In the wee hours of the morning a white-furred hand emerged from a mass of sleeping female flesh, searching blindly for something.  It grasped the neck of a large bottle, and the body the arm was attached to emerged from the pile, dull green eyes blearily looking over the empty container.<br>   “Why's the rum always gone?” the arctic fox muttered to himself, tossing the empty bottle away and standing up unsteadily.  “Ah, that's why,” he replied to himself before pulling a flask from between the bosom of a passed-out girl and downing the contents.  He needed to go on a booze run, he could feel his perpetual buzz fading.  Sighing loudly, he grabbed a pair of pants and shook off the grasping hands on his legs begging him to come back to the cuddle puddle.<br><br>  “The source of my recovery. Sweet shadow taking hold of the light, another day has been devoured Calling me away, begging the question why...” Jack sang along softly to himself as he listened to his MP3 player.  Despite having the attention span of an ADHD child who has just discovered Monster Energy drink he still needed music as a distraction in HQ.  He sang along to Disturbed as he wound his way around the labyrinthine corridors, stopping cold in surprise as he picked up the distinct smell of mating.<br><br>    Turning down the corridor the waft originated from, Jack's nose led him to a broom closet in the middle-of-...ing-nowhere.  He definitely heard the sounds of a rather... intense... session of lovemaking going on inside, and having the better sense not to interrupt, turned to continue on his way.  Besides, booze called.<br><br>    Meanwhile in the closet, the two paused as they heard the footsteps.<br>    “Ah, I think someone is coming Barid,” Neshomeh commented, pulling a strand of hair out of her sweaty face.<br> “Yeah, its me,” Barid replied with a lecherous grin.

"Yes, yes, that's it!" Techno-Dann cried in a fit of ecstacy. "Just a little bit more, you nearly had it!"

"I'm trying," Maslab moaned as he forced himself forward. "I'm trying my best! I just can't quite reach!"

At the door, Makari, Trojie, and Neshomeh listened with anticipation.

And then...

"Yeeeeeeees."

"I got it!" Techno-Dann sounded triumphant, and pleased.


There was the sound of three thudding noises, following three sights. Possibly of heads meeting the floor. Just possibly.

Techno-Dann and Maslab emerged from the back of the room.

"Thanks for helping me with those wires, Maslab," Techno-Dann said as he wiped some grime off onto his jeans.


"It's no problem. Now, how about we go get ourselves cleaned up?"

"We're not quite that dirty."

"Not quite what I meant," Maslab said, and he pulled the older Boarder in for a kiss.

"Dammit, Jack!" Neshomeh yelled, thumping her fists against the inside of the crate. "This is not what Dann meant when he said he'd ship us!"

Barid, slightly more resigned to his fate, was lying on his back with his legs stretched up the opposite side.

"Where did he say we were going, anyways?" Barid asked.

"Ouagadugu, I think," Neshomeh replied, before going back to hitting the side of the crate.

"Damn."

Neshomeh continued thumping for a time, before giving up and slumping against the floor. All was quiet, the crate rocking slowly with the boat it was on. Barid was the first to break the silence.

"So, not that it's official or anything, but while we've got time to kill..."

Reading the 2008 doc convinced me completely. This is bloody hilarious.

I may post something if any ideas stray by, but right now I shall generally just proclaim candidacy.

I don't bite, anyway (much).

I'm in. I also somehow managed to escape noticing that I made it into the boy band one a few years ago (*is slightly weirded out. but only slightly*)

Only problem as far as I'm concerned is that I've been lurking so long I don't know most of the newbies (by which definition I mean anyone within the last year or so!).

I remember a few years ago we had a PPC music orgy (the "Oboe Quartet of Luuurve", IIRC). There must be enough musical types to go for an encore, no?

Barid and Neshomeh were strolling through the halls of HQ, hand in hand, when Neshomeh suddenly spoke up about something that had been on her mind.

"You know," she said, "all of this casual sex is nice, but now that you've officially got Permission, and Huinesoron and Kaitlyn don't seem to be around, that makes us the Official PPC Board Couple. And I think that gives us the right to have really fantastic sex with just us if we want to."

"I'm down with that," Barid intoned. "You wanna?"

Neshomeh did wanna. So, they resolutely didn't detour from their original path, which brought them quickly to the Lounge. But upon opening the door and looking inside, they found that the best make-out spot was already occupied with Maudlin Hart and Ciri Anekath, who despite being quite young were making up for it with a strong showing of friendly cuddles.

"Aww," said the Official PPC Board Couple. They decided to look elsewhere and left the two younger Boarders to themselves.

"Where else can we go?" Barid asked.

"Well, there's a broom cupboard right here," Neshomeh pointed out. But this too was taken.

"All right, Jack!" Barid complimented. Jack waved indistinctly from somewhere between Bronwyn and Miah.

They closed the cupboard door and moved on to the PPC Archives, which seemed a likely prospect as it was quiet inside. However, they had not gotten two feet before Neshomeh tripped over a very familiar body. Her jaw dropped.

"Hey! You're agent!me! What are you doing?"

"Cataloging," Agent Neshomeh replied innocently.

"Also taking inventory," Agent Terri Ryan added from beneath her, far less innocently.

Boarder!Neshomeh turned around and left in a hurry, muttering something about awkward and not needing to see that. Barid did not help matters by commenting that they should go back there later and spend some time with just the three of them.

The pair continued down the corridor until they came to a likely-looking door. They walked through it and found themselves on the ceiling.

"Oh, great. An Escher room," said Neshomeh.

Barid did not respond immediately, as he was too busy gaping at the scene before them. Trojie, Cassie, Sara, Techno-Dann, and July were arranged in various states of undress and gravitational orientation more or less centered on Lux, who held a book open in her hand and was giving the others pointers.

"So you see," she was saying, "position 51 IS physically possible if you do it like this!"

There was a chorus of pleased "Ohhh!"s from her pupils.

"Where can we get a copy of that?" Barid wondered.

"Maybe we can borrow it when they're done," said Neshomeh. "But they're busy right now. Come on. There has to be SOME place that's free!"

They left the Escher room and headed for FicPsych, figuring it was probably the department with the most discreet rooms in it and nobody would mind if they borrowed one. By this time, they were both feeling rather inspired by the scenes they had witnessed, and they were eager to get on with it. They knocked on the doors until it was opened by Nurse Mirrad.

"Hello," said Neshomeh.

"Can we borrow a room?" Barid asked.

"I'm afraid that is not possible," the Minbari replied. "We are rather... busy... in here at the moment."

At this time, they noticed that he was not wearing his usual robes, and one sock was missing. For a Minbari, this is an advanced state of undress requiring at least three hours of ritual.

As if to confirm their suspicions, a green tendril worked its way elegantly around Mirrad's middle and pulled him inexorably back toward the department's interior.

Come, Mirrad, a husky, feminine voice intoned. We are all waiting for you.

"I didn't know he wore a bowler hat," Barid remarked as the doors shut firmly.

"He doesn't," said Neshomeh. "I can only think of one... oh, my." She broke off, blushing. "Well, we figured it had to happen sometime..."

They tried the pool next, but found that BattleHamster and Honu_Wahine were already using the water slide to great effect. The nearby locker room was occupied by the whole of the All-HQ Indoor Rules Quidditch League (though the pair was rather puzzled by how Lux could be in there, having been giving lessons in the Escher room less than ten minutes ago), so that was right out. In DoSAT they were confronted with the very odd sight of Piph enjoying herself thoroughly with robot!Piph.

"Day-um," said Barid. "I didn't know robot!Piph had those kinds of attachments."

In desperation, they tried the SO's office, but the Sunflower was unwilling to give up his desk, which was covered in yellow roses.

"Good grief!" Neshomeh exclaimed in frustration. "We should've known better than to try this in HQ. We want somewhere UNoccupied, so everywhere we go, someone is there!"

Barid nodded. "Okay. So. We have to think of someplace no one in their right mind--scratch that--where no one EVER would willingly have sex."

They looked at each other. "Kitchen." They nodded.

They took off at a run, pausing at the Fountain of Bleepka in the hopes that imbibing some of its contents would help them navigate HQ more easily, but Laburnum and doctorlit were in the way. Enthusiastically.

When they finally got as far as the cafeteria, they regretted the lack of Bleepka even more, as Gen and Makari were doing unspeakable things on the cafeteria buffet. But they had become so desperate by this time that they passed the two women without a word, and finally found themselves inside the kitchen.

They looked around cautiously.

"I THINK we're alone," Neshomeh opined.

"Yup," said Barid. "Nobody over here, either."

They shared a massive sigh of relief and fell into each other's arms.

"You know, we always said we should never do this in the kitchen," Neshomeh said with a teasing grin.

"Well of course, but we were talking about OUR kitchen. This isn't," said Barid.

"True."

"Why are you still wearing pants?"

"Dunno. We should fix that."

"We should."

And they did.

~*~

And THAT'S how it's done. *g*

~Neshomeh and Barid

Techno-Dann sighed appreciatively. "You ladies are pretty good at this."

"Thank you," came a muffled voice.

"Mm, Miah, less talk, more fun!" said Bryn from somewhere left of Dann.

About then, the door opened, and BattleHamster walked into the sea of naked women.

"Um, I'll just be going," he stuttered, and turned to leave.

"Gen?"

"Yeah, Piph?"

"Grab him, will you? Makari is getting tired."

Gen reached out of the mass and pulled BattleHamster into the fray, giggling.

Makari sighed, moving out of the guy's way, only to be pulled over by Honu_Wahine.

Some undeterminable amount of time later, Doctorlit opened the door.

"Piph?"

"Yeah?"

"If he jumps in, do I still have to grab him?"

"Nah, just make sure he gets his clothes off."

Don't know if I'll have time to write anything, though. >.>

I'm glad to be here for this one, though! Mwahahaha...

***

There was a giggle as the small group flopped back to the unfeasibly large bed, most of them very noticeably out of breath. "Ooof, Trojie, you - sat on my hand!" giggled one young brunette, squirming to free said appendage.

"'S not my fault you had it somewhere it could be sat on," Trojie grumbled as she wriggled to the left a bit, giving Sara her hand back.

"On the plus side, it's a good thing you sneaked this book out of Lux's collection," Techno-Dann pointed out as he manouevred himself out of the heap with judicious use of his elbows and reached for the tome in question, currently lying on the floor beside the bed. "Look, we've managed numbers five through twelve, eighteen, twenty-three and thirty-seven."

"Oooh, can we try that one?" July asked, leaning over his shoulder and pointing to one of the highly detailed pictures.

"We can try, except... um." He held the book further away, then closer, trying to work out exactly where the intertwined figures' bits and pieces were. "I don't actually think this is physically possible."

"Rubbish." She pulled the book out of his hands and waved it at Trojie. "You're the anatomy know-how-y person, how do we do this one?"

There was silence for a few minutes as they awaited her verdict with bated breath. Finally, she put the book back on the floor, page carefully held open, and tugged the other three towards her with a grin.

"Well, it sort of goes like this..." she began, though the squeals and other assorted noises soon drowned her out completely.

You can slash me if you want, but it's probably illegal.

I hope I wasn't too late!

The Shipfic 08 fic was collected into a Googledoc, which Cassie has very graciously published for us. So, if anyone is seeking inspiration or an idea of what exactly goes on in a Shipficfest, here are some examples!

(assuming the link works, at least. Wish me luck)

https://docs.google.com/Doc?docid=0AcomMcxZZMdnZGRrY2Z4cjZfNGYyazUzbmQ0&hl=en

After finding out that Bryn's copy of the Teenager's guidebook was a hand me down, and that Jack had, ahem, ruined a few pages, they were out to get him.

They were hidden within their secret and unfindable cushion fort. The time was Nigh for their evil plan and they were fast running out of snacks and bleeprin.

"Careful now Bryn. We can't let him see us," Miah said as she nommed a brownie.

"I know what I'm doing Miah" Bryn said before carefully aiming for Jack. She pulled the trigger and could barely see the flying missile until it hit it's target. "this is PlushieBryn to MamaMiah do you copy? Over." she spoke into the radio

"Copy. Direct hit!" Miah shouted into her pretend hand radio, even though she was only a foot from Bryn's ear.

"What are you doing here? The Target's over there!" Bryn said rubbing her ear and pointing in that general direction

"I can hardly see what a national chain of stores has to do with anyth-"

"Not there, there" Bryn said pointing directly at Jack now.

"Oh! Yeah, I was supposed to capture him, huh?"

Bryn only just resisted the urge to be sarcastic but couldn't control the eyeroll.

"I'll just go get him then..." Miah said, but after a moment Bryn ran after her and helped her drag Jack back to The Lair. Their attempts to drag Jack away were briefly noticed, but only by JulyFlame and Myon before they returned to their own... "Winter Olympics'. Tonsil-hockey and the like.

"What do we do with him, now?" Bryn asked bouncing in place.

"Man he stinks of rum, and whiskey, and *sniff* *sniff* beer." Looking suddenly concerned, Miah turned to Bryn and asked, "How much tranquilyzer did you put in that dart?"

Bryn checked her supplies, and answered sheepishly, "Only enough to knock out an elephant." She looked worried for a moment, before brightening (remarkably literally). "It's okay, his metabolism only works right when he's really, really drunk."

"Hey, that gives me an idea! Let's do that thing from the song about the Drunken Sailor!" Miah shouted.

"Which bit? The shaving his stomach and dumping him the captains daughters bed? Actually thats a good idea... except... maybe that's too mundane."

"I say we figure it out later and get to work on shaving; because that is the hairiest gut I've ever seen."

"With all this fur, we could write something funny on his stomach." Miah said grinning evilly.

"Ooh, how about...Fan!brat!" Bryn said, adding her evil smile and cackle to the atmosphere of The Lair.

When they finished, they rolled Jack up in a sheet, because dragging a body through the corridors in a sheet, is WAY less conspicuous than without one. They passed through the lobby again, but July and Myon were too, um, engaged, to notice them this time. They traded lines from The Dead Parrot Sketch so they wouldn't notice where they were headed.

"Excuse me, miss?"

"Who you calling miss?"

"I'm sorry I've got a cold."

"What seems to be the--How we'd get here so fast?"

They knew they were facing the door of The Pad because, of the fancy black script on the ominous (yet identical to all the others) grey door. As they pushed on it, the door gave the satisfying creeEEEaak all doors should have.

As they entered they were faced with the Pad (not to be confused with Agent Pads) which had a very confused but somewhat amused trio of Boarders stuck in it all sitting in their own corners.

The movie they were watching was decidedly, interesting, and Bryn ran screaming "My eyes! My eyes! Where's the bleeprin?"

Miah politely ignored their choice of entertainment, and dragged the sheet to the middle of the room.

Trojie said, "A heavy sheet?" (Her brain was slightly melty from the movie.)

Techno Dann and Makari came over and poked Jack through the sheet. The tranquillizer seemed to be wearing off, because Jack started trying to squirm out of the sheet.

"We found him like this in the hall," Miah said giving her very best Newbie innocent look. "Have fun!" She gave a rather less than innocent wink, as she backed out of the room.

A dazed Jack sat up, and the sheet fell into his lap.

"A Fan!Brat! Get him!" shouted Troijie.

"It's just like the the movie," Makari added.

"This is going to be fun," Techno Dann added.

Jack looked a bit panicked at slightly predatory the looks on the faces surrounding him, but then he caught sight of the movie. "Alright! I've always dreamed of waking up in this movie."

Miah closed the door feeling a little miffed. Their plan hadn't quite worked out the way they planned. Oh well, it'll still take a while for the hair to gr--

"Fan!Brat! What happened to my belly hair?!" It was faint, but it put the smile back on Miah's face. Now just to find Bryn.

Miah found Bryn next to the archive, frantically sending Steve morse code messages. Of course, Steve hadn't responded back yet. That took a few hours. Miah grabbed Bryn and dragged her to the Bleepka fountain and ducked her until Bryn stopped gibbering about sporking her eyes out over the movie.

Now that the bad memories were gone, she was free to have a giggling fit over Jack only being worried about his fur. Miah suggested they get more snacks and go back to hiding in their unfindable cushion fort. It was time for more Boarder hunting!

I suppose it's up to me :P And what better way to start than a nice, all-inclusive orgy?

***

The PPC is sharing and caring. Those who frequent the Board would be the first to say so. The arrival of a newbie is greeted with a veritable Dionysian frenzy of gift-giving.

Recently, there have been many, many newbies arriving. Regular Boarders were very pleased about this. *Very* pleased.

'They're so flexible!' said Techno-Dann muffledly from approximately the middle of the pile. 'Look!' There was a pleased squeak from a portion of the happy agglomeration of Boarders that resembled Bronwyn.

'I know!' July exclaimed. 'Behold!'

'Now now, they're not puppets,' Neshomeh chided gently.

'Not complaining!' a Piph-sounding voice spoke up.

There was immediately a chorus of assent. July grinned.

'Fast learners too,' Sara commented.

'Well hopefully,' Laburnum said, sitting up and earning a slightly disappointed sound from Barid. 'Everyone having fun?' she called out to the group as a whole.

There was an immediate and ragged a capella rendition of 'Yes miss' performed by a dozen-or-so voices.

'Excellent. Welcome to the PPC Board!'

***

A/N: I'm working on better plots, but I wanted to get the ball rolling. C'mon guys, let's have some cracky fun. Remember, the name of the game is free love, not icky squickiness. After all, we don't want to take ourselves too seriously, do we?

I'd love to be apart of it... though, how do you do the cross-out line thing?

Because what's not to love? XD

though I don't know why anyone would want to.

Alas, I have not the time to write one of my own. You are all free to use me in a shipfic, of course. For those who are in need of a discription: I am tall, broad-shouldered and I've been told I resemble a bear (complete with fur).

Neshomeh will probably get a good laugh out of anything that comes up.

Or, quite possibly, both... well, I don't know that I'll contribute anything useful, but I'll at least not run away. That counts for something. I think.

Though I probably won't write anything, I offer myself to anyone who wants to use me in a shipfic.

I offer two forms of Piph: One as a normal human girl, and one as a robot girl.

Excuse me while I go figure out what pairing i'll be able to do (somewhat) sanely.

I'm game. You can put me in as Agent Sam, or Sidhe... or just as me. I don't mind. I'd personally like to see what people come up with.

Don't have time to write anything, but if you wanna involve me (as me or "Hemlock" - Agent Laburnum's male persona, as whom I cosplayed at the last Gathering) go ahead.

I get twitchy if someone asks about writing with my original characters; I'd rather no one involved my agents. I'll enjoy reading what does come up, though. :)

As lulzy as it could be, I don't want myself or my agents to be in one of these. (As in, I don't want to see squick of myself. At all.) Thank you.

I have a reputation to uphold, and I'm not sure how this would affect it.

... sentient horses, or Pigeonarmy.

That said ...

*STARTS PLOTTING*