Subject: A somewhat minor nitpick
Author:
Posted on: 2013-10-18 05:07:00 UTC
At the beginning of the mission, Nume says that 'the Japanese Mafia does not take girls'. This is incorrect - Yakuza can be women; an example is Goto Mayuki, the partner of Goto Kenji from the Kyokoto-kai Yakuza family of Tokyo, who sometimes, to quote Yaakov Raz's book My Brother the Yakuza, has to be stronger than a man.
First, apologies for basically falling off the face of the Internet. I'm not dead, just extremely busy with other things for the time being: I'm planning the menu and a massage workshop for a UU young adult con at the end of the month, my college homecoming was last weekend, and my cat was very sick a couple weeks ago—at a time when we had almost zero free money for tests, so although he's okay now, we still don't know exactly what happened, and it's been pretty rough. {= (
Without all that, this post would have happened a lot sooner (my goal was to publish before October). So, without further ado, I present to you:
"Blood Raining Night" with Agents Supernumerary and Ilraen (DIC)
- In which cleanliness is next to godliness.
Continua: Hetalia: Axis Powers, InuYasha, The Legend of Korra, Hellsing, Princess Mononoke, and Elfen Lied
Rating: R/M - this is Bleepfic, folks. Not Safe For Work, Not Safe For Brain; warnings for gore, violence, rape, and lots of plain old grossness.
Betas: Phobos, Herr Wozzeck, and Irish Samurai
To my betas, thanks a million. You guys were totally awesome! {= D
~Neshomeh
I don't know any of those fandoms, and the sheer chaos had me boggling a lot, but your wonderfully hilarious Agent interactions saved my brain. Poor Nume... he seems to exist to get dumped on, but it's so funny to watch. XD Ilraen is alternately cute and badass. And Jenni is just awesome.
In conclusion, congrats on getting through that. Have some celebratory internet-cake. :D
*om nom nom*
Don't feel too bad for Nume. He does a fair bit to make things worse for himself than they need to be—but on the other hand, his neurotic avoidance of squick let him save the day this time. *g*
Thanks! *hugs*
~Neshomeh
At the beginning of the mission, Nume says that 'the Japanese Mafia does not take girls'. This is incorrect - Yakuza can be women; an example is Goto Mayuki, the partner of Goto Kenji from the Kyokoto-kai Yakuza family of Tokyo, who sometimes, to quote Yaakov Raz's book My Brother the Yakuza, has to be stronger than a man.
I figured that out about the time I was deciding whether to bother gender-bending a character who doesn't much care about what bits she has. {= ) I found out that women in the yakuza are the exception rather than the rule, though—all the big organized crime organizations I've heard of come from very patriarchal cultures and are basically boys' clubs—and I didn't think it would set a good example for me to go "Well hey, it can happen, so it's totally okay for me to do it!" Plus, if it's okay for my character, it should be okay for Rachel, and that makes her just a bit less ridiculous, which is no fun.
In other words, I think a generalization is appropriate here. Anyone who wants to write seriously about the yakuza will have done more research than I and therefore know better, and anyone who doesn't know better might as well believe that what's typical is what's true.
I could also make the case that Nume simply doesn't know better, but that's kinda beside the point.
I hope that wasn't the only thing about the mission that stood out in your mind enough to comment on. {= (
~Neshomeh
Sorry, just had to get that out of my system :)
As I've said before, I think this is brilliant. I'm still slightly in awe of the fact that you managed to write such a cohesive mission from such an incoherent fic.
Ilraen's line about the 'angle wings' is one of my favourites, and I also (obviously) really like the 'KHAAAAAAAAAN!' scene. Jenni's description of the 'bath' was really well done, although I do have to agree with Nume a little bit - still some very nice wordsmithing though.
I think you did a good job of balancing the attention given to each of your agents throughout - they all had different strengths, and they had some great character interactions along the way.
Using logic to do the Duty, and (perhaps even more importantly) render the Sue helpless first, was fantastic.
I really enjoyed reading this.
Sheesh, you'd think this was a Star Trek mission with all the KHAN!-shouting going on in this thread. {X D
"Cohesive" is a very nice word to hear, since I often feel like I get caught up in making each individual scene, paragraph, or sentence work and just kind of cross my fingers and hope that the whole thing will work as a result. ^_^;
As always, you were a big help and great to work with. *hugs*
~Neshomeh
To be fair, given the number of canons dragged into the fic, I wouldn't be surprised if it did eventually pull in some Star Trek (I still haven't read it all the way through), although I guess that wouldn't really fit in with the 'anime night at the Pit' theme that it currently has.
Nah, I don't think there's any Trek in the badfic (so far). I know FMA gets dragged into it, though. See, Rachel has to sacrifice her arms at some point—this is to show that she's not a Sue, because bad things happen to her and she has to suffer consequences—and then Winry hooks her up with automail, which I guess is kinda uncomfortable for a few minutes, so see, totally not a Sue! Because getting automail could not in any way be construed as cool, a badass upgrade, or making the sacrifice totally meaningless. *rolls eyes*
I love this fic. ^_^
~Neshomeh
Not just Logic, but a Hitchhikers' Guide reference at that - even better!
I'm also (whatever number we're up to now)-ing the 'KHAAAAAAAAAAN!' being awesome.
but there's a letter missing. After the world collapses, you have: "The did get to witness Inuyasha being reunited with Kagome...." I believe that the first word is supposed to be "they"?
Man, you have just done an overall excellent job with this mission. It has so many parts, and the badfic itself threw you so many problems, but you've worked everything together so seamlessly!
First of all, six animes. If I weren't such a completionist PPC worshipper, I wouldn't even have read this mission, because I hate anime and know nothing about these ones. But I didn't have any trouble in this mission keeping track of all the different ones because of how well-informed your agents kept me through the their dialogue. Even better, these explanations felt like dialogue, and not like narrative info-dumping. (Lucy/Elfen Lied is the one aspect of the crossover that I didn't learn about as much. A bit more info on her would have been nice, unless Nume's vagueness was to avoid spoilers?)
Supernumerary+Ilraen+Jenni makes an utterly excellent team of agents, banter-wise. The back-and-forth between Nume and Jenni, with Ilraen refereeing, made the mission seem to go fast, despite its length. You might want to consider having Jenni tag along more often. >_> It's also good to see that Ilraen is taking more responsibility for what goes on, not only within the mission, but in generally taking care of his partner as well. (Although I shudder to imagine what the results of that last paragraph will be.) Speaking of shuddering, I'm also very glad that you used Jenni's own confrontation with way-too-gross-for-her to give her a better respect for when Nume's squick buttons get pushed too far.
You also handled well the badfic's switching back and forth between hilariously stupid plots and dialogue and horrifyingly offensive events and behaviors. The agents' reactions to both stayed realistic, and avoided trivializing the bad stuff while still having fun with the dumb stuff.
Two little errors!
"Jenni glared daggers at Nume, who only glared back Ilraen kept a firm pressure on her shoulders, keeping her pinned to the table." (missing period)
"In frustration, Nume threw his notepad to the floor a satisfying slap." (missing . . . something)
Also, this might seem like a piddling little thing to complain about, but I'm disappointed that you didn't do something with "Les Tacos," the Mexican restaurant that's apparently also partly French? I laughed harder at that incorrect-language pronoun than anything else! Just. . .
Les Tacos! XD Frog leg taco, anyone? Or perhaps escargot with chili in a croissant burrito?
I always look forward to your reviews. {= )
Aw, how come you hate anime? I totally get not being into it—you have to be willing to accept a lot of bizarre stuff to enjoy most of it—but why the hate? Also, what have you seen, and can I recommend some that are not overly weird?
Still, I'm glad you were able to enjoy the mission regardless. I didn't get into Lucy as much mostly because I didn't feel like I could take the time to discuss her in detail that late in the mission, and it wouldn't have made the fic make more sense anyway. But yeah, fully explaining her would spoil the show, which is all about the mystery of what her deal is.
Jenni is not allowed to tag along more often, I'm afraid. She's supposed to be doing her time as not-the-main-character, and it's a struggle to keep her that way—she has a tendency to dominate any given situation, partly because that's her personality, partly because she was my avatar for a very long time and writing her comes more naturally than writing anyone else. On the other hand, this story was a great way to make her not be right about everything and suffer consequences for making assumptions. Though, in her defense, Nume made it really easy for her, and he has an equal share in everything that went wrong.
Ilraen will be stepping up to the plate more from here on out. Working with other agents and generally being exposed to new people and situations has opened his eyes to some of what he's actually capable of. Don't worry about the last paragraph too much. {= ) I'm not sure exactly where I'm going with that yet, but I can at least promise it won't involve Lux beyond him maybe reading her book. That would be way too obvious.
Re. Les Tacos, I left it alone mostly because (again) I didn't feel like I had time to delve into it at that point, and also I didn't have any great ideas for it. I figured it was stupid just because it's uninspired as well as incorrect Spanish (didn't occur to me that les is French), but it seems like it's possible to find lots of different reasons to laugh at it. Phobos tells me he thinks it sounds like a lesbian hangout, for instance. Perhaps it's best that it's left up to the readers to put their own spin on it?
I've had fish tacos (which were okay aside from being too spicy for me), but I dunno about frog tacos. Not sure how you'd coax a croissant into a cylindrical shape, either. Maybe snail chili could work, but that would take a lot of snails. {X D
Thanks for catching those typos! They're fixed now.
~Neshomeh
It's not the content of anime that turns me off to them, so much as the animation style. Most of the stuff I've seen on TV has such sketchy, cheap-looking animation. Things like the mouths barely moving, the over-dramatic emotional cues (giant sweat drops, falling over, etc.) make me feel like the animators didn't put as much work into the show as they could have. I guess I'm just spoiled, growing up on Disney movies?
And I realize that's not true of all anime, and that the Studio Ghibli stuff is pretty solid. I just have difficulty even approaching the genre as a whole anymore.
I recommend Moribito. It's more serious and period-piece-like than most of what you see on TV, and has a more sober animation style to match. The story, characters, and world are all really strong, and the series isn't all that long; just 26 episodes. Sadly, I'm not quite sure where to find it at the moment. It used to be on Netflix, but it wasn't there when I searched yesterday. {= (
There's also stuff like Princess Mononoke, Spirited Away, Cowboy Bebop, Trigun, and Fullmetal Alchemist, all of which are more stylized than Moribito, but widely regarded as high-quality and not too opaque to be enjoyed by newcomers. Cowboy Bebop is worthwhile for the soundtrack alone, IMO, and heavily influenced by American music and films, so it's almost more American than Japanese overall. Bebop and Trigun are both space westerns, actually, though the latter is not very heavy on the "space" aspect.
I will say that things like sweat-drops, stress marks, nosebleeds, etc. are just part of a different set of visual tropes than we're used to in Western animation (where we have legs turning into wheels to indicate really fast running, fights represented by dust clouds with limbs randomly popping out, and people's whole heads turning red and exploding with rage), so it may help to keep that in mind if you come across stuff that sounds interesting on paper. Also, I learned recently that the big eyes, small mouth aesthetic got into Japanese animation by way of artists who were inspired by Disney, so it's at least partially Disney's fault that modern anime looks the way it does. ^_~ Still, that stuff can be overused just like any other trope, and you can't help it if it turns you off regardless.
~Neshomeh
Most of the stuff that goes on TV IS cheap - a lot of shonen (think about Dragonball) or Magical Girl stuff is aimed to children or teens, and so is quantity over quality.
The gems are usually those that either get broadcasted at improbable hours, or don't get aired out of Japan at all.
I think you should really try to watch some of the widely recognized good series, possibly in Japanese with subtitles (a lot of things get lost in the dubs). Maybe something short, like Madoka Magica or Jormungand?
Anime isn't exactly a genre, it's more of a type of production. Would you stop watching movies at all just because B-movies exist? I don't think so.
But flaky pastry with burrito filling sounds worth trying.
That was awesome. Granted, I only knew one of the continua involved (Hetalia), but I don't think I need more. It seemed to me that the mission was more about the agents, as all good missions are. I like how even someone like Jenni has a point when she can get squicked, and where that point is, and I like Ilraen being mature because we/I have a tendency to coddle him but we/I need to remember that he is an adult. (I don't know whether other people know him as adorable naive blue centaur alien.) And Nume is always awesome - I'm not so much of a fangirl anymore, but he's still one of my favorite agents. I love his interactions with Jenni.
Considering all the other amazing things, I'm rather ashamed to admit that my favorite part was the Khan joke.
Oh, and speaking of Star Trek, two things:
1. You said something a while back about being disappointed with Into Darkness, and the more I think about it the more I don't like reboot. So even though I seemed rather gushy then, I've come to see its flaws. Now I regard it as a guilty pleasure.
2. I seem to recall you saying something about particularly liking DS9. I'm on season 3, and it is just so awesome. It's rare that I can't decide on a favorite character, but in this case everyone is just too interesting and neurotic. Actually, I lied, I think my favorite character is Garak, but I can't decide of the main cast. So you were right, it is great. :)
So yeah, great mission, and it's awesome to have you back!
Thanks! I'm glad you liked it, and I don't think you should be ashamed of particularly enjoying the Khan joke, since it was pretty much aimed at you. {= )
I hope people have known Ilraen as "adorable naive blue centaur alien," because that's how I've written him. He's slowly emerging as a pretty awesome dude, though, especially if what we see in stuff like "Catastrophe Theory" has any resonance at all with the prime timeline. (I think it does.) Nobody quite realizes what a badass they have on their hands, but they may yet. We'll see.
Not surprised to hear the rose-colored glasses have faded with regards to Nume. I love him, but he's a big jerk. ^~
I'm writing some backstory with him and Jenni, which seems like it will please people. BRN really got me thinking about how they got to be the way they are; i.e., why they associate with each other despite apparently not being able to go two minutes without arguing. It makes me happy to know that people besides me like their dynamic, so it won't just be a self-indulgent project.
Now, Star Trek:
1. I hope that's not on my account. ^^; I do like the first reboot movie a lot, just to clarify. I'm not against the overall idea; I just thought it was lazy of Into Darkness to ride on the coattails of its predecessor rather than taking the opportunity to do something completely new.
2. OMG Garak is the most awesome ever you have no idea!!1one! ... *cough* Ahem. That is, yes, I concur that DS9 is highly enjoyable and so is our resident genteel tailor. Also, I love his relationship with Bashir, and I ship that. Of the main cast... heck, I don't know, either. I do like Bashir, but he occasionally suffers for Trek's tendency to play fast and loose with how biology works. Kira kicks so much ass, and so does Cisco. I used to like Odo more, but now I think he's best taken in his dynamic with others, especially Kira and Quark. The first few seasons are pretty Quark-heavy, as I recall. That bugged me, but he ends up rather likeable overall, IMO, so it's worth it.
And that's enough of that for this post, I think. ^_^; I'm glad you're enjoying it so far. There's loads more awesomeness ahead! {= D
~Neshomeh
I'm not much of a DS9 fan, but isn't that name supposed to be spelled "Sisko," not "Cisco"?
The worst part is that I actually "corrected" myself after I initially typed S and changed it to a C. Derp! >.
Oh well, at least OFAS has some extra help now, if they didn't have him already. I wouldn't be surprised if that's a common mistake, since Cisco is a pretty well-known brand.
~Neshomeh
Of course, the fact that he's likely going to be covered in shortening will make it more difficult for him to take sharp turns than the other mini-Gorn, but considering that the shortening will probably leave stains on the fangirls' outfits when he tackles them, I say it's a good exchange.
Alternatively, the coordinators could just wash him off, but where would the fun be in that?
(P.S. Your next reply should come later today. I was having some problems with my e-mail service when I tried to respond this past weekend, and I had to discontinue working on them when another project came up. It's fixed now.)
Uh...I think you're confusing Cisco with Crisco. I'm guessing that Cisco the Mini-Gorn would have something to do with OFAS's tech.
Problems with the e-mail service? What kind of problems? We both use Yahoo!, don't we; I don't recall any problems on my end (though having yet another new format thrust on us is quite annoying...)
Seriously, do you remember when writing a mission didn't inevitably lead to staring at a 26-page document and exclaiming, "But I'm only halfway through!"? I'd better get back to that one, actually...
This was a departure from the missions I usually read, simply because I don't know any of the canons in the slightest. But despite that, you peppered it with enough stuff that I had a good time. I liked the agents' interaction - the scenes around the first blood explosion and the baths stood out on that score - and the way you managed to get Nume to give most of the charge list without it being a charge list yet. Yes, someone noticed you doing that. ;)
hS
This is at least shorter than "Ring Child," if Tripod's file size count is to be believed... but yeah, I'm deliberately gunning for a smaller fic next time around. The Lichen is going to cut them a break. It's not totally heartless like some of its colleagues, after all. *cue evil laughter off-screen* {; )
I had fun writing the not-a-charge-list, so I'm glad you noticed! Nume does declare that he's charging her early on, though. I felt I had to make sure everything he says to her afterward is technically official, if you squint at it sideways.
Sounds like not many people are familiar with these continua. I'd strongly recommend Avatar: The Last Airbender and Princess Mononoke to anyone. Avatar is an all-around fantastic show with a fully developed world, strong characters, and really great writing. Princess Mononoke (and pretty much anything else by Hayao Miyazaki/Studio Ghibli) is widely regarded as a good starter anime—it's approachable and has a complex morality that makes you think instead of just shoving the answer in your face. You can sympathize with everyone's side of the conflict to some degree, which I love. The English voice cast is pretty star-studded, if that counts for anything.
Anyway, thanks! Glad you enjoyed the mission. {= )
~Neshomeh
Ooh, I love this mission. It's brilliant!
~Autumn
I'm not likely to be very active for a while yet, but I'm around.
Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed the mission. As I've asked others, though, could you tell me what was brilliant about it? To deserve a word like that, there must be something you can point to. {= )
~Neshomeh
I like the humour, the Jenni-Nume-Ilraen relationship, the way the trio of agents got rid of the Sue 'N Co....so on. Oh, and not to mention this line: "And already we have the misuse of Japanese suffixes," [Nume] continued, jotting that down, too. "Not to mention her name! Ray-chair-rooo; that's how you say 'my name is Rachel and I am a weeaboo' in fangirl Japanese."
~Autumn
Heh, I worked hard on that line. I wanted to comment on the fact that the author is writing the character's name as though she translated it to Roman type from Japanese type even though it is clearly not a Japanese name, and I had to condense all that into something that a person would actually say. It took a few tries to get it right. ^_^
~Neshomeh
Those descriptions make for hilarious results!
Also, that's an interesting way to kill the Sues.
One reason this mission took so long to complete was the sheer amount of material I had to work with. It's tempting to let the bad writing speak for itself, but I wanted to make a point of pushing the envelope with how I could reinterpret it. I'm glad it payed off. {= )
You can thank Phobos and one Mr. Douglas Adams for the assassination method. (And if you haven't read Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy yet, what are you still doing here? Go! Read!)
Thanks!
~Neshomeh
I really did enjoy it (despite the huge amounts of blood, ugh), especially the "KORRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" "KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!" exchange, which caught me by surprise and was so hilarious I promptly reread it several times. Honestly, awesome mission, and Ilraen is quickly becoming even more of a favorite of mine than he already was. Well done!
Also, here, have several bars of high-grade Swiss Bleepolate to deal with having read the actual fic in order to do the mission...
~DF
*reads mission*
*reads "KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!" line*
*starts laughing*
*heads to Board; tries to get over laughing fit; succeeds long enough to type*
Whew. That "KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!" line was a good break from the complete mindscrew of a badfic. Was that deliberate comic relief? Either way, you just gave me a good second wind to keep going through this mission. I wonder what our agents have in store for this ridiculous 'Sue?
I mean, it was supposed to be funny, and it does come at the beginning of a brief intermission where the agents and readers can catch their breath, so... sure, I'll take credit for that. ^_~ I'm glad it worked out so well!
What did you think of what followed?
~Neshomeh
It wasn't the most flashy of Sue-slayings, but given the nature of the Sue's crimes against canon, it just made sense for her to vanish in a Puff of Logic. And I actually learned something, too: thanks for the YouTube link! What made you think of using the dropped slinky as a simile?
That reminds me, I need to add it to the list of assassination methods. It's more accurate to say "Unstable Paradox," but "Puff of Logic" is definitely catchier. {= )
We have Phobos to thank for the slinky idea, actually. I was trying to come up with a way to explain why the whole Word World doesn't instantly go *poof* when Rachel and Elaine vanish, taking the agents with it. The best I could come up with was a ripple effect, but then Phobos showed me the slinky video and I thought that was perfect for visualizing how the bits of the world furthest from the point of collapse remain stable until the shock wave gets there. I'm not sure it's noticeable, but I even wrote the escape sequence so that the quakes take a little longer to start each time the agents jump backward scene-wise as they're rounding up the canon characters. It was fun to do. ^_^
Thanks for reading and commenting!
~Neshomeh
but Puff of Logic even has its own TVTropes page, complete with an entry on the PPC's favorite substance, Bleeprin!
I'm kinda wondering if that in itself could be a new charge. "Gratuitous use of dramatic villan's name scream".
I figured the Star Trek buffs around here would particularly enjoy that part. I think any self-respecting geek would have the same response as the agents in that situation, though. {= D
Ilraen has to fight tooth and claw to get a word in edgewise against the combined force of Nume vs. Jenni, so I'm happy he stands out enough to win some love. He's growing up so fast. *wipes tear* May I ask what in particular impressed you?
Thanks for the Swiss Bleepolate! Hm, maybe I should share with the agents... but then again... nah. My chocolate, my own, my Preciousss.... *scuttles into a corner to nom*
~Neshomeh
Loved the mission! Don't think I ever laughed so hard in recent memory but then again I didn't really need the bleepka since I'm a masochist anyway. One of the reasons I got into the PPC. Still great job and write more!
I haven't considered the humor aspect of PPC writing my strongest suit, so it's great to hear you found the mission so funny. ^_^ What were your favorite bits? Gotta know what works vs. what falls flat.
Re. Bleepka, I tend to agree—I look for "so bad it's funny" badfic to PPC, and I'm actually pretty fond of the original "Blood Raining Night" for the amount of entertainment it's provided me and my friends. Not that it doesn't have its moments of real awfulness, but the overblown descriptions and nonsensical plot turns are pure comedic gold. *g*
~Neshomeh
The MST style Star Trek refence was probaly the best joke out of all of them. As well as the sudden terror at the attempt at fan service was pretty good. As for some of the stuff you could have done better, You missed a great chance for a Ghostbusters shout-out when "God" mentioned how the sue and Inuyasha were two halves needed to create one whole which also could have given you a way to kill the sue and techincly be within the canon of the badfic. That is if you remember how the heroes defeated the "God" creature that resulted in the union aslo catgirls are a fairly common race for japanophile fangirls though this one wasn't ditzy and prone to mewing and saying nya.
She did have the rule of sexy/coustume porn sterotype. If you want a canon example try to find a hentai series called Dragon Pink or look and SFW Darkstalkers for the best examples.
Are you talking about the original Ghostbusters movie, or something else? TBH, the thing I remember the most about the first movie is the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. {= / There was something about the Gatekeeper and the Keymaster (I think?), but weren't they Bill Murray's girlfriend and Rick Moranis, respectively? I don't recall either of them needing to die to defeat Zuul or whatever.
I don't agree that "KHAAAN!" was the best joke, considering it's probably the one that took the least actual thought on my part, but hey, I can't complain if people enjoyed it that much. {= )
Oh, Reicheru says "nya" all the freaking time, especially later on in the badfic. Actually, she says "nya-on!" (with or without the addition of tildes), which I suppose is her putting her own unique spin on it. I just didn't feel like getting into it in the mission, since there were so many more important things to worry about.
Not personally into hentai/porn, but thanks, I guess?
~Neshomeh
The mission is of course long, but it kept its pace thanks to the factor of sheer "What the f*** am I looking at" that pervaded the mission. So overall, great times were had for everyone. Well, except Jenny, but you know how it is.
Now, I think I should probably get around to posting some of my own PPC writing in the very near future...
Jeez, I hope you weren't waiting on me. O.o;
Jenni's not too badly off, really. Sure, the Sue-tracking anklet she's got coming will chafe a bit, but she'll live. {= )
Thanks again!
~Neshomeh
I'm still waiting for someone else to look through the latest F&E interlude before I post it. (I was hoping to post both interludes at the same time.) I don't know how much longer I should give him, but... No, you weren't the only person I was waiting on.
I had actually finished looking over the RC 1810 interlude a while ago. As in, late July. Did you post an addition to the story a while back that I hadn't looked over yet? I'm checking the Google Doc now, and it doesn't look like you did, so I'm not sure what prompted the extra waiting. The only issues I had left with it that weren't either altered or explained related to why exactly the Marquis decided to change around the RC 1810 dynamic, which had never really been addressed, and I concluded eventually that it wasn't supposed to have been addressed at all, and was simply to be put down to the Flowers' odd assignment methods or something of the sort.
However, if you were referring to a second beta that simply hasn't shown up, then I apologize for presuming you were talking about me. (awkwardly slinks off into a corner)
but how many people do you beta for?
It's someone else I'm waiting on for certain reasons. So don't fret too badly.
Very, very long, too. I am officially never reading that bleepfic without lots of backup.
(That slinky video was awesome.)
-Aila
But, if I may press, what was wonderful about it? I'm glad you took the time to read and enjoyed it, but knowing what I did right is important if I'm to keep doing it and build on it. {= )
(Veritasium in general is pretty cool. Credit goes to Phobos for introducing me to them and giving me the idea.)
~Neshomeh
The whole Jenni-Ilraen-Nume dynamic was extremely well done, and they bounced off each other perfectly. I liked how they were occasionally friends in the face of horribleness, and then went immediately back to being enemies again. And poor Ilraen crushed in the middle. I like Ilraen.
The way you played up the disgusting aspect while maintaining the humor was something that I certainly couldn't have done well, and, of course, the Sue and her spawn's end was wonderful. Someone should add it to the page for Puff of Logic on TVTropes.
(I actually sent the video to my physics teacher and she decided to start off class with it. I don't know what that says about me, my teacher, or the class, but there you go. *shrug*)
-Aila
(Finally getting another wave of replies in this morning, I hope!)
People are really responding to the Jenni-Nume thing, it seems. That's good, since I have a couple interludes involving them in the works. ^_^ FYI, if you haven't read my spinoff previously, Jenni also tags along with the boys in an earlier mission of theirs, "Harry Potter and the Dragonriders of Pern." I want to clarify that they aren't enemies, though. As much as they snipe at each other, neither of them really wants to hurt the other. It's just kinda how they relate—sort of a competitive thing.
I take my cues from Trojie and Pads when it comes to how to handle "mature" subject matter. I highly recommend their spin-off. IMO, it's one of the funniest there is.
Ha, I think it's awesome that you sent the slinky video to your teacher and she used it! That's almost on the level of showing Bill Nye or the Mythbusters in class. I hope they enjoyed it!
~Neshomeh
I'll come back with actual feedback later, I just wanted to get that out of my system. :P
Sure, it's been almost a year since I last posted a mission, but who's counting? {; P
I've got a couple short stories in the works, though. One is an event piece and pretty much finished, just waiting for the appropriate time (February) to post; the other is backstory and only just started. I'm not entirely sure how far it'll go, but it should be fun.
Not sure what mission I'm going to do next. It's Derik and Gall's turn, but there's an FMA x HP crossover that's been on my back burner for years...
~Neshomeh
The answer is probably no, but I've had more than one FicPsych idea fail to get off the ground in living memory. {= /
~Neshomeh
I never quite found a story to go with the joke about blackouts always heralding terrible things. If I figure something out I may go back to it, but so far nothing doing.
~Neshomeh