Subject: Re: Mission
Author:
Posted on: 2013-10-15 21:59:00 UTC
Man, you have just done an overall excellent job with this mission. It has so many parts, and the badfic itself threw you so many problems, but you've worked everything together so seamlessly!
First of all, six animes. If I weren't such a completionist PPC worshipper, I wouldn't even have read this mission, because I hate anime and know nothing about these ones. But I didn't have any trouble in this mission keeping track of all the different ones because of how well-informed your agents kept me through the their dialogue. Even better, these explanations felt like dialogue, and not like narrative info-dumping. (Lucy/Elfen Lied is the one aspect of the crossover that I didn't learn about as much. A bit more info on her would have been nice, unless Nume's vagueness was to avoid spoilers?)
Supernumerary+Ilraen+Jenni makes an utterly excellent team of agents, banter-wise. The back-and-forth between Nume and Jenni, with Ilraen refereeing, made the mission seem to go fast, despite its length. You might want to consider having Jenni tag along more often. >_> It's also good to see that Ilraen is taking more responsibility for what goes on, not only within the mission, but in generally taking care of his partner as well. (Although I shudder to imagine what the results of that last paragraph will be.) Speaking of shuddering, I'm also very glad that you used Jenni's own confrontation with way-too-gross-for-her to give her a better respect for when Nume's squick buttons get pushed too far.
You also handled well the badfic's switching back and forth between hilariously stupid plots and dialogue and horrifyingly offensive events and behaviors. The agents' reactions to both stayed realistic, and avoided trivializing the bad stuff while still having fun with the dumb stuff.
Two little errors!
"Jenni glared daggers at Nume, who only glared back Ilraen kept a firm pressure on her shoulders, keeping her pinned to the table." (missing period)
"In frustration, Nume threw his notepad to the floor a satisfying slap." (missing . . . something)
Also, this might seem like a piddling little thing to complain about, but I'm disappointed that you didn't do something with "Les Tacos," the Mexican restaurant that's apparently also partly French? I laughed harder at that incorrect-language pronoun than anything else! Just. . .
Les Tacos! XD Frog leg taco, anyone? Or perhaps escargot with chili in a croissant burrito?