WARNING: REVIEW CONTAINS KINDA-SPOILERS

First things first. There's a lot about this story that is very good. Wait, check that. There's a lot about this story that is hilariously awesome. Two moments in particular stand out in my mind: when Aster's rant about the fade is overheard by a nameless wizard, and the "Aster approves (+9)" bit. I actually laughed out loud at that second one. Certainly not the most accessible bits for a general audience, but sometimes you've got to do those fandom-specific shout-outs.

I also liked the interactions between Aster and Bendick. I'm not just talking about the shipping bits, either. What really struck me personally was Aster having to explain what the PPC was to Bendick. The dialogue was great and the characterization was golden. This little exchange near the end of the second day was perhaps my favorite part of the whole mission:

"And I think I now know what your PPC values in its agents.”

“Yeah?”

“Valor. Levity.” he paused. “Perhaps a bit of madness.”

That being said, there are two things that keep this mission from being really spectacular in my mind. First off is the post-ending sequence. You had this great dramatic battle with the Mary Sue at the end of the third day. A very gut-wrenching semi-bittersweet moment... and then the post-ending sequence wraps up the whole story with a big happy ribbon. Everything turned pretty much fine, which kinda bothered me. Not to a huge extent - I understand that killing off characters is to do, and goodness knows I've used plot armor on my own characters before - but having a neat little conclusion to a big awesome mission doesn't quite gel together in tone.

The BIG thing that bothered me about this story is that it feels like a pretty typical Mary Sue mission even though it was said early on that Aster was on an Intelligence mission. Apart from a couple of stand-out bits - the special snarky CAD and the restriction on portals in particular - there wasn't really any practical difference between the way this mission was handled and most other DMS stories. The formula remained pretty much the same: agents follow the Sue, they rescue bit characters, they collect charges, they complain, and then they terminate the Sue.

As soon as I read that Aster was on an Intelligence detail, I was really looking forward to some spy-type stuff. But as the story went on, I became increasingly disappointed. I think you could have done some really cool stuff with Intelligence work. Instead, you wrote a DMS story - a great story, sure enough, but it still felt like a bit of a letdown.

Hope I didn't come off as too harsh. It's a great read and I'm looking forward to what you tackle next.

This was a great mission, but I did find a typo:

Aster shrugged. “I dunno. I’m not from this world. I’m not even sure if I can to the Fade in my sleep.”

There should be a word between "can" and "to", but I don't know Dragon Age, so I'm not sure what goes in there.

Wow. This was awesome. And intense. And awesome.

I mean, I don't know anything about Dragon Age. Aside from the fact that The Fade is a thing... whatever it is.

And I totally approve of the formatting and the title cards. I almost forgot that there was a fourth title card left. It fit so darn well.

I like Dragon Age missions. There's something about Dragon Age badfic that makes me go "You have all these options and you still chose to mess with canon?! Rargh! Die!" so I'm happy to see missions taking care of them.

I found it interesting how Bendrick's reactions (shock, horror, loss) contrasted nicely with the Sue's complete lack of same.

And I am also aboard the Bendrick/Aster ship. ^^

I've never played Dragon Age and I wasn't going to read the mission because I don't know the canon, but you wrote it so well that I kept reading anyway. This was awesome, especially since I didn't need to know the canon to get why it was so bad.

And I ship Bendrick/Aster too.

...I'm totally shipping Bendrick/Aster now. ;)

That was a really fun mission. It was fun watching Bendrick getting used to all this stuff while Aster was freaking out about the Sue. I wonder how she got in Trouble... I guess it's something we'll find out in Mission 5?

Overall, fun mission. :D