Subject: Re: Interlude
Author:
Posted on: 2012-03-02 05:24:00 UTC
There was some tricky, serious dialogue in this interlude. It's difficult to get characters talking when they're all trying to dance around a problem like this, but I think you handled it well and kept everyone's lines realistic.
I also liked the dream sequence opening. The details were very vivid, which brought to life, for me, why it was so harrowing for Cindy.
Now, uh . . . I'm a little disappointed in Xanthus and Anneli for never thinking to bring Cindy to FicPsych. I understand them wanting to take care of her on her own, and I realize she would have resisted every step of the way. However, I still think the other two agents should have at least brought it up as a possibility. It just seems a little overly stubborn to me that they never even discuss trying to get Cindy there.
Finally, some mistakes I caught:
A "to" is missing from here somewhere. (strive not to repeat)
The ending . . . uh, greater than sign? Andalite . . . talky . . . thingy. Is, uh, missing. Off the end there. (>)
(Wow. The Board does not like Andalite dialogue.)