Subject: Ah, curse my faux-allegiance to Morgoth!
Author:
Posted on: 2013-02-26 07:35:00 UTC
The spams! They are everywhere! And I can't even eat them, even if I'm allowed to!
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Ah, curse my faux-allegiance to Morgoth! by
on 2013-02-26 07:35:00 UTC
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Alright, daak, what'd you do? by
on 2013-02-26 07:40:00 UTC
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There has to be some reason that the crazies got out of their cages again, what'd the Dark Lord make you do?
Also: good Aeldra, it's like a trollapalooza in here! -
It all began when Earendil... by
on 2013-02-26 07:51:00 UTC
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Let me speak to Morgoth from behind the Door. He told me that Morgoth can still make pranks from the other side, and I scoffed at him. Humans did better at that, I said. Then he left me alone. We played Battleships, which I didn't know how to play, and somehow Morgoth won. I could hear his happy shouts from the door. Then I asked my leave, need to check up on the Board. Then this happened.
Or maybe Saruman regains some of his powers, and tried to be a hacker instead. Any guesses are good enough to me.
[So the roleplay of the Tolkienverse begins. Any comments on anything not in the roleplay must be written as so. Anyways, I might get wrong on some points, so corrections a re encouraged.] -
What was that about a roleplay, you said? by
on 2013-02-26 07:59:00 UTC
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(I, of course, shan't participate - I have like, zip knowledge when it comes to Tolkien. But I'll at least advertise it.)
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Nothing, my Lord! by
on 2013-02-26 08:04:00 UTC
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Didn't know Morgoth can hear me from here. Or is it Earendil?
[It's OK. I only want to start the rock rolling, I'm expecting the rest to continue the avalanche and me joining in a bit, while learning more about Tolkienverse.] -
Morgoth is behind this? by
on 2013-02-26 18:23:00 UTC
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I must admit my knowledge of Morgoth's powers are lacking. How is it he can affect us so when he is in the Void?
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Because Arda is his Ring. by
on 2013-02-27 03:40:00 UTC
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As in, Morgoth has invested most of his powers to Arda in order to control it. He failed to gain full control, but he's powerful enough at his height to make you sneeze outside of flu season, or spice shops. Or at least, that's what he said. I may need to tip off Aule to repair the Door of the Night. I don't want my village of orcs to stop knitting just because there is Dagor Dagorath looming. Which by the way, how I got my title Dark Lord. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHHHH!!!!
[Yes, Tolkien had said that Arda is Morgoth's Ring, which also meanns that until Arda is destroyed, or mended, Morgoth will continue to exist. He may be able to exert more of his powers as the Door of the Night, the one thing that stops him from reentering Arda, weakens.] -
So that's what it means. by
on 2013-02-27 10:13:00 UTC
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You make your orcs knit? What kind of soft Dark Lord are...waitaminute, that's actually kind of evil. Nevermind. Carry on! What do your orcs knit?
[That's fascinating! I didn't know that, mainly because I have yet to get my hands on a copy of Morgoth's Ring. Thanks for sharing!]
~DF -
Sarungs, oven gloves with asbestos coverings,... by
on 2013-02-27 11:51:00 UTC
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..., chainmail armours, even tablecloths, for a right price. Yes, Orcs can knit chainmail armour. I have a few of Shelob's cute little fuzzy-wuzzy spideys crawling around. Their silk is hard to cut, so I had to go to a store and buy some grinders. But the effort is worth it. I don't do mail-order though.
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Sarungs? by
on 2013-02-27 13:08:00 UTC
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How about if I send an agent to collect it? That way no one has to mail anything; it all travels by portal.
~DF -
[Sorry for the double-post] (nm) by
on 2013-02-27 16:32:00 UTC
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Deal. by
on 2013-02-27 16:13:00 UTC
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I'll take Bleep products, mini-Balrog hugs, sueflesh, and Glitter as payment.
Actually, my manager had told me, that sarung, tablecloth, kilts and carpets are now being made using looms. We had to fulfill our quota on gloves, since some orc communities require heat-and-fire resistant gloves for their machines and hands. But we will knit it if we had to put some extra stuff in it, such as our common product, steel-plated kilts.
Need anything special to be loomed into your sarong? Also, Spider silk is tough enough on it's own, but we may be on short supply on that, so we will be willing to accept a few mini-Aragogs or their silk. I just need to look into it, maybe it'll also be useful. A guide on caring for mini-Aragogs is also appreciated.
Also, we have 20% Spider-Silk, for casual daywear, 60% for low-grade armour, and 100% for medium-grade armour. Pick your choice.
[Sarung is analogous to skirt, but is worn by male and female alike. I'm just posting this to double-check that you know.] -
Waitaminute, I seem to have confused sarung and armor. by
on 2013-02-27 19:19:00 UTC
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What does the armor look like? And can sarung be made with Spider silk?
~DF -
My only problem with the double-post... by
on 2013-02-27 19:16:00 UTC
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...is that it made me think I had three replies and got all excited. Oh well.
[Ooh, so sarung is the plural of sarong? Didn't know that. I did know what a sarong is, though, but thanks for the clarification anyway]
I can give you hugs from six (6) mini-Balrogs, as well as several giant bars of Swiss Bleepolate. I unfortunately have yet to acquire a mini-Aragog (or a guide to caring for them), but I have copious amounts of glitter left from an exploding Sue in an RP. You can have as much of it as you like, as long as you're the one to get it off the walls and furniture. I can send an agent or two with the rest.
Do you do fireproof carpets? A couple of those would be useful, as would a couple of pairs of fireproof gloves. So would a mini-Balrog-resistant tablecloth. And a low-grade (or medium-grade, if supplies last) armor sarong would come in handy for any missions to Tamora Pierce's Tricksterverse...
(My brain is currently trying to run away with the idea of a crazy agent or two having a picnic with several minis. It's a very strange idea, at least the way it's going in my head. It'll probably end up happening.)
~DawnFire
PS: ...no wonder I have six mini-Balrogs. I was just asking for that, putting 'fire' as part of my name.
PPCS: To that end, I have just now decided to give Agent Dawn a very embarrassing surname, which most likely deals with pyromania. Now what should it be...
PPPS: Hm. I seem to be making a habit of thinking up ways to embarrass Agent Dawn. This may be a bad thing for Agent Dawn. -
Your orders, and answers too. by
on 2013-02-27 20:05:00 UTC
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[The first one, sarung, is the word in Malay language, while the second, sarong, is the word in english language. In Malay, the plural for sarung is actually sarung-sarung. I sometimes revert to Malay if the word is borrowed from there, sorry.]
Sarung is just a large piece of cloth sewed into a cylinder. Human-made sarongs can't really made them into armour, but the orcs made some sarongs that are resistant against swords and arrows, thanks to those Children of Shelob.
Our cloth armour are more like gambesons, but a bit lighter. Some of my orcs do work with chainmail, and we use 60% aluminum, 40% steel to reduce its weight. We may also add the sarong with a layer of metal plates, if you wish for added protection. My orcs are still receiving training on making armour trousers, so those have to wait. We also throw in sarong belts to hold up your sarong, especially for long fights or running. Can't have it slip off while fighting Sues, yes?
If you don't mind, I'll have two of my orcs to clean the place. They are quite trained in cleaning stuffs, and can make the room smells of lemons too, if you want. Point my orcs to the location, and they'll do their best.
I've prepared in my lair, a fire-resistant carpet, and a fire-resistant tablecloth, 3 pairs of fireproof gloves, four pairs of sarongs and their accompanying belts, two low and two medium grades, two pairs of our gambesons, a chainmail armour, the two orcs for cleanup, and copious amount of bacon and eggs, for the mini-Balrogs. I do hope the mini-Balrogs don't bite, the orc-kids have been pestering their parents for weeks, and I've promised them something to entertain the kids. Even orcs need their rest, yes? It will be waiting for your portal to open, and don't forget to bring your mini-Balrogs and Swiss Bleepolates.
The mini-Aragogs can wait, but I'd like an agent to supervise us on mini-Balrog safety. I know they like eggs and bacon, but they may still be dangerous, being a Flame of Udun and all that. I've prepared some fire-resistant clothing for the kids, but better preparation can't hurt.
Anyways, feedback on our products are very much appreciated. Dark Lord Glitter Glamour, clothing orcs, men, and fashionable Sues since 1985.
[I'm implying that I'm not the first lord of these orcs, nor the first one to think of making a boutique using these orcs as labour. As for the picnic, let me know when you've written it. It must be awesome. Sarong can be made with any type of clothing fibre, cotton, silk, nylon, you name it. If the scientists can produce commercially affordable spider-silk, it will also be used to make sarongs.] -
Forgot to mention... by
on 2013-02-27 21:05:00 UTC
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If I ever end up with any mini-Aragogs, I'd be happy to volunteer their services as silk spinners. Alternatively, you can have the first shot at adopting some from the first HP badfic I take on (assuming that it spawns any minis).
~DF -
I cannot even describe how awesome your last post is. by
on 2013-02-27 20:45:00 UTC
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[Ah, I see. I'm familiar with the English version, both from Tamora Pierce's books and from actually owning a green one. What 'verse is Malay from?]
Gambesons? *looks up a picture* Ooh, I like! :D Very nice.
We may also add the sarong with a layer of metal plates, if you wish for added protection.
Very useful, that sounds. Yoda, Iamam not.
We also throw in sarong belts to hold up your sarong, especially for long fights or running. Can't have it slip off while fighting Sues, yes?
Definitely not. Can't have the Sue start taunting the agents about their clothes falling down. Also, can't have the agents saying, 'Oh, so sorry, would you mind waiting a moment while I put this back on? Thanks.' Belts are mandatory.
(Oh dear. That's probably going to happen at some point--the sarong falling down, that is. I really am too fond of thinking up embarrassing things for my agents...)
Ooh! I will be quite glad to welcome your orcs. I don't suppose they can make the room smell of lavender, though? I prefer it to lemons. Tell them to come to my room at the Board...whatever-it-is. Alternatively, if they can't find it, try Agent Dawn's RC 18. The glitter may have moved there once it discovered that RC 18 is somewhat more tangible than my room at the Board.
That sounds perfect. Thanks very much--that was extremely prompt, too! In light of the size of the order, Agent Dawn will be bringing Agents Edgar and Brenda along with her. Please don't be alarmed by Dawn's craziness, Edgar's sobriety, or Brenda's...well, actually, she's probably the least unusual of the three, for a PPC agent. Just keep any and all bad writing away from her. But yes, don't be alarmed--they're more or less harmless, as long as they're not provoked and you're not a Sue. Dawn will talk your ear off, Edgar will ferry the orders back through the portal, and Brenda will supervise the minis. And don't worry, the minis are quite well-trained. Two belong to a former OFUM student, one is, unfortunately, somewhat depressed, one feels that it should be a mountain (and is somewhat exuberant), and the last two tend to be very calm and spend a lot of time safeguarding Agent Dawn/their RC. (The mini-Balrogs, in order, are Glorfinel and Ectheleon, Neinor, Caradharas, and Gladladriel and Kelaborn). The only one to really watch out for is Caradharas--its main appearance in canon (properly spelled, that is) contains a wicked temper and an avalanche. Let it near only the bounciest of orc-kids. The rest should be fine, but Agent Brenda will oversee them (with Agent Dawn supposedly helping) just in case. I'm sure the minis will be glad to see some new people--just keep fanbrats away from them, if you have any. They're liable to be chased. (The bars of Swiss Bleepolate will be with Agent Dawn, by the way). Thanks very much for preparing food for the minis; they really do like to eat!
Feedback will most likely come in the form of mentions and usage in missions. I'm sure everything will work out quite well :)
[Well, it is a very evil idea. It also keeps the orcs out of trouble, and prevents them from constant attack by residents of Middle-earth, where I assume the factory is--they're a fully legitimate business, and they make such useful things! No need to wipe them out. As to the picnic...*sigh* It looks like it'll definitely be happening--it'll most likely be an interlude called 'Agent Dawn and the Mini-Balrog Picnicof Doom'. I don't know where exactly it'll end up taking place--possibly on the grounds of OFUM, if that's allowed--but it will make quite a bit of use of the fireproof tablecloth, and will hopefully not contain too much terrorizing of innocent wildlife. (...it's going to end up with the minis chasing OFUM students, isn't it. Oh dear.) Thanks for mentioning fireproof tablecloths and thereby inspiring the idea (really, what else does one do with a fireproof tablecloth but have a picnic with mini-Balrogs? Or perform mad science experiments, I suppose...)]
~DF -
Sorry, double post. (nm) by
on 2013-02-27 21:48:00 UTC
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No worries. by
on 2013-02-27 22:47:00 UTC
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I actually double-posted my introductory post. It happens.
~DF -
Lavender it is. by
on 2013-02-27 21:45:00 UTC
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[Malay is a race in the real world. Predominantly in Malaysia. Some tribes in Sabah bind their allegiance to this race too, mine included.]
A few shovels, wheelbarrows, dusters, large bottles, and gunny sacks will be with my orcs, with may need to be more than two. Didn't know how thick is the glitter, nor the size of the room. Better safe than sorry. Their leaders are GulBrack and Shoppsi. Gulbrack will find the room at the Board, and Shoppsi will go to RC 18. Each of them will bring two orcs with them, so it'll be six. Please guide them safely.
Thanks for your overseeing agents. The orc kids are going to have a joyful afternoon with the mini-Balrogs. Will a ball of spider-silk calm Caradharas? We often use it as a stress-relieving ball, by juggling it. I'm not very good at that, though. It may need to be calmed, as we mostly work underground. Don't worry, we keep our writing in our lockers. So long as the agents don't snoop around, they won't be spooked.
Gladladriel and Kelaborn will be near their RC when giving the hugs. I hope Agent Dawn won't mind. Don't worry about the fanbrats, they'll have no cartoons for the week if they misbehave, Dark Lord's command.
Point your portal to Five meters under this address: No 2.34, Jalan 35 Beruk, Taman Orkid di Bawah Kelapa, 88123, Kota Kinabalu, Sabah, Malaysia. 5° 58′ 17.2″ N, 116° 5′ 43.68″ E [Address and coordinates are fictional] We are an underground factory, covering as a normal, one-storey house. Thus we pay license without tax, since we are covered under Small and Medium Industries Act, MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHH!!!
Oh, and since this is a feast, your agents are also welcome to chow down. Our specialty are rendang, buras, ayam lengkuas, Tenom coffee and pizza. All preparations are in order, let us portal!
[I always assume that Middle-Earth is transformed through the ages into a version of the world today. It is how I understand Tolkien made his world. Hope that isn't too uncanonical.]
[I may lose control over the orcs sometimes. Your story will prove very interesting. Please, make it happen. And, picture my character as near-sighted, since that's what I am in the real world. Stu beginnings? ] -
Whee! by
on 2013-02-27 23:08:00 UTC
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[Lost again, I'm afraid. What's Sabah?]
Well, as the room's size occasionally shifts, and the glitter was pretty thick the last time I saw it, that's probably a good idea. The orcs will be safely guided, don't worry. They'll even be guided safely back.
As long as the spider-silk ball won't burn up on contact with Caradharas, I don't see why that can't be tried. At the very least, perhaps someone could lend a mini-Balrog of Gandalf or Saruman to occasionally sit on Caradharas.
The agents will...attempt not to snoop. Honestly, Dawn will probably be too busy talking, and Edgar will be too busy hurrying up so he can get back to his RC. Brenda...well, hopefully she'll be too busy overseeing the minis to go snooping. If anything happens, I'll make sure the agent responsible pays for the damage.
Dear heavens, you actually have fanbrats? Don't mention that around Brenda, she doesn't like Suethors. At all. She's liable to either read them a lecture or set the minis on them, honestly. As for Agent Dawn, she doesn't mind much of anything, as long as no one tries to drive her more insanerer.
*portal set* The agents should arrive shortly! Pleasure doing business with you.
Ooh, a feast! I'm sure the agents will be overjoyed. Agent Edgar may even be convinced to stay a little longer, especially if provided with copious amounts of coffee. (Assuming you want him to stay longer, that is. If not, pretend the coffee doesn't exist).
[Well, the general theory is that Middle-earth is either an alternate universe, or we're in the...Seventh Age, I think. Something like that. One or both of those theories are based on Tolkien's writings.]
[Oh dear, out of control orcs. Should be quite interesting, as you say. I'll do my best to make it happen as an interlude at some point, although it may take some time to actually be finished and posted--I'm still working on my Permission request, for one thing, and there should be at least one mission up before the interludes start. I expect the picnic one will have to come after the visit to the factory, though, so...this will probably be the first interlude. Actually, this is great, since I had no idea what would ever end up going in interludes.]
[A near-sighted Dark Lord it is. Actually, I'm near-sighted too, so it shouldn't be too hard to write :) Are you extremely near-sighted, or just slightly? Also, glasses or contacts? Er, and for either option, how does the Dark Lord Aakmal keep them from being melted by his eyes of fire?]
[This is going to be fun...]
~DF -
Sabah is a state in the country of Malaysia. by
on 2013-02-28 04:24:00 UTC
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[It's OK, I barely know the states in many other nations either.]
I'll have my orcs look for a special yarn ball for Caradharas, with some asbestos, and the usual spider silk. It must be around here somewhere. Can't have fireballs flying around, fire hazard obviously.
Fanbrats already appeared amongst these teenage orcs when I arrived. Part of my campaign too, making them write better fiction and fanfiction, in Malay Language, if not English. The parents didn't usually care, but they eyes did burn when reading their... masterpiece.
In fact, that's how I got the legend that I have fire-red eyes. It's actually that my eyes got stung by the horrible fics, and I had to keep my eyes shut for a few weeks. It was so red, I saw the world with a tinge of red. Have to rest for weeks, not moving lest there is a need to open my eyes.
Some mistranslations between English, Malay and Orcish chats later, and the legend that I have fire-eyes are born. I wear fire-orange-coloured contacts when I need to impress someone, but my glasses are still required to see well. I'm moderately near-sighted, making me useless with ranged weapons if my glasses are lost. Also, I'm afraid to stick anything into my eyes, so I won't be using contacts often.
Agent Edgar can have as much coffee as we have. Our feast meals are quite spicy, except for the pizza, so we will provide a little milk for the tongue. But do bring your own, we may run short on those.
I think the portal's opening here. And right next to our stage too! I'll have the orcs standing now.
[Actually, I want to make Dark Lord Aakmal to be a human, an Easterling if you will, and he is the one managing and selling most of the stuff. Most orcs can pass for humans in bad need for makeup if they shave their whole body, but they'll shave your skin off if you dare force them. Highly embarrassing, they say. So the main point of me being there is to sell their products for them. My character didn't speak Orcish well yet, but he's still learning slowly. Also, sorry I didn't have actual fire-eyes.]
[Being that they are orcs, they had to wear ridiculous outfits to sell stuffs in the home region before I arrive. After that, I'm the one mostly selling the stuffs. And since they often bicker over the money, I had to split them well, thus securing my closeness to the orc chieftain. Thus a few months after being an amateur-treasurer-cum-paramedic-cum-language-teacher-cum-jack-of-many-trades, the orc chieftain entrusts me with the position of Dark Lord, with the support of three other orc underground villages. I make them live together, since each village only has 200 orcs at the most. Now I'm under control of 500 orcs, 200 of them battle-and-knitting-and-looming ready. The spiders of Shelob are more like pets, but some orc-kids do lost their lives when they play with them too roughly, thus the need for guide to caring for mini-Aragogs. I assume they will be quite similar.]
[I had to provide them with better food than they could manage, that is lichens, jungle plants, and a few stolen cows and rare hunted animals, as part of my oath as their Dark Lord. I managed some Maggi, rice, and later some vegetable and chicken for their harsh fur. All orcs except from one village can withstand sunlight, but gets sunburnt sometimes, as in cooked crisp, kind of way, so the orc farmers usually overdress when planting their vegetables. Rice is usually bought, too much trouble to be planted.]
[Lastly, take your time. Best wines are those that aged well.] -
Ooh. Makes sense. by
on 2013-02-28 09:00:00 UTC
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[...are you from Malaysia, by the way? Or just using the location?]
[As to states...yeah. I mainly know Canada and America, and that's mostly because I've lived in both.]
[Also, can I just mention how hilarious and wonderful it is that this conversation got long and detailed (and insane) so quickly? I love it.]
Ah, I see. Well, I wish you the best of luck with the education part of your campaign. Burning eyes aren't fun.
Oh, wow. Mistranslations for the win, huh? It's good press, at least. (I get the feeling that at least one agent is going to get confused and think that you actually do have fire-eyes, and then get very disappointed when they're only contacts. This is going to be Agent Dawn, isn't it...)
I'm sure Agent Edgar will be overjoyed. Er, he probably won't show it too much--he tends to be rather serious. But he'll be quite pleased. He may even smile! And I'll instruct the agents to bring milk. Hopefully they can get their hands on some...
*drumroll* And now, entering through the portal...Agents Dawn, Brenda, and Edgaaaarrrr! *drumroll increases to a crescendo, and then stops. The three agents come to a halt, and exchange puzzled glances at the sudden lack of noise. Then, four mini-Balrogs bounce through the portal and send the agents tumbling to the ground*
Dawn: "There's a reason I didn't go to OFUM...owie..."
Anyway.
[Your wish is my command (when it comes to creating your character, that is.) The Dark Lord's lack of fluent Orcish will probably end up in the interlude, complete with some misunderstandings...probably with an agent trying to correct him/the orcs, since they've got translators.]
[Thanks for all the details on the orc factory operation! I'm sure they'll come in handy. I mean, I'm not sure how much of it will make it in, but...actually, on second thought, you've probably just provided me with the topics for most of the conversation with Agent Dawn. Cool.]
[True that. Actually, though, I can tell you exactly where I'm planning on putting it: There's an introductory mission (completely fictional), #0, which may be posted out of order, so don't worry about it. It's just in here for accuracy. Then comes the first mission. After that are either two or three more--that is, it's supposed to be two, but a third may make it in there. Then comes the first interlude (the visit to the factory). After that come two missions (or possibly one, but I'm leaning towards two), followed by the second interlude (Dawn's picnic with the minis). After that we're back to missions. Confused yet? I think I am, or at least, I would be if I didn't actually have an organized list. Basically, it goes 0, 1, 2a, 2b, [2c], Interlude: Factory, 3, 4, Interlude: Picnic, 5, 6, 7. Hm. I think I may have confused myself even more, but that's accurate...ANYWAY! The plan is to have several missions, then the first interlude, then several more missions, then the second interlude, and then more missions. Let's leave it at that. Wow.]
~DawnFire -
Thus the event begins. by
on 2013-02-28 12:40:00 UTC
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[Any questions, ask away. Any inconsistencies, point it out. I might do mistakes in the agent's character later, correct me too. Also, I completely understands how you'll arrange your fics and interludes. Rewriting on a piece of paper does wonders sometimes. So now we'll write in story mode, but I'll only mostly write my characters' side of the story. You may fill in your charcters as you please. Is this OK? Also, I am a Malaysian. From the state of Sabah]
A few seconds later, the agents are already on their feet, brushing off the dust from their clothing. The mini-Balrogs quickly form ranks in front of the agents. The four of them puts up the cutest look on their faces. Two other mini-Balrogs quickly scurry forward, taking their places amongst their fellow friends.
An old orc bows before the guests. "Greetings, guests. I am Doth Tarti, a manager and an orc chieftain of our establishment. And here," pointing at his fellow orcs lining up beside him," are my fellow colleagues, Gul Sharsi, Miri Sharpsi, and Ilti Sathri. Call us, Tarti, Sharsi, Sharpsi, and Sathri respectively."
Tarti then takes a few steps back, allowing a young human man with fire-red eyes, clad in a leafy-patterned gambeson and sarong, to pass through. "And here is our Dark Lord, Dark Lord Aakmal."
He offers a handshake to the agents. "Pleased to meet you, Agents Dawn, Brenda, and Edgar. Please, have a seat, there is a little speech to be had before the feast begins."
[->Add your agents' reactions here
Agent Dawn calmly looks around as he is ushered to his seat, and Agent Brenda is creepily smiling, inexplicably already on her seat, while Agent Edgar purposefully walks to his seat, his ways befitting a nobleman of high rank. The mini-Balrogs quickly scurry to the agents, with a few orc maids placing them to children-sized chairs prepared for them, with fire-resistant chair coverings draped over it. An orc maid offers a pouting mini-Balrog, possibly Caradharas, a small ball of yarn, and it promptly squeezes and chews it.
The Orc chieftains returned to their seats, but didn't sit. Dark Lord Aakmal walks to the podium, checks the microphone by tapping on it, then gives the signal, that is by lifting both of his hands then gently moves them down. The Orcs in the gathering sighs in relief as they take their seats, the Orc chieftains included.
"Welcome and good day to our honoured guests, Agents Dawn, Brenda and Edgar, mini-Balrogs Glorfinel, Ectheleon, Neinor, Caradharas, Gladladriel and Kelaborn, my ever-vigilant orc chieftains Doth Tarti, Gul Sharsi, Miri Sharpsi, and Ilti Sathri, and last but not least beloved orcis and orcas, as well as orcnagers and orckids. Welcome to our first ever company-slash-town yearly feast ever!"
Thunderous claps by all the orcs ring through the underground hall. Dark Lord Aakmal takes a few seconds of deep breaths before continuing.
"We have been working hard to improve our lot in life, knitting, looming, and even a few bits of farming here and there, with mushroom farming being our most successful food enterprise. But we hadn't had a holiday for a few years, and nerves do fry. Thus this is the efforts of your chieftains, to offer you a bit of a day to relax from the daily stress of 8-5 jobs. So chow down, karaoke if you want, and let your kids get to see the Balrogs you've been telling them was once real. And hug them too, if they want."
"It is my sworn oath as a Dark Lord, to provide you with better living conditions, but humans have but short lifespans, and I may not be able to fulfill all your needs before I die. Hopefully, a Dark Lord from the ranks of our young orcs, with vision and fire in his or her eyes, are able to lead our future generations to greater heights of wealth, prosperity, and peace. Perhaps even a shot at living overground, free from having to shave your furs or donning ridiulous outfits."
"Last but not least, let's enjoy this day, as it's the fruit of your hard work. P.S, I may make this event biannually, if this event ends without a hinch. Well, what are you waiting for?"
All the orcs chuckle, as they take the plates and food from the serving table at the side of halls. The Orc chieftain respectfully points the agents to the VIP tables prepared for them, with Dark Lord Aakmal the last one to leave the stage. Before they are seated though, Dark Lord Aakmal reminds them of their tasks.
"Agents, mind if you do your tasks first? The orders are in my office, Agent Edgar, I'll show you the way myself. Agent Dawn, I need yout o open a prtal to your glitter-filled room, so my orcs can work on it. Agent Brenda, you may eat first, but an orc maid will call you once the mini-Balrog hugging begins."
Meanwhile, another VIP table is filled with bacons and eggs, as the mini-Balrogs are seated there, chomping down on their food.
[I put up a bit of story to help you write. I'm writing the event as how I often see the feasts and events are conducted in Malaysia; things missing are singing the national anthem and short prayer before the speech.] -
Hey, cool! by
on 2013-02-28 13:21:00 UTC
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[Ok, first of all, two things. Well, probably three.]
[One: I love your description of Agent Edgar. It made me laugh. He'd probably be pretty pleased about it.]
[Two: Agent Dawn, like myself, is female. Minor point, though. Well, relatively minor :)]
[Three: I love all of this, and am quite fascinated by both the detail and that this was inspired by feasts and events in Malaysia! I know pretty much nothing about Malaysia, so it's very interesting to learn.]
[Fourth (oh, look, it's four...I'm turning into the Spanish Inquisition here, except that I didn't try to list them at the beginning!), do you mind if we sort of write the story back and forth and then, at the end, I'll sort of compile it and edit/rewrite bits until it's all completely coherent and awesome, and then send it to you for approval/advice/proofreading? Because this is really starting to look very, very cool. (By that--the stuff before the bit about it looking really cool--I mean that it should be cleaned up at the end, made to lack jarring shifts between our writing styles, and you make sure that Dark Lord Aakmal and the orcs are IC all the way through while I do the same for the mini-Balrogs and the agents. Bits of it could also be rewritten from different POVs, if it looks like it could work better. Basically, this would be the rough draft, and then be put together and cleaned up and added to and whatnot for the good copy.)]
[Fifth, whoops, I just checked the Permission article, and I'm not actually allowed to write interludes yet (since I haven't got Permission yet)--unless you have Permission, in which case it counts as a co-write. So, unless you do have Permission, this may have to wait a bit. Bother. I forgot about this. Good thing I checked...]
[...I still can't get over that description of Agent Edgar! It's hilarious, and suits him perfectly! Also, Caradharas and the spider-silk ball...]
[...I would love to actually be at a feast where mini-Balrogs are guests of honor and have their own VIP table. That would be awesome. I mean, assuming I was used to minis, and not scared out of my wits by the fiery little demons...I suppose I should go with, I'd love to see it as a movie.]
[And also, hi! Wow, there are PPCers from all over the world, aren't there? I hadn't quite realized. That's just awesome.]
[Also, I must say, I like these orcs. They're rather more civilized than I'm used to, but quite fun.]
[And may I say, yet again, that I love how quickly this snowballed? Why, it seems just yesterday that I was asking you what your orcs knitted--oh, wait, that was yesterday.]
[Oh, and, nearly forgot: I wanted to ask, does Aakmal mean anything? If so, what? I'm curious...]
[*goes back to frantically working on Permission Request, among other things*]
~DawnFire -
[Quite a pity, I have no Permission too!] Part 2 by
on 2013-02-28 14:45:00 UTC
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[How does a person calm a mini-Balrog? I think the orc-maids may have trouble dealing with them, and Agent Brenda may have to swoop in. While she's munching a drumstick. Heheh?]
[Ah yes, I referred Agent Dawn as 'he'. Heheh, silly me. Did I do Agent Brenda correctly? She may be too creepy, I'm afraid.]
[Orcs can be very civilised, especially when Morgoth and Sauron are not around. I mean, they do have good technology, which may not be very feasible in an extremely barbaric environment. Or it may be just me.] -
Feeding them generally works. by
on 2013-02-28 15:36:00 UTC
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[Failing that, speak firmly or call the mini's owner (or Miss Cam, if the mini is unadopted).]
[Yeah...Brenda does tend more towards either bounciness or rage. Honestly, Dawn's a little more likely to do the creepy thing, and that's just because she's insane (and is probably referencing something).]
[Ah, I see. Yes, Morgoth and Sauron would be *ahem* somewhat bad influences. *to computer* Nonono, don't explode, I know that's a giant understatement, but there's no call to go exploding on me...nice laptop. Niiiiice laptop. *backs away slowly and debates calling Makes-Things*]
~DF -
[I do hope there is a Like button here] by
on 2013-02-28 15:41:00 UTC
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[Therefore, like]
-
[Quite a pity, I have no Permission too!] by
on 2013-02-28 14:27:00 UTC
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[Gald I catched Agent Edgar's persona. He's a male, I assume?]
[Dark Lord Aakmal is male. I'll remember that Agent Dawn is female. Thanks for the heads up. Also, his name is Arabic, as most muslims are named in that language. Aakmal means perfect, if the list of name meanings I consulted is correct.]
[How about if we default to your writing style, yes? I hope my writing style won't make too much of a hassle for you to rewrite. I'll keep the Orcs in character, they are quite civilised actually, just a bit prone to fisticuffs and swordfights if mad enough.]
[Dark Lord Aakmal may need some more work, but here's what we have of him: near-sighted, jack of many trades, not fluent in Orcish, silver-tongued, some skill in archery and swordfight, control-freak, didn't like to wear contacts, but had to due to his rep.]
[I didn't have permission, not even an Agent! So this story may have to wait. What a pity.] -
[Aw :( On the plus side, I'm nearly done my request, so...] by
on 2013-02-28 14:44:00 UTC
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[Agent Edgar is indeed male, while Agents Brenda and Dawn are female.]
[Ah, I see. Fascinating! I think I won't be mentioning that to the agents, though--they might see it as a Stu-trait and drag work into their visit.]
[Alright, that works :) It also makes it a little easier on me, I think. And don't worry, you've actually provided me with quite a good framework--especially the ceremony! It's often easier to rewrite than to come up with something in the first place, so thanks. I'll probably ask lots and lots of questions about how the orcs act and how the civilization is structured and so on and so forth.]
[Sounds good so far. I'm sure he'll develop as the story gets written.]
[A pity indeed. However, I am in the (hopefully) final stages of putting together a Permission Request, so, assuming a positive response, the writing may be able to go ahead within the month! *fingers crossed* On the plus side, we do have a LOT of the ideas written out, so it shouldn't be too hard to pick up again.]
~DF -
Orc civilisation? by
on 2013-02-28 15:20:00 UTC
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[They are more like tribal structures. What I make is they usually pick a human, dwarf, or even Bunian/elven if they are desperate, Dark Lord as their leader, since declaring on an Orcish Dark Lord, may cause scuffles, as they don't agree who is better to lead above the village chieftain level. The last time they tried an Orcish King, they had devastating wars amongst themselves a few centuries back, and funerals were still arranged for all the Orcs that died. Underground, of course.]
[Lack of Morgoth and Sauron mellowed these orcs, now they are more like Swiss peasants during the Renaissance, very tough, but prefer to keep to themselves. Also, willing to offer their sometimes-martial services for money. And Sabah has a way to make the entire population mellow out in time.]
[I did say I wasn't the First Dark Lord. There were others before me, my particular company/village's previous line of Dark Lords died heirless around 1990. So they begin to falter in self-sufficiency, especially since the last one hadn't taught the orcs how to use money well, nor planting crops. Even my character's ascension to Dark Lord isn't immediate. Had to butter up the whole village, then the orc chieftain calls his allies for support for me, once he deems me worthy. Agriculture is still a problem, but we subsist on poultry farming, mushroom cultivation, and trade, thus the knitting and looming industry.]
[As for the ceremony, it is usually used in formal situation. Since this is a company event, so it counts as semi-formal.]
[About journeys to Earendil, and playing with Morgoth, I may have to rethink about it, as it may be too Stuish for PPC's taste. Any ideas to unStu the fact may be appreciated.]
[My true name is Aakmal bin Mohd Yusop, making my character a self-insert, and Aakmal is also somewhat used, although not as regular as Muhammad (the Praiseworthy), Saifuddin (Sword of Faith), for guys, or Nur (Light), and Aisyah (Prosperous). I just hope this character will not turn into a Stu, and be as 3-D as we can make him.] -
Lavender it is. by
on 2013-02-27 21:43:00 UTC
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[Malay is a race in the real world. Predominantly in Malaysia. Some tribes in Sabah bind their allegiance to this race too, mine included.]
A few shovels, wheelbarrows, dusters, large bottles, and gunny sacks will be with my orcs, with may need to be more than two. Didn't know how thick is the glitter, nor the size of the room. Better safe than sorry. Their leaders are GulBrack and Shoppsi. Gulbrack will find the room at the Board, and Shoppsi will go to RC 18. They'll bring two orcs with them, so it'll be six. Please guide them safely.
Thanks for your overseeing agents. The orc kids are going to have a joyful afternoon with the mini-Balrogs. Will a ball of spider-silk calm Caradharas? We often use it as a stress-relieving ball, by juggling it. I'm not very good at that, though. It may need to be calmed, as we mostly work underground. Don't worry, we keep our writing in our lockers. So long as the agents don't snoop around, they won't be spooked.
Gladladriel and Kelaborn will be near their RC when giving the hugs. I hope Agent Dawn won't mind. Don't worry about the fanbrats, they'll have no cartoons for the week if they misbehave, Dark Lord's command.
Point your portal to Five meters under this address: No 2.34, Jalan 35 Beruk, Taman Orkid di Bawah Kelapa, 88123, Kota Kinabalu, Sabah, Malaysia. 5° 58′ 17.2″ N, 116° 5′ 43.68″ E [Address and coordinates are fictional] We are an underground factory, covering as a normal, one-storey house. Thus we pay license without tax, since we are covered under Small and Medium Industries Act, MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHH!!!
Oh, and since this is a feast, your agents are also welcome to chow down. Our specialty are rendang, buras, ayam lengkuas, Tenom coffee and pizza. All preparations are in order, let us portal!
[I always assume that Middle-Earth is transformed through the ages into a version of the world today. It is how I understand Tolkien made his world. Hope that isn't too uncanonical.]
[I may lose control over the orcs sometimes. Your story will prove very interesting. Please, make it happen. And, picture my character as near-sighted, since that's what I am in the real world. Stu beginnings? ] -
[I know these are Lord of the Rings orks, but...] by
on 2013-02-27 20:32:00 UTC
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[...All I can imagine is the orks from Orks Must Die running around with little flower aprons, and wearing a belt that has a pair of knitting needles, a feather duster and spray bottles full of lemon cleaner. Then, standing above them is a man in Overlord-esk armor, an axe on his back and literal fire burning in his eyes, singing 'Whistle While you Work' to his ork minions. It is a humorous thought.]
My good heavens, is there anything this spider silk cannot make? If you do not mind, I would have great use for a kilt. Does this material come in a variety of colors perchance? If so, I could use a kilt in the pattern similar to the Clan MacGuffin.
These orks are so helpful, more then the usual minions at least. How does one sign up for their own ork squadron? -
Ahahahaha...awesome mental image. Thanks for sharing :D by
on 2013-02-27 21:02:00 UTC
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...I kind of want to write an interlude (once I have Permission, of course) detailing Agents Dawn, Brenda, and Edgar going to pick up the large order discussed above. They portal into the scene you've just described. Then, the fire-eyed man in armor spots them, and walks over, introducing himself as 'the Dark Lord' (and getting twitches from any agents who have recently faced a particularly bad HP or LotR mission). Two orcs are then dispatched to remove (and bottle) the glitter from...Agent Dawn's RC, I suppose, having it be DawnFire's room at the Board is possibly a bit too meta. Agent Edgar, eager to get this task over with, starts ferrying packages through the portal. Agent Dawn starts talking very quickly about orcs and factories and every single possible reference that comes to her mind, while Agent Brenda pointedly ignores her and supervises the mini-Balrogs as they play with the orc-children. At some point, Edgar finishes with the packages and portals away to find some Bleeprin. Then, Caradharas the mini-Balrog gets a little too exuberant, and an orc-child starts crying. The orcs turn...not-so-friendly, and advance on the minis and Brenda, brandishing different bits of the contents of their belts in a threatening manner. Brenda decides to cut her losses, grabs the minis, and portals away. Some time later, Agent Dawn realizes that she's the only PPC agent left and reluctantly leaves, making plans for her picnic with the mini-Balrogs on their brand-new fireproof tablecloth as she goes...
Well, that's the general idea, anyway.
...yup, it'll probably happen at some point. It'll be the strangest interlude ever. I shall call it...'A Visit to the Dark Lord's Factory'. Or something along those lines.
(I'm getting such weird ideas today. Well, more crazy than weird, I suppose. And they're fortunately less strange than the time my brain wanted there to be a romance between Agent Dawn and DawnFire the Boarder. That was a really weird one.)
I'd say that I'm now off to decrease my sugar intake, but I've barely had any today...go figure.
~DF -
Awesome idea! by
on 2013-02-27 21:49:00 UTC
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But I may not be able to contribute much beyond this point, it's up to you to craft my character, Dark Lord Aakmal. Just let me a sneak peek, yes?
-
Orc recruitment. by
on 2013-02-27 20:52:00 UTC
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Not an easy task. You have to entice their leader, through gifts and massages and promises. It can feel like running an election campaign, but the effort is worth it. I accidentally made my bid, when I helped the orc chieftain's son when he ate too many chillies, giving him a stomachache.
Soon, they send the rest of their sick to me, and I helped them a bit with their bruises, headaches, and parasites (ewwww!) I made them boil their water before drinking it, made them take bathes with cheap soaps, show them a few videos on knitting, and a few years later, the chieftain begins to call me Dark Lord. They already knew knitting from their previous lord, by the way, just that they are able to make more variations, thanks to the videos I showed them.
On the colours, we choose randomly, but you can set your colours. We are running low on red, green and yellow dyes, so shipments of these are being called. Expect new ones by the next week.
Green and orange tartan? We had a few lying around, didn't know there's a demand for that. Put up your portal to my lair, and my orc will hand it over to you directly. -
Deal. by
on 2013-02-27 16:08:00 UTC
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I'll take Bleep products, mini-Balrog hugs, sueflesh, and Glitter as payment.
Need anything special to be knit into your sarong? Also, Spider silk is tough enough on it's own, but we may be on short supply on that, so we will be willing to accept a few mini-Aragogs or their silk. I just need to look into it, maybe it'll also be useful. A guide on caring for mini-Aragogs is also appreciated.
Also, we have 20% Spider-Silk, for casual daywear, 60% for low-grade armour, and 100% for medium-grade armour. Pick your choice. -
Well, considering he's also behind the Mary-Sues... by
on 2013-02-26 18:53:00 UTC
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And besides, sometimes he's allowed out to play a game with Varda.
(All references from this wonderful fic: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/1518794/1/The-Game-of-the-Gods. I doubt any of this coincides with PPC continuity, but it's an awesome fic).
~DawnFire