Subject: I'm sure we can, er, commadeer one.
Author:
Posted on: 2008-08-08 14:39:00 UTC
I think cymbals with razor-sharp edges would make very good weapons. Crash them around the Sue's head to disorient her, then use them for decapitation.
This can all be attributed to me going to a Beethoven concert last Sunday. While I will not deny that Beethoven is quite the epitome of awesome (Tchaikovsky, who was also involved, isn't half bad either) I felt my mind wandering a bit as the music played... and played. You really don't notice how long a piece can go until there's no 'fast-forward' button.
Anyway, I remembered fondly my own orchestra days, and my brain turned to the PPC as is its wont. So here's the idea: an orchestra comprised of various members of the PPC, available for weddings, funerals, marches and whoever else asks for them.
Current information: the PPC Symphony Orchestra, or Picso as it is affectionately known (or rather, because agents get lazy and like acronyms) is currently open to all PPC agents with musical talent or an interest in it. The orchestra contains all sections found in a normal orchestra - woodwind, strings, brass, percussion - with a large group marked 'other' for everything that doesn't fit anywhere else. The repetoire is wide and variable, including the more popular pieces such as 'The Sporking of Figaro' and 'The Agent of Seville'. There is also a special party piece (see below), composed by an unknown PPC agent and titled 'In the Hall of the Badfic'. They will occasionally take requests.
Special performances: the orchestra's party piece is 'In the Hall of the Badfic'. This is a unique piece of music intended to recreate the feeling of being within a fic of excessively poor quality. Each musician is given a piece of sheet music that they have never seen, much less played through, and told to play it as quickly as they can. During rest bars, they take anything they can find to hand to improvise the percussive noises as the score demands. The conductor's job is to inspire the members to ever greater volumes and general dischord as the audience is plunged further into the badfic. When the piece is at its climax, a single agent strikes a gong with a spork-shaped mallet and all other musicians stop playing, representing the neutralising of the badfic by agents and the return to canon. Fainting fits on the part of the audience or the musicians are not uncommon.
History: assumably the Pisco formed at some point after the PPC, but its original members are lost to history. It is known that at some point in its early history, the Pisco often invited musicians from various canons to play as guests in the orchestra, but this practice has been discontinued. (This has been attributed to the orchestra's last guest performer, the Librarian of Unseen University in the Discworld canon, whose presence caused a disproportional amount of music involving organs to be played. Evidently an agent snapped after hearing news that they were to play the Organ Concerto for the thirteenth time in a year.)
The Conductor: this posed somewhat of an issue to the orchestra's survival, since agents are by nature independent -minded and many of the instruments played are not represented on the traditional score. The last conductor, whose name has been forgotten, was said to be led away while gibbering about seven-eight time symphonies. Since then several agents have been suggested as conductor and all have refused a permanent position. Currently orchestra members take it in turns to be conductor each week by way of a roster, since waving the arms around, shouting at various musicians and making dramatic arm gestures are enjoyed by all. Due to their rarity and general delicacy, batons are eschewed in favour of whatever the acting conductor finds appropriate (pencils, whips, battle-lances, etc). The general mentality is that if it doesn't make the sheet music fall to the ground, it's acceptable.
Joining the orchestra: all members of the PPC are welcome to join the orchestra, and all instruments are accepted (organs are the exception to the acception. See 'History' for more information.) Traditionally, some areas of the orchestra have had more recruits than others - violins, for example, are more numerous than krumhorns. This has led to grievous rumours of musical press-gangs roaming the corridors of HQ, manned by musicians desperate for more members. It is not uncommon for a newly-recruited agent wandering the halls to be rendered unconscious and wake up to find themselves in possession of an instrument and a note that reads 'Music for orchestra inside. Learn this in time for practice tomorrow. Regards, your fellow [insert instrument]-players.' As abhorrent as this treatment is, the Flowers have reported a sharp increase of press-ganged agents going on missions without complaint (well, less complaining than usual). Research is ongoing.
The Orchestra - a list of the agents known to be members, current as of the last PPC census.
Strings
Viola - Agent Tater
Woodwind
Clarinet - Agent El
Brass
Percussion
Other
---
That's all I can think of now. If it gets popular I'll make a page on the PPC Wiki for it, but it entertained me at the time. Reply with your agents and their instruments and I'll include them on the list.
~Enelya
...if there's an Orchestra, why not some sort of ballet/dance company?
The amount of Agents who can dance credibly might be small, but shove them into the corps de ballet, find a couple who are pretty talented to dance as soloists, and you've got instant ballet.
And, of course, the Orchestra would provide their music. :P
The PPC Dance Ensemble, or whatever it would be called, would have such gems in their repertoire as "Sue Lake," the tragic tale of an Agent, cursed to be a 'Sue, and her ex-partner, who predictably winds up hunting Sues in the same area. Also included is the shapeshifter!Sue Odile, who mimics the cursed Agent to attempt to trap the ex-partner.
Another possibility is "The Sue-cracker," a story about a young girl who has always dreamed of becoming a PPC agent when she grows up. One night, she has an incredibly realistic dream about the toy she got for Christmas - a sort of humanoid automaton designed to pursue 'Sues, perhaps? - becoming life-sized, and she grows to become the Agent she might someday be. They then proceed to take a mystical journey through several canons, eliminating a few 'Sues on the way. The canon characters thank them by means of an entertaining dance before sending them on their way.
...and so on. I was in dance class today and these gems popped up while I was really supposed to be paying attention. It would be a shame to let them go to waste.
Dunno how viable an idea this is - I mean, it would require actual spare time - but hey, what the heck.
Agent Logan plays violin/viola/mandolin, and would like to audition for the post of concertmaster.
Entropy plays oboe, and Kern will give timpani a go if you need to press gang him
Elcalion (actually just returned from actual symphony orchestra rehearsal, believe it or not!)
Not very well, but she can. So, she is being volunteered by me.
He is a meglomaniac and loves a challange. This sounds like a good place for him, in that it will be alot of fun.
Oh, favourite pieces of music: anything in 15-16 time and over 100 pages in length. "Hear them squeal" is is his motto.
I can't promise anything permanent, owing to the chaotic nature of HQ, missions interfering, and the likelihood of the musicians staging a revolt if they're pushed too hard. But if Leto's madkeen enough to give it a shot, I won't stop him.
"Hear them squeal" is is his motto. The audience or the musicians?
Agent Trojie would like to volunteer her skills on the guitar. She can play acoustic or electric.
Boarder!Trojie can also play the bagpipes, if that's any use...
Having both there at the same time might cause the fabric of the multiverse to collapse, though.
... we all know that Shipfics are a special case.
In that case I shall simply volunteer Agent Trojie and her trusty Fender Jaguar.
Murtagh plays violin, as any good detective does. Titus sings bass/baritone, and can play the cymbals.
...it's when somebody starts the PPC Interpretive Dance Group that I'll get worried.
It's strange, I thought we'd be swamped with violins - and yet Murtagh is the first. Titus is welcome too.
But that's not really an instrument. In addition, she sings very low, usually taking male or villian parts in anything with lyrics. But it doesn't work so well for an orchestra. Ah, well. She'll love to watch, though.
(Anyone trying to press-gang Agent Iza will probably regret it. She's close to tone-deaf.)
(That's not my jurisdiction, though. But if it comes to forming a choir as well, El's a second soprano.)
I think just about any agents can take part in the party piece - and percussion means you can hit stuff rhythmically. Who doesn't love percussion?
Neshomeh linked me to the PPC Christmas songbook which I haven't stumbled across before, and there was mention of an All-HQ Choir. That saves us the trouble of creating a new one, we just have to resurrect this one.
there was a briefly-lived Temple of GreyLadyBast Tabernacle Choir, who were accompanied by the PPCSO in one of their last incarnations.
Orchestra rocks!
Ehm.
Agent Sara plays piano (though she's a little rusty because pianos don't fit all that well in cramped Response Centers) and Agent Zach's trying to teach himself cello (inspired by the PotC soundtrack), which is sorta-kinda working.
So. Yes.
Ooh, a cello! I love cellos! Drinks all 'round!
Piano should be fine as well - I think the official rehearsal room has flexible dimensions depending on how many people are in there.
Shadow can play the recorder a little, if your definition of "a little" means "able to screech really loudly and that's about it". Because that's all she can do.
She'll probably only get brought out for "In the Hall of the Badfic".
Redd has actually proved to be quite good on the xylophone, and Jill...uh...can play the harp, but it's better not to have her do so because it makes anyone in the immediate vicinity want to sing some nauseatingly happy Disney song. Sue-aura and all.
(Not for anything bad, it's just that I've never played in an orchestra with a recorder. But it still fits under woodwind.) A lot of agents are going to be absolute beginners with their instruments (especially the press-ganged ones) so there'll be some leeway. The Picso is about teaching agents to play as much as actually doing performances.
Xylophone and drums are fine - harp is so quiet in orchestras that you can't hear it half the time anyway, so I think we should be safe. We'll put harps next to the gong and its special spork-shaped mallet just in case.
Stormsong might end up being press-ganged. He's an expert on the lute, but he's also incredibly sensitive to poorly-played music, so he'll probably try to fake death flashbacks to get out of having to join in and/or shout a lot at the players he doesn't think are taking it seriously ...
...on the other hand, the threat of rehearsals might get Stormsong going on missions with less complaint. The Flowers work in mysterious ways.
Dustin plays the string bass, Tawaki sings baritone, Five of Six plays a harp, the Sixth Disentangler plays the Kloo horn, and Iskillion plays a trombone when in Human, Vulcan, or Yuuzhan Vong morph.
In addition, Dustin has written an oratorio entitled "Bleeprin," about an Assassin who has just MSTed C*l*br**n, LxC, and the Cluny Fic from That Series on a dare and runs back to the Response Center to take Bleeprin ("The Spear, the Orcs!") -- only to find that she is fresh out out (Recitative: "Upon Returning," leading into "Glaurung! Why Now?"). She tries to get some from the Agents next door (Recitivive: "Out the Door," leading into "Need Bleeprin!"), but they are angry at her over something that happened recently and refuse ("You Can Jolly Well Go Mad," leading into "The M&M Debacle"). She runs back to her Response Center to get some General Store change ("Where's my Wallet?"), and the console beeps ("Not Glaurunging Now," leading into "Leela Is Not a Wilting Lily!"). She finds her wallet (Recitative: "The General Store Came First") and dashes down to the General Store, running into people along the way ("Pardon me, Terribly Sorry"). When she arrives (Recitative: "Upon Arrival"), her partner is there, already buying Bleeprin ("We Have a Mission"). She takes a dose and they return to their RC (Recitative: "Still Relatively Sane," leading into the finale "There Is a Sue in Doctor Who").
Kudos for having so many musically-inclined agents!
"Bleeprin" definitely fits - you could almost adapt it to a stage musical. I wonder if anyone's tried to adapt the Sue Invasion or the Macrovirus Emergency into a musical? We can do the music for that too.
The PPC Movie, "There WIll Be Glitter", is the story of the Sue Invasion. The lovely Trojanhorse and I have been working on a soundtrack for it, though they all consist of songs that have been made already. I can see the Agens getting hold of the film and deciding to make their own soundtrack.
Though a musical sounds hilarious...
Oh dammit, you've given me plotbunnies! Curse you! As if I didn't have enough to deal with already! Now I have ideas for a stage musical of the Invasion!
EPIC. On so many different levels.
…is "I'm Running Aimlessly."
if only to avoid being press-ganged.
Ansela 'plays' the bagpipes, if by playing you mean randomly blowing into them, rearranging her fingers and squeezing the bag. The result is a sound rather like a whole room of cats being tortured.
Risa plays the ryuteki, and is much better with her instrument than Ansela is. The fact that she's had a couple of centuries to practice might have something to do with this.
I'm sure we can press-gangfind someone willing to instruct Ansela on the finer points of bagpipe playing. Or she'll learn as she goes, that generally happens anyway.
Risa's very welcome too, of course. Ryuteki is pretty!
Neither of my Agents at the moment are really the musical sort/the type that like signing up for things, but it's a really cool idea.
Smash things together to make noises - and the best thing is that you won't get in trouble for it! (Except if it's out of time. Then you're stuck.)
In a way, I'm almost glad that there are some non-musical agents in the PPC, because otherwise there aren't going to be any audiences when they play. :D
I wonder, has the orchestra changed its name over time? There's a passing reference to a Caffeine Overload Symphony here, as well as an All-HQ Choir (which is probably no more than what the name says).
Anyway, Agent Robinson would love to join. She can play anything resembling a recorder (though not so much with reeds) and she's not bad on the guitar, either. Not usual symphony stuff, but hey. I wouldn't be surprised if some of her patient occasionally leave musical scores behind when they leave... could be a good source of new material. *g*
Agent Ilraen would probably be interested, too. He would just have to learn to play something that doesn't require a mouth--unless you can keep all concerts to under two hours. {= )
Nume... well, given his history with weapons and tools, I think it's clear that manually-operated hand-held "mechanical" devices in general are not safe around him.
~Neshomeh
The Picso may have got caught up during the tumultuous events of The Reorganisation and sundry, and thought that a change of name was in order. But I suppose we'll never know for sure.
Hey, there is a PPC choir! (A couple of people have volunteered agents for singing and I was going to form that as well. Now we can resurrect it!)
Both your agents are welcome - the Picso, despite its name, can play just about anything if they have the right instruments. I think there have been a couple of guitar concertos in history, anyway.
If breathing is an issue for Ilraen, I'd point him towards strings or percussion. And maybe Nume's better off in the choir.
Nume can't sing. Or won't. But it occurred to me that you might need someone behind the scenes to do techie stuff, and he could do that. He's definitely the "AV nerd" type.
Jenni can also sing (mezzo-soprano). As for Ilraen, he can probably learn to play anything you find you need.
~Neshomeh
My agents may not be particularly gifted with instruments (though feel free to make them attempt to play some anyway), but they do sing.
Cassie's voice... is actually rather good. She used to sing soprano in her school/college choir and one of her most annoying habits is singing randomly around the RC and on missions. When Nat sings, she goes for enthusiasm over actually hitting the right notes, but if kicked into shape she'd not be that bad either. Tyler... just no. He might be able to cope with an instrument, but he can't carry a tune in a bucket. And once I (finally) get my next two agents sorted out, you can drag them in too.
Arti would probably go under percussion. He does like to hit things, especially when they don't hit back.. *Chuckles and plots*
And I would volunteer Lunac for conductor, since he's team-orientated, coming from the Pokemon World, but you already said it's under rotation... So, maybe a Recorder? Not too hard, and he can use it hit nearby musicians with! Yay!
As for Liadan... Uh, we'll place her in the flutes. She does know how to play one of those, quite well.
Lunac can go on the conductor roster - apart from the stress of conducting a group of rowdy agents, it's hard to turn up at the same time each week, what with missions and all. Recorder and flute go under woodwind, and percussion is always fun.
He plays the violin. As he is named after a sonata, he is quite good with classical music. And he loves joining things.
(Sticking around, though, that's harder.) Maybe we should make badges for the Picso or something - or possibly a spork-shaped flute that calls the agents to rehearsals like the Pied Piper... well, we'll think of something.
As far as names go, Moonlight isn't so bad. He could have been named Pastoral or Wedding Mass or Ivanovitchitov's 2nd in D Minor. :D
Yes, there should be badges.
Don't worry. Moon will stick around. He's a born zealot.
See, a more complicated and embarrassing name would have required his original author to actually know about classical music, rather than just knowing the title of one song and throwing it in to make herself look clever.
Pads used to play the double bass, reasonably badly, years ago. So if you fancy pinching her a new one from somewhere, she'll happily join. And it's ever such a handy instrument, what with the great bit spike on the bottom.
I think cymbals with razor-sharp edges would make very good weapons. Crash them around the Sue's head to disorient her, then use them for decapitation.
I would volunteer my agents, but Cassie can't play anything more complicated than the triangle without making horrible noises and Nat's favoured instruments are the air drums and air guitar. Tyler.. well, he's getting quite good and handling technology now, but I'm not sure how he'd react to having a musical instrument shoved at him- he might just be pleased that noboday's trying to hit him with it.
Still, feel free to press-gang them if you like.
...and I think air guitar/drums/instrument go into the 'other' category. Tyler might like percussion too - you hit things at the right time, and that's it. There's a place for everyone at the Picso!
you'd be more than welcome to give them a real instrument and make them try to play it. They'd be able to star in "In the Hall of the Badfic".
And I like the idea of seeing Cassie trying to play the flute or something.