless) to the point where I start skimming to the important bits. The revelation that this is based around a real life break-up with his ex is disconcerting, especially since the MC is an obvious self-insert. There's a really uncomfortable appearance from the ex-girlfriend's avatar, and it's easily the weakest point in the fic. The fact that the MC develops some Stu qualities doesn't help, either.

Even so, the ending (or where the fic currently stops at Chapter 16; the author has expressed a desire to continue the story, but hasn't updated in nearly two months now after updates had previously been added every few days) does lift my spirits quite a bit. The author is actually taking the relationship between these two characters very seriously, and never writes a sex scene in any of the current chapters despite what the summary warns, showing that he's not just in it for cheap erotica, which I can respect.

This is definitely one you'll have to figure out for yourselves. *shrug*

===

<a href="http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6601875/1/NotStrongEnough">Not Strong Enough by FalconMage
Fandom: Final Fantasy X
Rated: M
(WARNING: Fanfic is NSFW)
Length: Single chapter; 9,409 words
Summary: This is a one-shot story about Kimahri and an OC. Contains M/M stuff and all those crap. Read at your own risk. Oh, and I think this could be categorize as a furry story too. Isn't Kimahri considered as a furry..? Read it, if you like. Haters, welcome. :D

Ugh. Can you believe I read that summary and thought this wouldn't be that bad? Seriously. I figured this'd just be some mindless slash that would be harmless and entertaining to read. I'm kinda silly, huh?

Well, okay, it's not the slash itself that bothers me. Really, that part's pretty standard. It's how the author leads into and justifies it. There's an awful, AWFUL amount of continuity flubs that the author uses to justify the canonxOC slash pairing. And these aren't tiny things either. I won't give details in this post (there's some massive spoilers for the actual game, but I will say that if you've ever played FFX (or are at least familiar enough with the plot), you'll notice the issues immediately. Kimahri is pretty OOC, as far as I can tell. Also, part of me is curious now at the plausibility of the Stu in this continuum, given his species and supposed relationship to Kimahri. I say kill it.

===

<a href="http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7471170/1/LucarioandtheMysteriousMagicianof_Paris">Lucario and the Mysterious Magician of Paris by LuckyNekoNinjaMaiden
Fandom: Pokémon
Rated: M
(WARNING: EXTREMELY NSFW)
Length: Single chapter; 18,237 words
Summary: A punk Lucario meets another Lucario in Paris, France who is a talented magician. But that Lucario is actually a Zoroark who wants to make him his new sex slave. Zoroark/Lucario/Lopunny. M/M/M . Rated M for many reasons. You've been warned.

OW. Just... OW. The vomit-inducing sappiness outside the NSFW bits are bad enough, but the sex scenes by themselves are uncomfortable (gee, go figure there, huh? But seriously, some of these just make my skin crawl). Father-son incest (admittedly adoptive son, but the author makes no effort to mask the incestuous overtones) that, while I'm certain the son isn't actually underage, feels a LOT like pedophilia given how it's written.

And there are is just so. much. sex. between the three characters in this story that it gets annoying really quick and you start begging for it to end, and that's not even going into just how stupid the characters are. +1 to the "Inconceivably quick development of Stockholm Syndrome" count while we're at it. Sweet merciful Arceus, this was ridiculous! KILL IT NOW! Eugh, I need a drink... *grabs a soda and pretends to get drunk*

By the way, for those of you who are masochistic, this author has an entire gallery of fics that are all fair game for sporking as well. Or, at the least, every one I read seemed to be. Yeah, it's true, I enjoy inflicting pain on myself. *cringe*

===

Well, hate to end this on a sour note, but there you have it! Hopefully, I'll find more I can bring in the near future, and maybe have a larger percentage of actual goodfic next time. Oh, well! At the least, you can still spork it. :D

Ikkitousen Badfic (NSFW) by desdendelle on 2012-07-26 12:08:00 UTC Reply

Ikki Tousen: Dragon Tinkerer by Dragonrulez
Fandom: Ikkitousen
Rated: M (NSFW)
Length: 1 chapter, 10625 words.
Summary: A new threat has come to the Region of Kanto and will change the war between the Fighters in the worse way. Can a strange teen that lives on the streets with unkown and extraordinary powers save and change the Fighters fates or fall victum to a old grudge? OCxHugeHarem.

What is this I... Gods above. The hero, Oswald (an anachronistic name – Ikkitousen is set in Japan), is a blatant Stu. He's got heterochromia (considering that aside from animé hair physique is pretty much normal, it's odd to say the least), a trajeck past, Sue-per powers (basically ESP, which people in this continuum don't have), and he butts himself into Canon rather blatantly (though somewhat plausibly).
The fic's writing quality is poor – while there aren't a lot of spelling mistakes, its tense constantly shifts between past and present, and it's got a large amount of malapropisms, including some really weird ones – 'souls' for 'soles', 'pump' for 'bump', 'tune' for 'tone'...
Sonsaku Hakufu is also very slightly OOC, but all of the other canons are fine.
Gravity Falls NSFW/NSFB by Jopalopa on 2012-07-25 02:50:00 UTC Reply

Just so you know, there's lots of rape in this. You have been warned.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8349024/1/GrunkleStanthe_Rapist

Make up your own mind on whether this is good or bad, because I just skimmed over it. But let's face it... you can tell it's not gonna be quite right just from the title. The commenters seem to think the author has mental health issues, and I suspect they're right.

But there's one thing that sticks out to me, and it's that one main character murders another and has a third framed and sent to jail for it - all in one paragraph at the end of a chapter, and it's pretty much completely glossed over.

Wow. Just... wow.

Oh, and it's only two chapters so far, but that's over the past three days, and it seems likely to continue further. Brace yourselves.

Good Heavens. by SeaTurtle on 2012-07-25 07:50:00 UTC Reply

DAVD.

Now.

Some Goodfic by OpinionedAngel on 2012-07-25 00:30:00 UTC Reply

Still looking for goodfic?

The Pony POV series by AlexWarlorn
(Links: http://alexwarlorn.deviantart.com/gallery/32745467
http://alexwarlorn.deviantart.com/gallery/32848832)
Fandom: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Remarks: This series takes a look at the psychological effects of Discordation... and it's not always pretty. Seriously, something bad happens to EVERYPONY. Still, the characters do come out stronger in the end... but they have to work for it.

A History of Magic by Danny Barefoot
(Link:http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6964876/1/AbHistorybofbMagicb)
Fandom: Puella Magi Modoka Magica
Remarks: This is a great fic looking at possible historical Puella Magi... and how their lives were affected by their Wishes... and in some cases, make their ends even more depressing. The ending's rather bittersweet, but that should be expected from this series...

Marie D. Suesse and the Mystery New Pirate Age! by Phalanx
(Link: <a href="http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6328454/1/MarieDSuesseAndTheMysteryNewPirateAge">http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6328454/1/MarieDSuesseAndTheMysteryNewPirate_Age)
Fandom: One Piece
Remarks: Basically, this fic takes the cliches of OC/Mary Sue fanfiction and tears them to shreds, while presenting them via an interesting and intriguing story that keeps you hanging.
Warrior Cat's My Immortal by Anonymous on 2012-07-24 13:09:00 UTC Reply

T-there is no other way of describing this. It is that bad.

http://starkitsprophecy.webstarts.com/the_story.html

Random Theory/Tv Tropes copy paste by saintdane05 on 2012-07-25 02:33:00 UTC Reply

Hollyleaf is not actually acting OOC (as compared to Warriors canon).
Instead, Hollyleaf is the one character, canon or otherwise, who is not affected by StraGlem's Mary Sue-ness. Obsessed with the warrior code as Hollyleaf is, she's outraged by the abomination against the code that is Satrglame - a cat who is not only the halfClan kit of a medicine cat (who is himself the halfClan kit of a medicine cat, and should know better) but also: has two cats from other Clans, one a leader, falling at her feet; kills needlessly without a second thought; becomes the leader without having trained an apprentice or even having been deputy, ever; and makes a cat who's also never had an apprentice her deputy. Confronted with the walking code violation, Hollyleaf has lost sight of her original purpose and is willing to do literally anything to destroy GleamStare, even an Enemy Mine with the Dark Forest (who are the only other cats resistant to SarGkaem's influence). This is even in character at least mostly for her: a Knight Templar willing to go to any length to "protect" the warrior code from its defilers.
Ah, trollfic. by SeaTurtle on 2012-07-25 00:41:00 UTC Reply

Didn't somebody around here want to resuscitate Troll Division? This is prime fodder for it.
There's no way this isn't a troll by TheMadHatteress on 2012-07-24 23:08:00 UTC Reply

Seriously, how do you spell the word "one" incorrectly? All the character bios are copied from the book too, except for the OCs.
Well that was odd... by the Irish Samurai on 2012-07-24 19:36:00 UTC Reply

I think there may have been more spelling mistakes than correctly spelled words!

I don't really know the setting, but anything that gets compared to My Immortal makes me curious (and, oh, how I have regretted that on some occasions).

Sadly I had nothing stronger than orange juice to keep me going through reading it, so I quickly gave up on the fic itself, but carried on skimming through the author's notes, as I'd found the earlier ones to be particularly amusing. My favourite line from one of these has to be 'HBut thigs are guna be better no inteh clams!

Now, that one line taken out of context doesn't make a lot of sense, but... well... it didn't really make a lot of sense in context either.

Funniest bit of the actual story for me (or at least, the funniest bit that I was able to bring myself to pay attention to) is the '10' commandments, of which there are in fact 11, with number 10 appearing twice, and 3 not getting a look in.

The similar numbering system used for the chapter numbers also amused/confused me in equal measures, are we meant to be reading it as presented or are we meant to read the chapters in numerical order? Personally, I'm not sure that reading the chapters in a different order would actually alter the level of incomprehensibility.
*stares at screen in shock* by HimochiIsAwesome on 2012-07-24 15:45:00 UTC Reply

I'm not familiar with the canon at all, so I just skimmed, but...
The character thing at the top takes up more room on my screen than the first six chapters.
What.
And I only read the first chapter. I don't I have enough tea to try reading it all.
...
There also isn't a chapter six. Huh.
What. *blinks* by Dragormir on 2012-07-24 15:11:00 UTC Reply

No, really. What?

How can anyone not understand something as basic as the function of a spellcheck? *stares* And that's not even covering the length of the chapters, or the content, or the level of fail here.

I never really got into that series, but...[bleep]. Wow. That's bad. And... Wow. At least MI was kind of funny, in it's own weird little way. But... *blinks*

Excuse me, I have to go find some thing that makes sense. *leaves*

A good darkfic by Dragormir on 2012-07-21 21:03:00 UTC Reply

Hoo boy is this dark. It's incredibly well-written, but... *shivers* The only NSFW details are what your imagination puts into the blanks, so... Fair warning.

It's called Mandragora. It's set about the end-ish of Year Two, when the mandrake potions are being made to restore everyone who's been petrified.

It's rated T, close to 1500 words in length, and is a one-shot. And oh boy is it terrifying. The author (NothingPretentious) has some other stuff that's also worth a read, and it is not nearly as dark, thank [insert deity here].

Just...sleep with a nightlight after reading Mandragora, okay? I'm going to.

... by StarShadow on 2012-07-21 21:22:00 UTC Reply

That's... chilling.

Oh yeah. by Dragormir on 2012-07-21 22:14:00 UTC Reply

*gives everyone who's read it cookies and hot cocoa*

Homestuck goodfic by PitViperOfDoom on 2012-07-21 17:53:00 UTC Reply

http://archiveofourown.org/works/266683/chapters/419402

Miracle Child, by bramblePatch

More than two sweeps after being returned to a restored Alternia, the trolls face impending adulthood and banishment from the planet. Gamzee Makara fully expects to be culled on conscription for poor health and sopor addiction - what he doesn't count on is the personal attention and protection of the Grand Highblood.

Post-game fic starring Gamzee Makara. It's also updated more frequently on the Homestuck kink meme, and links to those updates as well as supplemental world-building material can be found on the tumblr ask blog (http://miraclechildask.tumblr.com/) It also has its own TV Tropes page. All in all, a good fic. There are quite a few OCs, but none come close to being Sues, and they all contribute to the plot. Currently one of my favorite Homestuck fics.

http://boyfriendleaders.tumblr.com/tagged/boyfriendleaders/chrono

Boyfriendleaders

Part tumblr ask blog, part fanfic. It's another post-game fic, only this time it involves all the surviving characters, not just the trolls. The story itself revolves around John and Karkat's eventual romantic relationship. It's surprisingly emotional, going from hilarious to heartwarming to just plain soulcrushing. Everyone is delightfully in character, and the development of John and Karkat's relationship is absolutely wonderful (not to mention realistic).
While I'm here, depressing USUK, anyone? by HimochiIsAwesome on 2012-07-20 21:19:00 UTC Reply

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7232955/1/Iamnottheonewhowill_cry
I am not the one who will cry, by ButterFish
Fandom: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Rated: T
Romance/Friendship
Summary: Alfred becomes a volunteer and has to do some cleaning at Arthur Kirkland's house. The guy is ill and needs help; but he's incredibly rude! But as Alfred gets closer to him, he learns to like the man. But is it good falling for someone who is dying? -USUK
Length: 1 chapter, 19,854 words.
Warning: Character death and human AU.

Okay, this story is, in my opinion, very emotional. It's one of the few fanfics that have actually made me cry, and that's saying something, especially considering the amount of angsty, depressing fics I read.
It's definitely worth a read, though, if you don't mind the possibility of breaking into tears.

I really can't think of much else to say about it though, so why not just read it?
It's a bit long for one chapter, but ah well.
Blarf! by StarShadow on 2012-07-20 15:32:00 UTC Reply

I have read that last one, and I would like to say

DO NOT WANT!!!
Crackfic, anyone? by Antigone68104 on 2012-07-20 14:44:00 UTC Reply

MLP:FiM crossed over with the Cthulhu Mythos. I'm not an expert in either canon, but so far I'm enjoying it.

The first chapter is here: http://drhoz.livejournal.com/918169.html , it's probably simplest to run a tag search to get subsequent chapters. Fic is still in progress.
An Impressivly Bad Crossover by SingingTheThunder on 2012-07-20 10:40:00 UTC Reply

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5222479/1/theshockofalifetime
the shock of a lifetime (capitalization theirs) by lana123 co-written with evie898.
Fandom(s): Primeval/Inheritance Cycle, but The Doctor and Superman turn up and there are several noncanon species: Werewolf, witches, vampires and a leprechaun.
Rated: T
Length: 38 Chapters (Yes, I read every single one), but 106,551 words.
Summery: It was a normal day for Lana, Evie, Scoble, Megan and Caitlain. But that all changed when an anomaly opened in there class room and Murtagh, hansom and ever, jumped out and pulled them back through to his home world, Alegasia. after book 3 in 2 POV's.

Where to start? First chapter they burn half their teacher's face off and laugh about it. Second chapter nothing happens. There are examples of bad SPaG. For example Lana doesn't put a capital letter at the beginning of sentences and Evie combines misspellings with faintly Urple prose.
My main problem with this is the species. There is a chapter where literally everyone (except Evie, who is Galabatorix's daughter) reveals they aren't human. This is started by Lana, who proclaims "I AM A GODFORSAKEN ELF!" Later on they meet up with yet more inserted friends, all of whom are also random species.
Now what really annoys me, is that Captain Hilary Becker (I'm allowed Lust Objects, right?) is Superman. No explanation for all the times he's been hurt in canon, no reason given for why, just Becker is Superman.
A few quotes (please say if this isn't okay): "It had been a full moon last night and would be again tomorrow." "How are we going to shave her now!" "If you look up to the skies you might be able to see saphire in the is also a call for 'friends of evie'" "I mean people don't just go blind without a cause do they? Maybe elves were different." (Yes, a character goes blind for literally no reason, the author doesn't even know.)
I want to kill this, but a) I don't yet have permission, b) it's not a two Agent job, c) I really don't want to tackle this for a first mission.
So, I will claim it (unless I'm told it's actually brilliant), but I'll see if I can find a co-writer once (if) I get permission.
One definite badfic... -sob- by Lilac Lielac on 2012-07-20 03:50:00 UTC Reply

Internal Instinct by Ideasnow53
Fandom: Bionicle
Rated: M
Length: 1 chapter; 2,411 words
Summary: Mata Nui x Kiina oneshot. these two were made for each other. funny ending with Teridax, Mata Nui x Kiina lemon.

By the Spirit, where do I even begin. It's uncanon even before it gets to the sour yellow fruit bit, as it starts with Mata Nui returning with the power source he needs for the prototype robot while it's only been "days" (and I quote) after the Battle of Roxtus. No, no no no, he didn't go up to the Valley of the Great Beings until approximately five months after that battle, so one down right there.

The prose is awkward and odd and painful to read, and that's before the dialogue, which is OOC and also painful. (Mata Nui uses a contraction ["I'm"] in his first line of dialogue, for the love of the Great Beings!) The timeline is all messed to Karzahni, as Mata Nui is trying to convince Raanu to let him use the prototype robot (which the Glatorian and Agori are using as their home) to fight Makuta Teridax, when in canon Mata Nui convinced Raanu to let him do that before going on his quest to find the battery.

Gresh is written as a paranoid little pest, suggesting Mata Nui would use the abilities of his giant robot body for destructive purposes when he has seen Mata Nui be nothing but noble and selfless, and the words put in his mouth say Mata Nui thinks he is better than them when, again, Gresh respects Mata Nui. Ackar's pretty much in character when he admonishes Gresh, though, which is a small light in the shadows.

The dialogue is, again, painful. In addition, Mata Nui knows more things in more detail than it seems like he should, like the Great Beings' original plan to have two giant robots for the reforming of Spherus Magna and that Makuta Teridax was in fact destined for one of them.

Then the sex scene. Not only is it not erotic in the slightest, the euphemisms it uses aren't even interesting ("love" for... well, everything from tingling in the 'nads to the 'nads themselves, as well as "heat" for erotic feelings), and the sex scene itself is completely uncanon because Mata Nui A, doesn't have the bits for it, and B, as a creation of the Great Beings along the lines of the inhabitants of his giant robot body AKA the Matoran Universe, couldn't feel sexual attraction if he wanted to. Greg Farshtey said so, no one has to like it but it is going against canon.

Also there was one line where the Mask of Life apparently has opinions on 'forbidden love' and I don't even care anymore.

Then... -sigh- Then Teridax... notices that the two had sex... and there was a mention of potential nosebleeds... and words in his mouth more appropriate to the typical teenager than the suave scheming son of a Doom Viper that Teridax really is... and ugh okay it's terrible and there are tense shifts and a lack of scene breakers and Teridax was freaking out which is not the right wording if he's disturbed by something PLEASE to be retaining the dignity of an evil schemer with more plans than months he's been alive and... and ugh. Also not much description anywhere, yay not.

I think the Mata Nui is a replacement, what with the whole him having equipment appropriate for sexing thing. Gresh is probably just possessed and Raanu is OOC a bit, I'm not sure about Kiina but she's more OOC than Ackar (but then he's pretty much entirely IC so that's not hard). Teridax will need neuralyzing and that will be a fun little adventure for any agents going into this thing won't it. Anyone got a way to neuralyze a spirit possessing a 40 million foot tall robot?

Verdict: Somebody forcefeed me Bleeprin before I get my hands on a spork and cause injury to my eyes.