Subject: I don't have a full-sized response.
Author:
Posted on: 2014-04-03 22:24:00 UTC

This is the first of your missions that I've read, so I can't compare it to the others, and I'm only marginally familiar with Epic Mickey, but I noticed two issues in this section: (Now that they were catching up to the story, they were avoiding portals as much as possible to put off the fast forward syndrome as long as possible.) Doc had been reading the Words as well (with difficulty, considering he wasn’t yet good at doing so with glasses) and had questions of his own. You might consider rephrasing the parenthetical so that there aren't two "as ___ as possible"s in one sentence, and as for the second sentence, hadn't it been established earlier that he didn't have his glasses on?
Also, there's a missing comma after "Millie" in You’re with Millie aren’t you?”

I liked the meta angle, though! We've seen how the Word World reacts when the fic is deleted, but this is the first time I've seen where the agents sent into a badfic get stuck between drafts. I wonder what this would've done to the Intelligence agent sent to scout it out. Would they have only been in the first draft, and unaware of the second, or would they have been trapped between versions the way the Agents sent into it later were?
Notably, the version of the badfic that you linked seems to have gone through yet another draft change, since Millie is now an eleven-year-old named Mileena, and Olsen has been written back in.

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