Subject: "Do. Not. Touch me," Stormsong said through gritted fangs.
Author:
Posted on: 2009-11-01 23:34:00 UTC
"I know not where thy paws may have been. Besides, having women hanging off me still hath a tendency to bring back very bad memories."
"'Cept fer me!" Molly declared happily, climbing onto his shoulder and gnawing gently on his ear.
"Except for thee, aye. Ow!"
Agents, Boarders, Flowers, and Random Persons welcome. Bring bleeprin, bleepolate, bleepka, and any non-bleep confections or alcohol that interests you. In true PPC style, anyone dressing up as a Mary Sue will be shot.
*starts abusing the use of her RC portal generator to snitch appropriate decorations and theme-setting Creepy Items from various continua*
...dressed as a guy who followed his little brother trick-or-treating for two straight hours while carrying half his costume. Then promptly falls asleep.
Two giant humanoids walk in, one obviously a human and wearing luminescent green powered armor with a gold visor and an assault rifle on his back. The other one an alien, with a curved back, white skin, and bedecked in black armor. They simply stare blankly at the other party-goers before wandering over to a corner to chat. The human begins doing complicated tricks with a knife, the blade whirling around and around his hand in a blur. The Sangheili is making motions with his hands; the two seem to be talking about combat of some sort, probably hand-to-hand.
A ferret, a small fox, two teenagers, and a Potterverse wizard came rushing in.
"PPC-wide Halloween party?" Adder yelped. "We were gonna have one ourselves, but this is better!"
"Oi, Cai!" the ferret Kestrel whooped. "It's our RPin' debut! Why'd yer make me get outta me costume, eh?"
The wizard sighed. "Mainly because I don't want to have to carry you to Medical after you get shot for dressing up as Enoby Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way."
"What a shame," Deuce muttered.
Kieran stayed silent, periodically looking back to make sure a certain tattooed ferret kit hadn't followed them.
Molly practically flew up to Kieran and latched onto him like a limpet. "Hi! Aunty Foxglove was gonna gimme a costume but Uncle Stormy sez there ain't nuffink scarier'n me, so I came as me."
of Kieran's Marlfox Costume fell from his paws. "D-Deuce? Please help me..."
Unfortunately, the agent was busy talking to Kestrel.
The ferret stared at him, scrutinizing every inch of his costume. "So... wot're yew s'posed ter be? Ye died yer 'ead fur red, yew put black stuff 'round both eyes, stamped a funny lookin' black sign thingy on the side o' yer fore'ead, an' it looks like yer got a giant jug thing an' slung it over yer shoulder. Wot's it all mean, mate?"
Adder, however, had figured it out. "Good god, you're... you're COSPLAYING." The girl, who was dressed as the Wicked Witch of the W-- 'scuse me, I mean Elphaba, screamed at the ceiling. "CURSE YOU, LAWS OF NARRATIVE COMEDY! YOU'VE STOLEN DEUCE OVER TO THE ANIME SIDE!"
Her partner glared at her. "Have you ever tried reading Naruto? Don't knock it 'til you try it, Adder."
He was alerted to a dismayed wail from Kieran. "Deeeeeuuuuce!" The fox was unsuccessfully trying to dislodge Molly.
Deuce facepalmed.
At least it was presumably "friendly", because she wasn't drawing blood.
"Molly! Cease and desist!" Stormsong, clad in long black coat and sunglasses, appeared from out of the crowd and tried to peel the two cubs apart. Molly simply transferred her attention to him, with rather more enthusiasm. The weasel swore under his breath as Molly inflicted him with several unwanted ear piercings.
"Hey, nice to see ya!" Laburnum and Foxglove waved at him and headed over. Their costumes both seemed to mainly involve trenchcoats worn over elaborate goth-punk attire, plus fake animal ears and tails (using the Disguise Generator for a Halloween costume would be cheating); mouse for Laburnum, fox for Foxglove. Foxglove had untied her braids for the first time in living memory and redone her hair into dreadlocks, while Laburnum's had been rinsed red and teased into a huge floppy forelock.
Laburnum tugged at her Steely Dan T-shirt and resumed her argument with Foxglove. "I STILL don't see why you cast me as the short guy with all your costume suggestions ..."
"Who are you supposed to be? Is this some webcomic thing?"
Adder poked Mordecai, who looked uncomfortable in the crowded setting. "More importantly, why isn't Cai in a costume?"
"I didn't really want to come, but Kestrel made me," the wizard replied, shifting from foot to foot. "I didn't have anything prepared."
"Well, at least yer di'n't try ter cheat an' come as a bloody snow leopard," Kestrel muttered. "I wanted ter come as that PotterSue wid the really long name, but noooo, Cai's too damned lazy ter 'elp me if'n I gets shot. Some partner yew are! Still, I managed ter scare the bejeezus outta 'im yesterday. That wuz funny..."
Laburnum pulled out a Bleepette. "See, these two teenage boys, Arcturus - that's me - and Hunter - that's Fox - get really sick of how stupid their peers are, so they set up a business where people pay them to assist with elaborate suicides. It's great fun."
"And now I do a happy gun dance!" Foxglove cheered, pulling out two handguns from the capacious pockets of her coat and prancing around with them.
"FOXGLOVE, NO!" shouted Stormsong, too entangled with the overexcited and frantically struggling Molly to stop Foxglove.
"Oh, don't worry, it's not like they're loa-"
BOOM! Plaster rained down from the ceiling.
"-ded?" Foxglove blinked and looked at the guns, and very slowly put them back in her pockets.
Stormsong sighed. "Remind me again WHY I remained friends with either of you." He caught sight of Kestrel and started to back away slowly, hoping she hadn't seen him.
Kestrel had. With surprising speed, the ferret was standing beside the gray weasel with her arm slung over his shoulders, ignoring Molly.
"Ho, nice, somebeast else wot I can scare the bejeezus out of. Stormsong, I've wanted ter say this fer a long time now, but... wuz yer dad a baker? 'Cuz yew got a nice set o' bu-- yeowch!"
Adder had brought her broom handle down between the ferret's ears, effectively dislodging her from the uncomfortable-looking weasel. "Sorry about that."
"That's awright, mate," the dazed ferret replied.
"I wasn't talking to you."
Kieran was hiding behind Deuce, never having seen a gun go off before.
"I know not where thy paws may have been. Besides, having women hanging off me still hath a tendency to bring back very bad memories."
"'Cept fer me!" Molly declared happily, climbing onto his shoulder and gnawing gently on his ear.
"Except for thee, aye. Ow!"
"Y'see, I've come ter be a 'uge fan o' that clear liquidy stuff... wotsitcalled..."
"Hand sanitizer?" Cai offered.
"Aye, that stuff! 'Cept it burns like blue blazes if'n yew 'ave a hangclaw..."
"Yes, yes, may the gods bless the wonders of Purell," Deuce muttered dryly. Adder snickered. "What?"
"Sorry, *snort* it's -heehee- just funny imagining... hahaha! Freakin' Gaara saying that... Hahaha!"
Cai blinked. "...It's not that funny..."
"I'll have to get you reading Vengeance Quest some day. Okay, I know most guys can put up with the occasional glomp, but ..."
"And furry-type guys get it more here, 'cos they're so cute and fuzzable!" Laburnum faux-squeed, clasping her hands and blinking her eyes overdramatically. She dropped the act and said "Seriously, he ain't happy about grabbiness."
Molly transferred her attentions from Stormsong to Kestrel, clambering over her shoulders like a monkey. "'Ello friend! Sorry Uncle Stormy don't like you. I don't fink it's pers'nal, 'e just finks all females 'cept me 'as cooties."
"MOLLY!" Foxglove gasped, trying hard to hide her amusement.
"Hahahaharr! I've 'eard o' yew from the liddle fox cub, 'e says yore a right ole terror. I'll bet yew make yore real dad proud. Tell yer wot, if'n yew kill nobeast that ain't a Sue, then I'll teach yer to throw knives."
"Kestrel, I really don't think the PPC needs a mini-you right now," Cai protested.
"PPC won't 'ave a mini-me, 'less somebeast manages ter spell me name wrong," the ferret retorted, sniggering at her own joke.
"You know what I mean..."
Skyfire appeared, looking pointedly at Kestrel. The stoat was clad similarly to Stormsong, in a long coat and little round sunglasses, the main difference being that her coat was yellow. "Hi. I didn't think a Halloween party was a good place for a baby, so I got Tagg to look after Moses - they didn't kill each other the last time, so I suppose it's safe, and Tagg did say he wanted to spend more time with what's technically his cub."
"Yay! Mummy mummy mummy!" Molly took a flying leap and landed neatly in Skyfire's arms. "Just tellin' Miz Kestrel t'leave Uncle Stormy alone."
"Yes, I heard," Skyfire said. "Kestrel, I must ask you; have you actually read Vengeance Quest? It might save you an awful lot of effort ..."
"I know 'e don't bat fer my team, but 'e's still cuter'n a babby rabbit in a field wid rainbows." She paused briefly before adding, "Emphasis on the rainbows bit."
Deuce tilted his head. "What are you two supposed to be?
"Given that about half the canon vermin sorta sound that way anyways. I mean, Ublaz pretty much crossdresses onscreen for the whole book and Blaggut was totally gay for Slipp- ow!"
Foxglove punched her hard in the arm and hissed "If you go asking her if any of the canon vermin were up to anything, I'll go back to the OFUR and tell them what you said."
"That's hardly a threat," Laburnum pointed out. "They already know what I think. Remember I told you when I was a student they broke into the dorm and filled my shoes with slugs because I was young and dumb enough to actually tell them?"
"Pervy vermin fancier."
"Yerss, yerss indeedy."
Skyfire ignored them. "And do you perchance know what happened to him?" she continued quietly, trying to cover Molly's ears at the same time. "You know, with the elaborate and horribly painful death thing?"
"Stoppit, Mama, I know," said Molly, pushing away Skyfire's paws. "I over'eard somebeast talkin' 'bout it ... well, I dunno wot really 'appened but it was summat to do wi' that word I'm not allowed to say that Aunty Laburnum yells at the console when it don't work. Wot is it agin? Oh yeah, 'f'-"
"Molly, you use that word and you're off live prey for a week!" Skyfire snapped. Molly sagged and grumbled to herself.
Meanwhile, Stormsong was explaining to Deuce. "Well, the OFUR library hath a few different versions of 'Wind in the Willows' - charming tale, almost no deaths at all for a change - and Laburnum and Foxglove insisted on showing us the one with the cast of ... something called 'Monty Python', though I saw no snakes in it. Then they insisted we wear costume for this party, and I insisted on something slightly more subtle than their chosen garb." He gestured to Laburnum and Foxglove, who were now removing the bullets from Foxglove's handguns so she could resume the Happy Gun Dance. "So we dressed as the weasels. Cheating, aye, I know."
"I don't think it's really cheating to come as you sort-of are. I mean, Kieran came as a Marlfox, and Adder here's dressed up as a wi--HEEEEEEEEEGH!"
Adder had cut him off mid-sentence by slamming her right foot as hard as she could in... yes.
"Sorry, Deuce, what was that you were about to say?" she asked sweetly.
Her partner was curled up on the ground in a fetal position, his hands over the area she'd kicked. "Nothing," he gasped out in an abnormally high-pitched voice. "Absolutely nothing."
Kieran backed away from Adder, unwittingly retreating toward Molly and Skyfire.
"WELCOME TO THE PARTY!!!" said Krisp.
(I'm in a bit of a Harry Potter fan craze, so that might explain the costumes, I hope.)
--
Eesa and Sive strolled into the party. Sive was dressed as the female Draco Malfoy from "A Very Potter Musical" and Eesa had decided to go as Bellatrix Lestrange. Together, they held a life-size Mary Sue piñata filled with candy.
"We thought a party couldn't be complete without a piñata, so we brought one instead of alcohol," explained Sive simply.
"Excellent!" said Sedri. "Set it up over there past the food tables and we'll try and find some non-leathal sticks for people to hit it with."
Both the agents nodded in acknowledgment heaved the piñata over to the designated spot.
"Goodness, girl, what kind of candy is in this thing, rocks?" Sive asked Eesa as they both experienced the numb-armed feeling of someone who has carried something too heavy for too long.
"No rocks, I'm afraid," replied Eesa, trying to tug an offset part of her costume back into place, but unable to do so because her arms wouldn't move. "However, I did add quite a bit of half-pound chocolate bars spiked with bleepka."
Sive tried to raise her arms to scratch her forehead and winced in pain.
"That would explain it."
"A pity I'm disguised as a non-violent person. Whatever," said Krisprolls.
"Yeah?" said What'.
"Not you, you idiot."
"We should have brought our virtual Vulcan before you said anything. Now it's too late. We're stuck."
"Krisprolls is going to eat it all at once."
"Like he wouldn't. There ain't got no hope for us."
"YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY"
Maudlin, being silly, runs through the door and shouts, "And I'm all out of bubble gum! Er... I brought Nightmare Revisited! Who's got a CD player?"
Agent Sedri gleefully begins punching buttons on her snitched portal generator.
A blue glow fills the room, vanishing a few moments later. Sedri reappears with a massive, and obviously very expensive CD player.
"Where did you get that?"
Not quite meeting Maudlin's eyes, Sedri replied, "Er... a Word World... Does it matter?"
"We're going to play U2!" Krisprolls couldn't wait.
Maudlin gives Krisprolls the "hand of rock" and fiddles with buttons on the CD player, barely managing to insert the disk without catching her sleeves or hair in anything. She straightens up and turns to Sedri. "'A Word World', eh?"
... to ELEVEN.
he sets the volume on OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND!!!
Maudlin nudges the volume button with the tip of her fingernail. It clicks to 123445567889099876754422 decibels and refuses to go any further. "Drat."
Krisprolls was happy. He regretted not to be able to set the volume higher, though. Never mind, Vertigo was playing. "HELLO HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..."
Maudlin paused in her interpretive dancing. "What? I put on Nightmare Revisited. How did Vertigo get into that? Where's the Manson?"
"We brought some U2 albums and he changed the music. Sorry about that," What' said.
"I wanted P!atD... ah well. I can still rock out to this."
"What? This is the EPITOME OF AWESOME!!!" Krisp couldn't believe someone could find U2 just meh.
"NOW STOP HUMPING BONO'S LEG!"
A pumpkin waddles into the room, stopping every now and then as if resting its tired legs. Small flippers can be seen beneath its orange bulk when it stands, and the top opens occasionally to reveal a black and white head poking a beak out of the seemingly hollow shelter.
Of course this is all nonsense. Pumpkins don't move. And penguins most definitely wouldn't hide in them. With this in mind, why are you even imagining this? You must be insane.
Yay! And a penguin! Insanity rules!
"That's what we're here for!" said Krisp.
Agent Sedri paused in her decorating to eye the pumpkin. Her brow furrowed, and she approached it hesitantly, carving knife in hand.
"All right, you," she said. "Are you here as a guest or as dinner?"
Everybody could hear the fake Bono yelling. What' and South couldn't help laughing.
"Sorry, we left our beloved Vulcan at home and he's the only one who can make that guy stop," said 'Adam'.
"Hey, hope we're not screwing the party by just being there," said Krisprolls
What' laughed. "Well, it only works during our birthdays. So, what do you want to dress up in?"
"U2!!!" said Krisp. "I'm Bono!"
"Well, I ain't tall enough to be no other than Larry, so that means there won't be no Adam," said South.
"What, does that mean you want me to be The Edge? I'm not Vulcan enough."
"So you're telling us you agree with those whacky fans who completely believe Bono's bullshit? Oh, don't worry, I do too. By the way, you can be Adam, and we'll tell the other people in the room our dear Vulcan is WORKING RIGHT NOW FOR FECK'S SAKE. DAMN VULCAN." Krisp was now completely involved in his role.
Five minutes later, Bono, Adam and Larry entered the party room.
"HELLO HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" said Krisp.
As a matter of principle, I am not okay with this.
Because I am one of those wacky fans who has no sense of humor and hero-worships the entire band believes every word out of Bono's mouth almost without question.
(Besides, the shortest guy should -always- be Bono. He just has to wear platform boots. Geez, man, pay attention!)
I also worship the band and believe Bono, especially when he talks about Edge (including the stuff about him being basically a Vulcan from the future). But I don't mind mocking the bandmembers from time to time. Especially Bono.
And Larry is 2cm shorter than Bono.
Well, nice to meet a fellow fan. I love these guys and their music. It's totally awesome. Especially what Edge does.
You are the second person I've ever met who had an (no, two!) obscure facts about the band I'd never heard. *squint-glare* Oh, it is ON like KHAN now, man. On. Like. Khan. (Really? Because generally people harp on Bono being short. I've never heard that Larry was actually shorter. And anyway, when they're onstage the personality is so immense that you honestly can't tell. Well, you can. But it is so eclipsed by the awesome. And the platform boots just make everything cooler.)
In all seriousness, seconded! There are not a whole lot of people who will admit to being hardcore U2 fans out there. (Of course, the ones who will are usually completely mad, but that's only the lesser part of our their charm.) I love the relationship between (well, the whole band, but especially) Edge and Bono. Bono's a lyrical genius with an operatic quality voice, and Edge is a musical genius with some kind of possibly Vulcan magic when it comes to guitar riffs. Does this mean I have one more ally for the occasions where I shamelessly plug ONE on the Board?
'm completely crazy, too. Why would I be here if I weren't?
Bono is 1.72m, Larry 1.70. Edge and Adam are 1.79.
Totally seconding about Bono and Edge, and Edge's Vulcanness. Spock is a musician, too. That means something. Edge also has other Vulcan characteristics:
- He can spend several days and nights in a row WORKING. He himself said he had to stop watching TV after a week, day and night, after 9/11. OK that's not working but still. A WHOLE WEEK.
- He's basically a science geek.
- He doesn't show so many emotions (but still a few). Bono called him 'zen monk' more than once.
- He LOOKS Vulcan. Except the ears.
I could find even more.
BTW, feel free to plug One, Vertigo and others. I plug them too, everywhere.
Yeah, Edge is pretty amazing. Have you ever seen the video where Bono wakes him up first thing in the morning to follow him around with a video camera for a few hours? It's hilarious, and awesome. "And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the sound of The Edge blowing his nose."
The way he's always so stoic makes it just that much more moving when he really gets into something, too.
(I meant One the organization, not the song; I generally only plug songs on existing threads, not starting new ones.)
I plugged it everywhere. The whole thing is hilarious. I love the waking up. "I don't want to be on the news. I don't NEED to be on the news." LOL Edge. He's not a morning man. Ouch. Especially as Bono TOTALLY IS. (Edge gets his revenge on evenings, though)
The part about the "Pavarottis" is also LOL.
I love The Edge. I love them all, but Bono and Edge are my favorites. These guys are awesome. Edge is SO TOTALLY VULCAN and I love Vulcans.
with Bono and Larry
Larry is hilarious in this one. I love that he's so like WTF???
"You said eleven. It's ...in' half eight!"
Very awesome. I think one of my favorite things about the band is their sense of humor (even Larry, dour as he comes off sometimes). Bono talks a lot about not being too proud and high and mighty to laugh, and people not fully believing their eyes seeing Bono hisself stumble out of a pub at two in the morning.
(Also see Stand Up Comedy-- "Stand up to rock stars, Napoleon is in high heels," etc.)
I TOTALLY LOVE THEM. THEY ARE AWESOME.
(ahem sorry i went capslock)
There's also a video I saw where the whole band pulls a Godfather, but I can't find it.
He's 48.