Subject: Ick.
Author:
Posted on: 2010-04-14 17:00:00 UTC
I've heard of this fic before, and it scares me. "Lucid dream" my left foot. Of course she can't just admit she has a crush on Link; at least most Suethors have that one lick of dignity.
You want redundancy? You want misuse of grammar? You want uncomfortable sex scenes? You want redundancy? You want a self-insert Mary Sue? You want complete and total destruction of the canon? You want almost no conflict? You want redundancy?
Of course not! Nobody wants those things! But we got them anyway in the form of My Inner Life. A Mary Sue (loved by all, it should be noted) hooks up with Link and has kids with him. Can be found here (http://linksqueen.tripod.com/mil.html) or here in humorous audio form (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cKzJ9_oKnCs). The audio one is in multiple parts.
There weren't any signs on the PPC Wiki that this particular story had been already sporked, so I felt that it should be presented to the boards for analysis. You know, for Science!
I was unable to finish reading that awful thing. Hell, I wasn't even able to get through a MST. I had to read the sporkiste's comments and skip the story segments altogether.
... with the urine-drinking? I tried to read it a couple of times, but I could never get through it. All I remember is hearing second-hand about some kind of ceremony involving urine-drinking in it.
I actually found the part with the urine drinking far less disturbing than the multiple sex scenes.
Reading through the author note now. Inner ear is ringing considerably, and that's only from *reading* the frakkin' thing. Have come across this gem:
"I was NEVER angry with the reviewers not liking the story, it’s how they handled themselves when leaving me the reviews. Getting riled up, ranting and raving, screaming and spitting nails over this story is what has caused me to get upset, not the fact that they didn’t like it."
This is coming from somebody who just posted a twenty-line rant against negative reviewers, COMPLETELY IN ALL CAPS? And she calls US immature.
I must be a masochist...I'm going back to it after this. *gaaaaaaaggg...*
"And I look forward to ones that will come, because LOVE WILL NEVER DIE."
Sounds horrifyingly similar to a published feat of ultra-badfic I despise. The cliches are a-spawnin'!
*retch*
It'll make things faster.
"Beautiful as a winter rose." Winter roses are brittle and thorny. That comment is surprisingly appropriate. Gah.
...gonna do it, but don't let that stop you.
Sorry.
or something like that. I've heard of this fic years ago, probably even before I heard of the PPC.
Not all fics are equally suited to turn in to missions. I think this one would be too bad to tackle; aside form the fact that it has already been tackled for sporking before.
I have been part of a group of people that have been doing an IRC MST of this fic. It's extremely disturbing. It starts with ten pages of "DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU ARE OFFENDED BY ANYTHING" and "I DON'T LIKE PEOPLE SAYING BAD THINGS ABOUT MY FIC" and then a preface and a preface to a preface. I love it because it communicates what a history the fic must already have, with people vehemently criticizing it already.
I mentioned in the essay discussion about some Mary Sues being conformist to traditional gender roles and from what I've seen, 'Jenna' fits this to a T. Her existence is at first empowered, as a travelling salesman (at the age of 14?!), but then her true happy life only begins once she finds a man she can marry and do lots of naughty business with.
PS. the wedding scene is hilarious. It reminds me of the weddings some fans have in real life. IRL it's just cute and a bit dorky, but in this fic and this context, it's disturbing. I forget but was the CAKE shaped like the frakking Tri-Force?
PPS. If you wanted to do an analysis of the sexual symbology (besides the obvious, painful sex scenes), you'd have a field day with the horses and the mounting and the everything. Well, they ARE dreams...
Don't forget that they fit the entire city of Hyrule into a single indoor room for the wedding.
At the time of posting, I'm nearly halfway through this... this thing, this abominatioon.
I'm not really mentally stable enough to do this. I don't have the necessary calm of mind to read lines like "link let out an animal cry" and not imagine link screaming MOOOOOO and transforming into a giant cow beast. What is it about things like smashing cake into each other's faces like dumbasses that suethors find so appealing? That they think everyone finds appealing? and then there's things like "I nodded no" and the bit with the deku tree speaking in mangled ye olde englishe. I can't call it butchery, because that would be too violent for what is happening. All throughout this fic the author has... lovingly tortured the english language, cutting little pieces off with perfect precision and forging them into this guillotine for the soul.
And then they pee in a cup and drink it. Gah.
So we get to our first actual instance of combat (le gasp) as traditional mary sue rapist dark link does.. well, absoluitely nothing. They attack him, apparently all he really wants to be is under the sea in an octopus' garden in the shade.
Haha, the healer gives Jenna-sue a drug which gets rid of morning sickness. We had that too, in the '60s!. IT WAS CALLED THALIDOMIDE.
But wait! Jenna develops a new plot device to save her from dark link! Now she can control the elements. Derp dee derp dee derpity doo. Upon returning to the castle zelda is all like OMG U AR SILVERLITE and apparently silverlites are the ancients of the world. DERP D... forget it.
Throughout the entire thing the only curse they use is "by the goddess!" then all of a sudden jenna says HOLY SHIT! The sex scenes are quite hilarious. They scream each other's names, REALLY LOUD if the several exclamation marks are anything to go by, and they scream over and over again like they're in the end of paranormal activity.
So another completely uninteresting plot occurs or something and they go back home, where they are attacked by a deepcrow(that's just how I see it in my head). its "soul propose" is to steal link's children! We can only assume that this is an agent that went MIA and is out of contact attempting to repair the fandom against the will of the god-mode sue.
And then it ends. and then there is almost 30 things the author has to explain, not a good sign when writing a fanfic. For the world to be repaired, several regions of land would have to be destroyes, species made extinct, flowers burned until not a trace remained. And it is not necessary to call a pegasus with a horn a "unipeg". Not that I think they even exist in canon.
Well, I need to return to my normal state of mind. This usually involves hallucinogens and H.P. Lovecraft novels.
I've heard of this fic before, and it scares me. "Lucid dream" my left foot. Of course she can't just admit she has a crush on Link; at least most Suethors have that one lick of dignity.
There's a whole group of "astral dreaming/projection" types who think they're communicating with fictional characters on some sort of other plane.
It's pretty frightening.
Being a bit too curious for my own good, I'm more interested in that kinda stuff than afraid of it...
But that's just me.
This is slightly off topic, but I wonder how many of those 'astral dreaming' types are going to congregate around the new Alice movie. Claims of actually going to Wonderland are going to push me over the moral event horizon, I just know it.
... about teens and college-age kids becoming literally suicidal because they can't go to Pandora (the planet from the Avatar movie). I am firmly in favour of encouraging them. If someone's life is so pathetic that they want to die because they can't go to a fictional place, AND they're so stupid that they watched that movie and failed to notice that pretty much everything on that planet is trying to kill everyone that lives there, they have no business living.
Some of us down in the anti-sporking-essay thread were just saying how we need to watch our language in missions when it comes to making personal statements about badfic writers, since we're NOT actually trying to be bullies and hurt people. This sort of thing--actually wishing death on another human being?--probably falls under the same moratorium.
~Neshomeh
That was out of line. I just got a bit carried away there.
Eep. Remind me not to act stupid around you.
I'd be more curious to see how many people 'astral dream' their way to Pandora from the Cameron!Avatar film.
If it's avatar-related stupidity you're looking for, you could check out the avatar forum weekend web article. the site can be NSFW, somethingawful being somethingawful, but weekend web is a funny window into the minds of insane fans.
http://www.somethingawful.com/d/weekend-web/avatar-forums.php (don't know how to link yet)
These people are nuts! For crying out loud, it's just a movie with doped-up special effects and a really cliched plot!
Damn, and I thought *I* had no life...
...is exactly why rabid fans of ANYTHING scare me. But if it means there will be less idiots in the world...
(Or is that being too mean?)
Funny you should mention this fic. One of my sporkers (and potential Agent) is a grown up Link Junior. He has serious mother issues and a weak spot for Sue kids. (In that he feels bad for them, not in a molester-y type way.)
You win the Understatement of the Week award.