This can all be attributed to me going to a Beethoven concert last Sunday. While I will not deny that Beethoven is quite the epitome of awesome (Tchaikovsky, who was also involved, isn't half bad either) I felt my mind wandering a bit as the music played... and played. You really don't notice how long a piece can go until there's no 'fast-forward' button.
Anyway, I remembered fondly my own orchestra days, and my brain turned to the PPC as is its wont. So here's the idea: an orchestra comprised of various members of the PPC, available for weddings, funerals, marches and whoever else asks for them.
Current information: the PPC Symphony Orchestra, or Picso as it is affectionately known (or rather, because agents get lazy and like acronyms) is currently open to all PPC agents with musical talent or an interest in it. The orchestra contains all sections found in a normal orchestra - woodwind, strings, brass, percussion - with a large group marked 'other' for everything that doesn't fit anywhere else. The repetoire is wide and variable, including the more popular pieces such as 'The Sporking of Figaro' and 'The Agent of Seville'. There is also a special party piece (see below), composed by an unknown PPC agent and titled 'In the Hall of the Badfic'. They will occasionally take requests.
Special performances: the orchestra's party piece is 'In the Hall of the Badfic'. This is a unique piece of music intended to recreate the feeling of being within a fic of excessively poor quality. Each musician is given a piece of sheet music that they have never seen, much less played through, and told to play it as quickly as they can. During rest bars, they take anything they can find to hand to improvise the percussive noises as the score demands. The conductor's job is to inspire the members to ever greater volumes and general dischord as the audience is plunged further into the badfic. When the piece is at its climax, a single agent strikes a gong with a spork-shaped mallet and all other musicians stop playing, representing the neutralising of the badfic by agents and the return to canon. Fainting fits on the part of the audience or the musicians are not uncommon.
History: assumably the Pisco formed at some point after the PPC, but its original members are lost to history. It is known that at some point in its early history, the Pisco often invited musicians from various canons to play as guests in the orchestra, but this practice has been discontinued. (This has been attributed to the orchestra's last guest performer, the Librarian of Unseen University in the Discworld canon, whose presence caused a disproportional amount of music involving organs to be played. Evidently an agent snapped after hearing news that they were to play the Organ Concerto for the thirteenth time in a year.)
The Conductor: this posed somewhat of an issue to the orchestra's survival, since agents are by nature independent -minded and many of the instruments played are not represented on the traditional score. The last conductor, whose name has been forgotten, was said to be led away while gibbering about seven-eight time symphonies. Since then several agents have been suggested as conductor and all have refused a permanent position. Currently orchestra members take it in turns to be conductor each week by way of a roster, since waving the arms around, shouting at various musicians and making dramatic arm gestures are enjoyed by all. Due to their rarity and general delicacy, batons are eschewed in favour of whatever the acting conductor finds appropriate (pencils, whips, battle-lances, etc). The general mentality is that if it doesn't make the sheet music fall to the ground, it's acceptable.
Joining the orchestra: all members of the PPC are welcome to join the orchestra, and all instruments are accepted (organs are the exception to the acception. See 'History' for more information.) Traditionally, some areas of the orchestra have had more recruits than others - violins, for example, are more numerous than krumhorns. This has led to grievous rumours of musical press-gangs roaming the corridors of HQ, manned by musicians desperate for more members. It is not uncommon for a newly-recruited agent wandering the halls to be rendered unconscious and wake up to find themselves in possession of an instrument and a note that reads 'Music for orchestra inside. Learn this in time for practice tomorrow. Regards, your fellow [insert instrument]-players.' As abhorrent as this treatment is, the Flowers have reported a sharp increase of press-ganged agents going on missions without complaint (well, less complaining than usual). Research is ongoing.
The Orchestra - a list of the agents known to be members, current as of the last PPC census.
Strings
Viola - Agent Tater
Woodwind
Clarinet - Agent El
Brass
Percussion
Other
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That's all I can think of now. If it gets popular I'll make a page on the PPC Wiki for it, but it entertained me at the time. Reply with your agents and their instruments and I'll include them on the list.
~Enelya