I enjoyed this a lot.

The scene setting you did at the beginning for the cafeteria was very good, I particularly like the line '...the people chatting and eating ran the gamut from humans to illithids to a Triceratops...', and the following one about the quality of the food.

The way it builds up to the ship crashing through - starting with a seemingly normal portal, then definitely an unusual portal, the agents readying for action, and then the prow of the ship coming through, was very well done. I could picture the scene clearly in my head, it was really well described.

Cap'n Marilena seems like a really interesting character. She's got a nice unique voice, and a strong personality (as well as a nice random mission that fits nicely with the general randomness of the PPC). I do hope we'll be seeing more of her. I like how she compared the security officers as being like the Royal Navy, that was a nice touch.

I didn't spot any typos, and I thought that the description was really well done, and didn't spoil the flow of the narrative at all.

I enjoyed this a lot.

The scene setting you did at the beginning for the cafeteria was very good, I particularly like the line '...the people chatting and eating ran the gamut from humans to illithids to a Triceratops...', and the following one about the quality of the food.

The way it builds up to the ship crashing through - starting with a seemingly normal portal, then definitely an unusual portal, the agents readying for action, and then the prow of the ship coming through, was very well done. I could picture the scene clearly in my head, it was really well described.

Cap'n Marilena seems like a really interesting character. She's got a nice unique voice, and a strong personality (as well as a nice random mission that fits nicely with the general randomness of the PPC). I do hope we'll be seeing more of her. I like how she compared the security officers as being like the Royal Navy, that was a nice touch.

I didn't spot any typos, and I thought that the description was really well done, and didn't spoil the flow of the narrative at all.

Can this be added to the PPC Wikia? Sofar I think it should go under cafeteria.

http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/Category:Trans-dimensional_Organisations

I also think that Pizza Run should either get its own entry, or a sub-category of other trans-dimensional traders.

The flow is just right as it is, it would probably seem to be rushed if you hadn’t taken the time to make more sense to unfamiliar readers. But I wonder whether the first two paragraphs, tweaked a bit, might work better in present tense, because the PPC cafeteria is not history yet, and the "One day" at the beginning of the third paragraph so obviously denotes a shift from describing a general situation to telling a specific event.

Also, two sentences confused me:

"He landed on the floor and dragged the tuna into a deep shadow under on the tables."
Shouldn’t this be “under one of the tables”?

"One pair of cafeteria doors, which had already been open a moment ago, were suddenly thrown open ..."
I guess the doors were not closed, but also not wide open, and somebody may have peered in, and then they were suddenly thrown wide open and the security agents stormed in. The wording is a bit weird.
(Also, grammar check says that "a pair of doors" is singular and thus it should read "was suddenly thrown open".

It’s nice to know that may agents, when they eventually arrive at HQ, may be able to get other food than what is served in the cafeteria.

HG

Your pirate captain is amazing, the ship's name was amazing, I loved the description of the crew, and the agents' reactions were perfect! The little bits like the animal furs that were too perfect to be real we're what really sold this for me, though. I mean, what else are you going to do when your room starts overflowing with Sue pelts? :P

Going to Googledocs now!

I've always wondered what you can do for edible food in the PPC if you aren't lucky enough to have access to World One or aren't able to pass as human...

Also, I love your Pirate Captain. She's welcome back any time. :D

And the DES' better off NOT stopping that ship from coming back. There's going to be a riot otherwise.

That's great. I love the concept that there are other entities causing havoc and otherwise with plotholes.