Subject: Why do I recognise this story?
Author:
Posted on: 2013-04-18 14:10:00 UTC
I definitely remember commenting on it before, but that would make it either a Permission piece (which I generally don't comment on) or something I beta'd (which I don't often do).
Still, whatever the reason, I'd say that scene (which I recall being a bit dubious about before) worked a lot better this time. I think, without seeing the old version, that a fair amount of that comes from the increased level of non-dialogue. You've definitely adopted the principle of show, don't tell here, and I think it works.
I also - and I don't think I said this before - really enjoyed seeing someone confront a Flower and not get their way. Yes, the Marquis' job is to assign people to departments. No, he doesn't particularly care if you like where you end up.
hS