Subject: Nice!
Author:
Posted on: 2011-05-30 02:47:00 UTC

...Er, that said (and sincerely), I've a handful of grammary nitpicks.

After they toss the dummy: The two agents gave it a few seconds, and them followed it. Should probably be 'and then followed' there.

When discussing Moist, you have He talks in a monotone and gets everything disgustingly wet. He is very bland” There should be a period after the last bland.

In the charge list, there's a space missing between ex-girlfriend and creating, and a comma afterwards.

[/Grammar Nazi]

Rather liked it! The interactions between Thomas and Orken are quite amusing-- especially his getting so upset about... getting slightly upset about the 1984 reference. It makes an excellent contrast with his partner-- they're good foils.

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