In recompense, have several Anti-Lustin Squirt Guns, Darts, Submachine Guns and Kunai, folowed up by a golden Sandworm.

And yet, I think I still get First Poke.

*poke* >.>

Also, have a bumper sticker. *slaps on bumper sticker reading "My Agent PPC'd your Mary-Sue."*

So, yes. Welcome! I have just one question for you: what is up with people not capitalizing their usernames these days? Did they mysteriously cease to be proper nouns? Or has e. e. cummings suddenly come into vogue without my notice?

~Neshomeh, puzzled.

Here, have a shapeshifting plushie. Guaranteed to keep away from Nightmare Fuel if you aren't into that.

I've been put on people's favorites list before, but I don't think anyone has ever followed me this far. ;-)

Welcome, and I hope you enjoy yourself here.

Oh, well. Welcome, person! Have a spare CAD. You'll need a lot of them; they tend to be highly suicidal.

Have an egg whisk! It's shiny, gold-plated, and whisks not only eggs but author wraiths and those pesky spambots! Use it for good and not much evil. ;-)

Welcome to the insanity! Enjoy the ride.

this stuff can be used for more than just blowing stuff up. it is a good fuel for a fire - just don't stomp on it. and welcome.

Welcome to the PPC. Please deposit your sanity in the provided receptacle. *indicates bucket marked "Warg Fodder"* You shan't be needing it here.
I'm Mad Maudlin Hart, and I'll be your waitress today- may I recommend the Internets in AWESOMESAUCE with a side of 2k monies?

Welcome to the Board. Here, have a cup of tea. I'd describe it for you, but then I'd have to make a terrible joke about women. It'll cure what ails you nonetheless.

Have a free glow stick!

Hope you like it around here, I'm new as well and it's certainly fun!

Very useful yet remarkably unpopular ;)

I see Ansela's already given you The Links, so I can't beat her to it. Ah, well. Nice to meet you!

You sound interesting. I won't eat you... yet.

I come bearing links. *drags out Big Bag O' Links and digs through it*

First off is the link to the Wiki, a veritable fount of information for a newbie to read through. Especially helpful for you if you want to write missions would be the page on Permission (note the capital P).

I would advise against reading any Legendary Badfic, unless you are of strong mind and stomach. Even the summaries have been known to give those of weaker constitution nightmares.

For your reading pleasure, not knowing what you have already managed to find, I have several links for you. The Original Series (not to be confused with Star Trek) is a good place to start, as the PPC did many aeons ago. What do you mean I'm exaggerating? The Department of Geographical Aberrations is another interesting place to visit, if you have the time and inclination. Also by hS is the Tangled Webs site, which contains backstory for the PPC as an organisation. If you would rather visit the Floaters, then July's site is the place you need to be. And last, but most definitely not least, Response Centre 45 is where Trojie and Pads' missions are archived.

Hope you enjoy your stay here. Please deposit your sanity into the container offered to you by another Boarder; you won't be needing it here.

Welcome to the board, miss! (My agent(s) are having the irresistible urge to call you MoChi... But maybe that's because they're craving icecream at the moment...)

Anyway, welcome to he board! Her's a Pidgin and a Kbifem! Pidgins (they look like Pigeons, except black, leathery, and covered in Silver Script, which is like Purple Prose, only it's the way that thirteen-year-old girls excuse bad spelling with "But it's so pretty!") are good for sorting out when Suethors throw random non-english into a fic, while Kbifems (Basically like a bowie knife with a highly scripted M cut out of the meat of the blade) are very good for killing Suethor Spelling. Beware, though! if either falls into the wrong hands, GREAT EVIL can befall you...

Anyway, yes, welcome to the board!

Here, have an amulet of ooze-riding which I've revamped into an anti-glitter shield.

It used to make it so that any ooze creature which tried to get at you would simply flow around you, making it so that you could stand in the middle of an ooze creature with no ill effect, now it'll do the same thing to glitter based attacks and effects!

Quite useful when fighting sues and/or the fae.

Nice to meet you! Here, have a glow-in-the-dark spork *hands it over* Good for stabbing Sues (or eating icecream with). Did you say that you're a Philadelphian? In that case, I'll say another 'hello!' 'cause I've just moved there :D

Hi! Take this mystical pocket lint.

BTW, will your Agents be based in a TARDIS or a Response Center?

Pick your choice, jut don't take my Agents.
Well, I'm into several SF and fantasy fandoms (Star, fantasy books), and in some TV shows like House or Numb3rs. And RPF about U2.
My Agents (Whatever, South and Krisprolls) are androids whose personalities are based on my idea of what the personalities of three real-world Norwegian tall ships (respectively Statsraad Lehmkuhl, Sorlandet and Christian Radich) would be like had they been sentient.

(Writing from a different computer.)
Welcome! Here's a battleaxe from the Raven Armory. It's useful against Sues.

*Presents*

Welcome to the PPC - may you kill many Sues with inordinately large weapons.