Well done! You did a much better job at explaining the relationships between the canon characters this time. (Although I still wouldn't mind some more info on the canon. Any interest in making a wiki page for Nanoha?)

One error I noticed:
"As the emerged into the Pre-Fic space . . ."
should be, "As they emerged . . ."

Had a good laugh seeing Tera freak out when dealing with "her" human anatomy. And that rolling period was a grat idea too.

Loot:
A small vial of Nitrogen-Sodium compound (now in some DoSAT lab)
A black period, about the size of a basketball, that, when you hold it, makes you end every sentence with a period.
Eight knives, four labelled fear, four labelled jealousy

Minis:
Fate chan
Fate POV
Nanoha POV
Yunno
And Teana Lanstar, from the last mission, is still up for adoption.