Fun! by
Neshomeh
on 2012-05-04 16:49:00 UTC
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This is a very entertaining read. The interplay between the two agents lends a lot of energy to it, especially because the contrast between their reactions is so stark. It's clear that Xericka goes out on a limb to try and resolve the situation, so it's nice to see that it works. The progression from argument to explanations to resolution seems natural and ends up being satisfying.
There's also a lot of humor. I particularly liked the bit about the Adoptive Parent's Handbook—the little Marquis de Sod doodle on the corner did me in. It's an awesome mental image. Also, "Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye." ^_^
I just have one question: if Makes-Things coming back is the result of the universe pulling him out of its ass, then what was his death? O.o;
~Neshomeh
Re: Interlude by
doctorlit
on 2012-05-04 15:07:00 UTC
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Once again, excellent work with Xericka's lack-of-emotions. I like that she's still able to show concern for her partner, and move out of her comfort zone in order to make Gremlin feel better, while still remaining a believable Nobody (and, I think, acting much like a true Organization XIII member in that regard).
I loved the line, "Mother or not, I will slap you so hard that Tetsuya Nomura will feel it."
Also, I would love to read that non-human edition of the adoptive handbook. I imagine it's very unintentionally funny for humans to read (especially if the author is actually the Marquis, though probably not).
Errors!
"For all your foibles, you are a relative center of stability and reliability in the middle of a unpredictable badfic tempest."
"a" should be "an"
"Gremlin was only able to managed a few noncommittal syllables."
"managed" should be "manage"
Great job! by
Sergio Turbo
on 2012-05-03 18:20:00 UTC
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It was a really good insight on your Agent pair.
Xericka's emotionless behaviour was used very well, I think. It was really funny... and as I already said previously, I think that that girl is starting to have some basic form of emotions. Which is good, expecially since after watching Madoka any kind of being incapable of feeling emotions creeps me out.
Damn you, Kyubey. Damn you. I can't even watch knight Rider again without comparing you and KITT.
Re: Interlude - Xericka and Gremlin by
firemagic
on 2012-05-03 00:45:00 UTC
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Oh, this was interesting to read. The agents came off like real people (well, as much as they should, anyways) and nothing felt forced.
One thing: I looked over 'The one with Zuko's baby' and it doesn't have Azula shooting fireballs at Gremlin's head--is this supposed to take place after that mission, or after another, offscreen one?
Re: Interlude - Xericka and Gremlin by
Astral Void
on 2012-05-02 23:28:00 UTC
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This is awesome. I always love your stuff, you write so well. Poor Gremlin, though- losing hair always does suck.
(If you want, she can borrow Agent Grace's hair-changing machine- she may end up with anything from pink dreadlocks to a silver mohawk, but if she's willing to risk it, go ahead.)
Concrit by
Phobos
on 2012-05-02 17:59:00 UTC
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This was a very enjoyable read. Well done.
The personalities of your agents really came through, here. I liked getting to know them in a situation that was not normal for them.
I loved the line about Makes-Things.
I'm not familiar with Nobodies, but I don't think I suffer due to that lack of familiarity. I got a very good idea of what Xericka is all about.
Her voice had slowed down a bit, as if she were examining each word twice over in her mind before sending them down to her tongue. Great description here. I could picture exactly what that was like.
As for the suggestive scenes... Very well executed. You have a good handle on how to write an intimately sensual scene to great effect, without it getting into overtly sexual territory. Five stars.
Overall, the pacing was excellent, the characters were well written, and the situation was relateable. An excellent piece of fiction.
-Phobos
Thank you. by
ShatteredSanity
on 2012-05-02 16:29:00 UTC
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First things first: This was really good. I enjoyed reading this, and I can't think of anything I disliked about it.
Second: Thank you. Thank you so so SO much for you're portrayal of Nobodies. Something so many people don't get is that they don't have any emotions. When I saw the warning in the post, I got a bit worried. After reading this however, my fears were alleviated. So thank you.
Third: Have I mentioned that this is really good? Because it is.