Ooh, a Canadiaperson! Lots of good stuff comes from the Frozen White Icebox, though most of the best (Corner Gas, Pushing Daisies, Clone High) is distinctly lacking in fanfiction content.

At any rate, welcome to the new blood! I present you with an Exorcism Bat; a baseball bat which has been impressed with the signatures of J.K. Rowling and J.R.R. Tolkien (as standard issue), with plenty of room to add more signatures for use in your specific fandoms.

Welcome to the PPC. have some combat sporks, and a styrofoam railgun.

Luxury and friends are coming! You must use it!

Hello, there, and please leave any sanity you may possess at the door. Here's a mutated strawberry; I can't guarantee it won't spontaneously sprout legs, but it should still taste fine. If you don't want to eat it, you can always keep it as a pet.

Hello! I'm new too! ...And I also roleplay! And why am I talking in exclamation points since I hate overuse of them! And I'm not a happy person in general!

Yeah. Here's some periods for you to offset that disgusting outburst of joy: ......

And have a pomelo. And red contact lenses.

We have chai tea! It is tasty. Please deposit your sanity in the provided receptacle. *holds out bucket marked "Warg fodder"* We don't have much use for that here.
You may have, in adddition to the aforementioned tea, some hugs and an Internets. Use them well.
-Mad Maudlin

BTW, will your Agents be based in a TARDIS or a Response Center?

It's nice to meet you :)

First off, young one, go get yourself a hat. No one will take you seriously if you don't have a hat.

And here's some coffee. It contains sugar, cream, napalm and the soul of an orphan.

I'm Cassie, former chatty newbie and recently semi-lurker (through no fault of my own, I hasten to add). I get involved with as much as I can when I am around, though.

Newbie gifts! *hands over a bag of pebbles and a Random Shiny Object* It's been a while since I was here in time to greet anyone new. Lovely to have you here! And hi, Henry the Dancing Bear! We're all mad here.

You seem like a decent enough sort, I'm sure you'll have fun here. I'd give you a flaxe, but we're getting a bit low on stock, so I'll have to get back to you on it. Look forward to seeing your Agents.

Hi, I am one of the older boarders here, we do in enjoy freash me-- faces! Stick around, have some fun, stay away from the minis in a bad mood.

Smeagul say hi, *Leto pats the mini-balrog with a fire proof oven mitt* Don:t wear anything shiny around him, he loves shiny things. We have lost too many newbies that way...

So anyway, welcome!

Leto

Here, have a bag full of Ypur shaped Nm&nms! Andthis 2 tonne truck full of Bleepolate!
Hi, I'm Artic Blade, and I invented the Bleepolate!
Mind where you step, there are marbles rolling around here, and for you know, they could be mine. Just bow with respect and nudge them along, eventually they'll make their way back to their owner... Maybe.

Welcome to the PPC, and may you enjoy the insanity!

*hands over an extra-snorgleable angora rabbit pillow made from actual English Angora fur*

Warning: May cause dreams of Cute Overload and turn any attempt at sheep-counting into bunny-counting.

I gift you with...an egg whisk! It's shiny, gold-plated, and whisks not only eggs but spambots and author wraiths, too! Use it for good and not much evil.

Welcome to the insanity!

Because you'll need it. Clearly you have no problem with the insanity qualification. Watch out for the Purple Stuff :)

*takes a bow* Welcome to the PPC, mate, where insanity is recommended and rational thought has little or no meaning. Feel free to take a complimentary walnut from the wooden bowl by the door. And by the off chance it starts talking to you, I would highly discourage taking any advice it might give you. Just saying...

I think my agents would love to greet you, though...

Adder: Hello, friend!

Deuce: ...

Deuce? Aren't you going to say hello?

Deuce: ...Not really.

Er, right then! I believe gifts are in order! Here's a sock full of rocks. I'm sure you'll find a use for it... somehow.