"Guessmyname
A CHALLENGE!
Weded May 27, 2009 7:25am
86.29.78.67

Ladiez adn Gentlemen, I haz jus finded a lolcat translator. http://www.slangaholic.com/

Surprisingly enough, iz akshully qwyet gud at eet. It kan translaet nearly anyfin into hilariously childish lolcatees.

naterelly, dis haz spawneded ideaz...

sow heer's mai challenge. Yoo nows awl dat badfic? awl dat *reelee* bad fic, wif moar werdz wron than riet, enough mistakez ta keep teh Authorz gravez spinnin foar anudda millenia or too...
...wud dis tool maeks dem worse, or... bettah?

*grinz evilly adn runz of ta getz moar caffeien*"


hee hee hee

(Since I didn't have anything more creative to dump in the text box.)

Might I point out that #4 is now particularly hypocritical...

misshun Statement: {misshun impussible mewzik playz in teh bakground} Teh misshun uv dis Board iz ta encouraeg teh gudfic, discouraeg teh bad, shaer writin adn comput-arrr tipz, halp owt fellow riterz in needz, exchange opinionz, adn ta nattah awn endlessly abowt efrytin frum lawd uv teh Ringz ta yukky-apple pai. Mmm . . . pai . . .

{drool}

dis webpaeg will self-destruct in thurtee twothz.

{Hidez. Several hourz pass.}

nivvah mind, den . . .

{comz owtta hidin.}

BOOM!

--

Ta compleet awr misshun wifout massively pissin each-uddah of requirez sum rulez. sow . . .

{Clearz throat.}

heer ye, heer ye! (adn awl dat uddah medieval mumbo-jumbo dowz widah-pissin-territory crierz meaow. Foarsooth verily!) We, teh PPC-Boarderz, in ordah ta foarm a moar perfick Messaeg Board, doez ordain adn establish dis Constitushun foar teh well-bein adn sanity (or insanity) uv awl.


Teh PPC Board Constitushun (a.k.a. Da Rulez)

1. Thou shalt luvz thy neighbor az thyself. sow b niec! Treat everywun else awn teh board wif respect!

2. Respect uddah peeps’s opinionz, especially wehn eet comz ta controversial issuez, lieks religion, homosexuality adn slash, or wichcraft. Yoo don’t hafta agreez wif anyoen, uv cors, adn statin yur own opinion iz encourageded, but noes tellin uddah peeps dat deir opinion iz WRON. It’s kynd uv hird foar a opinion ta b wron, considerin dat eet’s hao dat certain individual seez a certain issue.

3. dis sort uv goez alawng wif Numbah 2 . . . noes Flamez Alloweded! (Teh daffynishun uv flame uzd heer iz "A verbal scratch/insult awn a individual.") It’s wun fin ta meaow "I don’t agreez wif yur opinion," ta a person, but entirely inappropriaet ta meaow, "Yoo’re such a flippin idiot foar finkin dat, yoo flippin moron!"

4. Thou shalt maketh yur postz legible. Spell correctly adn uz gud grahmar ta teh betterest uv yur ability. Mistakez will b foargiven, uv cors, but eet’ll b hird foar everywun ta understand yoo adn respond ta yur postz if yoo go, "OMG! I kant believ taht newst movie iz owt! eets sow gr8!"

5. Postz shoodz b keeped frum teh G TA PG-13 range. Keep eet clean peeps. If yoo haz ta meaow sumfin ovah teh PG-13 level (lieks if eet includez cursin or sumfin) giev a warnin at least.

6. Silliness adn insanity iz welcum heer — even encourageded. Feel free ta leef yur sanity at teh door. Most uv teh Regularz doez.

7. serious discusshun iz ALSO welcum heer. Odd, ne?

8. Feel free ta shamelessly plug storeez adn websitez ta yur hart’s content, if yoo finks dey’ll b uv interest teh peeps awn teh Board. We’re in dier needz uv gud fanfic adn entertainment. Also feel free ta post links ta badficz. memebah dat part uv awr misshun iz ta halp authorz improev. Most peeps awn dis board post constructiev criticism in a attempt ta halp teh authorz improev deir writin styel, sow pleez considah dis wehn yoo go review sumoen’s story. seez faar below foar daffynishun uv flamez adn foar moar detailz.

9. newbeez shoodz post at least once ta introduec demselvez (adn ta receiev a bumpah stickah frum teh Offishal Bumpah Stickah Givah or teh Deputy Bumpah Stickah Givah.) Aftah dat, lurkin iz fien, although lurkerz iz likely ta getz BADLY losed cuz we ramble lotz, sow we encouraeg yoo ta join in adn becom a regular yurself. Thar’s binded ta b sumoen heer hoo lieks teh same stufs yoo lieks (since we’re such a diverse group.) adn we lieks new peeps adn fresh meat — er, opinionz. Don’t worriez, teh Regularz’ barks iz far worse than deir bytez. (Although we doez bark lotz, I kan tell yoo.)

10. If yoo dun understand sumfin, dun b afraid ta aks. Srsly! We won't point, laf, adn go "Ha-ha!" wehn yoo don’t nows sumfin. We'll halp.

11. If yoo haz a problem wif a fellow PPC Boardah, pleez tri ta wurks eet owt in privaet emalez. Don’t turn teh Board into a free-foar-awl Flamefest.

12. If yoo kan’t respect udderz’ opinionz or fingz getz too heateded, pleez tri ta keep political/theological argumentz ta a minimum. hoepfuwwy, dat wined’t b a problem, though.

13. If a political/theological adn/or controversial subject staartz owt hokay, but windz up heateded, adn staartz goin owtta controls, everywun shoodz step bak adn calm down, adn possibly abandon teh discusshun if eet seemz dat eet kan’t b continud calmly adn civilly.

14. If sumoen sez sumfin dat seemz offensiev, but yoo’re nawt suer xackly whut dey meaned, aks dem furst, befoar jumpin down deir throatz. Srsly! Dey probably didn’t mean ta offend anyoen. (If dey DID mean ta insult peeps, go ahedz adn jump down deir throatz if yoo lieks.)

15. Thar iz noes ruel 15.

16. Randomness iz seldom a bad fin, az lawng az Da Rulez iz followeded. (Foar a example, seez Ruel 15.)

17. Mary Suez iz generally despiseded adn though most uv teh Regularz will (probably) treat yoo wif respect if yoo lieks dem, dis Board iz nawt teh betterest plaec foar yoo. Srsly!

18. If yoo hates lawd uv teh Ringz, dis Board iz definitely nawt teh plaec foar yoo. Srsly! Yoo’ll find prittee mutch everywun heer in disagreement wif yoo.

19. Trollerz will b ignored or mockeded foar entertainment.

20. memebah ta haz FUN.

21. "noes meddle in teh affairz uv assassinz! Dey iz heavily-armeded adn quik ta angah. adn nawt noticeably subtle."

We teh PPC Boarderz, in ordah ta maeks a LOTR-saef Union, must heerby follow awl teh rulez uv teh PPC Board Pledge uv Allegiance:

I doez heerby solemnly swaer:

Ta defend awl lawd uv teh Ringz fanz adn fanaticz; teh PPC, eets riterz, adn eets fanz; OFUM, eets ritah, adn eets fanz; adn uddah LOTR-relateded fanpeepz in needz or in desperashun, az lawng az I remain a actiev membah uv teh Board. I will halp fellow PPC ADN PPC-Boarderz thumb deir nosez at FF.Net wehn eet actz awl stoopid.

(stoopid FF.Net --)

I will respect mai fellow PPC-Boarderz, despiet whut werdy, obnoxiouz, or udderwyez idiotic shenaniganz dey may doez in deir tyme az memberz uv sayed Board. (Though if dey iz breakin rulez, or bein meaniez, I WILL endeavor ta set dem straight.)

I will follow Da Rulez ta teh betterest uv mai ability, unless by consensuz majority, sayed Ruel(s) iz/iz finded ta b "reelee, reelee stoopid."

I heerby devoet maiself in teh protecshun adn support uv teh lawd uv teh Ringz Plot Continuum, whether dat b by halpin riterz riet bettah storeez, readin adn recommendin gud storeez, writin gud storeez uv mai own, reportin adn reviewin bad storeez, tawkin abowt random Lotr-relateded stufs, or n e uddah wacky methodz. adn I pledge ta blah blah blah . . . blah blah bla blah . . . bla bla blah bla . . . bla blah bla blah bla bla blah . . . adn wif equality adn bumpah stickerz foar awl!

Heer endeth teh PPC Board Constitushun.

Him/her hoo duz nawt agreez wif such turmz noes kan b truly happy awn teh PPC Board. Him/her shoodz theerfoer renounce n e idea uv bekummin a PPC-Boardah cuz true PPC-Boarderz shall nivvah weyvr frum followin deez rulez. n e errant behavior kan adn will b dealed wif by teh Assassinz adn/or fellow Boarderz in a lovin but firm mannah.

adn if dat duzn’t wurks, dey'll maeks yur lief a livin heck! ^__^



*holds her poor, aching head* Oooooowwww.

http://www.rinkworks.com/dialect/

Best one is the Redneck version: "legolas by Mary Jane".

The first scene in Celebrian (cut off where the smut starts; I ran that through it, too, but figured I probably shouldn't post it here):

Celebrian standed befoar teh goblin kin, hedz boweded. Her lawng silvah locks hided her faec. Silent tearz streameded down durtee checks.

Teh orcz haded nawt mistreateded her—woe ta n e orc hoo spoileded teh kin’s pleasuer-toy. But teh hem uv her travelin dress wuz wet adn muddied by teh lawng walk thru watah loggeded tunnelz. Her hehr wuz matteded adn her affecshun-appendixez werz muddied, bruiseded adn kut frum menny a tumble in teh dark. Noen uv dat mattered compared ta teh faet dat awayteded her at teh handz uv dis sow-cawleded kin.

"Whut iz dis?" sayed teh goblin kin. Teh lift uv him loin cloth cauzd by teh stiffenin uv him cock demonstrateded full well dat teh kweschun wuz moot.

"A elf-bitch, yur highness, bringed frum teh caev at teh top uv teh pass. We snatcheded her whiel her sleeped."

"wuz her alonze?" askeded teh Kin.

Him yellow, watery eyup gazeded at him captiev. Dowz eyup displayeded a hint uv fear uv elf-warriorz but faar moar dey gloweded wif lust. Elvez wud stawp at nofin ta reclaim a losed woman ta teh orcz. Az well dey shoodz, thot, teh kin contemplatin whut lied in stoar foar dis fien specimen uv elven womanhood. Breakin her ta him needz wud b exquisiet.

"noes, yur highness. But dey haz nawt pursueded awr yet. gardz iz posteded. We will nows if dey com."

Celebrian kud follow deir werdz, foar teh orcz werz a mixeded lot uv big Uruks adn liddill woodz-goblinz adn uzd teh Westron tun ta communicaet. Her hart kud nawt halp leap wif teh remindah dat her husband Elrond wud com in search uv her. adn noes foarce uv orcz kud stay her rescue. Her haded ownlee ta owtlass her captorz foar a liddill whiel.

Teh goblin strokeded teh stubble awn him chin wif a graet claweded hand. Him idly pikkeded teh nostril uv him large pig-noes adn twicheded him pig-earz sow dat teh tuftz uv hehr in teh earz twicheded. Tusk-teef protrueded upward frum him undah-slun jaw.

Him smileded. Him knowed whut her wuz finkin. adn him knowed dat valor or nawt, eet wud taek graet effort foar Elvez ta track dem thru teh maez uv tunnelz. Dey haded nawt idly bringed her thru watah-filleded tunnelz: trackin wuz near impussible.

Teh Elvez wud com, but nawt foar a lawng tyme. adn him wud likely b goen lawng befoar dey arriveded. But if nawt, well, sum pleasurez werz worth teh risk.

"Strip her," him sayed at lass.

Celebrian’s hedz jerkeded up. Her hehr falled awai frum her faec revealin violet eyup undah slivah eyebrowz, a fien small noes adn a tiniez, delicaet mouf.

Someone actually took the time to translate the Bible in lolcat:

http://www.lolcatbible.com/index.php?title=Main_Page

An absolutely god-awful Warriors fic that is, sadly, too short to PPC. It's called 'What if Tigerstar killed Scourge?' and consists of a horribly written battle between Firestar and Tigerstar. Hey! It's about cats, being translated to lolcat! Yay!

Disclaimah:I own nofin. Zip, nada, nofin in dis wunshooted except teh plot.

Whut if floofystar haded killeded Scourge?

Teh final battle against Firestar adn floofystar!

“Yoo stinkin kittehpet! I'll kill yoo befoar yur Clan's vewee eyup, srsly!”floofystar spited

“noes floofystar, yoo won't. Foar I HAZ STARCLAN awn mai sied, adn yoo dun. Yoo may haz bein given teh nin livez uv a leadah, but STARCLAN iz still awn mai sied, yoo Traitor! Firestar hisseded.

“Den let's seez hoo reelee duz haz STARCLAN awn deir sied, liddill retch!” floofystar screameded den leapeded at Firestar. Firestar wuz totally unawaer adn wuz catched of gard. Az floofystar bowleded into him sied, floofystar sayed mockingly “stoopid kittehpet duzn't nows hao ta fyet!” Firestar wuz nockeded off balance adn sended hurtlin towardz THUNDERCLAN.

“Firestar!”screameded Sandstorm. Her wuz abowt ta leap at floofystar wehn Firestar goted up.

“noes Sandstorm. dis iz mai battle.” him sayed calmly.

Firestar practicawly flyed straight at floofystar. Firestar sended floofystar off ta teh sied. Firestar sawed a openin. floofystar haded him stomach faec up. Him runed wif teh speed uv STARCLAN adn rakeded him claw down floofystar's stomach. floofystar wuz mahmentarily in fierce pain, but eet seemeded ta haz lef him. Him rakeded him clawz down Firestar's sied. Firestar goted bak up adn whackeded floofystar in teh faec. Dat lef him mahmentarily stunneded. floofystar goted up adn scratcheded Firestar awn teh noes.

“We iz too even. I needz ta find a trick.” Firestar sayed.

Den Firestar acteded az if him werz defeateded. floofystar yowleded in triumph. Him jumpeded ta deal teh killin blow, srsly. Den Firestar launcheded himself at floofystar. Him hit him awn teh stomach. floofystar goed flyin. Den him lied motionless. Firestar runed up adn bited down hird awn floofystar's neck. Firestar bakeded up az floofystar jerkeded. Den him lied motionless. too livez down, sevun ta go. Den floofystar jerkeded agin adn lied motionless. Him haded losed anudda lief! Him keeped dis up till him wuz awn him lass lief. Den him goted up.

“finks ur sow gud? Well, kittehpet, Iz nawt deded yet, srsly!” floofystar spited. Him jumpeded awn Firestar's bak. Him unnaterelly lawng clawz diged in hird. Suddenly Firestar let owt a yowl. Him lied motionless. Den, him reared up adn hit floofystar hird awn teh ground. Firestar's eyup gloweded wif raeg. Him claweded floofystar's belly hird. Den him hit him sow hird dat him soul probably goed ta DEATHCLAN adn bak. floofystar lied motionless. Firestar haded wined.

“I haz rid teh foarest uv a graet evil. But if I nows floofystar, him will wantz rebenge, even if himz in DEATHCLAN. In teh process, I haz losed a lief. But I still haz eit lef. I will maeks eet.” him telled teh Clanz. Sandstorm runed up ta teh mizzle uv teh clearin wher Firestar wuz sittin. Her lickeded him woundz til Cinderpelt comed adn shooeded her awai. Her attendeded him woundz.

Something good instead.

*wanders off to snicker at the idea of Lolflowers*

(to any fanficranters, this is what sparked me off last night)
Original: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4885653/1/WaitWEREWHERE

lolcat: <a href="http://www.slangaholic.com/lolcat/convert.php?url=http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4885653/1/WaitWEREWHERE">http://www.slangaholic.com/lolcat/convert.php?url=http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4885653/1/WaitWERE_WHERE

I blinkeded, y wuz efrytin sow dark in heer, wher wuz anywai...I sited up adn sawed a flash. "Kiri" a meaowin cawleded. I lukeded around but sawed nofin."Kiri" eet cawleded agin.

"hoo iz yoo!!!" I askeded loudly. "show yurself" I demandeded standin up nao, goted into a defensiev stance adn lukeded around.

I heerd teh feminien meaowin laf lightly "awl in doez tyme mai dear, dun worriez will nawt harm yoo" teh meaowin respondeded. I growleded low in mai throat.

"hoo iz yoo, I won't aks yoo agin" sayed angrily, hoo didz her finks her wuz. I heerd her laf agin befoar respondin.

"mai name iz Rakuren doez nawt worriez I iz awn yur sied" teh meaowin respondeded. I lukeded around still tryin ta figuer owt whut wuz goin awn.

"whut iz goin awn heer, wher iz I" I askeded her, hopin her wudn't brush meh of agin.

"I iz heer ta halp yoo awn yur upkummin quest, noes kan show maiself ta yoo yet, but soon I will b yur grate3st talonz...I kan tell yoo noes moar than dat, we will meets agin soon, small-hyooman-torturah b kaerfool..." den efrytin goed wyet.

AHHHH I bolteded upriet adn falled off teh beded. It wuz awl jus a dream, a scary dream but a dream noen teh less. I lukeded at mai annoyin-tickin-deviec 10:30am oh noes wuz SUPPOSEDED Ta meets Wif TSUZUKI ADN SILVAH riet Abowt Nao!!! I panickeded adn grabbeded mai clofes adn runed owt teh door. I staarteded runnin ta teh park wher wuz ta meets mai frenz.

Mai name iz Kiri Tora Doragon Densetsu, iz a lawng name I nows but eet iz whut eet iz. It meanz Misty floofy Dragon Legend, cool hu? I haz lawng dark blue hehr hehr dat goez ta mai hipz But iz uzually keeped in a high ponytail hirdly waer eet down sow I kan fyet wifout eet gettin in teh wai, haz dark lavendah eyup adn a spunky yet calm attitueded. I haz awn vewee strange yet eleagant clofes. I iz a fyteah, iz a black belt, 5th degree, adn I nows hao ta uz menny talonz, lieks ta fyet, I nivvah turn down a challenge unless eet iz sow bad dat considah repulsiev, adn I haz nivvah lass a match, iz 14 almost 15 yearz old adn Tsuzuki adn Silvah a.k.a. Gin, iz mai too betterest frenz, we nivvah go anywheah wifout each uddah. Tsuzuki Gin adn I lieks ta danz adn sin, we iz finkin abowt staartin a band but still izn't suer. I iz teh calm wun in teh group most uv teh tyme, hafta keep teh udderz saen ta a extent, uv cors Gin halpz wif dat. I kan easily hidez mai emotionz, even if dey tear meh apart, nivvah show eet, adn nows wun nawt even mai own betterest frenz, kan tell whut Iz pheelin sumtymez, Iz dat gud at hidin mai emotionz. I nivvah let anyoen seez meh in pain or hurt, adn especially nivvah adn I mean nivvah nivvah EVER EVER let anyoen seez mai tearz, nawt even in teh faec uv death, fear almost nofin, except teh separashun or death uv mai frenz...mai ownlee famley...I iz vewee graceful, sumfin pikkeded up frum Zuki-chan, adn her teachez meh ta danz wif graec, Gin teachez meh ta sin. In return I stay loyal ta dem adn teach dem hao ta wield talonz. I haz a past dat noes kan even memebah, I woek up in a strange plaec adn wuz meeted by too girlz mai age, Tsuzuki-chan adn Gin-chan, telled dem I dint memebah mai past, adn dey sayed dat dey wud halp meh memebah...teh ownlee fin I memebah iz bein able ta turn into a floofy adn a giant dragon.


*shudders* I think it got worse

The original link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4163393/1/HorseGoddessesandMagicSchoolsdontmix

What the translator gave me: I standed at teh doorz ta Hogwartz skool uv wichcraft adn Wizardry. It wuz a impressiev name ta b suer, but teh hooel “don’t let teh mugglez nows!” seemeded a liddill overzealouz. It wuz also complicateded enough ta b goddess uv horsez (yup I iz goddess uv horsez, yup nows yur jealouz) adn nawt ta menshun dat teh skool wuz co-eded. It wuz diffikult bein a goddess (even though we didz haz supah-coolio majikul powurz) since I'd a lust curse.

yup, a lust curse. mayks evry man fallz madly in “luvz” wif meh. nawt fun. Even sum uv teh furst yearz werz starin at meh funny. It stunk rocks. reelee stinky rocks.

I wuz a “transferrin” student, due ta a “disturbance” frum mai old skool; tri ta keep up wif meh. But moar uv dat latah, eet wuz tyme ta go in. (yoo kan learn moar latah, dat's y dey meaow eet "suspense")

At furst teh entrance uv teh furst yearz wuz teh uzual, everywun welkummin teh poor fresh meat into a furst livin nightmaer, but den I comed in. I comed in lass sow dat teh uddah poor small-hyooman-torturerz maiet akshully getz sum attenshun. But den everywun wuz starin at meh.

At furst eet wuz silence, evry straight man’s eye fikseded awn meh. lemme tell yoo, skared teh heck owtta meh. Den teh sownd uv evry man sighin az dey “falled in luvz”. I discreetly rolleded mai eyup. dis crap reelee goted borin aftah a whiel. Den uv cors comed teh catcawlz, wolf-whistlez, adn evry possible sign dat teh man wuz “turneded awn”. A blond buoy suroundid by too burly-lukin accomplicez wuz makin particularly loud contributionz. kan yoo meaow “embarrassin”?

I blusheded adn hided mai faec beneath mai hehr, grr eet wuz sow annoyin wehn dey did dat. I scurried aftah teh furst yearz, tryin ta disguies maiself amongst dem, nawt eezee wehn ur at least a fut tallah than everywun.

Aftah teh gauntlet uv a walk ta teh front uv teh “graet hall” (pleez, I haz seen sow menny moar hallz mutch largah than dis” teh old lady wif teh funny hat begined ta meaow.

“Yoo will b sorteded into yur territoriez; yur territory will b yur famley. Blah blah blah blah….” I needz ta getz maiself wun uv dem hatz. I thot. qwyet nifty.

befoar I'd reelizeded eet, teh lady wuz meaowin namez owt; teh pathetic foarmerz shuffleded ta teh front uv teh hall, adn werz placeded underneath a old hat. I kud feel teh majik driftin of uv eet, sow knowed eet must haz bein a object uv exceptional powa.

“Siriz Silverbow.” funny hat lady sayed.

I walkeded gracefully ta teh hall, evry single buoy’s eyup awn mai butt az ploppeded down awn teh stool. Teh old hat-fin wuz placeded awn mai hedz, sortin into “territoriez” I suppoes.

Den I feeled eet diggin into mai memoriez, tryin ta penetraet mai mind; sow painful memoriez, teh facez…deathz, srsly. Him faec. Him faec…

I whippeded dat fin off mai hedz sow fast eet wuz a blur. Mai eyup filleded wif tearz…Ceelin Cat I wuz goin ta staart sobbin n e minuet…. omg Him faec…

“Slytherin.” croakeded teh hat befoar eet hit teh flor.

I walkeded slowly ta mai territory table, lettin mai lawng, silky, wyet hehr drift in front uv mai faec ta hidez mai eyup brimmeded wif tearz. naterelly teh lawng table haded bein cleared sow dat teh ownlee spot lef wuz teh wun besied teh blond buoy. Even him accomplicez haded parteded ta allow meh teh “honor” uv sittin thar. Yoo bet yur buttonz I wuz pleaseded (in caes yoo didn’t nows, dat iz cawleded sarcasm).

“Hay,” begined teh blond buoy in a attempteded suaev meaowin. awl male eyup werz traineded ta him, borin deep into him flesh. Teh vieb around teh malez wuz awl teh same: luky!

Needless ta meaow I didn’t boafah lukin up frum mai tear-soakeded D-cupz (yup yoo did needz ta nows mai bra siez, yup nows ur sow totally jealouz) Teh wurd “reject” wuz qwyet obviously nawt includeded in dis moron’s vocabulary, sow him continud ta blab pointlessly.

“I’m Draco Malfoy. I nows yoo’re new heer, don’t worriez; I’ll taek gud caer uv yoo.” I'd lukeded up enough ta seez dat awn him lass werdz him eyup haded drifteded down ta mai boobz. I hates manz.

“Oh, dis iz Crabbe, adn dat’s Goyel.” Draco sayed, lukin up lawng enough frum mai funbagz (yup I did meaow dem dat, yup eet iz kynda insultin, but eet iz a graet vocab wurd) ta gestuer ta him too comradez.
Teh wun cawleded Crabbe mumbleded sum foarm uv incandescent greetin, him eyup glueded ta seez whutevah mai breastz wud doez nex. I akshully lukeded down too, uzually manz werzn’t dis annoyin. Oh. noes. I'd foargotten dat haded a wyet shurt awn; adn mai tearz haded dun eet noes jusiec. Crap. Mai shurt wuz totally seez-thru. adn I iz a albino. dis stunk rocks even worse than befoar.

Teh wun cawleded Goyel didn’t even boafah wif a greetin, him jus sited thar wif him eyup fikseded ta mai chest; wuz dat drool kummin owtta him mouf? I sawed sum uddah manz tri ta maeks a movement ta “win mai hand” but dey werz quikly silenceded by Malfoy’s glaer uv uttah contempt, him eyup returnin ta mai chest ownlee wehn him thot him haded skared awai evry lass traec uv competishun, adn utterly, frenz.

everywun wuz eatin nao, adn teh manz werz foarceded ta luk awai. Aftah lukin around mai territory I sawed a buoy wif hideously ugly glassez adn a odd scar tawkin ta a frizzy-hehred girl adn a red-hehred buoy. Dey werz awl lukin at meh strangely. I cudda sworn teh red-hehred buoy wuz in teh same staet az Goyel (dat uv cors bein teh chest-drool), if a ferociouz luk by teh fizz girl hadn’t skared him owtta lukin. I still catched him sneakin luks. Pervert.

Teh uddah too werz still lukin at meh suspiciously, adn purrhaps wun uv teh teechrz; teh wun wif a big noes adn kynd uv greezee black hehr. Him wuz starin at mai chest too, wuzn’t dat illegal? Whutevah, evry man in mai territory wuz starin, sow I suppoes him cudda a luk too, (iz a vewee, vewee consideraet person) at mai expense.

I turneded awai frum mai observationz ta luk at Malfoy agin. Him hehr reelee wuz astonishingly greezee…certainly thar wuz a environment law against dat? Actin awn impulse I reecheded owt adn toucheded eet. (I hasn’t bein around manz foar a whiel) Eww. It wuz az greezee az eet lukeded. I quikly withdrawed mai hand adn wipeded teh pound uv greaes onto mai napkin.

Seein dat awl teh uddah malez in mai territory werz jealously glarin at Malfoy, him grabbeded meh adn huggeded meh tightly; vewee tightly; srsly, I kudn’t…breef…

“ur goin ta b mai girlfrend.” Him whispered into mai hehr.

I keeped mai affecshun-appendixez limp at mai sied, evry man still starin at meh. Ceelin Cat…whut haded mai impulshun gotten meh into nao?

http://www.slangaholic.com/lolcat/convert.php?url=http://www.freewebs.com/bonsaimallorn4/Legolas.htm

Legolaz wuz ridin alawng teh woodz adn wun dai him finded a affecshun-competitor whapeded in colth sow him goted of him horse adn goed ta teh affecshun-competitor adn den Legolaz sayed"hoo lef yoo heer liddill wun"adn den teh affecshun-competitor jus cryeded adn den Legolaz pikk her up adn hold her adn den teh affecshun-competitor stawpeded cryin adn den Legolaz sayed"yur name iz goin b Laura"adn den Legolaz adn teh affecshun-competitor goed onto teh horse adn goed bak ta teh castle wher him liveded.Legolaz sayed"fathur muddah I finded dis liddill affecshun-competitor in teh woodz adn den Legolaz muddah goted up adn walkeded down adn sayed"hao kan peeps put affecshun-competitor in teh woodsand ta diez".Den Legolaz fathur sayed"we iz goin ta keep her"adn den Legolaz wuz happy foar sumrisein.