Subject: Noted.
Author:
Posted on: 2011-01-05 22:53:00 UTC
Like I said, it's a balancing act between him being a kender and me not driving everyone up the wall. The kleptomania is definitely something I intend to downplay, much in the way that breathing, eating, and other bodily functions are downplayed.
Anyway, thanks again! {= )
~Neshomeh
(Stealing Aster's format here, 'cause I think it's cool. She retains the right to tell me not to do it again. ^_^; )
--MISSION LOG--
Title: "The Girl and Her Dragon"
Department: Department of Mary Sues: Freelance Division
Agents: Derik and Earwig
Canon: How to Train Your Dragon
Mary Sue Type: Somebody's Daughter/Speshul Sue
Betas: Data Junkie and Sedri.
Mission Summary: In which only the agents can prevent forest fires.
Read it here!
~Neshomeh
Even if Earwig's a bit... Yeah. I can just say 'kender' and leave it at that. But with Derik along to keep things saner it's okay.
I do feel rather bad for Derik; a hyperactive partner slower to think than to act combined with missions that grind on his old traumas... not fun.
Derik is actually doing a lot better than I expected. I had figured this mission would get some pretty serious reaction from him, but he stayed pretty cool for most of it. The scene where he pulls out the arrow was a surprise, too. Didn't know it was going to happen until it did.
I'm actually thinking of pairing him up with Gall for his next mission. That should be a whole different kind of stress.
~Neshomeh, testing to near-destruction.
I think my favorite part may have been when Derik was forced to laugh at the line of the fic that combined the hatchling's name with very unfortunate sentence structure.
I like how the agents keep having to put out the fires the Sue causes. That could have been really bad with her not mentioning them ever having been put out.
I kind of forget about Derik being a clone of Erik, so the intro about his bad mood with the opera listening and the pointy chandelier muttering was a nice reminder.
I haven't gotten to see the movie yet, but I really want to, even more now.
"Are you getting enough ketchup in your diet?" :D
I really liked Earwig's antics. I loved the part where he was singing the pirate song and the Generic Vikings wanted to learn it.
I thought you were going to bring all those characters back. I hadn't thought of being able to send them all back into canon like that, but that would have been a huge group to absorb.
Anyway, nice mission.
Derik is more a photocopy than a clone, but there are a few dark little pieces of Erik that worked their way in. This will no doubt lead to trouble.
I'm glad to hear a positive response to Earwig. It seems to vary widely.
Everyone needs more ketchup in their diet. (For the good years!) {= D
Thanks again. ^_^
~Neshomeh
Because this is the second draconic Suvian by that name that the PPC has slain.
I wonder, was this Suethor enchanted by The Girl who Loved Wild Horses as a child? Because at the end the girl turns into a horse and in this fic the Sue turns into a ...ing Night Fury. Of course TGwLWH wasn't total drek the way this fic was.
Excellent mission. Derik seems to be adapting well to the fact that Our Dragons Are Different.
This page pretty much sums it up: http://babynamesworld.parentsconnect.com/meaningofKana.html
So, no, no dragon-related meanings. It's just a weird Suvian thing, I guess.
I don't know about Wild Horses. Shrek, though, big time. Also Lilo & Stitch. Maybe that's where she got Kana, though it doesn't explain the other OC names in the fic. *shudder*
Anyhow, thanks! I thought about Derik having issues with other types of dragons, but I think ALL dragons are different by virtue of not being HIS dragon, so breed seems like a small thing in comparison. Whether or not he thinks other kinds of dragons are proper dragons, I don't know, but it doesn't seem to bother him one way or the other.
~Neshomeh
The grammar in those sentences...as as as as as...I don't think I could have read through an entire story structured that way.
I love how you had Earwig befriend Luga/Gall early on, then had her help with the wrap-up later. Gall seems like a much more interesting character than Kana anyway (no doubt thanks to your writing, rather than the Suethor's), and I'm glad she's a member of the PPC now.
I didn't even realize that each "paragraph" is a single sentence at first, because of all those ases. It's mind-numbing. o.o
I will take most of the credit for Gall, thanks. ^_~ In the fic she just shows up a couple of times to torment Kana and then gets banished with her father, apparently because they hate dragons. (How the Monstrous Nightmare fits into this picture, I do not know.) I figured she was the only character in the story to show any sense. If you want to get meta, the reason she's so much more described when she reappears is because I've taken over as her writer at that time. You will definitely see more of her. {= )
~Neshomeh, who should probably curtail her adoption of badfic characters before she acquires a small army.
You have some fantastic dialogue in this piece, especially when it comes to the inter-partner banter. One thing I really like is how you're able to distinguish Derik and Earwig merely from the words they say and the structure of their sentences. That's very cool.
HOWEVER (spoilers begin here):
I had some major issues with Earwig becoming afflicted with SILAS due to being exposed to Urple. It breaks the flow of the story to such an extent that I almost stopped reading. Plus, after that first occurence, it's barely mentioned again. It just seems like randomness for the sake of an easy joke!
Also, Earwig's antics got a little tiresome for me towards the end of the story. Once he started to sing 'A Pirate's Life For Me,' I actually facepalmed.
I don't mean to sound so down on the mission. I did like it, but it wasn't without its problems.
You have a valid point about the urple. Truth is, it was the first thing that came to mind apart from outright Sueifying him, which I didn't want to take the time to deal with. I thought the SILAS would be better specifically because it allowed them to continue the mission without further interruption, but if I missed the mark, it's good to know.
Could you be a little more specific about what antics were annoying? He IS a kender, so it's impossible to have him and not have antics, but I can try to improve the balance in the future. For instance, would the song have worked better for you if there were fewer incidences beforehand?
I really appreciate the comment about the dialogue. I do consider it my strongest talent--I've received similar comments before about being able to tell who's who in my writing just from speech patterns. It's cool to know what really, consistently works as well as what doesn't. {= D
~Neshomeh
The song probably would have gone a bit better had you eased off a few of the previous incidents, yes. I thought that some of the less plot-essential moments (like the bits with "who's got the RA") were a bit tiresome.
Looking forward to your next mission!
Like I said, it's a balancing act between him being a kender and me not driving everyone up the wall. The kleptomania is definitely something I intend to downplay, much in the way that breathing, eating, and other bodily functions are downplayed.
Anyway, thanks again! {= )
~Neshomeh
This was great, I have onlt heard stuff about kenders from Mr Welsh's List, so I'm not sure about them, but I like Earwig, hes great! Derik is also neat to read, and I find the huge contrast between them makes it easier to tell who is speaking.
My favorite parts would have to be :
"No."
"Awww. Not even a little?"
"No."
and
"Yes, Earwig, it is a good thing you picked it up."- you can just taste the sarcasm and/or annoyance under the calm facade.
Also when Earwig and Derik have the shared look, funniest thing I've read all day!
"We are? Oh, how wonderful! I've never been on a Viking raid before! I can't wait! Do you think we can torch the houses and pillage and—" LOL! the image of a miniature person doing those things is hilarious!
"Look! A distraction!" Excellent use of diversionary tactics!
A great mission!
Thanks especially for the specific comments. It's great to hear what's making an impact about the characters, and I'm glad their personalities are coming through and entertaining. ^_^
To be honest, I have concerns that Earwig is a little too much a Generic Kender, because it's hard to pinpoint specific personality traits through all the racial characteristics, but I'm working on it. What is Mr Welsh's List, by the way?
~Neshomeh
Mr Welsh's list is a bunch of things that the player (refered to as 'Mr Welch') are not allowed to do. It is a humourous thing, and you could get a lot of laughs out of it. Here is a link:
http://theglen.livejournal.com/16735.html
I loved that movie. I must rewatch it soon.
Anyway, wow, that fic was stupid.