Brain damage might be preferable.

Subject: Brain damage might be preferable.
Author: Dragormir
Posted on: 2012-05-04 23:00:00 UTC

And now, I will see your Hetalia badfic and raise you a Lazytown. It's...um... Well, I wouldn't suggest reading the last half/quarter unless you have extreme masochistic tendencies or a lot of booze handy. (By the way, I'm being serious. Click on this link at your own risk. I am not responsible for whatever mental trauma results from even reading the title of this fic. You have been warned. Extremely NSFW/B, especially near the end.)

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Not sure if this is correct... by Dragormir on 2012-05-02 23:40:00 UTC Reply

But I'm reporting a badfic?

I don't know if anyone here has ever watched The Cape, or even remembers that it exists, but this is a tragedy. It's obscene, and... WTF? I'm not really understanding how it really connects to the Cape's canon or how it'd even fit in, aside from having Orwell. This fic is seriously NSFW/B. And...ugh. Just... PWP. *shudder*

It's well-written, but... Why can't my month be over yet so I can try to kill this thing?

Or am I just foaming at the mouth for no reason? *is curious*

-Dragormir

The badfics just keep coming recently... by HimochiIsAwesome on 2012-05-05 04:02:00 UTC Reply

Hetalia badfic...
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7949426/1/LoveorLust (Possibly NSFW, M Rated)

Summary: A young Japanese prostitute and a vicious blood thirsty pirate, who just happens to be the prostitute's childhood friend! What is in store for these two? Will their paths cross with happiness or grievance? Pirate!IggyxOC
Rating: M

Okay, set in the Edo period. Two OCs so far: Akira Yamamoto and... Neko-chan. Seriously.
Akira is a prostitute, but from what I can tell, she doesn't really have any reason to be. I mean, she apparently moved to England as a child and then back to Japan. If you can afford that, you don't need to prostitute yourself, and from what I can tell, prostitutes in Edo Japan were generally working off debts or quite poor.

She has one eye, because the other 'contracted a disease from over-exposure to rain'. Just... WTF.

She was also raped by England as a young girl, apparently. It's... just... no.

Apparently, despite being in Japan, they all speak mostly English. This isn't because the author is English, it's because the author has said that any Japanese will be written in Japanese and everything English is English. Which is also annoying. VERY annoying.

Oh, and one of the chapters is posted twice, with an author's note added to one copy, and there are a lot of flashbacks.

It's just... --' And note that I stopped reading at around chapter 5... There are now 8 chapters, including a chapter of random info-type stuff...
It just... NVDYUWNQROEBOQBN. With cheese.

~

Also, <a href="http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7979870/1/ScreamingSilence">http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7979870/1/Screaming_Silence (Not really NSFW (yet) but M Rated)
I'm just... not going to bother writing too much about this one.
I shouldn't be reporting badfics at 4 in the morning anyway, and I can't think straight.
Either way, there's Mary Sue Andorra-tan, who's (judging by the warnings) a victim of child abuse and is either mute or just doesn't speak...
There's OCs for Malta and San Marino too, but they haven't really been elaborated on...
...and some random countries are genderbent.
Oh, and it's a high school AU. Joy.
It's not as bad as the first, but...
Well, if it's badfic we're discussing... by firemagic on 2012-05-04 19:19:00 UTC Reply

Then I have a few to report

First, by the same Suethor from the Legendary Illogic mission:
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7109377/1/FallingintoaNewWorldSecrets
Sarah, my friend, and I get whisked away to another world as duelists. OCs in story. Chapter 12 up! I'll say this now: I DO NOT OWN MAGICAL GIRL LYRICAL NANOHA!
A fuzzy TV sends a pair of annoying teenagers into the world of YuGiOh. One of them gets an Egyptian-god-induced makeover, a shiny new Sue-name and a Millenium Item, and a her-themed card. The only thing this has to do with Nanoha is that there are cards themed after the characters there--it's not a crossover with the actual characters.

<a href="http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7914422/1/TheDarkHeirofLordVoldemort">http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7914422/1/TheDarkHeirofLordVoldemort
Kaitlin Serene Potter doesn't exist, at least that's what Lily and James Potter say. On Halloween though, a certain man takes her in and raises her. She soon gets discovered by James Potter. What will she do?

This one I reported a bit ago. It's about Harry's twin sister, who was abused as a servant in the Potter family's mansion by Lily and James. Then Voldemort attacks, and adopts the child of his worst enemy as his heir, makes HER his horcrux, and treats her like his oh-so-speshul daughter.

<a href="http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7357136/1/ThePuellaMagiofMiddleEarth">http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7357136/1/ThePuellaMagiofMiddle_Earth
What if the Puella Magi were involved in Middle Earth? Join Madoka and her friends as they struggle to help Frodo after Kyubey sent them to Middle Earth. Frodo/Madoka

This screws up Madoka's ending, and basically inserts the Madoka characters in the Lord of the Rings. They don;t DO anything, even when facing the Balrog, all they can do is run. Well, Homura does stop time, but she only throws a flashbang at it, instead of, you know, one of her thousands of guns. Also, Magi!Madoka and Kyouko are there and do nothing except scream and run away. There's a few more problems, such as:
The Lord of the Rings exists as books in Madoka's world, yet it just recently started making multiple witches appear in Barriers, because of the One Ring (?)
Kyubey can teleport to Middle-Earth.
No one uses their knowledge of the books' events to help in any way.
FRODO AND MADOKA FALL IN LOVE. Now, I don't know much about LoTR, but Frodo (who I believe is an adult hobbit) doesn't freak out when a pink-haired human appears in the middle of his house, and then goes on to fall in love with her, enough so that he leaves Middle-Earth for her. Also, Madoka's fourteen and should be in a relationship with Homura. Will someone PLEASE co-write something on this with me?

Problems Continued by firemagic on 2012-05-04 19:30:00 UTC Reply

The Lord of the Rings series, written in the 1930-40s, apparently only starts affecting the 'real world' in 2011.
A barrier is a Witch's hiding place. It's their realm, and it's entirely possible for a barrier to seem to have multiple witches for a few reasons--the Magi could have split personalities, or (more likely) one is a Familiar.
The Lord of the Rings series, written in the 1930-40s, apparently only starts affecting the 'real world' in 2011. WHAT?!
It messes up the consequences of Madoka's wish--her wish was for Puella Magi to never become Witches. Ok, so, since the Incubators now apparently have nothing to work with, they shouldn't have come to Earth, so humans should be living in caves. Also, despite that, the group (Sayaka and Madoka, for some reason, included) goes onto fight Oktavia von Seckendorff, A WITCH BORN FROM ONE OF THE PEOPLE IN THAT GROUP. If Okty is there, then Sayaka is DEAD. But for some reason, Sayaka just goes into 'overdrive' after some kind of nap. And Walpurgisnacht is STILL COMING. (Walpy is the strongest witch ever)
Yeah, that group, even though they are Magi and therefore an invincible magical warrior, can do nothing to help fight the Balrog. Help?

There are no words. by Shadow on 2012-05-05 02:35:00 UTC Reply

I... I might just have to claim that abomination. Because what the actual hell.

Co-write? by Firemagic on 2012-05-05 03:41:00 UTC Reply

Like I said, I'd like to cowrite this with somone. Do you know Lord of the Rings canon?

Well, I need Permission first. ;) by Shadow on 2012-05-05 04:21:00 UTC Reply

But yeah, that would be good. (Speaking of which, I should probably apply at some point here.)

It's been a while since I've read LotR, but it's still an old favorite, so yeah, I do know it, if not exhaustively.

You can still co-write. by Sergio Turbo on 2012-05-05 08:33:00 UTC Reply

In a co-write, the important thing is that at least one has Permission. And co-writing is probably the best way to make practice towards getting Permission yourself.

Oh, and with the badfics in mind... by HimochiIsAwesome on 2012-05-04 17:40:00 UTC Reply

...http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7260894/1/PrussiaxEnglandLovingsomeoneforthefirsttime NSFW/B

It's a Hetalia fanfic in the wrong section (it's in the +Anima section), mkaing me think of a miniature Hetalia universe /inside/ the +Anima universe.
It contains a badly written sex scene... and I mean so bad they just... oh God it can be interpreted completely wrongly. In general.
It's just... *shivers* Ugh.

Re: Oh, and with the badfics in mind... by TheMadHatteress on 2012-05-05 03:29:00 UTC Reply

For me, the fact that it's in the +Anima section makes it even worse. +Anima is way too innocent to have to deal with bad slash.

Yeah... by HimochiIsAwesome on 2012-05-05 03:32:00 UTC Reply

It really does annoy me, especially considering I was thinking of making one of my Agents a +Anima...
...
...but there are a lot of mis-categorized fics in the +Anima section... I guess it's the first on the list, so people who CBA actually selecting the right category just end up sticking them there...

Why, gods, why?! by Dragormir on 2012-05-04 21:50:00 UTC Reply

Why on earth did I click that effing link? *shudders and hugs my pet sheep* I... WTF? WTF? *hits head against table a few times* My god. The images... *shudders*

'scuse me. I'm off to see if there's any rum left over from the Baked Alaska experiment...

So sorry... by HimochiIsAwesome on 2012-05-04 21:55:00 UTC Reply

...here, have some of this Bleeprum instead... it'll help more with the brain damage...
*pats you comfortingly*

Brain damage might be preferable. by Dragormir on 2012-05-04 23:00:00 UTC Reply

And now, I will see your Hetalia badfic and raise you a Lazytown. It's...um... Well, I wouldn't suggest reading the last half/quarter unless you have extreme masochistic tendencies or a lot of booze handy. (By the way, I'm being serious. Click on this link at your own risk. I am not responsible for whatever mental trauma results from even reading the title of this fic. You have been warned. Extremely NSFW/B, especially near the end.)

...*face frozen into a twisted grimace thing* by HimochiIsAwesome on 2012-05-04 23:59:00 UTC Reply

...w-what that I-I it he my I what...?
*hides under desk, shivering and muttering insane ramble to self*

I warned you, didn't I? by Dragormir on 2012-05-05 00:38:00 UTC Reply

*gives you a fluffy bunny to hug* Sorry about that. But I did warn you...

... by HimochiIsAwesome on 2012-05-05 01:15:00 UTC Reply

...*huggles fluffy bunny* ... ...ow.

Sorry. by Draormir on 2012-05-05 01:26:00 UTC Reply

Would a half-finished bottle of bleeprum help? *holds it out*

... by HimochiIsAwesome on 2012-05-05 01:30:00 UTC Reply

...*nods slightly, takes bleeprum and downs it in one* *despite being underage* *but hey technically it isn't alcohol soI'm allowed*
...
...better... Must stop reading so many NSFB fics...

Hm. by HimochiIsAwesome on 2012-05-03 17:55:00 UTC Reply

I read over that fic... It's not glaringly bad SPaG-wise, but there's some bad slash in there for sure. *grimaces*

And seeing as this is probably the latest badfic thread, I come bearing a Hetalia badfic.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7594959/1/LoyalistAnOC_Story
It's just so... *shudders*

'Sue OC who's the daughter of England. The 'Sue's mother (also OC) is an overly stereotypical Christian (to the point where it offended my Christian friend). 'Sue ends up living with England after a complete BS court case, and Spain and the two Italies are both living with England.
Did I mention the half-journal, half-story writing style with author notes mixed in?

Although it does give us the amazingly sporkable line:
"May the power of Christ compell you, fowl demon that is overtaking my poor child's soul!"

But otherwise... BLARGLERGH!

Fowl demon=possessed Gilbird? by Maudlin Hart on 2012-05-04 13:59:00 UTC Reply

I was hoping it would be a troll. :(

Oh, I /wish/... by HimochiIsAwesome on 2012-05-04 17:22:00 UTC Reply

...a possessed Gilbird sounds fun to watch~
But yeah...
...
...I have just realised the badfic!Author might have written other abominations.

I'm really confused now. by Dragormir on 2012-05-03 23:20:00 UTC Reply

I'm pretty sure I linked to a non-slash story. Where'd you find the slash, Himochi? Or are you commenting on something else? *is horribly confused*

(If you want some slash read this. It's slash, and nothing much happens aside from a mostly unwanted kiss near the end. Points for hilarity though.)

Wait...what? *stares at Hetalia badfic* Badfic is bad. WTF? *hits head with a mallet; reads it again* Nope. Still makes me WTF. Potential for hilarity in that one line though. *shudders* Is there any way to get drunk here?

Oops~ ^^' by HimochiIsAwesome on 2012-05-04 13:12:00 UTC Reply

Wrong nword, haha... Slash was the completely wrong word... Ah well, I guess that's what happens when you send your own mind to its room, ehe~ ^^'
I meant 'SEX SCENE'. Bad SEX SCENE. *facedesks*

Yes, it is bad, isn't it? I'm quite glad it's very old... because it hasn't been updated for a while... meaning it's probably been forgotten. Thank the Harvest Goddess.

Oh yes. by Dragormir on 2012-05-04 21:55:00 UTC Reply

That's okay. *gives you an icepack* It happens. There's probably bad slash floating around in the archive somewhere. Of course, I can give thanks to the gods/deities/Low Key Lyesmith that the archives too small/unrecognized as of yet. I never thought I'd be grateful for a truncated season of a show that wasn't watched very much, but...

Unfortunately, there's a prequel (sequel?) that makes about as much sense. Thankfully, less pr0n. But still bad, and has no connection that I could see to canon.

... by HimochiIsAwesome on 2012-05-04 21:58:00 UTC Reply

*takes icepack* ...thanks~ *weak smile* My head hurts... too much facedesking, too many badfics, and definitely not enough caffeine...
...my head hurts.

...wah... why so many? *tries to distract self by watching MLP:FiM*

*silently offers bleepka* (nm) by Shadow on 2012-05-04 00:37:00 UTC Reply

Thanks. (nm) by Dragormir on 2012-05-04 11:16:00 UTC Reply

o.e by AnnaBee on 2012-05-03 18:15:00 UTC Reply

Kill it. Kill it with fire. Please. Kill it.

*pats your back comfortingly* by HimochiIsAwesome on 2012-05-04 13:16:00 UTC Reply

Don't worry... I'm thinking of killing it if when I get permission.

Mostly for a chicken demon.
And because GRARGHRGHAGHRGHA IT BURNS MY EYES!
...
...*hands you some Bleepolate Gateaux*

Badfic I'm Claiming by AnnaBee on 2012-05-03 17:38:00 UTC Reply

A Serenity/Eragon crossover.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7516448/1/Interstellar_Riders

No. Just no.

à² _à² by Shadow on 2012-05-03 21:58:00 UTC Reply

Firefly... and Eragon. All the wut. All of it.

It's pretty bad. by AnnaBee on 2012-05-03 22:13:00 UTC Reply

They kill GALBATORIX by sucking him into the engine of the SERENITY. >_>

Serenity's engine? by Dragormir on 2012-05-03 22:49:00 UTC Reply

That'd actually be pretty hilarious. Impractical and completely WTF impossible, but hilarious.

That being said... Badfic.

Actually, from where I'm standin' it makes plenty o' sense. (nm) by VixenMage on 2012-05-03 23:46:00 UTC Reply

Eh... by AnnaBee on 2012-05-04 00:05:00 UTC Reply

It's more the blatant screwing over of canon that bothers me than anything else.

Ugh, yeah, definitely a badfic. by VixenMage on 2012-05-04 03:47:00 UTC Reply

But it's an idea I'd love to run with in other hands, just for the awesome of seeing Malcolm Reynolds throw Eragon off of his terrible pedestal of whiny arrogance.

It could be cool, yeah... by AnnaBee on 2012-05-04 05:57:00 UTC Reply

But this... just... wasn't.

But it's still funny. (nm) by Dragormir on 2012-05-04 00:13:00 UTC Reply

Ugh, badfic! by HimochiIsAwesome on 2012-05-03 13:02:00 UTC Reply

I can't look at the story (as I'm in school), but I can say that yes, this is how you report a badfic, just to confirm.
Usually, it's best to check whether there's already a topic on the Board for badfic reporting, but considering the most recent was quite a way down the page, it's probably okay...

Hm, you're a newbie... I missed your introduction post! Wah!
Have a sheep, as both a welcome gift and an apology for not noticing~ *throws a sheep at you*

~Himu~

Whew! by Dragormir on 2012-05-03 20:36:00 UTC Reply

That's a relief. :) Okay then, saving that for future reference...

(By the way, the writer of the fic I reported has done more--another one with Grim, and then for other fandoms. Allegedly, the Terminator ones are decent.)

Thanks for the sheep! Maybe if I ever go to Melbourne to visit my cousin I can take it with me. *begins petting sheep* And I shall call it George.

-Dragormir

:D by HimochiIsAwesome on 2012-05-04 13:12:00 UTC Reply

You're welcome, newbie-type~

Ugh... the only thing worse than a badfic is a badfic AUTHOR.
Or maybe my mind. Or criminals. Or [name removed].

Ah, George is a good name for a sheep~ But... you have a cousin in Melbourne? Jealous much.

~Himu~

True. by Dragormir on 2012-05-04 23:03:00 UTC Reply

But you have to wonder what compels them to do so. Or not... The implications in their badfic is disturbing enough. Criminals at least can reform. Badfic authors... Well, I suppose they can reform too. It just takes longer.

...it was supposed to be a Bugs Bunny reference. *sighs*

Yes, I have a cousin, a great-aunt (who sends me cards with funny Australian animals for my birthday), another cousin; oh, and my great-uncle. Haven't been to visit them yet, but they've been stateside plenty.

Yes... by HimochiIsAwesome on 2012-05-04 23:38:00 UTC Reply

Yeah... true. But with criminals, yes, they can reform, but they can also be punished... Badfic authors can't really be punished, really... They can be flamed, have their fics taken down or have their story sporked, but they aren't really punished...

...* oblivious face*

...Cool~ ^^ Australia is an awesome place~

*sighs* by Dragormir on 2012-05-05 00:40:00 UTC Reply

Does no one remember the yeti/odd white giant-like creature from the old Bugs Bunny cartoons? "I will love him and pet him, and I shall call him George."? Anyone? Am I the only person who still watches the old cartoons? Really? *is depressed* Seriously, what happened to Bugs Bunny, the Animaniacs, Looney Tunes, and Tex Avery?

I'm rather disheartened by this. :(

*got the reference* by Shadow on 2012-05-05 02:27:00 UTC Reply

Indeed! I recently wound up watching some of the new alleged Looney Tunes cartoons when someone left the TV in the student lounge on Cartoon Network, and, well... *shudders*
...ooooh~! by HimochiIsAwesome on 2012-05-05 01:14:00 UTC Reply

I get what you mean now~ My memory's terrible, ehe~ ^^'
But... ...does Dangermouse class as an old cartoon?
'Cause I grew up with Dangermouse, Hong Kong Fooey and Batfink. ^^

*big grin* by Dragormir on 2012-05-05 02:29:00 UTC Reply

I only remember it from one of the older cartoons, though. I think Marvin the Martian was involved somehow...

Yeah, of course Dangermouse counts! Never seen Hong Kong Fooey or Batfink though... *sighs* But I grew up with the Animaniacs, my grandparents love Tex Avery cartoons, and one of my childhood toys is named Bugs Bunny.

*equally large grin* by HimochiIsAwesome on 2012-05-05 02:32:00 UTC Reply

Yay, Marvin the Martian~ *favourite*

And yay~ Dangermouse was awesome... full of innuendos and sneaky jokes... And of course, being the poor child I was, I could watch it on a Freeview box instead of Sky~