Subject: I'm good with Photoshop.
Author:
Posted on: 2009-03-04 00:24:00 UTC
As soon as I can get into the school computer lab, which actually has it, I will begin creating a picture of the Dark Lord Geranium in all its spiky glory.
...to help me with three things.
THING THE FIRST. One's mother, having been told of the PPC and its activities, believes firstly that the lot of you are child molesters and secondly that writing MSTs and other sporkings is bad for the soul. How to rectify this situation?
THING THE SECOND. How does one deal with a badfic in which the POV changes every few paragraphs, the tenses shift every sentence, and as for the first-, second-, and third-person views... ah, frag it all. Can someone lend me a DOGA mod CAD?
THING THE THIRD. While flipping through a gardening catalog, I came upon this. 
It is called the Dark Lord Geranium. Am I right in assuming that it should be made an honorary Flower That Is? With spiky black armor? Spiky....
Thing The Third: I find myself wondering if there are any departments or divisions which do not yet have a stated head. I haven't the time to go looking right now though.
Thing The Second: I recommend Ginger Bleep for nausea cause by bad writing.
Thing The First: Can't help you there, but good luck with it.
THING THE FIRST! Join the club, honey, join the club. However, having paranoid parents is a good thing. Just put up with her griping, and explain to her that you're not giving away personal information or doing anything that'll encourage the child molesters to hunt you down. As for sporking being bad for the soul? Nah. It's actually just creative critiquing.
THING THE SECOND! I don't have one, but I'm sure someone does. Good luck getting your head 'round that 'fic.
THING THE THIRD! Nyahaha. Sauron flower. XD
Sorry, I had to do that.
On THING THE FIRST:
Having parents like yours (and now I have moved halfway around the world), distance is a great thing. Not using your home computer to do PPC related things helps alot.
If your parents make side comments about us, just ignor them. Besure to answer all comments about other topics, eventually they will drop it. Parents are like children that way.
If your parents fear for your soul (especially churchy parents), ask them `is ignorance bliss?` My brothers and I are having a long and very fustrating time reeducating our parents about the church. I am not anti-religion, I am just anti ignorance.
I could not belive it when my mother made the comment one time sayting that something is wrong just because the bible said so. To back this statement up: 1. The Jewish people only eat cosher, the reason: When these rules were laid out, many people were dieing of badly buchered and preserved food, especially meat. When the people found a way to do the things correctly (ie, not get sick) it found itself in the religius writing and teachings as a message from `God`. 2. Roman Catholocisim; no meat on Fridays, reason: In the (guessing at date, not reason) 1400s, the fish merchants went to the Pope to enlist his help in selling more fish. In return they would give a very generous `donation` to the church. So the Pope declaired that to honor Christ`s sacrifice, the people should not eat meat on Friday and eat fish instead (my family did this until the late 1990s). 3. The Bible was put together to help people to understand the world around them. When ever it says `God`s will`, was it really a will of some super natural power, or was just some science that they did not understand? The Bible was written well before the advent of modern science and people wanted answers.
The Bible is not always correct.
/rant
But my first sujestion should work, did on mine.
On THING THE SECOND:
Your agents may need neck braces for whiplash.
On THING THE THIRD:
Cool! Definatly already a Flower that Be, or maybe it is a Flower that is responsible for agents to go rogue? Hmmmmm... I can see the flowers starting their own councils and fellowship to depose of the Dark Lord Geranium. Crap, I now have a plot bunny clining to my leg, anyone want him?
Leto
Anybody's help in any way. But now those days are gone and I'm not so self assured...
Okay, okay, I'll stop. Sorry. Anyway, that sounds interesting, Leto, I could probably try it if you wanted, though less Lord of the Rings-y. Maybe he's a League Flower in charge of trying to make Agents go rogue/defect?
I only suggested LotR type senerio because that is what is on people`s minds with the DLG. I would love to read it!
L
Since it seems determined that he'll be a Division head. Unless...*ponder* But yeah, the idea seems interesting enough, but people seem to be more in favour of the new Division. I might figure out a way to work them in, hopefully, but it's a secret.
I've got a bunch of PPC things, and things not-PPC, that I'm writing currently, but I'll get to work brainstorming for that and trying to begin it as soon as I can, probably once I've done this mission I'm working on. Thanks again, I'll be sure to give it a try.
I get the feeling that's a reference to something, but I don't know what.
Reference to Sauron's 'Annatar' disguise in the Second Age, perhaps?
No. More synagogueiness. But anyhoo, she's just going on about how horrid it is to make fun of people. (Even if they deserve it.) When I tried showing her an actual MST, she got huffy and called it immature. (Isn't that the point?)
Better immature than pornographic or idiotic. My advice is to simply let the subject drop and continue writing...
On the FIRST: I don't think it is possible to explain the PPC to someone that thinks that fictionally killing fictional thirteen-year-olds (between the ages of 13-35, and a few that were older due to immortality) equates to real life child molestation. Is your mother the kind of person that believes that authors can only write about what they know? i.e. that if someone is killed in a novel that the author must have experience killing people? (rather than an overactive imagination?)
I do agree on the second matter, in a way. If I had a soul, I'm pretty sure that reading badfic would be bad for it. It is bad for the brain after all. MSTing is actually rather cleansing.
On the SECOND: I once thought about following a fic from an anti-gravity room due to its massive tense switching (within sentences even). I guess you should stock up on crash dummies, and have the agents follow the fic from the confindes of their TARDIS.
On the THIRD: great name for a flower. Now I wants one for my garden.
It's more "anyone on the internet is a child molester". I tried saying "they've put up pictures of themselves!" and she said "how do you know those are pictures of them and not their sixteen-year-old nieces?"
Hee. Could I steal (ah, commandeer) that comment for future usage? It is rather cleansing, you're right.
...wow, there are a LOT of Beatles fans here...
...as far as the "child molester"/scary people thing goes.
There was a survey taken on the Board--most of the members at the time participated--and here are the results. (The survey was public, on the Board itself, so none of these responses would have been faked.) What are the chances that ALL of these people are lying?
http://formerlydf.livejournal.com/29181.html#cutid1
Here is the short version, the summary of what it says about us:
__
Survey Summary
From the 44 surveys filled out, it is immediately apparent that the majority of the members on the PPC Posting Board are female and around 16-20 years old. It’s also obvious that they absolutely love the Board. When asked to describe the Board in three words, they say things like “marvelous”, “awesome”, “home”, “insane, entertaining, addicting” and “hellloadofFUN!”. They place a lot of importance on being nice to other members of the Board– for customs, one of the most commonly repeated answers is “be nice to others”. There’s also an insistence on giving virtual presents to new members and generally making them feel welcome. The Board is a fun and funny place, where everyone is practically guaranteed to share common interests with at least one other person. In fact, according to the people who took the survey, the people of the board are the absolute best thing- not the stories or amusing things posted, but being able to chat with people who are apparently entertaining, supportive, and intelligent. Another thing very obvious is the enthusiasm of the Board members– in my request for people to fill out surveys, I stated that I only needed 25. They filled out 44.
Oh, yeah. Gotta watch out for those 16-20 year old females! They're the worst predators out there. :D
Also, check out "PPC Meet-up stories and pictures" on the <a href="http://community.livejournal.com/theppc/20306.html">List of Everything PPC. There are records of us meeting up with other PPCers--always in safe public places, yadda yadda. We've had seven PPC meet-ups all over the world, and nothing catastrophic has happened at any one of them. In fact, in person, all of us were *gasp* exactly who we said we were! 'Cept for the names, of course. (No one ever did figure out how to pronounce "Araeph".)
And hey, if your Powers That Be still aren't convinced, they're welcome to talk to us personally, through e-mail or the Emergency PPC Board, or even the cobwebby chatroom.
Good luck!
~Araeph
7 male members and 37 female members? Whoa, I already suspected that girls outnumbered guys in the PPC, but I had no idea that it was by THAT much.
Where are all those snarky, nerdy girls? I can't seem to find many of them in my offline life :(
...usually our own houses, which is why we never get out and never meet people. Sorry. :P
But my snark is a boojum.
Thanks a lot. I'll show her that if the topic rises again.
I thought you got "Araeph" from a phonetic pronunciation of RAF? (You're one of the British ones, aren't you? If I got that werong, it's not meant as an insult. Really. I might have to throw all your tea into a harbor, though.)
Thing the first: Simply explain to her that this is a good way to help young authors improve the flaws in their writing, and have all-around fun in the process. Put plenty of emphasis on the first point, however.
Thing the second: Er... I'm in agreement with the others on the motion sickness pills. If you must, open a bottle of bleeprin and drink yourself to oblivion when it's over.
Thing the third: Chances are, it's already a flower... just hasn't made itself known yet...
There was a Geranium, but it wasn't a Dark Lord.
Dark Lord-iness makes all the difference.
While I cannot help with thing the first (as I have insanely liberal parents and thus never learned how to deal with less liberal ones), might I suggest, if there's any possibility of her seeing exactly what we do here, that you do your best to keep her away from the Bad Slash missions? Because, despite our best efforts, they can be a little graphic, and may not help your case vis a vis "harmless fun".
I tried showing her an MST of a non-porny badfic, and she called it immature and stomped off in a huff.
I did e-mail her a link to TOS, but she wouldn't read it.
A good way to explain the PPC is that we are an all ages group dedicated to finding humor through the critique of online fiction, which is done in the form of MSTs and sporking. We analyse the structuring, plot, grammar, and general accuracy of fanfiction in a creative way, comparing it against the original works in a way that can be explored with merit. Most of the PPC's active members are in their teens and early twenties- in fact, a great deal are under twenty, and many are under the age of eighteen, from what I can remember of the ages of active members.
Beyond that, here are some positive facts:
It's a nice hobby that improves your reading and writing skills. Reading is awesome. It's something most of us like. Reading is good. We support that massively.
For many members who participate in doing PPCs, sporkings, and MSTs, their skills in editing, writing, and the use of spelling and grammar increase. At least one PPCer I can think of has turned what they've found here into something to do as a career; there are also at least two more I can think of who are in the process of going through schooling who are also going into jobs, or considering jobs, that can be helped with a skillset that might have been buffed and polished through being members here.
And something something something fish.
Setting aside the fact that your mother doesn't seem to be all that open-minded about explainations, I suggest you tell her the (edited) truth: We are tired of watching our beloved characters be written badly and are having a laugh about it in a way that harms absolutely no one. Failing that, do what Trojie said.
As for the third... definitely a neat flower. :)
I fear I cannot help you with the second thing, because it sounds technical and I'm afraid of technical stuff.
As for the rest...
"THING THE FIRST. One's mother, having been told of the PPC and its activities, believes firstly that the lot of you are child molesters and secondly that writing MSTs and other sporkings is bad for the soul. How to rectify this situation?"
...interesting question. It can't be dealt with easily: I feel that making her read C***b***n to show her the evils of badfic is NOT the way to go.
Personally I just don't face this problem, because my parents don't know (and don't care) about what I do online. Isn't there a way to spork badfics quietly, without trying to hide it but without talking about it either? It's not like it's a shameful or immoral thing to do.
"THING THE THIRD. While flipping through a gardening catalog, I came upon this. It is called the Dark Lord Geranium. Am I right in assuming that it should be made an honorary Flower That Is? With spiky black armor? Spiky...."
With a name like that, it's probably already one of the Flowers That Be.
THING THE FIRST: I find it helps to gloss over (read: lie blatantly) about the PPC by claiming that we're an online proofreading group of, y'know, harmless geeks who just like to help people out.
THING THE SECOND: Your Agents take a couple of motion-sickness pills and accept the inevitable, I think.
THING THE THIRD: Okay, that geranium's pretty awesome.
The Dark Lord Geranium's probably already a Flower, just a matter of finding a suitable Department, heh. And yes, the battle armour is a must.
As for your first question, I can't really think of anything to suggest other than trying to convince her that it's really quite harmless. But she doesn't seem like she'll listen to reason. The second is also tricky, but some motion sickness pills would help. I doubt much damage other than the tense shifts throwing your Agents around like ragdolls would be done. Worse comes to worst, knick a DOGA CAD from DoSAT just before you go.
Department of Evil Sues perhaps? the eradication of villian sues?
Villain Sues are part of the regular workload for DMS and DoF, there's no need for another Department to take them out.
aren't dark lords a bit pointless too? of it could be the department of evil that dals with evil fics. or call it a subset of the DMS
The point is, as a Division/Department it would have nothing to contribute. Evil sues or fics are not common enough to require a new Division or Department. It would have the exact same job.
It does serve a purpose. it's gives a place for the dark lord gernanium?
Upstairs doesn't create an entirely new Department or Division for the sole purpose of giving a Flower a job, after all.
It wouldn't be completely unheard of for a Division to be made simply to give a particularly cool Flower a place - while I can't think of any examples of exactly that off the top of my head, I would like to point out the existence of the two different Repetition/Redundancy departments, created simply for the joke of it.
In fact, we only *have* Flowers as the bosses because Jay and Acacia thought that their friend's picture of a sunflower in a suit was just too cool, random or wacky or whatever NOT to have a place.
Don't forget that we're not actually fighting some logical battle against a logical enemy - if we think that something like a Dark Lord Geranium is just so cool that it should have a place, I for one would not be at all surprised at the creation of a division for it to supervise.
We do stuff cos it's cool, a lot of the time, not just for expedient or sensible reasons.
I appreciate your point that there wouldn't be a *heap* for such a Division to do if we left things as they are, but if such a Division was created, then of course all cases of Evil!Sues that the DMS currently assigns to whoever would then go to that Division and be dealt with seperately, much as pre-Division of Bad Het, bad het stories went to whoever was best equipped to deal with them. Now that we *have* that Division, bad het stories go there instead of going where they would otherwise have gone.
Clearly my realistic mindset is not compatible with most of the PPC, heh. I can't have something done not be done for an expedient, sensible, logical reason. Hence me arguing that making a Division solely to give ol' DLG a job wouldn't have a point and wouldn't be a thing the Flowers would do. Especially since, to be honest, there aren't exactly a lot of villain!Sues (not saying evil!Sues because, by our definitions, all Sues are evil). Maybe Flowers practice nepotism? DLG shows up, he's an old friend of one of the higher-up Flowers, said Flowers sets it up so DLG gets a job as head of a new division? I could make the Division and agents fairly easily, though unlike some divisions/departments it'd be open to any and all.
there are certain rules to working for the DL? like spikey shoudler pads are a must for the uniform adn the like?
maybe the sues have to be killed in an evil manner?
and the charge list also lists points from the evil overlords list?
As for the others, I don't think so. I'd imagine it'd be pretty much like any other department/division, except the specific type of Sue targetted. Though I like the idea of the DL messing with the uniform a bit to conform to his personal tastes. It's something I'll consider when I'm making it.
Do you think the Dark Lord follows the evil overlord list?
maybe some modified equipment? like an evil CAD?
As for evil CAD, I dunno how that'd work. Maybe a semisentient one and/or one less susceptible to exploding (cynical attitude?). Maybe he recruits Agents known for having particularly dour personalities or something.
lots of cosmetic spikes, and maybe all black? although semisentient one that resents the agents would work like:
"BEep! Of course it's a sue, you twit!"
I'd have to be careful not to make it so different it's totally alien to the rest of the PPC though.
if Maudlin Hart would like to come up with the specifics and write that once she has permission- if she doesn't already?
After all, it was her idea in the first place.
Just saying.
sorry.
*retreat to where he came*
Dude, chill.
I was just suggesting you two be a bit considerate of the fact it was someone else's idea, that's all. I wasn't getting on anyone's case for it.
Got too enthusiastic, stole his idea. That is a Bad Thing. Therefore, will never speak of it.
should we wait for maudlin to respond then?
And the answer is: my muse tends to strike from above like a ninja with a sledgehammer, so inspiration comes in random and huge bursts of creativity, which I risk life and limb to write down before they leave me. In a pinch I've been known to write particularly funny riffs on my own leg.
As to the DLG's backstory? It would definitely be fun to write, but it may take some time for me to get my act together. I'll just have to scream "Work, minion!" at myself for a while.
... that would be like saying that all cockroaches are evil. They're not, they're just a pest :P
I mean, the sparkly princess of Elven Kingdom of Sparkliness, who has a pet unicorn called Popsie and spends her time singing delightful songs and growing flowers and incidentally falls into deep and prophesyed love with Legolas and who bears him sixteen gorgeous children isn't *evil*, she's just *annoying* :D
As soon as I can get into the school computer lab, which actually has it, I will begin creating a picture of the Dark Lord Geranium in all its spiky glory.