Subject: This raises new questions.
Author:
Posted on: 2014-02-18 05:45:00 UTC
I'd offer to beta at this point, but it looks like you've already got three people and I've recently discovered I don't like working in a crowd, so:
1. It seems like you're introducing the Fictionary some way into the story. If Christianne appears to have been getting by without the Fictionary being mentioned until this point, what purpose does it serve to introduce the device at all? Why not just let her be competent?
2. If Christianne appears competent enough with the canon that her partner doesn't question it for some time, how much is she relying on the Fictionary? If she's using it a lot, how is it that Eledhwen doesn't notice?
3. It looks like the ability to enter queries is allowing the agents to avoid scanning characters directly. This is not how the Fictionary was originally conceived. Is it a better story this way, or just easier?
Obviously I don't have all the information, so feel free to disregard these if they're covered in the story already, but otherwise please give it some careful thought before you decide you're done editing. {= )
~Neshomeh
P.S. I debated saying anything, since this isn't really my wheelhouse, but I'm going to: Do be careful with triggers. I'm kinda of the opinion that there are two types: 1) the real PTSD sort of thing that can seriously psychologically compromise someone and requires hard work to overcome, and 2) the fake kind that people think they have because they believe they should never be upset by anything ever. I figure you're talking about the real deal, and that's serious, so it bears the risk of either making things too grim and unfun, or else being treated too lightly and coming off as fake. Tread softly, for here there be dragons.