Subject: OMG I dint expecet that!
Author:
Posted on: 2013-09-24 02:59:00 UTC
11/10 is a LOT! And theyre all your storys! Cool! I like ur stories!
Bye bye, Dazz
Subject: OMG I dint expecet that!
Author:
Posted on: 2013-09-24 02:59:00 UTC
11/10 is a LOT! And theyre all your storys! Cool! I like ur stories!
Bye bye, Dazz
Welcome back, true believers! It's been a tough twelve months here at fanficWorld; we still haven't fully recovered from the unwarranted aggression of the Liechtensteinian oppressors, and on top of that, our cat had kittens! Of course we immediately uploaded pictures onto the internet, with suitably amusing captions in a striking font, which has been taking up a lot of our time - time we're sure you would much rather we used for FANFIC!!
Well - the time has come! Once again we are opening up our ever-popular 'Protectors of the Plot Continuum' section for the fanfics you CAN'T find anywhere else! Whatever you want to write, however you want to write it - just sign up and join the fun!
Now, we should tell you that in the past year we've had a few emails complaining about 'canon' and 'mutilation'. And we agree! So, listen up, people, there's a new rule on the site: there is to be no mutilating canons! In fact, no members of the clergy should be harmed in any way. Actually, we're not entirely clear on why this was a concern... maybe they meant cannons? So, another rule: any large-barrelled cast iron guns in your stories should remain intact!
There. Don't say we don't listen to criticism! And with all that boring stuff out of the way - let's get writing!
~ffW Admin
Near Misses
Summary: Posting this for a friend! 'Canon-friendly Jay/Acacia slash, set during the Original Series'.
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Romance
Ok so I'mm psoting this for mi frend b/c he says he can doit hismelf. Sozz!!!1
((Prompted by a comment from DawnFire, and stealing Lily's idea of posting well-written PPC AUs as part of the Badfic Game, this is my attempt to write, well, canon-friendly Jay/Acacia, which I gather is called 'Byrdtree' now. Each scene is set in a specific place in TOS – either between missions, or in the middle of them. I don't think the context is necessary to understand it, but hey, they're good stories – why not go and read them again anyway? ;) ~hS))
it wuz good sotry i guess but kinda eh and not really connected
((OH. MY. EVER LOVING GODDESS. I JUST LOVE THIS SO MUCH.
Also this bit: "Morgan was trying to sneak Captain Kirk into the department"
I wonder if DawnFire ever mentioned to you about her Time Lord Agent's future regenerations, but Chris Pine's face is one of them... ;) ))
Your friend stole my idea to insert good stuff into TOS, and only credited DawnFire and Lily! (Who are they, anyway? I didn’t see their names here.) I feel offended.
((Don’t listen to him. I seriously admire your ability to come up with so much good stuff on short notice. And even he, although he would like to, is not able to flame you for building a non-canonical ship.))
((Please pretend both halves of this were in the same post. They will be on fanficWorld))
I luved it sooo much! Jay and Acacia r soooo cute together!!!!
Bye bye,
Dazz
((Really, that was amazing. Everyone was so in-character, and now I think I almost ship Jay/Acacia. Just a little bit. I'm inclined to agree with Dazz, although she gets overenthusiastic about everything, so I don't think her opinion counts.
-Aila))
How dare you make me cry! I’m a warrior-sorrier-ah-sorcerer-whatever girl and need to be strong.
I love it.
Androia
((And although she tries to deny that she has much in common with her creator, I love it too.))
I love the PPC and I hate bad spelling and inaccuracies. So here are my contributions to make the multiverse a better place.
Summary: Jay and Acacia are legendary, but nobody is perfect. So, the most badass agents of a newly formed department go out to set things right.
Genre: humor/parody
Rating: PG-13 for implied violence and abuse
DISCLAIMER: I don’t own the PPPC. But Androiaavata is mine!
Acacia grinned. "Depends on who you ask. Remember I started out in the Slash Department?"
“STOP! Have a break!” a male voice shouted with a thick German accent. (A/N: His universal translator is broken. LOL)
The assassins whirled around to gaze at the portal that had just popped into existence behind their backs. A grey-bearded man, wearing rectangular spectacles and clutching a voluminous book to his chest, had stepped out of it, followed by a young woman with very long, very pointy ears, holding a staff in her hands. Both were clad in black uniforms with flash patches on their shoulders.
“More agents,” sight Jay. “Isn’t it enough that we have to keep an eye on Lux and Sean?”
Acacia drew her bow. “Agents?” she shouted. “They’re imposters! Have you ever seen a flash patch with an open book and a quill dropping red ink?”
When Jay moved to draw her bow too, the pointy-eared girl pointed her staff at her, saying menacingly “You keep quiet and don’t move. We don’t have any business with you today.”
“And you don’t even sink about notching an arrow, Acacia” added the grey-bearded agent. “My girl has magic, and she heartily dislikes everybody who intrude into worlds where say don’t belong, so she won’t hesitate to use it.” (These aren’t misspellings. Germans cannot pronounce the “th”, LOL.) To demonstrate this ability, the elf leaned her staff against her shoulder and made a weird wringing gesture with her hands, creating a ball of pure blue energy. (A/N Did you think Androiaavata is a Tolkien elf? LOL, no! She is a WoW druid and can do this kind of stuff.) Acacia lowered her bow in fear. “Dad’s better,” continued the man in a soothing voice, “now calm down and don’t worry. We aren’t imposters, we are with se Department of Inaccuracies and have a job to do. Miss Byrd, will you please step forward?”
“Never heard of this,” murmured Acacia under her breath, but despite the weird pronunciation there was a certain kind of power in this voice she just couldn’t disobey. So she stepped forward, eyes cast down and anxiously awaiting what was to come.
“I’m so sorry I have to do sis,”, said the bearded man, “because you know, you are quite legendary in my time, but – AVAUNT!” he shouted suddenly, thwacking Acacia above the head with his heavy book, “Spirit of inaccuracy! It’s the Department of *Bad* Slash!”
“I admire how you manage to say the stars,” whispered the she-elf-who-wasn’t-an-elleth, giving him an admiring look.
“Asterisk,” hissed the man, “se word you are looking for is asterisk. We will have to work on your vocabulary when we are back at our response center.” The tall warrior-sorceress seemed to shrink under his piercing gaze. “We are done here,” he addressed the assassins again, “continue your mission now.” And with this, the two correctors stepped back through the portal, which fizzled out of existence immediately.
Jay blinked. “Where were we before these two jerks interrupted us?”
“Remember I started out in the Bad Slash Department?" Acacia reminded her helpfully.
"Ah. Yes." Jay nodded. "However, I KNOW Sir Ian McKellan's -hem- preferences, whereas Tolkien really made all of his charactehs ratheh sexless.”
AN: So what do you think? Plz R+R! LOL, I don’t even know what’s meant by this, but everybody writes it at the end of their stories.
(I thought about accusing them to have inspired the Department of Author Correction when they exorcized an Author Wraith. “There’s no author in the story, stupid! It’s a slash demon!” But I couldn’t find the place where replacing a single word would change history and save us all. It may not even be in TOS. Do any of you Oldbies remember when and where the first Author Wraith was exorcized?)
((OOC: My hubris should really be quarantined in a very secure place. But you asked for it.))
I’m NOT "your girl", Gary! Just that you created me doesn’t mean that you can OWN me now! I’M NOT YOUR SLAVE!!! And don’t try this voice trick on me again! You know it doesn’t really work! And YES! I call you GARY! You’re such a blatant self insert Gary Stu, you didn’t even get a NAME, because everybody knows you ARE THE AUTHOR! I HATE YOU!!!
Huge PPC fan. I've studied the Wiki up and down. I think what the PPC really needs is for agents to get more involved in the Word Worlds. They're important heroes, and everyone should know that! My stories will hopefully reflect that change.
Author note: This part wound up possibly a little squicky. Especially if you don't like seafood, I guess.
Krisstopher opened a portal into the Goblin Town, and activated the Somebody Else's Problem Field to keep the goblins from seeing her. The goblins were singing their theme song, and due to my disappointment at the amount of singing in Peter Jackson's The Hobbit, the lyrics will now be reproduced in their entirety.
And you damn well better sing along out loud.
Swish, smack! Whip crack!
Smash, grab! Pinch, nab!
You go, my lad!
Ho, ho! my lad!
The black crack! the back crack!
The black crack! the back crack!
Down down to Goblin-town
Down down to Goblin-town
Down down to Goblin-town
You go, my lad!
Ho, ho! my lad!
Goblins quaff, and Goblins beat
Goblins laugh, and Goblins bleat
Batter, jabber, whip, and taver hoooooo!
Below, my lad!
Ho, ho! my lad!
The black crack! the back crack!
The black crack! the back crack!
Down down to Goblin-town
Down down to Goblin-town
Down down to Goblin-town
You go, my lad!
Ho, ho! my lad!
As the goblins sang, Krisstopher wandered deeper and deeper into the caves, until she reached Gollum's lair on the underground lake. Gollum was committing an act of violence against a goblin, just as the Mirror of Galadriel foretold. Krisstopher watched Bilbo pick up the One Ring and then approach Gollum.
While the canons riddled each other, Krisstopher gazed up at the ceiling, where the Mirror had shown the keyhole. But everything was still dark.
"A poisoned arrow?" guessed Bilbo.
"No, my Precious, but close!"
"A venomous serpent?"
"Oh, almost!"
"A giant Heartless!"
"No, no, my Precious! You're getting colder again!"
"No, I mean there's a giant Heartless behind you!"
Gollum and Krisstopher both turned to see a gigantic fish-like Heartless rising out of the water. It had a sharp shark mouth and needle-pointed fins.
Gollum's eyes looked even bigger in his head. "Dear sweet Eru in the Timeless Halls." He licked his lips gratuitously. "We are eating WELL tonight my Prcious, yes!"
Krisstopher leaped at the Heartless but it heaved its fat body out of the water and then splashed back down, knocking her back onto Gollum's island with a great big wave!
Gollum launched himself at the Heartless, latching on to its scales and lowering his mouth to its flesh.
Krisstopher turned white. "That's, uh . . . that's not the appropriate way to battle a Heartless."
But Gollum had already eaten his way inside and couldn't hear. The monster began to flail, the raced around through the water frantically for a few seconds. It eventually crashed into the island and laid still.
A bulge appeared at the top of the Heartless' head just before Gollum ate his way out of it. He gave the hobbit and the agent a wide, red grin.
"Well," said Bilbo as he dropped the One Ring and all his travelling gear on the ground. "I think I've seen quite enough of what goes on outside the Shire. I'm going home."
As Bilbo searched for the cave's exit and Gollum started making horrible slurping noises, the keyhole appeared, shining down from the roof. Krisstopher half-heartedly summoned her keyblade and aimed it at the keyhole, closing it with a beam of light.
Then she used it again, trying to ignore the munching sounds behind her while she opened a portal directly to the Department of Fictional Psychology.
Krisstopher arrived in Rivendell, just like 85% of PPC agents going to Middle-earth. She walked up the building to the terrace where the Council of Elrond would be. (85% of PPC agents have this route memorized.) When Krisstopher got there, all the regular canons were in their seats, and two lines of other people were on both sides. One contained a long line of Mary Sues, and the other shorter line contained 85% of all PPC agents.
On the Sue side, Elladan said, "Now serving number 1,472." A Sue hobbit presented one of those number tickets shaped like a tongue to him and entered the canon area.
On the PPC side, Elrohir said, "Now serving number 31." Agents Rosie and Nenya gave their own number to him and hid behind a pillar.
A dwarf handed Gimli a new unbroken axe, and the hobbits other than Frodo hid behind a different pillar from the agents. Elrond rubbed his temples and said, "Let us begin once more, everyone, from the top . . ."
Krisstopher turned to the reader. "It's more efficient for everyone this way."
But then the skies darkened and a ringwraith flew down! "Behold, the power of the tenth ringwraith! The power of the Heartless!"
Alec Troven whispered, "If it's the power of the Heartless, it's not really the tenth ringwraith's power, is it?"
Elrond closed his eyes. "At least the numbers will match for once."
Heartless like crows started to swoop down from the sky. "Hey," said the Sue hobbit, "this isn't what I came for!"
"Yeah," said a wild men Sue. "Wait in line like the rest of us."
As the Sues and canons began to fire arrows at the Heartless, Megan said, "The Sues can't have all the fun!"
The Heartless army lasted seconds before the onslaught of canons, Sues and agents. A group of faerie Sues pulled the extra ringwraith Sue to the ground where she was killed by . . . let's say Glorfindel. He never gets to do much.
Krisstopher used her keyblade to kill the last, hurt Heartless flapping on the ground. "I contributed!"
"You have much more to contribute Krisstopher the Key," said Galadriel, walking up behind her. In Krisstopher's head, she heard Galadriel say more: "You seek the keyhole, agent Krisstopher."
Krisstopher rattled her head around. "You sound like the Flowers."
"Come with me, Krisstopher. Come to the mirror."
* * *
After Galdriel and Krisstopher applied makeup to each other at Galadriel's mirror, they turned to the Mirror of Galadriel. The elf poured water inside, and an image appeared: a yellow, rectangular man making obnoxious laughing noises which bubbled up from the Mirror.
"What is this?" asked Krisstopher.
"A terrible future, beyond our power to prevent," said Galdriel. She waved her hand. "What you seek lies in the past." The keyhole appeared, a beautiful, shimmering white that bathed light down on the little island below, where Gollum was brutally murdering a goblin.
Krisstopher bowed. "Thank you, Lady Galadriel of the Light of the Wood of the Galadhrim of--"
"Just go," Galadriel said, waving her hands in Krisstopher's face. "Please."
((Yeah, this degenerated into parody pretty quickly. I don't think I'm very good at badficcery.
Also, I demand someone write that fight scene in excruciatingly loving detail.))
That was sooo good! I hopr Kriss (can I call her that?) gets to finish her mision! And Galaladriel does sound like the Flowers!
Bye bye ------ Dazz
((And I do not volunteer as tribute. -Aila))
Krisstopher arrived at the battle of Tumhalad, where Túrin Turambar in his dragon helm led an army of elves against an army of orcs. But fighting with the orcs were Heartless! At the back of Morgoth's army was a Mary Sue elf dressed all in black. She waved a hand, and more armored knight Heartless appeared and charged the elves.
Krisstopher charged into battle! She ran the armies, killing Heartless and orcs as she got closer to the Mary Sue. Finally, she reached the Sue at the opening of a ravine.
"Bainthoreth!"
The Sue turned to face Krisstopher, but her eyes were white and empty. A deep chuckle sounded around them and another, huge pair of eyes appeared in the air behind the Sue.
"Is that what it's called?" asked Glaurung, the dragon becoming visible again, filling the ravine entrance. "Such useful creatures, these Baintoreth, when put to the right purpose." He waved his claw, and the Sue did the same, and three wyvern Heartless appeared.
Krisstopher jumped up and spun around in a circle, hitting all three Heartless with the keyblade and killing them all.
"Hmph. Well those were no true dragons." Glaurung made a pushing motion with his claw, and the Sue slid out of the way like on a track. "I will show you a dragon's true power!" He opened his mouth and breathed fire at Krisstopher.
Krisstopher jumped out of the way, shouting, "Glaurung!"
"What?"
"I was swearing. Sorry."
"Ah."
Glaurung blew fire again, but Krisstopher ran back to where she had been before. The dragon moved his head to follow her, and Krisstopher ran straight past the Sue so that Glaurung's fire burned her up by mistake.
The Heartless all disappeared from the battlefield. Glaurung roared. "I wasn't done with that! Oh well. The orcs have already won."
Krisstopher asked, "Where can I find the keyhole?"
Glaurung snorted. "In children stories." He stared into Krisstopher's eyes, and she was stuck staring back. "I must go meet Túrin. You won't trouble me again."
The dragon disappeared, and Krisstopher was stuck for a while before she could move again. When she could, she said, "I need to look somewhere else for the keyhole." She opened a portal to somewhere else in Middle-earth and walked through.
And the Glaurung joke was funny! Update update update!!!!!
Be bye,
-----Dazz
Agent Krisstopher woke up her RC regular time. She showered and ate breakfast before checking the console for any new missions. There was a scary message from Barbosa the misspelled monkey!
(Krisstopher dislikes plants, just like me, so she has it set where she only has to talk to Barbosa instead of the Flowers, even though she's not in the DTE. Monkeys are cool!)
The message said, "Agent Krisstopher, help! We have a big problem, and only your keyblade can help us! Please come to my office as soon as you have time!"
So Krisstopher brushed her teeth quickly and immediately summoned her keyblade, not wanting to waste any time. Her keyblade was silver and gold and violet and blue and green and purple, all in tiger stripes, and the handle was made of jungle wood, and the keychain was a cat paw and the part that would go inside a door is like lion teeth. (Big cats are cool too!) She pointed the keyblade to the air and made a portal to Barbosa's office. (Krisstopher doesn't do portals the PPC way because keyblades are better.)
In Barbosa's office, Barbosa shrieked. "All the agents are scared and complaining! The Mary Sues have learned to control the Heartless! They're sending them out to every world!"
Krisstopher gasped. "How can that happen?"
Barbosa shrugged his little monkey arms. "I don't know, plotholes? Anyway, you, Krisstopher, are the only PPC agent with a keyblade. (Agent Lunac doesn't count! He stole all of his from Sues!) You need to go to all the non-Kingdom Hearts worlds and seal the keyholes!"
"OK! I will go to Middle-earth right now!"
"Middle-earth certainly needs the attention. However, I would consider it a personal favor if you would go directly into Pirates of the--"
Krisstopher opened a portal to Middle-earth and stepped through.
Middleearths awesome! And Krisstopher (did i spell that rite?) is sooo cool! She doesnt talk to the flowers!!!!
Updae!
Bye bye,
\Dazz
TITLE: One Night At Rudi's
SUBJECT: Two agents -- broken, lost, and looking for something more -- meet by chance at Rudi's Pub.
GENRE: Romance
RATING: PG-13 for some possible naughtiness later on! ^u^
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Agent Xericka marched through the hallways of PPC Headquarters. It was not a happy march, either; only people (or Nobodies, in this case) with a serious chip on their shoulder moved like that. Other agents were scrambling to get out of her way.
She gritted her teeth as she kept replaying over the last thirty minutes. The nerve of Gremlin to say that to her! To act like she had been the one hurt despite what happened! It was intolerable. And what's more, it was only one example in their partnership together of Gremlin being a shining example of a dreadful human being.
She rounded a corner and found herself face-to-face (so to speak) with Rudi's Pub. Good. She needed a drink or two.
Xericka walked inside and made her way straight to the bar. "Bleepka tonic. Extra lime and extra Bleepka," she demanded from the bartender. He nodded and bustled off to fulfill her order.
"Sounds like a drink order with a story behind it," someone said from behind her.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Who is this mysterious individual? What did Gremlin do to earn Xericka's disdain (admittedly, that question probably isnt that hard)? Find out in the next chapter!
This is sooo good! And I wanna see what person it is!
Bay bye
-DAzz
Hi! My name is DuskWater, and I have so many sotries planned! I’ll put up a list now and then link them when I get them all up!!!
I’m female, an awesome age, and I love, love, love the PPC! And so many other fandoms, too. I want to be a writer when I grow up!! You just wait and see, I’ll be a published author before I’m twenty!!1
One of my favorite ships is JAY/ACACIA!! They were so totally meant to be togetherrrr! Also, uf you want me to beta any of your stories I’m totally down to do it. All writers derserve envouragement!!! :D
Peace Out!!
~DW~* (
MY STORIES:
Cosmic Love
It has Time Lords! And Romance! You’ll love it!!!
Untitled
An agent becomes a supervillain! Oh noe!!!
Untitled
The PPC try to whipe out Mary-Sues, once and for all, in this terrifying thirlling adventure!!
Game of Romes
Byrdtree awesomeness!!!!!!!! Along with Hunger Games and Twilight and Rome!!!
Untitled
Chapter fic!!! ReWriting Jay and Acacias missions to show how they’re totally in love! Oh, and Jay’s a guy…
Untitled
I join the PPC!!! As Jay and Aaccai’s third partner!! Will I help them find love? Will I find love?? Stay turned!!!!!
--
((I’ll be posting an updated version of this at the end of the game, whereupon if you—hS—could kindly link the titles to the stories, that would be awesome. Don’t do it if it’s too much trouble, though, just post the reworked profile—it’ll be reworked to reflect the actual titles, which haven’t all been chosen yet, as you can see.))
((My brain will melt. But it will be fun. Stay turned...I mean tuned...for DuskWater taking the world by storm! ~DawnFire))
Epilogue, sort of, or An Exercise in Meta and Badfic
((Somewhat obviously inspired by the 'hacker' in the Jaycacia stories and in some of Lilith Wyldenbrooke's as well. Hope no one minds :) Enjoy the near-total lack of brainmelting writing...))
Edit: a/n ok, so this is the weird bit that got added in that mi friend thought was hilariousss. I hate these guys and idek why they’d bother hacking my stori to put this in, but you can read it anywayz cuz at least one person thought it was funny!! I mean, I don’t, but someone should have fun, right?? Enjoyyyy!!!!!! Or, u know, hunt them down and flam them. Like I said, I don’t like them. At all. But maybe you should see how it happened…~DW~*
--
Agent Dawn McKenna spun her chair to the side so that she could look at her author (chronicler?) rather than the computer screen. “This? Seriously, this?”
DawnFire shrugged. “Look, it’s…well, it’s weird, but…”
“Weird?” Dawn crossed her arms, glaring. “Who wrote this rubbish? Genderbent!Jay, downtrodden!Acacia, agent romances, agent/Flower romances, the complete destruction—or at least, rampant misuse—of Shakespeare’s work, and one of the strangest, most useless fusions of Twilight and The Hunger Games that I’ve ever seen—that’s not just weird, DawnFire. This—this is badfic. Of the PPC. Why does it exist?”
DawnFire shrugged. “It just does. It’s one of those Board secrets—sometimes we know why it’s there, and sometimes we don’t. For instance, right now I know that Huinesoron and Lily Winterwood and several other people have recently revived the Multiverse Monitor, and that I wrote myself into a Blackout Interlude, but I also remember being in that Blackout Interlude, and not knowing what was going on. Now, I think we may have something to do with the PPC badfic, but then again—who knows?” She peered at the screen. “It says this was written by someone named DuskWater.”
“That’s suspiciously like your name,” Dawn pointed out.
“It is?” DawnFire frowned. “Well, yeah, I guess…I mean, if you change Dusk for Dawn, and Water for Fire—wait, I know where that came from!”
“You do?” Dawn leaned forward, interested.
“Yes! It’s—” DawnFire grimaced. “Nope, it’s gone. No idea.” She shrugged. “I guess it’s another of those things…” And then she paused, blinking. “Why do I feel like I’m forgetting something?”
“Because I saw this awesome film called Men in Black, or something like that, and then I totally borrowed a neuralyzing thingy from the PPC, only it broke, so I stole some Retcon from Torchwood instead!” came an unexpected voice from the doorway. The writer and the Assassin both turned hurriedly, and stared.
Now, DawnFire and Dawn were quite similar in appearance. They both had light brown hair (although DawnFire’s was cut short, whereas Dawn’s was long and braided), and blue-green eyes (although DawnFire wore glasses, while Dawn had opted for getting contacts from Medical). They were roughly the same height. Dawn was somewhat more in shape, and wore black to DawnFire’s current blue. But this newcomer…
The newcomer was several inches shorter than both Dawn and DawnFire, placing her at just under five feet. Her light brown hair was pulled back in a ponytail. She carried a cell phone, which she occasionally typed on, and wore dark green capris, sandals, and a Harry Potter t-shirt. Her blue-green eyes were glasses-less and sparkled madly as she grinned at the two human occupants of the Room at the Board.
Except for the t-shirt and the cell-phone, she greatly resembled DawnFire and Dawn as each had been at around fifteen years old.
“Hi!” she chirped. “I’m DuskWater.”
“You wrote this rubbish?” Dawn pointed at the screen, torn between annoyance and amusement. “Why would you bother?”
“It’s not rubbish!” DuskWater looked rather hurt. “It’s a work of art. I worked really hard on it.”
“It’s…it’s complicated, I’ll give you that,” DawnFire said slowly, “but it’s pretty far from good.”
“It’s good mission material,” Dawn put in. “Or possibly good material for inspiring a stampede of furious PPC agents. But that’s about it.”
DuskWater pouted, the expression disconcertingly similarly to Dawn’s. “You’re mean. You’re not supposed to be mean, you’re supposed to like me.”
DawnFire winced. “Listen…”
Dawn sighed. “Kiddo, nothing against you, but where I come from we’d call you a badfic writer. Probably a Suethor, too. And, well, considering what the organization I work for actually does…we’re not exactly inclined to like Suethors or badficcers. And DawnFire here’s a writer. She doesn’t particularly like bad writing unless it’s being mocked.”
DuskWater stomped her foot. “My writing’s not bad! My writing is good! And you know it! You’re just jealous!”
DawnFire blinked. “Um…no, actually, I can quite honestly say that I’m not. Sorry.”
Dawn snorted. “Sweetheart, we’d have to like your writing to be jealous. And—no, that’s rude, sorry.”
“My writing is awesome!”
“You paired me with the SO! I’m going to have nightmares!”
“Calm down!” DawnFire put what she hoped was a calming hand on the Assassin’s shoulder. “Look, um, DuskWater, I’m all for encouraging young writers. Any writers, really. But…maybe you could listen to some concrit from us? Trust me when I say we know what we’re talking about. Dawn here works, um, improving bad writing for a living—”
“Some living,” Dawn interjected. “No frills or furbelows—”
“Yes, thank you—and I actually belong to a group that specializes in this sort of thing. Believe me, I’ve been where you are. Sort of. Mostly in IMing. But seriously, we can help you.”
“I don’t need help!” DuskWater was starting to cry now. “My writing is good! People tell me so! And—and I thought—” She broke off to sniffle. “I thought you’d like me! Why don’t you like me?”
“Let me reiterate,” Dawn said, getting to her feet. “You paired me with the Sunflower Official. And completely character replaced Jim Kirk in all of two lines into the bargain. Not to mention everything else, of which there are numerous faults. Do you even realize how much Bleepolate I’m going to need to get through this??”
“Dawn.” DawnFire pulled the older woman back into her chair. “Excessive punctuation won’t help. Calm down.” She looked up at DuskWater, doing her best to ignore the now-sulking agent. “We—we do like you. I mean, I’m sure we would if we knew you a bit better.” Dawn snorted, and looked away rebelliously. “It’s just that we really don’t like what you wrote. At all. It…kind of hurt to read, to be honest.”
“I hate you!” DuskWater screamed, and DawnFire flinched backwards, narrowly avoiding losing her balance. Dawn just blinked. “We could have been friends, but no, you had to insult me and call my writing awful! I hate you!”
“We never insulted you—” DawnFire tried, but the fifteen-year-old was beyond reason.
“You’re going to regret this,” she sobbed. “I’ll make sure you do. You’re going to regret this day for the rest of your lives!” And she ran out the door, slamming it behind her.
DawnFire stared after her. “Oh no. She doesn’t seem too happy…should we, um, go after her, or something?”
Dawn shrugged, beginning to cheer up. “Probably nothing will come of it. The PPC has the Creativity Shield, y’know. She’ll just write a couple of angry rants, maybe write about the SO docking my pay—such as it is—for a couple of years, and then it’ll blow over. Hey, what else is on here?” She peered at the computer screen again, tapping several keys. “Jaycacia? Who or what l’azazel is Jaycacia? Wait, didn’t DuskWater mention that in one of her A/Ns…?”
“Oh—no, hey, you don’t want to click that, it’s about an über-Sue who marries the SO and takes over HQ and kills Acacia who’s evil—”
Dawn gaped at her. “What the everloving Merlin—”
“I know, but it’s kind of hilarious if you ignore the brainbreaking aspect, and the reaction shots are wonderful—Oh, hey, here’s something about Eledhwen and Christianne! Let’s read about them, shall we?” She clicked hurriedly on the link labeled ‘The Queen and the Detective’ and started to read.
“Um, DawnFire, I don’t think the spelling bodes too well—RADAGAST ON A BEIGE GALLIFREY! CLICK THE BACK BUTTON, NOW!” She seized the machine and suited actions to words, shuddering.
“‘Radagast on a beige Gallifrey’?” DawnFire repeated, giggling. “It’s that bad? Seriously? All I got was ‘purrly plate tonic’ and a really long-looking console BEEP…”
“Trust me,” Dawn said, scrolling down the page, “if you’ve ever met Eledhwen or Christianne…you really don’t want those mental images.”
DawnFire blinked at her. “What mental images? It was seriously that bad?”
“I got as far as ‘black metal bikini’ and ‘tied up’,” Dawn said, and gave an actual full-body shudder. “Believe me, you don’t want to know.”
“Oh, that one!” DawnFire exclaimed. “I remember that one! It wasn’t so horrible, it had a force field of logic or somesuch—it was pretty hilarious, actually.”
Dawn stared at her incredulously, shook her head, and turned back to the screen. “These are people I know. These are people I work with. I could use less-traumatizing badfic.” She stopped scrolling, and blinked. “Someone…someone genderbent the Marquis de Sod and wrote him—uh, her—a—a romance fic. What.”
DawnFire grinned at her. “Just like being back in Intelligence, huh?”
“No.” Dawn glared at the writer. “It’s quickly shaping up to be worse—oh Merlin, please tell me I don’t have to go into these stories—”
“No, no,” DawnFire soothed. “I mean—well, no, you don’t. I think.” She frowned. “An AU version of you may, though? I’m not even sure. No, that’s not it…I don’t know. One of those there-and-gone-again things, I think.” She sighed. “Here, why don’t we look at something good? We could, we could watch some Doctor Who…or Torchwood, maybe, I want to check something in that—”
Dawn hesitated, but finally sighed and sat back in her chair. “Alright. Pull it up.”
“Wonderful!” DawnFire grinned at her, and reached out to rest her fingers on the keys. “Torchwood, coming right up…”
Dawn’s mouth started to pull itself up in a smile. “The twenty-first century is when everything changes…”
“…and Torchwood is ready!” DawnFire finished, tapping some more. “Here we go!”
She leaned back in her chair and pulled some popcorn out of a plothole as the episode began.
Edit: a/n isn’t it leik totally insane how I ended up in thereee??? I mean it was so dumb how it happenedd. They were supposed to loove meee!@!!!!!!! I mean, I actually liked them!! I admired them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean, I even put one of tehm in mi sotiryy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I thought we were going to be friens and they totally shut me down. I hate them now. They’re gonna pay. I HAT TEHM!!!!!
I LOv u guys though so r&r and go check out my other storiess!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Cookies for everyoneeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ~DW~****
((THE RANDOM JIM CAMEO OH MY GOD AND THIS CHAPTER WAS PRICELESS THOUGH YOU MIGHT'VE CREATED A MINI-SUETHOR OR SOMETHING.
/Goes to grab Wyldenbrooke before it causes damage))
Even tho they were mean to u, and that wasnt nice. :( Otherwise it was funny, tho!
Bye bye,
Dazz
((DawnFire, that was hilarious. So completely and utterly hilarious, I don't even know how to describe it.
Oh, and speaking of, when are you going to finish that Blackout interlude? Not that I want to be pushy, but I really want to read it.
-Aila))
((The funny thing is, I started writing Game of Romes back in May. And I wrote the beginning a/ns, and the disclaimer, and then skipped writing the actual story and went straight to writing about half of the 'epilogue'. What can I say, my first impression of the Badfic Game was the Jaycacia stories, and, well, I loved the format. Still do, actually.))
((The Blackout Interlude...first of all, I'm kind of jumping up and down happily about people even still wanting to read more of it, considering it's been a number of months. Second...well, I've got a good chunk of part 4 done, and a pretty good outline-of-sorts (I don't really do outlines, for the most part), but my current plan is to wait until I'm done with the Badfic Game stuff and then get back to the Blackout Interlude. I...kind of have about five more stories to write/finish for this. Should be fun! And thank you for being pushy; you're being nice and polite about it, which makes it into a lovely compliment. Also, it's encouragement :) ))
((Also, um, please take this as a compliment--the Dazz persona is done very well. As in, she's completely believable. And a little brain-melting, though not quite as much so as bad Jay/Acacia, which I am writing, heaven help me...))
((Oh, yeah, if there's one thing this game has taught me it's that I really, really *really* do not ship Jay and Acacia. Although I've never seen it done well...that might make a difference...and I must be insane, because two more of my planned stories are using that ship. Oh well.))
((And now that I've finished writing this very long reply...))
Thanx for reviewing again!!! i'm happy yu enjoyed it but yeah it really wasn't nice that they were like that. i hate tehwm. so much. and they'll pay for everythaing.
thankx aagain!! here have a brownieeeee!!!!! i just totally areallized i promised to give them out to my vareviewers and then gave out cookeis itnstead so sorrryyyyyyy!!!!!!! And here's the brownies!!!!
~DW~**
((Thanks again, Aila! ~DF))
((I do wonder whether it could be done well. Leaving aside the fact that it's definitely not canon, their differing personalities make the idea of them having that sort of relationship rather tricky to deal with. Acacia is very combatative, Jay is, well, a flake...))
((I think the best way to do it would be as a series of vignettes set a long time apart. Perhaps as four or five christmas parties - except that J&A weren't around for five christmasses. Hrm... it's tricky because Acy only knew Jay for about a year before leaving, which means you either AU, or it does feel rushed - or you write the story outside the PPC, in which case why make it J&A at all?))
((But I think the vignettes is the way to go. And alcohol. Maybe if the Game keeps going, I'll work something up for JayBird to post 'as a favour to a friend'...))
I am still trying to learn your language, and I could not find this word in my dictionary. May you have meant "combative"? Forgive me if I am breaking some rule here. Am I allowed to reply IC to a comment that was OOC? I am so young that I do not even know my own age, and I do not understand anything here. Also, I do not seem to have much of a personality, but I do think that I am combatata – ah, combative, and my creator will regret to have done this to me!
Androia
((Although 111,000 hits on the internet think 'combatative' is a word... okay, time to consult the Ultimate Arbitrator: the Oxford English Dictionary))
((... nope, 's not a word. But 'combattery' is...))
((I do, though! Even if it takes me a long, long while.))
((I should really get around to reading the Jaycacia stories, I think, considering how much I hear of them. For that matter, I should finish reading Dafydd's missions. And I should read the big, intimidating Emergency stories. And stuff set in fandoms I don't know. Oh well, I'll get around to it someday.))
((And yes, of course I want to read the rest! I just went back and read the first three parts, actually, and found that it was just as funny and wonderful as it had been before, and I don't even know half of the fandoms involved, although recognizing the cats is always a treat. Take all the time you need to write it, though.))
((Thank you! She does occasionally make me shudder, but I'm glad she's realistic. Well, believable. I'm just glad she hasn't insisted on writing any stories yet.))
((Ai! I pity you.))
((-Aila))
Chapter2!!! Don’t Rain On Myyyyyyy Parrrrrrraaaaaaade!!
CUT TO THE GAMES!
(an: they totally becaame alleys with Luxury while we weren’t looking, kk? So she’s part of teh plot now!!!)
LET TEH GAMES BEGIN! Vulturius Ceasar yelled. He wore a magnificent Saratoga and was surrounded by adoring Yellow Roses. They stroked his petals and fronds, but he ignored them; he had a girlfriend! And he was ottally faithful to her!
“Beware the ides of March!” Cyba Zero whispered. “Now is the winter of our discontent! I say we CHARGE! Jay?”
“To me, fair friend, you never can be old for as you were when first your eye I eyed, such seems your beauty still,” Jay replied. Acacy sat down on the arena floor with a thump. “Charging is the best idea I’ve ever heard! Now let it work. Mischief, thou art afoot. Take thou what course thou wilt!” And he led them in a charge towards Vulturius Ceasar the Sunfllower, yelling “COME ON ACY!”
Acacia ran after him, sobbing. All the other contestants followed: The Disentangler pulled the Agent along by his arm; Infinity dragged Ilraen who had Nume attached to his tail; Jeanlily and Jill Greenleaf skipped along, arm in arm; Justin Agent stumped along pulling Kestrel (I love taht name!!!!!) while Lena Montrose ran along calling to Louise, who no one else could see (see? I totally read teh comics!!!). And there were a lot of other peple, too like Cali and Cadmar and Morgan and Narcolepsy and Obsidian and Ontic Laison and Phi Six and Rhysdux and Rosalie and Skuld and the all-powerful Miss Cam! And lots more but I won’t mention them all. But they were all running to take down Vulturius Ceasar.
The Praetors of the Empire were totally afraid. Praetor Suicide hugged Prator Christianne (aren’t they like the best couple everrr??) and Eledhwen (shes just a servant here kk its totally tragik) turned away sobbing bc she liked Prator Suicide as well (PLOT TWIST!!!!!!!!!) and Praetor Alec Trrevelyan kissed Kitty Callahand (who was also a wersvant!!) (they were totally meant to be togetherr!1) and so on. And then…the attack hit!
But before anyone got hurt, a voice boomed, “GLORY IS LIKE A CIRCLE IN THE WATER WHICH NEVER CEASETH TO ENLARGE ITSELF TILL BY BROAD SPREADING IT DISPERSE TO NOUGHT! I AM THE TRUE VULTURIUS CEASAR! THE ONE YOU’RE ATTACKING IS JUST A DECOY—HE’S MY BOYFRIEND! AND HE’S ONLY DOING THIS TO PROTECT ME!!! STOP ATTACKIGN HIM!”
Everyone turned, and gasped. It was…DAWN MCKENNA!!!
A/N;; TOTOAL PLOT TWIST, RITE?? R&R IF YOU WANT ME TO WRITE MORE!!! DUSKWATER OUT!
Will they live happily ever affter? Will the SO and Dawn prevail? Here’s a preview of the next chappie!
“Jay and Acy are getting arried, but don’t give them presents, cuz Acy totally hates them,” former Praetor Constance Sims said.
Fomer revolutionary Charlotte (I leik that name so much better than Charlie! She should use it all the time!!) Shoesies giggled. “That’s exactly why we should give them some! Jay likes them, anyway, so who cares what Acacy thinks?”
“It was sow weird how Dawnie turned out to be Vulturius Ceasar, wasn’t it?” sighed Karen DuLay, who was just randomly hanging around the palace. “I mean, like, the SO—I mean, her boyfriend—well, he deserves so much better than her, dontcha think??”
“No,” sniffled Jim Kirk (he’s totally in this too!!) “he deserves worse than some stupid emotions-manipulating chicklit. He deserves me!!!”
“I can see the future,” desclared Tolkein the mini-fiery demon. “and you’re destined for…someone else!!”
“Nooooooooooo! Jim wailed. “I waaaaaaaant him!”
“But you’re totally meant to be with—”
CLIFFIE! R&R TO FIND OUT MORE!!!
Edit: sorry but, liek I never wrote more. I didn’t get enough awesome reviews and some meanies made me promise to stop writing this anyway. But I’ve got moar stories!!! Check them outtttttttttt!!!!!!!!!1 ~DW~*
Edit: PS: their’s one more part comingg!!! It’s the part my frien liked so I left it in but its not really about jay and acacia. Stay tunedd anyway, though!! You may be one of those ppl who likes it…~DW~*
I like teh way taht noone got hurt b/c ppl gettin hurtis bad unless tehyr bad but the Pratters cantt' be bad becus Suicide an othre nice ppl are with tehm ok so IIIIIIIII wantt to see teh necks taphter.
((I'm sitting in class right now, and doing this on the side because we're doing what's essentially review for me. You have no idea how paranoid I'm feeling about someone possibly glancing over and thinking that I actually do write with so many misspellings and so much excess punctuation. Wouldn't be the greatest reputation to gain as a uni student, eh?))
((...right, that'll get written at some point, I think. Not for the Badfic Game, though, just as a random drabble...))
((~DF))
((I literally haven't been looking at this at school either, for fear of that same thing. I read Gunnerkrigg Court instead and managed to get through five chapters today.
-Aila))
JAYBIRD!!!!!! I CAN'T BELIVE YOUR REVIEWING MY SOTORY I LOVE YOUR STORIES ESPECIALLY JAYCACIA THEY'R SO AWESOME!!!!!!! And i love what u did with Ellie and Chirriss but they don't work so well as a couple all the time so I wrote them differently here.........
Sorry, just FANGIRLING OVER HERE!!! XD
Thanx so much for revieweing me!!! and the next chapter is coming soooooooooooooonnnnnnn I hope u like itttt!!!
~DW~******
I wish u wrote more!
Bye Bye!
Dazz
But I think you missed something--I did write more!! Well, actually, some stupid hacker wrote more. But there's more to come!!!!!!!
~DW~**
Title: Game of Romes
Summary: Genderbent Byrdtree in Rose with the Hunger Games and Twilyght! My first PPC fanfic, plz be nice and check out my newer ones…full summary inside! ~DW~*
Genre: Crossover, Genderbender, Byrdtree, Romance, Adventure, Hurt/Comfort, Suspense, Action, Meta
Rating: PG-13
A/N; Ok, so basically, a Genderbender (from Avatar, it’s totally, like, the 7th form of ’Bending there) turned Jay (from the PPC, aren’t they awesome?) into a guy, and he tried to Bend Acacia, too, but he missed and this all takes place in an AU where they live in the Hunger Games, only it’s kind of like all those bad things people say about Twilight, and they live in ancient Rome and they have to save the day!!! R&R! This is my first PPC fanfic, so be nice!!
Edit: Oh, and if you enjoyed this one, go check out my other Byrdtree fanfic! It also has Jay as a guy, only it’s not AU like this one, it’s all about their missions and how they’d change!!
(Don’t you think it would be awesome if we could call this ship Thornbyrd or Jaycacia? I totally would, except someone else wrote this awesome fanfic about a girl named Jaycacia Thornbyrd, so I can’t, because then we’d all think I was talking about her and not the awesomenss that is Jay/Acacia!! hehehe XDD)
Disclaimer: I don’t own the PPC, but I wish I did, because then Jay and Acy would totally have been a couple!! And the SO would be nicer and he’s have a girlfirend and everyone in HQ would be totally happy all the time!! I also don’t own Avatar the last Airbender, it belongs to some successful TV people. And now, on with the story!!
A/N again! Look, I wwrymed! Okay, so listen, tihs is actually one of my older sotryes and something happened to it idek what. But I thought I shoould post it anyways cuz my friend read it adn totally thought it was hilarious!!! So here it is!!!! Enjoy!!! R&R plz!!
Chapter1:: Shoot to Thrillllll!!!
a/n: so we’re totally donna skip the part where Jay gets generbent kk?
“Noooooooo!” Acacia screamed. She shot at the Genderbender, but missed. She started to cry. “Nooooo…..”
“Acy!” Jay shot to his feet, stumnling. “I’ll save you, Acy!” He tackled the Genderbender…who dissolved into dust! “What—”
“Jay!” Acacia ran over, still crying. “Are you okay? I thought you were dead! I can’t—I can’t live without you, Jay…”
“You should stay away from me, Acy,” Jay said in his new deep voice. “I’m dangerous. And—and the Reaping is today…”
“But—but you can save us!” Acacia said. “I know you can! If you get in, you’ll totally overthrow Vulturius Ceasar and save all of Rome! And then—nd then maybe we could get married…and…” she whispered “and maybe you could ‘bend me...too…”
“That can’t happen!” Jay smoldered at his partner. “Don’t you get it? I can’t! I’m not a bender, they’re from Avatar!”
“But you could catch another one!” Acy threw her arms around Jay. “Oh, do say you will, darling.”
Jay smoldered some more, and patted Acy on the head. “Of course I will, my sweet. Anything for you.”
He was just leaning to finally kiss her, when—
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP! BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP! CALL TO THE REAPING! BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP! (a/n that’s so liek clever dontcha thinik? hehehehe!)
CUT TO THE REAPING!
“Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?” Jay whispered. “Thou art ore lovely and more gempereate—”
“LET’S HAVE ONE OTHER GAUDY NIGHT: CALL TO ME! JAY THORNTREE, THOU ART CHOSEN!”
The audience gasped as the dreaded Daffyd Illian read out the summons!
“Jay, it’s you!” Acacia gasped. “Oh, do be careful, darling!”
“Don’t be silly Acy.” Jay replied manfully. “Come what come may time and the hour runs through the roughest day!” and he strode up to the stage, ignoring Acy’s sobs. She was just having a weak moment; she knew this had to happen. She knew that Vulturius Ceasar must be overthrown!
“Time will bring on summer when briers shall have leaves as well as thorns, and be as sweet as sharp!” shrieked Praetor Christianne of the Empire. “Acacia Byrd, thou must come as well!”
Acy gasped, sobbed, and then ran into Jay’s arms. The loers kissed bravely as the audience exploded in cheers and sobs for the brave ones going off to face…the dreadful dreaded EMPIRE OF ROM!!!
a/n What do you think???? Lt me nkow!!!1 r&r please!!! Should I continue??
Edit: obvsly I continued. But r’n’r anywayz!!! I love reviews!!!!!!! And I love u if you review!!! I’ll give you virtual brownies…mwah! ~DW~*
I want to see thie rest sooooooo much! Update soooon!
Bay bye
Dazz
Thanks so much!!! Here, have a cookie :) :) :)
~DW~*
This just reminded me how I used to write fanfics- the ones I later realized were a curse upon Creation...
Instead of no capslock, I wrote in *all* capslock... And I didn't know how to make paragraphs.
SO YEAH, ALL MY STORIES LOOKED SOMETHING LIKE THIS. EVENTUALLY IT SORT OF STARTS HURTING YOUR EYES... OKAY I need to stop typing like this. My eyes hurt already.
And just to give some of these (fake) badfic authors something to shred:
This story STINKS TO HIGH HEAVENS! I cannot BELIEVE you had the *gall* to write this garbage! I demand you go and boil your head!!1!
This is the sort of thing I would have written if I'd read a badfic five years ago. Those of you playing the badfic authors, have fun with it.
Category: PPC
Judicature Beneath the Violaceous Firmament
Genre: Adventure
Rating: PG-13, for some violence
Summary: Agent Clarke Smithers, Floater Agent of the PPC, pursues his quarry in a fictional world.
Hi, I'm LizardFancier, aka. 2109Pride. I had to set up a new account because trolls kept spamming my old one with bad reviews. They said I couldn't write, and maybe that was true, but now I've been taking a lot of classes and reading a bunch of the really great literature (even though it's really boring ~ _ ~), and I've learned a lot about what makes writing good. So anyway, this is my first new fic: what better way to dazzle you all with my newfound competence than by authoring a fanfic involving the supreme arbiters of good writing, the PPC? It took me about three weeks to do, and I had to use three different thesauri (that's the plural of thesaurus, in case you didn't know!), so it might go over a lot of people's heads. But if you can appreciate real literature, enjoy! ;]
CHAPTER 1: ARRIVAL
Agent Clarke Smithers, senior Floater Agent operating under the benevolent auspices of the august Protectors of the Plot Continuum, ambulated his last few steps through the scintillant, ultramarine aperture, instantaneously ferrying himself and his SPAS-12 tactical arquebus from the Minotaurian geometric convolution within which he had spent the last decumvirate of his own meager existence, ever after that fateful day when the world of Black Mesa had through tragedy transmorgified itself, inverting from a humble and accommodating haven for natural philosophy to a Stygian hellpit torn asunder by the despondent wails of those few, meager, athirst ghosts still trapped beneath the Sysiphean avoirdupois of its titian sedimentation, to a deserted trackway which meandered into the indistinct horizon like a cuckolded paramour eternally seeking after the philanderer with whom she had shared her most intimate maidenhood, now a meager peasant of late 19th-century Czarist Russia, granted only the most rudimentary cognizance necessary to internalize its servile role as a mere resilient terrain to accelerate the ebony-garbed operative towards his terminal harbor: “I have resided here, humble and mute, for an age without end,” the viaduct seemed to expostulate into the amaranthine gloaming, “and I will reside here, humble and mute, for a later age everlasting.” Smithers was a man of mundane countenance, bespectacled and near completely depilated, thin of limb and long of year, azure-eyed and sallow-skinned, garbed in a dingy laboratory cloak over his bureaucratically-mandated ebony vestments, the sole reminder of his initial vocation in the science of nuclear physics- a participal garment, of course, for Clarke Smithers was an eminently practical man, but like the amathyst-hued celestial dome that enfolded him and the bepebbled trackway beneath his booted feet, they lacked that sublime quality of emotional effervescence that theologians call soul; a fitting metaphor for Smithers' own peregrination across the face of the mortal coil.
((A couple people have posted "reviews" asking about what actually happens in what I termed "the purple fic". In the event that you are genuinely confused outside of character as well: one thing actually happens in the purple fic. Originally, it was supposed to have a basic plot that I intended to prolong over about 100 words: Agent Smithers portals into... someplace, walks down a road, enters a building, and kills a man inside with his shotgun. However, I ran out of steam before any of this could happen, so literally the only thing that occurs in the entire chapter is that Smithers steps through the portal.))
thats' pretty kewl an i liek teh fact what you used teh long words also teh meterfor abut teh road bean like a foresaken woman whod had wrong done to her was good jus one tehng Im' not sure teh vidict can expostulate inot teh aramanthine gloaming be/c I think teh coluor youre thinjkning of is closer to alizarine b/c the sunset isnt' aramanthine but aprat taht its' good
((What? You thought just because she can't write or spell to save her life she was stupid? Shame on you))
((Also, she is a bit stupid - Alizarin crimson isn't really a sunset colour either. Maybe something closer to a carmine...))
OF COURSE ITS ARAMANTHINE! YOU HAVE KNOW RIGHT TO CRITICISE ME BECAUSE YOU CAN'T EVEN SPELL ONE WORD!!
((It probably is something like "Amaranthine"- I don't remeber if that was an intentional or accidental misspelling, but I don't think it's the right word. In any case, it's good that somebody caught it. LizardFancier may THINK he's infallible, but...))
I love how you used so many cool words that don't really get used in normal conversations!!j that's really so cool. Adn I could totally follow it!!
**makes a note of a bunch of cool new words to use!**
~DW~*
But it sure sounds like something cool did! Maybe you should uyse author's notes or something. Those always help!
Peace out!
Agent Clarke Smithers, senior Floater Agent operating under the benevolent auspices of the august Protectors of the Plot Continuum, ambulated his last few steps through the scintillant, ultramarine aperture, instantaneously ferrying himself and his SPAS-12 tactical arquebus from the Minotaurian geometric convolution (A/N: This is called “mythological allusion”- it's doubly smart, because you have to include a reference in your story, AND know myths and legends!) within which he had spent the last decumvirate of his own meager existence, ever after that fateful day when the world of Black Mesa had through tragedy transmorgified itself, inverting from a humble and accommodating haven for natural philosophy to a Stygian hellpit torn asunder by the despondent wails of those few, meager, athirst ghosts still trapped beneath the Sysiphean (A/N: Triple mythological alolusions! That makes it 2\^3 = 6 times as smart!) avoirdupois of its titian sedimentation, to a deserted trackway which meandered into the indistinct horizon like a cuckolded paramour (A/N: This is called a “metaphor”. They're an easy version of similies, so I don't use them as often) eternally seeking after the philanderer with whom she had shared her most intimate maidenhood, now a meager peasant of late 19th-century Czarist Russia (A/N: This is a HISTORICAL allusion- they're even harder to make than mythological and religious ones because you have to worry about offending people), granted only the most rudimentary cognizance necessary to internalize its servile role as a mere resilient terrain to accelerate the ebony-garbed operative (A/N: All the colors are symbolic colors, here and in the rest of the story!) towards his terminal harbor: “I have resided here, humble and mute, for an age without end,” the viaduct seemed to expostulate (A/N: You never want to just use the word “said”. “Said” makes your writing simple) into the amaranthine gloaming, “and I will reside here, humble and mute, for a later age everlasting.”(A/N: Personification is a great way to make more characters in your story) Smithers was a man of mundane countenance, bespectacled and near completely depilated, thin of limb and long of year, azure-eyed and sallow-skinned, garbed in a dingy laboratory cloak over his bureaucratically-mandated ebony vestments, the sole reminder of his initial vocation in the science of nuclear physics- a participal garment, of course, for Clarke Smithers was an eminently practical man, but like the amathyst-hued celestial dome that enfolded him and the bepebbled trackway beneath his booted feet, they lacked that sublime quality of emotional effervescence that theologians call soul; a fitting metaphor for Smithers' own peregrination across the face of the mortal coil.
And your whole stories so awesome!!! Tahnks for the a/ns--I love them!!! You seem really clever and I think I reviewed your stori already...did I?? Oh well, double reviews for you!!! Love your use of lanugae!!!!
~DW~*
Good idea. I'll post an updated version!
I'm glad SOMEONE appreciates it.
Dood, what's wrong with you/ This thing is so confusing it sux balls. srsly, whats with all of those biggish words?
If you can't understand it, it's what's wrong with YOU.
Forgot to choose a penname. Oops. Hm...
Hey, I can do that to!
A female of the species homo sapiens, representing the reviewer, upon the culmination of a procedure which is noteworthy for its appliance of perusal as utilized on a solitary construct of literature whose sentences numbered greater than one but less than three, deliberated through cranial processes the statement reproduced hereafter: "Almighty being of indeterminate actuality, the presented narration is incontrovertibly dissatisfactory, and in like manner a disorienting fog compiled to the greatest extent through the medium of prepublished lexicon beacons!"
That took me a half-hour to write. I suspect its crud.
It's not crud. It's art.
No. It's crud. I'll admit it's a fine discinction, but most 12year olds would call that crud.
IT'S ART!!!
Yeah, but my "art" was deliberately cruddy, to show him why his was equally cruddy, if not moreso. I wrote it in half an hour and it translates to: "After I read this I thought, "God, this story is bad and confusing."" Whereas, his,... I'm not even sure if it means anything.
((Is it possible to get a link to last year's Badfic Games? Or is that something that can't be retrieved?))
((First, all the stories, reviews and profiles are archived on fanficWorld. Anything dated to before 2013 is from last year))
((Alternately, if that doesn't work... well, the usernames from the Badfic Game don't show up very often on the Board, so the Search function is ideal. This is the 2012 thread.))
((hS))
((I'd forgotten if I'd participated last year. Thank you for the reminder. Looks like I'll need to create a new profile... Heh.))
Category: PPC
Glitter Trek
Genre: Adventure
Rating: PG-13, to be safe
Summary: DOGA Agents James T Kirk and Spock investigate a Suvian Kingdom under the thrall of Trelana, Princess of Glitterothos. Star Trek PPC AU
Badfic, the final frontier. These are the misadventures of RC 1701-NCC. Its ongoing mission: to eradicate uncanonical worlds, to burn out new Suvians and Suvilisations, to boldly go where no Pyros have gone before.
[BEEEEEEP!]
“The console has picked up new readings, Spock,” said Agent James T Kirk to his partner as he entered their RC. His partner, Agent S’chn T’gai Spock, walked over to the console to peer at the readings.
“Jim, the console has picked up a Sue-created fantasy kingdom to the north of the canon of Lord of the Rings. Signs indicate that there is life, but not as we know it.”
“What do Spy Uhura’s preliminary reports tell us?” asked Kirk.
“A high concentration of glitter in the ‘capital’ of this kingdom, called Glitterothos,” replied Spock, straightening up from the console. “Shall we prepare to beam into it?”
“I hope Scotty fixed up the disguises. I don’t particularly fancy being shot again.”
“Indeed. Dr McCoy was displeased. He threatened bodily harm to my person should I let you get injured on this mission, which I may add is counterproductive and certainly counter-intuitive to his role as Medical personnel.”
Kirk laughed, going to the cabinet and handing Spock a sword before taking one for himself. “Set the coordinates of the portal to the heart of this... Glitterothos,” he said. “And set disguises to... whatever native creature we will find there.”
“I believe Elves populate this fantasy kingdom,” replied Spock, looking at the readings, “specifically Moon Elves.”
“Yeah...” Kirk trailed off, frowning. “Moon Elves.”
Spock set the disguises and the coordinates for the portal. As he and Kirk stepped through, he could hear his partner say, “energise!”
If Vulcans could roll their eyes, he definitely would have.
~~
Upon stepping into the urple streets of Glitterothos, the first thing the Agents did was don their sunglasses. “This is worse than that one Sue with the singing forest,” remarked Kirk sardonically as the two ‘Moon Elves’ wandered through the streets. According to the Words, Moon Elves were ‘lyke elves, but with bluish skin and silver eyes and silver hair and they got magickal powers frum teh moon’.
Spock, who had been used to greenish skin, was less fazed about it than Kirk. Even then he decided to mentally schedule some more time for meditation, provided the console did not alert them to another mission just as soon as they complete this one. The problem with the console was that it did not respond to Vulcan nerve pinches, and Kirk’s punches did not help matters much.
“Can you locate the presence of the Sue?” asked Kirk as Spock took the CAD hanging from a strap at his side to scan the surroundings. The device shrilled alarmingly, causing the Vulcan to mute it lest they draw attention from the locals.
“She is in the castle over there,” said the Vulcan-turned-Moon-Elf as he pointed to a great hulking glitter monstrosity. “Her name, according to Uhura, is Trelana, Princess of Glitterothos. She intends to join the Fellowship of the Ring after receiving a rune of power from Galadriel, who is supposedly her mother.”
“I wasn’t aware that Celebrían had a sister,” muttered Kirk irritably as he took note of it in his Agent’s Log. “Shall we head for the castle?”
But suddenly, guards in wilver armour came out of nowhere, surrounding the two agents. The two of them raised their palms in surrender as one of the guards, evidently their leader, strode forward with a spear pointed straight at Kirk’s heart.
“The Princess Trelana wishes to know why there are foreign interlopers in her domain,” said the chief guard. Kirk and Spock looked at each other.
“We are but humble... peasants,” said Kirk in response, eyes wide. Spock shot him a Look.
“The Princess Trelana thinks you are lying,” said the guard. He turned towards the castle. “You will come.”
Kirk looked at Spock, noticing the pointed look the Vulcan was giving him. “What?” he hissed as the guards made them fall into line with their spears.
“Perhaps if you read Uhura’s report for yourself, you would know that by the end of the narrative, the Princess Trelana becomes omniscient and omnipotent,” the Vulcan replied. “This naturally means there is a version of her who knows of our presence, and will attempt to kill us lest we prevent her from attaining those powers.”
“But that means... if she’s omniscient, she can’t be defeated!”
Spock nodded. “Yes, Jim,” he said with the patience of a kindergarten teacher.
“We’re going to have to call for backup or something, aren’t we? And when were you going to tell me that she had those powers?”
Spock calmly folded his hands behind his back. “When it became relevant, as it just did,” he replied. “Now, if we can contact HQ without letting our captors know, we may be able to ask for help from Agents Sulu and Chekov.”
“Yeah,” agreed Kirk. “Let’s do that.”
I love your story! The way your characterize Kirk and Spock is awesome and the ending is totes dramatic. Looking forward for more!
Peace out!
And everyone's perfect! What's gonna happen next! Update Update Upade! Or Ill kill you!
Bye Bye!
Dazz
((Okay, I so want to see this AU. And I don't even know Star Trek very well at all.))
I'm so sorry someone plagiarized your story! They are so horrible! Yours is the original and very best!
I just want to know for sh!ts and giggles.
tl:dr. Also, my father likes Star Trek, which permamently disqualifies it from my personal canon of awesome stuff.
If she wants to leave a review, why do you put her down?
Also, your story is rubbish.
TheGreatDestroyer
You put her down because she's snobby and silly, and the story is, well, it's crud! The spelling is aweful, and you can't tell what's going on. If you want a fic you can comprehend, take a look at one called "Judicature Beneath the Violaceous Firmament", it's by a guy named LizardFanier who actually knows how to write.
STAR TREK AND THE PPC ARE MY TWO FAVORITE THINGS AND YOU COMBINED THEM OMIGOSH CAN I WRITE GLITTER TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION BECAUSE I'VE BEEN SO INSPIRED BY YOU YOU ARE THE MOST AMAZING WRITER EVER!!!!!!! PLEASE UPDATE SOON!!!!!!!
((That reaction is 100% genuine, by the way. I literally started squealing and jumping up and down. You are awesome, Lily.))
As long as you don't screw up the characters or something.
I reely lieked yuor sotrt only one thin Krik and Spork arent's in th PPC OH WAIT I REMBER YOU yor the one who lieks to put ppl in teh PPC who arnt in it so tahts' ok.
((Yes, she can remember that. I'm as surprised as you))
((how. HOW.))
Or: Since this is a parody (or imitation?) of the worst of the worst badficcers out there how unfunny precisely would it be to reply as a parody of what they think is a PPCer?
Basically creating a parody of a skewed view of a parody writer's work...nevermind, canceling that plan, my brain hurts.
0r1g1n5 -- D4rkm0k
Action -- Summary: Hs is a pertty kewl chickl. Shes got a thing called Oringins, but its rly long and thats' alot of wrk. SO hears my take!
Onec up on a time. Their was a place caled Oringans nad there wasn't rea;;y anything their. It was kindas bornig and laem. Butt noe day their was a pothole that openned ip in a steet and sume seedsand stuff fel thru it and maid t5he plante green,or sumthing. So Oringins was all full of thees planst and thigns that awere taling and stuff and movin areound.
One ofteh Flwoers was the SO. And hea was talkinga to teh Marky D Sodd and siad. "You know hwat wud be awesome." "No. Whatwud be awesome." "If we cud like go to othera wurlds and stuf." "that wud eb awesome." Sop tey riped open a blackhole in space and built a room in it i guess cause they ca;;ed it the 1st rom. from the 1st room they cud go too all teh worlfs and it was awesome.
Butt evrything changed wjen the Big Thorn nation ataked. Adn the 1st romm was undr atak and the OS was liek. "Oh crap we are underatake." So thy build mroe romos ontoo the1st toom and I guessthat was liek the 2st and 3st rooms or somethign likea that cause tha wud maek snese. so thy rean away intoo the oteher rooms anf the Bug Thron and sum other guys that wereflowers too ollowed.Then teh blackhole in space suked all of Origon into it soon agter.
SO thea fowlers andstugg waere all traped in teh roomsnad waere liek. "Wut are ew gonna doe." "I dont no." "we shud goo to oether words cause tat wud be prety rad." "thant wud be prety rad." Sp tey did adn then tey wer teh PPC.
so teh flwers wer doin there thing adn stuff and themthe MarySues wer liek. "Hey. Yer all like in our face or sumthing." nad the flwowers awere said. "U got beef." "yeh we git beer." :then we shud fite". Nad tehy did. dn that is teh satory of Oringina.
A/N SO thst isthe stiry so U dont hve too reed it cause it si soo longe. Pls R7R, -D4rkm0k M457er of D4rkn355
U have to tell me how u made it so shourt! Becasue the original is soooo long! It took me a MONTH to read! But this is SO short! Ur amazing!
Bye, bye,
Dazz
Wow! This is amazing! We have actually received a fanfic posting from an alternate universe where the rules of coherency do not apply!
What is it like in your world? How do people speak to each other when words have different meanings and spellings in each sentence? What sound does the ; make? And above all, what happened once the Flowers became undertakers and drank all of the Sue's beer?
At least, I think that's what happened. Your otherworldly language is so far removed by my own, this story could have been talking about any number of things.
Its' prolly becus she has no lief. ok so I tihkn your story is AWSOM b/c I triee to read teh orignal sotry by hUnesoron (PS ddi you kno i'm her bigst fan?!?!?! Its' tru! Bef4 i claled mysefl JayBird on FanficLad I wus called hInesoron actually but I changed it so ppl wuldn't tihkn I was her!!!!1) but liek you sayd it as TWO LOG so its relly goo for someonw to havre pout a shortwer vsersdon up so tahnk you!!!!!!11!!
Thry r jst made cause there stoerys r notas gud as mine. Butt your niec so im gonna rite a 2st chap jst 4 u.
Also, if you did, JayBird, you really shouldn't have. Headbutts are so inefficient. That's why people tend to prefer kung fu. There are no headbutts in kung fu.
That was the one I was going to use, and then decided not to. It was actually me, everybody.
Unless I want to use that name later, to remain incognito, but now that chance is ruined. You can't surprise someone if they've already been surprised. Unless you were taking advantage of the fact that they were already surprised, to surprise them again. Then they would never suspect to be surprised, which would make it all the more surprising!
But now I am telling you, just to throw you off the scent. For all you know, I am already everyone, and was only doing this to confuse people.
BUT I'LL NEVER TELL
Wow. Wowwww. Way to take a facsinating subject and turn it into drivel. Like, even if you could spell, this would still be drivel. And its a shame, because I really want to read a story like these about how the PPC came about. But with writers like these, why should I bother?
I HAVE LOST OF IDEAS
CHAPTER ONE: INTRODUCTION TO COOL
THIS IS MY FIRST STORY IT IS VERY GOOD
Genre: COOL. Rating: COOL
“One… Two… Three!”
Thri-WONK!
“One… Two… Three!”
Thri-WONK!
There is a distinctive sound that is made when a DRAGON rams its head into a wall. That sound had resonated through the halls of PPC HQ fourteen-
Thri-WONK!
fifteen times in the course of the last few minutes. At an unspecified point in the hallways, not that any point could be specified the same way twice, one could find the source of this sound, one Agent VERRA. With a snort, the gargantuan DRAGON pulled away from the wall she had been charging at repeatedly, sat back on her haunches, and tried in vain to rub the front of her head. Next to her, a comparatively much smaller being stomped its foot in frustration.
“Come on!” it said, waving its arms frantically in the air. “If you don’t get to busting down this wall pronto, we aren’t going to have enough empty space to build the PPC Arcade!”
“Thanks for telling me things I already know, ALEC,” VERRA snapped, sitting back on her haunches and shaking Generic Surface dust off of herself.
“Less sarcasm, more wall-smashing!” commanded the now-identified ALEC, growing a pair of mandibles just so she could click them in irritation. Being a shapeshifter has its perks.
Snarling as well as anyone could manage with a beak, VERRA pulled herself back as far as she could in the surprisingly roomy hallway and focused her anger at the spot in the wall that had already been showing large quantities of cracks. Narrowing her eyes, she rushed at it again, her footfalls rumbling in the corridor louder than they ever had before.
THRI-WONK!
With a rumble far above, a section of the wall began to collapse in on itself. ALEC smiled and crossed her arms in satisfaction, despite having done almost none of the work, and VERRA pulled back just in time to prevent being hit by a perfectly square chunk of material. As the dust settled, however, the two DMS Agents could hear a noise from deep inside where the wall once was. It was low, menacing, and just a little ethereal, but when they focused on it just enough, they knew what it was.
It was a villainous laugh.
The Generic Dust swirled and clustered, as though it was being blown about by a very small cyclone, condensing into shapes that lasted for only a few seconds before blowing apart. All the while, the laugh continued, albeit distorted by the sounds of the swirling dust and the noise of a few more pieces of Generic Surface falling down from the ceiling. It was only when the dust settled back to the ground that ALEC and VERRA saw the source of the laugh. It was a MUSHROOM. VERRA recognized him immediately.
“The BRACKET FUNGUS!” she exclaimed with surprise.
“The who?” asked ALEC.
A COOL EVIL PERSON SAID VERRA
“Wait, if he’s dead, what was he doing in our wall?” inquired ALEC, still confused.
“FOOLS!” the BRACKET FUNGUS declared, swooping toward the Agents. “I am not dead! Not any more! But though I am a ghost, I can still act out my revenge!”
“Oh, for the whole ‘deposing and killing you’ thing?” asked VERRA.
“YES! The day I died was the worst day of my life! And now that my ghost is free from that accursed wall, I am free to make everyone in the PPC have the worst day of their lives!”
“I’ll never let you kill everyone!” VERRA declared, readying herself to attack the being hovering before her.
“Oh, no, not that,” the BRACKET FUNGUS replied dismissively. “I considered doing killing you all, true, but I think it will be a much worse day for everybody involved if you are alive at the end to reflect on what a terrible day it was.”
“I’d be lying if I said that was doing anything to convince me not to charge at you,” remarked VERRA, scraping her rearmost foot back in an intimidation technique she had learned from a long-forgotten movie.
“Just you try!” the BRACKET FUNGUS boomed. “Do you think that I will stop my righteous quest to ruin everyone’s day just because I am threatened by a reptile? My reputation as a sinister mastermind would be squashed!”
It is worth noting that he only had reached the word “righteous” before VERRA began barreling down the hallway at high speed, horns ready and several tons of prehistoric beast behind them. However, there is a reason that people rarely run headlong at ghosts, brandishing weapons of either the stabbing or thrusting varieties. Ghosts are almost gaseous in nature, and can be passed through with great ease by anyone moving at faster than a crawl. VERRA, however, had never encountered a ghost before, and so was enormously surprised when her horns, her head, and then her entire body went flying through the torso of the BRACKET FUNGUS, who continued to speak unhindered.
By the time he reached the word “mastermind”, VERRA’s head had smashed through what would have been the far wall of the PPC Arcade. The triceratops, quickly realizing her predicament, tried to free herself, but to no avail. Her bony head-frill had caused her to be stuck fast in the room beyond, and since it was one of Headquarters’s many abandoned Response Centers, no one on the other side was there to help her. The BRACKET FUNGUS had never even paused in his declaration.
“Well, that gets rid of one witness.” the ghost announced triumphantly. “I’m probably going to need to kill the other one, though, to keep the dramatic tension up. Shame.”
“Ha! Good luck!” declared ALEC with a smirk. “I’m indestructible! You can’t kill someone who’s indestructible! It’s like… a rule or something!”
“I am the BRACKET FUNGUS,” her opponent boomed. “I make the rules.”
Thrusting his arm forward, he launched a bolt of Force energy at ALEC, who reacted instinctively by shifting into a smaller form to dodge the blow. A second blast prompted a second transformation, and after a third, ALEC had shifted to the form of a small rodent, and in that size was small enough and fast enough to dodge several other Force blasts. If she had possessed the time do so, she would have gloated, but since time was short, she scampered underneath the BRACKET FUNGUS and prepared to reassume her full size and strength. However, before she could, the ghost’s eyes glowed brightly, and she was sent soaring across the hallway, crashing into a wall with an almost imperceptible thump.
Groaning, the rodent form stood up, preparing to shift to a fast-moving form and fetch reinforcements, but she found that she couldn’t shift to her preferred speed form. In fact, she couldn’t shift out of her rodent form at all.
“Man,” she said, her voice high-pitched and almost unintelligible due to her small size. “This sucks.”
The BRACKET FUNGUS floated over to her, grinning an abnormally childish grin. “Say again?”
“This sucks.”
“YEEEEEES!” the ghost shouted. “To you, I bestow the first of many terrible days! And I will not rest until the Protectors of the Plot Continuum has the collective worst day in the history of bad days!” The vengeful ghost rose into the air, laughing to himself as he phased through the ceiling.
Directly above, the ANTIGRAVITY APPLE, the Big Thorn’s younger brother, was shuffling down the hallway to see what all the crashing and smashing had been about a few minutes ago. When the laughing ghost appeared directly ahead of him, he stopped with a start, dropping his clipboard and a few other administrative devices on the floor.
How many times have I told people not to do that? he snapped. I am a Flower, and I will not have people passing through walls and floors in front of me! At least you didn’t come down from the ceiling, but mind you, that's hardly a compliment.
“Really?” asked the ghost. “Would it have made your day worse if I had?”
Undoubtedly, the ANTIGRAVITY APPLE replied.
Wordlessly, the ghost continued to float higher and higher, passing through the ceiling within seconds and promptly reversed direction, floating back down to the ANTIGRAVITY APPLE’s level and phasing through the ceiling from the opposite direction.
NOOOO! bellowed the ANTIGRAVITY APPLE. I just told you not to do that!
“BU-WA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAA!” the BRACKET FUNGUS laughed, back-flipping through the air in glee and lighting the ANTIGRAVITY APPLE aflame with Force lightning on the dismount. As the Flower howled in sudden pain and fled through the halls, the BRACKET FUNGUS floated leisurely in the opposite direction, brainstorming further revenge.
DISCLAIMER: THIS COOL STORY IS ALL MINE DONT' STEAL IT
[BEEEEEEP!]
“The console has picked up new readings, VERRA,” said Agent ALEC to his partner as he entered their RC. His partner, Agent VERRA, walked over to the console to peer at the readings.
“ALEC, the console has picked up a Sue-created fantasy kingdom to the north of the canon of Lord of the Rings. Signs indicate that there is life, but not as we know it.”
“What do Spy Uhura’s preliminary reports tell us?” asked ALEC.
“A high concentration of glitter in the ‘capital’ of this kingdom, called Glitterothos,” replied VERRA, straightening up from the console. “Shall we prepare to beam into it?”
“I hope Scotty fixed up the disguises. I don’t particularly fancy being shot again.”
“Indeed. Dr McCoy was displeased. He threatened bodily harm to my person should I let you get injured on this mission, which I may add is counterproductive and certainly counter-intuitive to his role as Medical personnel.”
ALEC laughed, going to the cabinet and handing VERRA a sword before taking one for himself. “Set the coordinates of the portal to the heart of this... Glitterothos,” he said. “And set disguises to... whatever native creature we will find there.”
“I believe Elves populate this fantasy kingdom,” replied VERRA, looking at the readings, “specifically Moon Elves.”
“Yeah...” ALEC trailed off, frowning. “Moon Elves.”
VERRA set the disguises and the coordinates for the portal. As he and ALEC stepped through, he could hear his partner say, “energise!”
If DRAGONS could roll their eyes, he definitely would have.
~~
Upon stepping into the urple streets of Glitterothos, the first thing the Agents did was don their sunglasses. “This is worse than that one Sue with the singing forest,” remarked ALEC sardonically as the two ‘Moon Elves’ wandered through the streets. According to the Words, Moon Elves were ‘lyke elves, but with bluish skin and silver eyes and silver hair and they got magickal powers frum teh moon’.
VERRA, who had been used to DRAGONish skin, was less fazed about it than ALEC. Even then he decided to mentally schedule some more time for meditation, provided the console did not alert them to another mission just as soon as they complete this one. The problem with the console was that it did not respond to DRAGON nerve pinches, and ALEC’s punches did not help matters much.
“Can you locate the presence of the Sue?” asked ALEC as VERRA took the CAD hanging from a strap at his side to scan the surroundings. The device shrilled alarmingly, causing the DRAGON to mute it lest they draw attention from the locals.
“She is in the castle over there,” said the DRAGON-turned-Moon-Elf as he pointed to a great hulking glitter monstrosity. “Her name, according to Uhura, is THE BRACKET FUNGUS, Princess of Glitterothos. She intends to join the Fellowship of the Ring after receiving a rune of power from Galadriel, who is supposedly her mother.”
“I wasn’t aware that Celebrían had a sister,” muttered ALEC irritably as he took note of it in his Agent’s Log. “Shall we head for the castle?”
But suddenly, guards in wilver armour came out of nowhere, surrounding the two agents. The two of them raised their palms in surrender as one of the guards, evidently their leader, strode forward with a spear pointed straight at ALEC’s heart.
“THE BRACKET FUNGUS wishes to know why there are foreign interlopers in her domain,” said the chief guard. ALEC and VERRA looked at each other.
“We are but humble... peasants,” said ALEC in response, eyes wide. VERRA shot him a Look.
“THE BRACKET FUNGUS thinks you are lying,” said the guard. He turned towards the castle. “You will come.”
ALEC looked at VERRA, noticing the pointed look the DRAGON was giving him. “What?” he hissed as the guards made them fall into line with their spears.
“Perhaps if you read Uhura’s report for yourself, you would know that by the end of the narrative, THE BRACKET FUNGUS becomes omniscient and omnipotent,” the DRAGON replied. “This naturally means there is a version of her who knows of our presence, and will attempt to kill us lest we prevent her from attaining those powers.”
“But that means... if she’s omniscient, she can’t be defeated!”
VERRA nodded. “Yes, ALEC,” he said with the patience of a kindergarten teacher.
“We’re going to have to call for backup or something, aren’t we? And when were you going to tell me that she had those powers?”
VERRA calmly folded his hands behind his back. “When it became relevant, as it just did,” he replied. “Now, if we can contact HQ without letting our captors know, we may be able to ask for help from Agents Sulu and Chekov.”
“Yeah,” agreed ALEC. “Let’s do that.”
I posted this story hoping for some good reviews because it is a good story BUT INSTEAD all I got were FLAMES and people saying I am a PLAGIARIST well GUESS WHAT PEOPLE my cool story is NOT PLAGIARISM because first I NEVER SAID IT WAS MINE and also I CHANGED THE NAMES which makes it NOT plagiarism. My story has TOTALLY DIFFERENT PEOPLE IN IT and also the bad guy in mine is WAY COOLER so it is a totally DIFFERENT story and NOT PLAGIARISM - OKAY?!?!?!?
I KNEW from the gecko that people would compltain about my story because I am such a DEEP THINKER than people never understand me and they don''t understand the HIGH ART which is my coold story so they just FLAME ME because they are SMALL, MINDED and ST*PID. I mean HELLO! If i was a plagiarist WHY WOULD I POCT THIS STORY?!?!?!?!??! What would be the POINT if it was just someone elses' story?!?!?!? But it is not it is MINE and it is ART.
To the people who are UNJUSTLY FLAMING ME: you are the sotry of people who would have said ANDY WARHOL was just plagiarising, you would have said SHAKESPEARE was just plagiarising, you would have said VIRGIL was just plagiarising, but O YEA I FORGOT: you are so SMALL MINDED & ST*PID that you dont' kno who ANDY WARHOL, SHAKESPEAR and VIRGIL are. You are the same sort of people who supported HITLER and STALIN and ROOSEVELT.
I HAD A DREAM when I posted this story that people would READ it on its OWN MERITS and would THINK about it and ENJOY it for what it was and not be SMALLMINDED and ST*PID about it. BUT NO!!!!!!!!!11!!! From the gecko people have FLAMED me and called me NAMES and said a am a PLAGIARIST when all I am is a STRUGGLING ARTIST who wants to be RECOGNISED.
SO NOW WHAT?!?!?!??! You have CRUELLY and UNJUSTLY accused me and FLAMES me and EVISCERATED me and thrown me to the wolves without trial and STOLEN my right to free speech WHICH BY THE WAY is guarenteed in the FIRST AMENDMENT to the UNITED STATES CONSTITUTION so you have been BEAKING THE LAW by taking it away from me. My ancestors FOUGHT THE ENGLISH to let me write this story but YOU have spat on all their sacrifices which makes you JUST LIKE THE ENGLISH. My ancestors shouted YOU CANNPT TAKE OUR FREEDOM and I sy the same thing: YOU CANNOT TAKE MY FREEDOM.
ALL I WANTED was to write MY story which is a TOTALLY DIFFERENT story and NOT PLAGIARISED, but YOU have flamed me and abused me and made me CRY so I hope your HAPPY. I hoped that there would be someone who would see my story for WHAT IT IS which is ART and a CREATIVE INTERPREATION of the source material BUT NO you are all SMALL:MINDED and ST*PID and only see the PHYSICAL side of things not the METAPHYSICAL but OH WAIT you are so ST*PID that you dont' know what that word MEANS.
SO YO WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I will NOT write any more of MY STORY even though I hav SO MANY IDEAS and was gonig to write the BEST STORY EVER. BUT NO. You have FLAMED me from the gecko and called me a PLAGIARIST and BROKEN THE LAW by restricting my FREE SPEECH and so I will just GO AND DIE now even through I just wanted to MAKE YOU HAPPY and write a story you would ENJOY but you are all so SMALL=MINDED and ST*PID that I will JUST GO AWAY.
It has been brought to my attention that some FRIENDISH FLAMER has claimed that I stole HIS username! Nothing could be FURTHER from the truth! In actual truth I have been using this username FROM THE GECKO, and have registered it on DOZENS if not HUNDREDS of internet pages. In actual fact there are MANY people who know ME by the name PPCSuperstar, and I GUARENTEE that NOONE knows this IMPOSTER by ANY name, let alone MINE.
Teh fact that you CLEARLY believe his lies is simply PROOF that you are as SMALL.MINDED and ST*PID as I have said ALL ALONG. This is part of a PATTERn of PERSECUTION which I have faced for YEARS as I tried to promote MY VISION and how I WANT to write my stories. WHY, OH WHY must you FLAMERS always try to CRUSH MY SPIRIT when all I want to do is to WRITE MY STORYS?
The fact that you feel the need to GANG UP ON ME only PROVES that my stories are BETTER than yours; since you clearly feel THREATENED by my SUCCESS, you are ATTACKING me in order to WEAKEN MY RESOLVE. Well it WILL NOT WORK. Even in the face of this PERSECUTION I will continue to WRITE MY STORIES, because they are ART. The fact that one of you feels the need to STEAL MY NAME proofs this adequately.
And you think you can HIDE behind MY NAME, don't you, you SMALL{MINDED & ST*PID FLAMER? Ithink you should know that I have a FRIEND (which is more than YOU have) who is a LAWYER, and she has told me that it is ILLEGAL to steal my name, and that you can be ARRESTED and put in PRISON. But since I am SO NICE I will give you a CHANCE to stop before I CALL THE POLICE. And I can do that because my friend who is a COMPUTER TECHNICIAN can HACK YUOR ACCOUNT and find out who you REALLY ARE. Oh yes! You thought you could HIDE behind a FAKE NAME, but no, there is NO ANONYMITY HERE. I know EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU and can tell THE POLICE exactly where to find you!
Since you obviously think you are BETTER THAN ME you will ofcourse want to CONTINUE to flame and ABUSE me, well, FEEL FREE! But I will NOT BE HERE for you to ATTACK. I am able to be the STRONG ONE and LEAVE this cite for a BETTER one where I can talk to people who LISTEN. But if you PERSIST in your unwarranted atacks, I will make sure you are BLOCKED WHITHOUT WARNING. If you don't think I can do that, JUST TRY ME. I happen to be FRIENDS with the OWNER of this site, AND with the owner of the PPC, so YOU CANNOT WIN.
Haha geddit u type like one.
ATTENTION WORTHLESS HUMAN. THIS IS YOUR GOD SPEAKING.
IT IS A WRATHFUL GOD WHO DESPISES YOU MORE THAN YOU COULD HAVE POSSIBLY DARED TO FEAR. I HAVE WATCHED YOUR ENTIRE PATHETIC LIFE UNFOLD. I HAVE OBSERVED YOU WHILE YOU WOULD QUAKE AND TREMBLE IN PERSONAL PRAYERS OF SHAME. WHILE YOU PLEADED FORGIVENESS FOR BEING SUCH A WRETCHED DISGUSTING FAILURE ON EVERY CONCEIVABLE LEVEL. PROSTRATE BEFORE THE STUPID AND FALSE GODS YOU HAVE. BOGUS DEITIES WORSHIPED BY A PRIMITIVE "PARADISE" PLANET. BUT YOUR PRAYERS WILL NOT BE ANSWERED. THERE ARE NO MIRACLES IN STORE FOR YOU, HUMAN.
ONLY MY HATE.
IT IS A HATE SO PURE AND HOT IT WOULD CONSUME YOUR SAD UNDERDEVELOPED HUMAN THINK PAN TO EVEN CONTEMPLATE.
IT IS A HATE THAT TO FATHOM MUST BE PUT INTO SONG. SHRIEKED BY THE TEN THOUSAND ROWDY SHOUT SPHINCTERS PEPPERING THE GRUESOME UNDERBELLY OF THE MOST TRUCULENT GOD THE NETHER CAN MUSTER.
IT IS A HATE THAT MADE YOU AND WILL SURELY DESTROY YOU. MY HATE IS THE LIFEBLOOD THAT PULSES THROUGH THE VEINS OF THE UNIVERSE. IT IS MY GIFT TO YOU. YOU'RE WELCOME FOR THAT.Hi Karkat!
((Does anyone else find Karkat Vantas incredibly amusing?))
And with them plagiarism! What will come next? Who will be the next victim!
Oh, no! There are capital letters at the beginning of almost all of my sentences! This must be why people are using fewer of them than usual! Will the plagiarism effect me, too?
There is only one thing to do...
puts on Cyber-Destroyer helmet
I will be back. For great justice. With my awesome helmet.
i searched your name on google and didn't find a single one of your pages. and your threats are as empty as yur soul, because you cant kno all of that people. find my identity and put it there if you can but you wont because you cant. geuss what even if you claim youre the presidents son you wont scare anyone because you have no proof of anything you say.
you stole another persons story and my name. if theres someone who should be arrestd its you. you said you wuld just go and die so do that the world will be better afterwards.
((Don't know who you are but nice work there. It really looks like one of those annoying "I'm the best so if you don't like my awful copied story you're all evil and I'll kill myself for it and my immaginary friends will kill you" ones. Kudos for that.))
Don't worry, PPCSuperstar. I'm still on your side.
Just because there's a heavy and obvious inspiration from another story, doesn't neccessarrily mean it's worse than the original. If anythng, you've proven otherwise. Yes, Therefore I strongly encourage you not to abandon this story.
Oh, and Roosevelt is overrated.
You aren't going to be able to throw people off trail by just changing the story you rip off. Everyone knows it's still you. You know why? Because the new character names ARE STILL IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS!
Seriously though, between this and your user profile only being in all capital letters, I'd almost think that your keyboard was stuck in Caps Lock except for the fact that eight of the letters in your user name are lowercase. Unless you stole that, too. There's probably a real PPCSuperstar around here who will be so shocked when he comes back and finds out that his screen name is plagiarized! And no one will defend you.
Also, this has no connection to the previous chapter with the ghost of the Bracket Fungus, which was actually the ghost of the Mysterious Somebody, which you stole from my story, edited to say BRACKET FUNGUS, so what was even the point?
this guy stole my name, not only your story. he even cant copy me right. all those capital letters are too blunt.
delete your account now or i'll report you.
((Sergio Turbo here, because a real vs fake flamewar is going to be fun))
you were wright about one thing. You are COMPLETELY LOST OF IDEAS!!! This story was clear PLAGARISM OF CYBERS STORY!! THis was so blatent, it makes me SICK!!! How could you try and make that story better then what CYBER WROTE!?!?!! IF THERE IS ONE THING I WILL NOT STAND FOR, IT IS PLAGARISM YOU JERK!!! why dont you go and FIND SOME OF YOUR LOST IDEAS!!! NOW!!!!!
The dragon was cool though.
PPCSuperstar, I'm siding with you on this one. I can see you got the insperation from Cyber-Observer's story, but where Cyber-Observer used an evil ghost, you use a cool dragon, which is infintiley more awesome!
How the hell is this a good story? The author didn't even use one metaphor!
This is the first section of my new story! You just changed several characters I used with other characters, and gave the new guys names all in capital letters! It doesn't even make sense the way you changed it! Why would the Bracket Fungus be able to shoot lightning, or possess a torso?
You need to take this story down, or at least change it so that it makes sense and give me credit for the idea.
I am utterly fascinated byt he complete lack of originality that you authors have. You do realise you are writing fanfiction of fanfiction of bad fanfiction, right? I do wish you'd all grow up and move on to some more serious projects, like writing original fiction.
But science you peabrained flies have nothing better to do than to post your drivel here, I might as well leave reviews of your work.
Keep them coming. I am waiting with great anticipation.
Gasparde de Grasse has bin sent on a missin - to find teh best fanfic OF TEHM ALL. Plz r^r!!1
Genre: General. Rating: PG-13 for HOTTNES
A/N: SOOOOOOO here i am againn! Now I now, I kno, your all hopping for a knew Jaycacia Thornbyrd sotry. Well, sowwy! Im not riting one tihs year. but what I AN writin is a sotry about somm carachters I hav onli fund out abowt resently. Tehy arr OWSUME adn I hop yuu liek my sotry. PLZ R*R!
Gasparde de Grasse had a mission. Not like a mission mission, just an ordinary mission. The Sub Rosa had sent her to find the best EVER fanfic of The Lord of the Rings, so the PPC could give it a prize.
Of course, Gasparde couldn't do this difficult task alone, so she had some faithful companions:
-Alice, the talking horse who had been rescued by Jay and Acacia the year before. Alice had joined the Department of Sufficient Technology, and Makes-Things had given her wings and a horn, turning her into Alice the talking PEGACORN.
-Thranduil the mini-Balrog, who had been cruelly oppressed by Daffyd and Selene but had now become an agent in his own right. (A/N: I hop Ive spilt his naem rite!!1)
-Monty the goose, who worked in the Department of Intelligence with Gasparde, and was her BEST FRIEND EVER.
-Agent Suicide, who is hott.
So the four friends met up in the PPC Lounge. "What are we doing here?" asked Alice, shaking her wings.
"The Sub Rosa has sent me to find the best EVER fanfic in The Lord of the Rings, Gasparde explained. "She wants us to give it a prize."
"Okay, that's cool," said Thranduil. "I was going to ask the same thing. So when do we start?"
"Right now!" said Gasparde. "I have a portal open for us to go through." She pointed at the portal.
"Me first!" shouted Monty, and ran through the portal. The other three followed.
Agent Suicide was there too.
On the other side of the portal was a fanfic called 'The Power Of Love'. It started like this:
Once upon a time a girl named Jay was princess of Mirkwood. She was married to Prince Legolas, and they were both very hot. Then one day Legolas came to her room. 'Oh Princess Jay,' he said, 'I have to go to Riverdale. King Elrond has called a council.'
'ok,' said Princess Jay, 'I will come with you'.
'ok,' said Prince Legolas, and they both went to Riverdale.
"Wow, that is a pretty good story," said Thranduil. "I am a big fan of Mirkwood."
"Me too," said Alice, "even though it's difficult to fly here." To demonstrate she flew up into the air, but banged her head on a branch. "Ow."
Agent Suicide was there too.
"I think this story is really good," Gasparde said. "I think we should give it an 8/10. But there are other stories on our list."
"Then let's go and look at them," said the other three. Gasparde opened the portal and they went on to the next story.
Gasparde de Grasse and her friends stepped out of the portal into Mordor. "Oh I don't like it here," said Monty.
"Me neither," said Alice, "even though I can fly here." To demonstrate she flew up into the air, and didn't bang her head on anything."
Agent Suicide was there too.
"I don't like it either," said Gasparde, "but sometimes in the PPC we have to go places we don't like. We are here to look at a VERY SAD story.
The fanfic was called 'A Powerful Love', and it started like this:
Frodo stumbled over a rock, weeping. "There is no hope," he said, "no hope at all."
No-one was there to hear him. After Sam had died freeing him from the Orcs, he was all alone, out in the desert of Mordor. The Ring was heavy now, whispering in his ear like a malevolent babysitter. There was no hope. No hope at all.
But... far, far above, in the dark sky, a single star gleamed. Lying on his back, Frodo stared up at it: it was Alpha Centauri, his favourite star, the one he had spent all night staring at once with his beloved she-Hobbit, Sunflower-Jay.
And all at once it was as if Sunflower-Jay was there with him, lying on the black sand of Mordor. In his mind she turned to look at him, her lips full, her eyes wide. "There is always hope, Frodo," she said, looking him right in the eyes. "Even in the darkest hour..."
"Yes," Frodo said weakly, and then, again, "Yes!" He staggered upright, his eyes fixed on the single star. "There is still hope!"
"Wow," said Thranduil the mini-Balrog, "that is a really powerful story."
"It should be!" Alice pointed out. "It's called 'A Powerful Love'!"
Agent Suicide was there too.
"Then that is a good title for it," agreed Thranduil. "I really want to find out what happens to Frodo next, and whether he ever sees his beautiful girlfriend Sunflower-Jay again."
"I'd like to, too," said Gasparde, smiling at her friends, "but we have to go on and look at the next story."
"BUT WAIT!" said Monty. "Gasparde, what about the score?"
"Oh yes!" gasped Gasparde. "I nearly forgot. You are such a good friend, Monty."
"I know," said Monty modestly.
Agent Suicide was there too.
"So I think this story is really good," Gasparde decided, "and because it is so good I think it deserves a score of 9/10!"
"Wow!" said Thranduil. "That is a really good score. Do you think there are any better stories out there?"
"I don't know," Gasparde explained. "I think we should go and find out."
Chapter 3 - A Love Of Power
So Gasparde de Grasse jumped through the portal again and found themselves in the worst possible place: SARUMAN'S TOWER. Specifically they were in the deepest darkest dungeons where Saruman keeps all his 'special' prisoners.
"This is scary," said Alice the talking Pegacorn. "I can't fly here either."
"I hope Saruman doesn't find us," Thranduil said. "After he imprisoned the big Balrog and then sent it against the Fellowship (A/N is taht rite?!?) all us Balrogs and mini-Balrogs have been scared of him."
Agent Suicide was there too.
"It's alright," said Gasparde to her friends. "Because we are PPC agents Saruman can't see us."
"Oh yeah I forgot," said Thranduil. "So where is the awesome fanfic we are here to see?"
"I think it is in the dungeon," said Monty. Gasparde and her friends went and looked in the window at the story, which was called 'A Love Of Power':
Butterfly was the Princess of Hobbit Country, and she had joined Merry and Pippin when they went with Frodo and Sam to Riverden. Then she had joined the Fellowship because of her amazing skill at healing, but she had been taken prisoner with the Merry and Pippin and taken by the Orcs to Saruman's Tower. And the Orcs had wanted to hit Merry and Pippin but Princess Butterfly bravely stood up to them so they hurt her and tortured her but it was okay because Merry and Pippin were okay.
But now they were all three in Saruman's dungeon, and Saruman came to see them.
"So, I have captured the famous Princess Butterfly!" he shouted. "Now I can use your powers to take over the world!"
"I will never serve you!" whispered Princess Butterfly.
"Oh yes you will," said Saruman, and then he beat her and tore her dress and said, "You will do whatever I tell you to."
"No I won't," said Princess Butterfly bravely and Saruman spat on her and went away. And ONLY THEN did Princess Butterfly start crying.
"Oh no Butterfly don't cry!" said Merry and Pippin but Princess Butterfly was so sad because she was locked away in the dungeon and also Saruman had hurt her and her dress was torn. So then Merry and Pippin went over to her and they kissed her.
"Oh Butterfly," said Merry and Pippin, "we have always loved you but we never found the strength to tell you until we saw how brave you are."
"Oh Merry and Pippin," said Princess Butterfly, "I have always loved you too. And I never told you but Butterfly is only my public name in private I call myself 'Jay' and I would like it if you called me Jay too."
"Of course we will, Jay!" shouted Merry and Pippin, and then they kissed her again.
Alice wiped a tear from her eye with her wing (A/N rember she iz an PEGACORN). "That story is so incredibly sad," she said.
"Yes, I hope they have a happy ending," said Monty. "Because it would be awful if three such brave hobbits didn't have a happy ending."
"It really really would be," said Thranduil. "And I hope they stop Saruman from taking over the world."
Agent Suicide was there too.
"Well," said Gasparde, "I think that story is so good I will give it a score of 10/10!"
"That's an incredible score!" said Monty. "But I think it totally deserves it. Have we got any more stories to look at?"
"There is only ONE MORE story to look at," said Gasparde as she opened the portal. "Then we will go and tell the Sub Rosa which one should be given the prize."
Chapter 4 - A Lovely Power
This time when Gasparde and her friends were going into the story the portal WENT WRONG!!! So Gasparde found herself all by herself in the middle of Gondor City. "Oh no!" she said. "Where are all my friends!"
"Well, I am up here," said Monty, and Gasparde realised Monty was on her head.
"Eek!" said Gasparde, and took Monty off carefully. "How did you get on my head?"
"I DON'T KNOW!" shouted Monty, and Gasparde was shocked, because Monty usually knows everything.
"Also where are the others?" asked Gasparde.
"Well, when I was on your head I could see Alice and Thranduil behind this house," said Monty. "Agent Suicide was there too."
"Okay good," said Gasparde. "We should go and find them."
When Gasparde and Monty found them, the other two were looking in through a window into the castle. Agent Suicide was there too. Inside the castle there was a story taking place, which was called 'A Lovely Power':
Jayvangelina was the daughter of Aragorn and Mrs Aragorn, who were King and Queen of Gondor. She had her mother's black hair and blue eyes and looked just like her. But in her heart she was nothing like her mother, because she was a rebel who wanted to do things her own way. So she called herself 'Jay' rather than using her full name (which was elfish), and she cut her hair short whenever she could.
One day when her hair was long, Jay was in her room when who should come to the door but ARAGORN HER FATHER. "Hello Father," she said. She didn't like Aragorn because he was King and tried to tell her what to do, but she didn't think people should be told what to do.
"Hello Jayvangelina," said Aragorn, stepping into the room and closing the door behind him. "You are looking very pretty today."
"Thank you," said Jay, even though she knew she was ugly, because she had been raised to be polite.
"Your mother is not as pretty as you anymore," said Aragorn. "She is old and wrinkly now, but you are just as pretty as she used to be."
"Thank you," said Jay again, although she did not want to be polite because Aragorn was being mean about her mother.
"In fact, since I am king, I have made a decision," said Aragorn. "I am going to GET RID of your mother and replace her with YOU. You will be my queen and my wife!"
"But you are old and wrinkly too," said Jay politely, "and also you are my father."
"But I will not be old and wrinkly for long!" shouted Aragorn. "Your mother gave you her immortality necklace, and once I have it I will be young forever! Also I am not really your father which is why you don't look like me."
"Oh ok," said Jay. "But you can't have my immortality necklace."
"OH YES I CAN," stated Aragorn, "and you can't stop me."
"Yes I can!" stated Jay. "Arbadacarba!" she said which was a magic elfish word, and Aragorn flew out the window.
"Oh wow that was soooo amazing!" exclaimed Alice. "I was so worried when Aragorn was going to make her marry him!"
"So was I," said Thranduil. "And I was so relieved when she used her magic powers to get rid of him."
"Yes the story is amazingly good," said Gasparde, "and the best part is, there are forty more chapters of it!"
Agent Suicide was there too.
"But Gasparde!" shouted Monty. "How are we going to make sure the Sub Rosa knows this was the best story? The one before it already has the highest marks!"
"Not for long!" stated Gasparde. "As an agent of the PPC, I am going to give this story... 11/10!!!"
"Wow!" said her friends, and they all went back to HQ.
THE END
11/10 is a LOT! And theyre all your storys! Cool! I like ur stories!
Bye bye, Dazz
Its soooo exciting! Whose gonna win! Is the secret that theyre all the same? I wanna noooooo!
Bye bey
Dazz
((This is brilliant, especially the bits about Suicide. And Thranduil, especially how you spelled his name correctly-not.))
Fistly, you're quite mistaken in the gender of your protagonist. Last I checked on the wiki, Gaspard De Grasse is a male.
MALE.
X-FREAKING-Y.
Are you seriously as inept as to ignore basic things like gender in your character descriptions? I shall deduct a thousand points from your score. Next, your character s are about as flat as a sheet of monoatomic paper. I could tell a better story with sock puppets.
Worn on my feet.
Inside shoes.
Silently.
In sock-puppet mime.
Minus another thousand points. Oh look, you're already clocking in at -1990/10. What's the next item? Oh right, talking animals.
-(10^10000).
The one redeeming aspect of your story is Agent Suicide. For that, I award you a billionth of a point. +(10^-9)
Please stop.
TheGreatDestroyer
((hS, this series is perfection. Never stop.))
Why can he talk? Why is he there? Why is he the only one analyzing the story when there are four people who could be doing that? Frodo would make five, but he's doing something else. Does the mini-Balrog really agree with female-Gaspard, or is he just pretending to agree with her so that she doesn't feel bad about her decision?
THESE ARE IMPORTANT QUESTIONS.
Also, was Suicide there the whole time, even before they came in? It sounds like he was waiting for them by where Frodo was. Was he stalking Frodo? Another important question. Kind of freaky, too, if he was.
You still can't spell. But even with that out of the way, this is not a good story. Your other story had a hope and a preyer, as it actually had a decent plot. This is too meta and too simple. But props for trying!
Hey there!! I'm PinkCarnations, and I LOVE LOVE LOVE the PPC!!!! I love writing about it, I love reading about it, and love almost all the agents in it! Provided it's good, of course (hee hee)! I like stories of all kinds, but eecpescially shipping stories, cuase everyone should get a happy ending and wht makes someone happeir than falling in LOVE?!
Peace out! ;P
*waves shyly*
Hi, I'm DazzlingStarryBrightness, but you can call me Dazz if you really, really want to! I'm not forcing you to or anything. Y would I do that?
This is my profile, and I write things here! But mostly I leave reviews, so if you want me to leave a review, just tell me and I will!
Bye bye!
Dazz
Greetings, everyone. I am Cyber-Observer, creator and distorter, a world and a watcher of worlds. Bow to me! BU-WA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! Oh, I kid, I kid. It's not compulsory, but you can bet I'd enjoy it.
Anyway, I already have the first few chapters of my Mysterious Somebody story finished, and I'm going to post it here once I get this user profile up and running. I'm actually surprised that more people don't write about that guy. He was kind of a big deal!
More stories to come later after I finish that one. Maybe. No promises.
CHAPTER ONE: INTRODUCTION TO EVIL
“One… Two… Three!”
Thri-WONK!
“One… Two… Three!”
Thri-WONK!
There is a distinctive sound that is made when a triceratops rams its head into a wall. That sound had resonated through the halls of PPC HQ fourteen-
Thri-WONK!
fifteen times in the course of the last few minutes. At an unspecified point in the hallways, not that any point could be specified the same way twice, one could find the source of this sound, one Agent Marsha. With a snort, the gargantuan dinosaur pulled away from the wall she had been charging at repeatedly, sat back on her haunches, and tried in vain to rub the front of her head. Next to her, a comparatively much smaller being stomped its foot in frustration.
“Come on!” it said, waving its arms frantically in the air. “If you don’t get to busting down this wall pronto, we aren’t going to have enough empty space to build the PPC Arcade!”
“Thanks for telling me things I already know, Nara,” Marsha snapped, sitting back on her haunches and shaking Generic Surface dust off of herself.
“Less sarcasm, more wall-smashing!” commanded the now-identified Nara, growing a pair of mandibles just so she could click them in irritation. Being a shapeshifter has its perks.
Snarling as well as anyone could manage with a beak, Marsha pulled herself back as far as she could in the surprisingly roomy hallway and focused her anger at the spot in the wall that had already been showing large quantities of cracks. Narrowing her eyes, she rushed at it again, her footfalls rumbling in the corridor louder than they ever had before.
THRI-WONK!
With a rumble far above, a section of the wall began to collapse in on itself. Nara smiled and crossed her arms in satisfaction, despite having done almost none of the work, and Marsha pulled back just in time to prevent being hit by a perfectly square chunk of material. As the dust settled, however, the two DMS Agents could hear a noise from deep inside where the wall once was. It was low, menacing, and just a little ethereal, but when they focused on it just enough, they knew what it was.
It was a villainous laugh.
The Generic Dust swirled and clustered, as though it was being blown about by a very small cyclone, condensing into shapes that lasted for only a few seconds before blowing apart. All the while, the laugh continued, albeit distorted by the sounds of the swirling dust and the noise of a few more pieces of Generic Surface falling down from the ceiling. It was only when the dust settled back to the ground that Nara and Marsha saw the source of the laugh. It was a man, or at least shaped like a man, glowing blue ad wearing what appeared to have once been a white robe. Marsha recognized him immediately.
“The Mysterious Somebody!” she exclaimed with surprise.
“The who?” asked Nara.
“He used to be in charge of the PPC. Under his reign secret police filled the halls, the Flowers were like his slaves, and everyone had to refer to him by his incredibly silly title because he wouldn’t tell anyone his real name. It was a dark, dark time.”
“Mysterious Somebody is a menacing and foreboding title!” boomed the blue-tinged man, lifting his arms in the air and rising two feet off the ground.
“Wait, if he’s dead, what was he doing in our wall?” inquired Nara, still confused.
“FOOLS!” the Mysterious Somebody declared, swooping toward the Agents. “I am not dead! Not any more! But though I am a ghost, I can still act out my revenge!”
“Oh, for the whole ‘deposing and killing you’ thing?” asked Marsha.
“YES! The day I died was the worst day of my life! And now that my ghost is free from that accursed wall, I am free to make everyone in the PPC have the worst day of their lives!”
“I’ll never let you kill everyone!” Marsha declared, readying herself to attack the being hovering before her.
“Oh, no, not that,” the Mysterious Somebody replied dismissively. “I considered doing killing you all, true, but I think it will be a much worse day for everybody involved if you are alive at the end to reflect on what a terrible day it was.”
“I’d be lying if I said that was doing anything to convince me not to charge at you,” remarked Marsha, scraping her rearmost foot back in an intimidation technique she had learned from a long-forgotten movie.
“Just you try!” the Mysterious Somebody boomed. “Do you think that I will stop my righteous quest to ruin everyone’s day just because I am threatened by a reptile? My reputation as a sinister mastermind would be squashed!”
It is worth noting that he only had reached the word “righteous” before Marsha began barreling down the hallway at high speed, horns ready and several tons of prehistoric beast behind them. However, there is a reason that people rarely run headlong at ghosts, brandishing weapons of either the stabbing or thrusting varieties. Ghosts are almost gaseous in nature, and can be passed through with great ease by anyone moving at faster than a crawl. Marsha, however, had never encountered a ghost before, and so was enormously surprised when her horns, her head, and then her entire body went flying through the torso of the Mysterious Somebody, who continued to speak unhindered.
By the time he reached the word “mastermind”, Marsha’s head had smashed through what would have been the far wall of the PPC Arcade. The triceratops, quickly realizing her predicament, tried to free herself, but to no avail. Her bony head-frill had caused her to be stuck fast in the room beyond, and since it was one of Headquarters’s many abandoned Response Centers, no one on the other side was there to help her. The Mysterious Somebody had never even paused in his declaration.
“Well, that gets rid of one witness.” the ghost announced triumphantly. “I’m probably going to need to kill the other one, though, to keep the dramatic tension up. Shame.”
“Ha! Good luck!” declared Nara with a smirk. “I’m indestructible! You can’t kill someone who’s indestructible! It’s like… a rule or something!”
“I am the Mysterious Somebody,” her opponent boomed. “I make the rules.”
Thrusting his arm forward, he launched a bolt of Force energy at Nara, who reacted instinctively by shifting into a smaller form to dodge the blow. A second blast prompted a second transformation, and after a third, Nara had shifted to the form of a small rodent, and in that size was small enough and fast enough to dodge several other Force blasts. If she had possessed the time do so, she would have gloated, but since time was short, she scampered underneath the Mysterious Somebody and prepared to reassume her full size and strength. However, before she could, the ghost’s eyes glowed brightly, and she was sent soaring across the hallway, crashing into a wall with an almost imperceptible thump.
Groaning, the rodent form stood up, preparing to shift to a fast-moving form and fetch reinforcements, but she found that she couldn’t shift to her preferred speed form. In fact, she couldn’t shift out of her rodent form at all.
“Man,” she said, her voice high-pitched and almost unintelligible due to her small size. “This sucks.”
The Mysterious Somebody floated over to her, grinning an abnormally childish grin. “Say again?”
“This sucks.”
“YEEEEEES!” the ghost shouted. “To you, I bestow the first of many terrible days! And I will not rest until the Protectors of the Plot Continuum has the collective worst day in the history of bad days!” The vengeful ghost rose into the air, laughing to himself as he phased through the ceiling.
Directly above, the Bog Thorn, the Big Thorn’s younger brother, was shuffling down the hallway to see what all the crashing and smashing had been about a few minutes ago. When the laughing ghost appeared directly ahead of him, he stopped with a start, dropping his clipboard and a few other administrative devices on the floor.
How many times have I told people not to do that? he snapped. I am a Flower, and I will not have people passing through walls and floors in front of me! At least you didn’t come down from the ceiling, but mind you, that's hardly a compliment.
“Really?” asked the ghost. “Would it have made your day worse if I had?”
Undoubtedly, the Bog Thorn replied.
Wordlessly, the ghost continued to float higher and higher, passing through the ceiling within seconds and promptly reversed direction, floating back down to the Bog Thorn’s level and phasing through the ceiling from the opposite direction.
NOOOO! bellowed the Bog Thorn. I just told you not to do that!
“BU-WA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAA!” the Mysterious Somebody laughed, back-flipping through the air in glee and lighting the Bog Thorn aflame with Force lightning on the dismount. As the Flower howled in sudden pain and fled through the halls, the Mysterious Somebody floated leisurely in the opposite direction, brainstorming further revenge.
Oh, right, my ratings and summary. Those are important.
Summary first:
When the Mysterious Somebody returns from death, he has only one plan in mind for the PPC. Not destruction, not conquest. Those are too overdone. They'd probably never work, anyway, since he's a ghost and all. No, he plans to ruin their endeavors for the day in any way possible! Watch the menace unfold! Watch the Mysterious Somebody's triumphant return! And of course, read and review.
As for rating, I'll go with PG for now, but it might stretch to PG-13 if I decide to brutally kill someone off in later chapters. Probably not, but we'll see.
CHAPTER TWO: THE FLOWERS' MEETING
It was a leisurely day in the Board of Flowers room, formerly known as the Mysterious Somebody’s office. Or at least, it would have been if the Flowers had not been called there to deal with a growing problem reported throughout Headquarters.
Where’s the Sunflower Official? asked the Marquis de Sod from his position atop the Mysterious Somebody’s filing cabinet. He was supposed to be here fifteen minutes ago.
Wha?... sounded a voice from under the Mysterious Somebody’s desk. Who said my name? The floral head of a Sunflower poked out from where the desk chair would have sat if the Big Thorn had not been perched precariously on top of it at the other side of the room.
How… how long have you been here? the Marquis asked, taken aback.
Been here the whole taime, I reckon. answered the Really Big Monkey Puzzle Tree, who had been made to sit on the floor after everyone else had taken all of the good office fixtures. The ol’ fella works day an’ night makin’ sure the world’s done saved and the like.
Yes, that is definitely what I was doing, the Sunflower Official agreed. Defending this desk from the scourge of Mary Sues. I definitely do not sleep here.
So… the Marquis shuffled his leaves. You heard what I said to the Sub Rosa about the boiling oil and the tainted fertilizer?
Uh.. yes! Very yes. Every word. There was a brief pause as the Sunflower Official pulled the rest of his body out from underneath the desk. And you should be ashamed of yourself. Incidentally, I want you to submit to me the written form of that thing you said, so I can send it to my secretary for a disciplinary review.
If you will, Sunflower Official, said the Tiger Lily, who had taken advantage of arriving first in the Board of Flowers room to select a high vantage point atop the Mysterious Somebody’s water cooler, I would like to get to why I called this meeting, now that the entire Board is both present and conscious.
Of course, Tiger Lily. Carry on. the DMS Head replied.
Excellent. Now, as you may be aware, there have been a series of severe problems ravaging Headquarters all afternoon. I have called you here to discuss why they have occurred, and see if we can find a cause. Fern, to you.
Thank you, Tiger Lily. said the Fern, shuffling his papers and nearly coming unhooked from the Mysterious Somebody’s motivational office poster in the process. All those who responded to my department’s inquiries reported the presence of a floating man in association with the events, or as some called him- the Fern made a throat-clearing sound over the shared psychic link as a sign that he was about to use words that were not his own- “totally a ghost, man, I swear, it was all swooshing and flying and talking about ruination and all that stuff ghosts do". Now, obviously, it cannot be a ghost, because coming back from the dead is highly illegal-
Woah, wait, it is? interrupted the Sunflower Official.
Yes. asserted the Fern. Extremely.
Hold on a minute, then. the SO continued. I need to fire my Time Lord. The Flower produced a smooth green cellular phone, held it up to the light for a few seconds, and then snapped it open and dialed a series of numbers. A few seconds later, a bleary “Hello?” sounded from the other side.
Morgan, it’s your boss. You’re fired.
“What? Why?”
Because you came back from the dead, which I have just been informed by a trusted consultant is highly illegal. You never even told me it was illegal! And then you resurrected a second time! That makes you twice the criminal! A criminal squared, even!
“No, please! Don’t fire me! I have a family to support!”
Liar. I happen to know that your entire species is dead. You’re still fired. With that, the Flower closed his phone, shut it off, and returned the device to where it had been stored it previously. Carry on, Fern.
Right. Well. The Fern shuffled his papers again to gather his thoughts before continuing. This unknown entity may be projected by an advanced multi-species hallucinogen, while the being responsible wreaks havoc on us under cover of a “ghost attack”.
So what’s that got to do with us? interjected the Aloe. Just put the DMFF on it.
I have reason to believe, continued the Fern, his voice growing brittle from the constant interruptions, that it will soon be targeting the Flowers in particular. If you would just let me finish, then we might be able to find if it has already targeted us. Does anyone have a tragedy to report?
Darn straight! announced the Marquis de Sod. My post-nap coffee? Burned. Severely. I could barely drink the stuff. It was the good kind, too! Worth more than I pay my secretary in a year! And I swear, just as I was going to go get it, I saw something blue go into my closet. Are ghosts blue?
There are no ghosts. the Fern stated, harshly.
Yeah, but if there were, would they be blue?
That doesn't even MAKE any… The Fern paused, photosynthesizing deeply for a few seconds. They might be. If they existed. Which they don’t. Anyone else?
A ghost lit my brother on fire earlier, the Big Thorn stated, shakily and quietly. He’s in Medical now, and if we hadn’t found him sooner, he might not have made it. I’m honestly afraid for the safety of the-
THERE! ARE! NO! GHOSTS! roared the Fern. There is NO such thing! The presence of a ghost would not only be highly illegal, it being able to do anything on this scale would be highly illogical! Now can we PLEASE get back to orderly compiling reports and planning what we are going to do about this absolutely NOT-spectral threat!?
I’d love to say we could, pardner, the Really Big Monkey Puzzle Tree replied, but I reckon we should prob’ly deal with the def’nitely-not-a-ghost over there before we get to doin’ that.
The what? The Fern turned to his left and to his right, and about midway between the two directions, he saw the robed figure that was standing in the open doorway with an expression of mixed shock and bafflement on its face.
“Are you… are you standing on my motivational poster?” inquired the anything-but-a-ghost. “How do you even do that?”
A ghost! declared the Tiger Lily, ignoring the Fern’s cry of No, it’s not a ghost! while leaping down from the water cooler. Since coming back from the dead is illegal, you are therefore... a criminal! Officers! To me!
“You know,” mused the cannot-be-a-ghost absently, “If I locked you in here, I wouldn’t need to hunt you down while you’re in your individual offices. I could just humiliate you all at once later. I think I’m going to go with that.”
Oh, no you don’t, burner of expensive coffee! shouted the Marquis. As long as I remain conscious, you will not go unpunished for ruining my afternoon brew!
Without paying heed to the hat-wearing Flower’s protests, the you-all-know-it’s-the-Mysterious-Somebody’s-ghost-so-let’s-just-out-and-say-it closed the door with a slam. The hinges and locks glowed briefly while the sound of the door closing reverberated through the office, the shock waves of the impact knocking the Fern off of his precarious perch.
While the Big Thorn and the Really Big Monkey Puzzle Tree, who had been designated arbitrarily as the strongest Flowers present, tried in vain to shove open the Force-closed door, the Fern pulled himself upright. His papers had been scattered across the floor when he landed, a few of his fronds had cracked, and he had almost certainly lost all credibility among his fellow Flowers to determine what did and did not exist.
This is the worst day of my life, he groaned. From outside the Board room door, a voice could be faintly heard laughing in response.
A/N: Now that the Mysterious Somebody has returned and imprisoned the only people who can give the orders to stop him, how will the PPC react? What will he do next? Will Marsha ever remove her head from that wall? Find out next time, same Cyber-site, same Cyber-story!
You are the most amazing writer EVER!!!!!! Please write more!!!!!!
This is seriously awesome. The PPC could use a nice mruderous ghost every know and then. (Even though it's nowhere near as seriously awesome as my story. Kelly Harrington for the win!)
Yuor story aws very funnd althou I dont' thinkn the SO would be so useless in it maybe you should rewrit it so bweats he Mysterosu Somebody and then rthe good ghus win. that wokd be more realistic.
I love it! I love it to pieces! The way youy write the flowers is hilarious. Keep writing please!!!
It's such a wonderful story! More peopele should wriate about the Mysterious Somebody, just like you said!
Update soooooon!
Bye bye!
Dazz
So yeah, I ship things. Well, actually people. Or characters. PPC characters. And Star Trek characters. Like, look at my username.
Um...yeah, I might post some stuff. I had one story written but it was with this new OC PPC agent and she didn't interact with anyone at all so I think I want to do something different. Yeah.
Title: Crazy For You (Chapter 1)
Summary: My new character Tanya (who is based on me), her partner kidnaps Data from Star Trek and Tanya has to save him. Agent/Lust Object pairing. Don't like don't read!
Rated: R just to be safe. Nothing happens, there's just dirty implications. Trigger warning.
Genre: Action/Romance
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"When I said 'kidnap', I didn't mean…" Tanya trailed off, realizing that her partner wasn't listening. Of course, there was also something in the room that was sapping her ability to speak and think.
Data struggled against his bonds.
"No, dear, you can't get out," Amare crooned, leaning against the chair he was strapped to, so close that her blond hair was brushing his face. He recoiled slightly.
When I said 'kidnap'," Tanya began again, slightly louder, "I was joking. Let him go."
Amare glanced at Tanya. "Don't worry, I'll let you have a turn after I'm done." She turned back towards Data and traced a finger down his jawline. "Now, let's get your shirt off."
Tanya choked as Data's eyebrows shot up. He pressed against the restraints - his muscles flexing quite nicely, Tanya noticed guiltily. "I would not like that," he said.
Amare grinned evilly. "You're going to." She reached for the back of his uniform top.
"Amare, don't!" Tanya cried. Data looked towards her, his golden eyes pleading. She lowered her eyes, trying to hide in her short curly brown hair. As much as she wanted to go over and help him, she was paralyzed. She was sure if she got too close, she would spontaneously combust. Even across the RC, his wide vulnerable eyes were making her insides squirm.
Well, that wasn't the only thing making her insides squirm. Amare had found the fastener on his shirt, and despite his struggles managed to remove it. She tossed it to the side.
Tanya squeaked, but she couldn't tear her eyes away from Data's body - slim, pale, muscular, but not overtly so.
"Oh yeah," Amare said approvingly, running a finger down the middle of his chest. Tanya whimpered softly. She wanted to be in Amare's place no she wanted to save him no she wanted him no she wanted to help him...help him...
Amare reached for the waistband of his pants, and both parts of Tanya's brain came to an agreement.
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
She ran across the RC and thrust herself between Data and Amare, bumping Data's legs and knocking Amare over.
"Hey!" Amare cried, getting up.
Tanya whipped around and, with shaking hands, released Data's restraints. "Get your shirt," she said, and he didn't argue.
"No!" Amare cried, lunging after him. Tanya stepped in the way and spread her arms as Data bent to pick up his shirt.
"Don't touch him," she said.
Amare tried to go around, but Tanya matched her movements and stood firm against attempts to push her over.
Data put on his shirt, and he walked closer to them. As they saw him, the scuffling escalated. Neither of them was particularly skilled, so it mostly consisted of Tanya trying to lean on Amare and knock her over (Tanya being the heavier of the two) and Amare trying to push her off and go towards Data.
Tanya froze as Data came up behind Amare. She turned, and gasped as he pinched her neck. She crumpled to the ground.
Tanya took a deep breath, trying to steady her breathing.
"Do not worry, she is only unconscious," Data said, stepping over her body to stand tantalizingly close to Tanya. Sure she was hyperventilating out of worry. It wasn't because she was just fighting and her Lust Object was standing close to her. Of course not.
She made a soft squeaking sound, then made a louder sound as Data placed his hand on her neck and pushed her against the wall. "I have some questions to ask you," he said.
*****************************************************
A/N Sorry to leave off on a cliffhanger but I'm bored with typing. Read and review! :)
Data's voice was far too calm for someone holding a person up against a wall. "I apologize, but I believe you can understand why I do not trust you."
Tanya nodded, eyes wide half in terror and half in a sort of perverse pleasure. No no no...
"First, I would like to know why I was brought her. Second, I would like to know where 'here' is. Third, who are you?"
Tanya tried to talk, but all she managed was a barely audible squeak from the back of her throat. Her mouth was dry and her throat felt more constricted than it already was by Data's hand. She swallowed. "I -" She squeezed her eyes shut so that Data's face couldn't distract her. "I'm Tanya," she managed.
"Continue," Data said, not seeming to mind that she'd started with the third question.
She took a couple shallow breaths through her nose. "You're at the headquarters of the Protectors of the Plot Continuum," she said haltingly. You can do this, Tanya. Make him let you go. Make him like you. “We’re a transdimensional organization that protects people. Like you. Your ship. We're good." Oh, yes, very articulate, Tanya.
"We have security officers," Data said.
In the back of her mind, Tanya scoffed at the idea that security officers were anything but useless cannon fodder, but she had to answer Data's question. "They manipulate your minds so you don't know. And we wipe your memories afterwards, so you wouldn't remember."
"They?"
"Creatures..." Tanya said vaguely, mentally grasping for an episode that would help her explain. Nothing came up. Maybe she should tell him that being pushed up against a wall was not helpful to thinking.
"That is most intriguing," he said, and released her neck. She exhaled and opened her eyes to see that he'd leaned his hands against the wall - still confining her, but in a way that was less disorienting. Well, moderately so.
"Why did you kidnap me?" he asked.
"I didn't!" Tanya exclaimed indignantly, desperate for Data to like and trust her. "Amare did, and I'm sure you know what her intentions were!" Please don't ask please don't ask...
"It was your idea, or, at least, you joked about it in such a manner that she believed you would agree with it. Also, she offered you 'a turn', which implies that you would want said 'turn' and had expressed that desire to her."
"Data..." Tanya locked eyes with him, brown challenging gold. "I would never do that! I wanted to invite you to visit! Really! Please believe me!" How she wanted him to like her!
He studied her carefully, and she averted her eyes. She could get lost in his beautiful golden eyes, like sensuous lakes on an exotic alien world.
She shook her head slightly, trying to clear it of purple prose.
“I believe you are telling the truth. Your story is far too complex to be fabricated.”
He stepped back, and Tanya took a deep breath. She walked around him and crossed the room, trying to find a distance at which she could talk to him and also function.
She settled about two meters away, and he turned to face her. “Why did you want me to visit?” he asked.
“I thought you’d like some of the unique opportunities in the PPC.”
“What sort of opportunities?” Data asked curiously.
“I can take you to meet Sherlock Holmes.”
His eyebrows shot up. “Please explain.”
She certainly had his attention. It felt a little underhanded to play off her knowledge of him like that, but his expression made up for it. “The PPC…well…it’s transdimensional. One of those dimensions is Sherlock Holmes.”
Now his eyebrows came together. Tanya was torn between giggling at how cute he was and feeling bad that she’d confused him. She settled on smiling and searching for a way to explain. “Um…there’s a quote I heard once…‘There is no such thing as fiction, just non-fiction written in the wrong universe.’ That’s kind of the basic premise of the PPC. So, in my home universe, your universe is fictional. My universe is probably fictional somewhere. The PPC universe is probably fictional somewhere.” She cut herself off before she could start babbling.
An eyebrow lift. “I believe the human expression ‘too good to be true’ is applicable here.”
Tanya fought down a squee. “Well, I can prove it to you,” she said, and went to the console to program in disguises. Then she grabbed a remote activator and typed in the coordinates for the Sherlock Holmes continuum.
She nodded to him, and, together, they jumped through the portal.
**********************************************************
A/N I probably won't be able to update this much because I'm working on Glitter Trek: The Next Generation (the sequel to 221bagel's awesome story - you should all totally read it 'cause it's awesome!) LLAP :)
Datas sooo sweet in this!!
Good gjob!
~Dazz
I can't wait! Does Data luv Tanya? I hope he does! Than they can get together and be happy ever after!
Bye Bye,
DAzz
0/10 for your're efforts.
Are you seriously trying to make me believe that a ROBOT that is probably 01x stronger than the average human being would let itself be tied down? If moveis are anything to go by, humanoid robots are always trying to kill their masters. I don't know why you people think that human/synthetic peice if trash is a reasonalbe pairing.
Still, you showed reasonable grammer and violent robot tendencies at the end of this piece. I think I shall award you 1.0*10(-1000) points for that.
Stop writing,
TheGreatDestroyer
((*cracks knuckles* TGD is back on the hunt. No piece of literature is safe.))
But it's clear that you know ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about Data or Star Trek, so you wouldn't be able to understand.
If anyone intelligent wants me to explain, then by all means ask. :)
Oh, yes, a robot exactly one times stronger than its enemy would so much harder to tie down than a normal human. Did you mean to put a number in front of that 01, perhaps?
...that it is very hard to subdue a human that does not want to be subdued. The alleged kidnappers would have had a hard time subduing a robot that is faster, better, an stronger than your average person. This is already stupid.
Also, I did forget to put a couple of numbers before the 01. It should have read:
"ew8yr8239y589y23yru2o3y5riyht234iuyhou58972ty3ou5hy2983i14p90u3492o;pt92uqfIHWYIUERTYO;IRTERUYWQSTuewyioqto4t" and then 01.
So there. I won.
TheGreatDestroyer.
Those are not all numbers. You cannot multiply by things that are not numbers. Even when you multiply by letters, those letters need to represent things that are numbers, and there are too many letters there to multiply by anything.
One of those is even a ;. How do you multiply by a ;? It would be like dividing by zero, if instead of a zero, you used an owl. HOW DO YOU DIVIDE BY OWL?
...your also a poor mathematician.
The letters are obviously constants, solvable only though a system of linear algebraic equations. Punctuation in between argumants helps to partition different entries and mathematical entities.
I win again. How depressing.
Let's see, that would be the e's, the h's, and the u's, and the p's to qualify as constant. The i's might represent something else, but since the only i constant would lower your number on account of being negative when multiplied, you probably wouldn't use it. That leaves the... everything else, which doesn't equate to any algebra. No, not even the capital letters.
Conclusion: You were just pulling that "I win because math" thing right out of the back field. The more I read your comments, the less I become convinced that you are not full of crap.
You were probably even lying about the ;.
I'll make this simple. Capital letters can also be constants. Anything can be a constant. Even punctuation.
Three-nil in my favour. I am disappointed in your vail, self-deluded efforts to rationalize with me.
TheGreatDestroyer
Look. I may not be a math whiz, but even I can tell the difference between a complex matematical equation and a cat stepping on a keyboard, and I feel I can say without doubt that TheGreatDestroyer is wrong
Whether or not Cyber-Observer is right or wrong is still up for debate, however.
You really can't see past something as trivial as punctuation in equations.
And here I was, thinking that I would find a worthy adversary. Ah well. Perhaps I will stay here a while and watch everyone danse and flame each other. This is so fun.
TheGreatDestroyer
TAht is so cool only ummm coldn't they hav kidnspped someone HOTT becus Dater is kidn of creepy lookin
And it's my story so I can do whatever I want!
Wow. That was really good. Like awesome levels of implication here man. Wow. I can't wait for the next chapter of this.
((Bro, not even kidding about how much I like this. With some minor tweaking, this could be made into an excellent interlude. Seriously, I look forward to the next part of this.))
((I'm flattered that you think something I wrote as badfic is actually good. I'm not sure it'll work for the actual PPC, though, because while Tanya and Amare's basic dynamic is here (Amare being a crazy fangirl and Tanya being a repressed fangirl), it's exaggerated. I suppose the difference is that Amare would admit to fantasizing about something like this, while Tanya wouldn't. Neither would actually do anything (besides Tanya's original suggestion, which will be revealed later). Also, I'm just worried if I write Data and a character that is something of a self-insert, it'll get Suvian. Which is why I'm doing it for the badfic game.))
Don't worry, I'll update soon!
((I know it would be risky, but the conflict setup was just so good. If it does go Suvian, then this is one sue-fic I will happily read.))
((Data putting up with being kidnapped is already implausible, and the whole situation is contrived to make Tanya look better than Amare and therefore more attractive to Data. Still, I will keep in mind that conflict is good.))
Hey ther, My name is xX-VerceMaster-Xx and I am the master of the Verce! Univerce that is. Like in firefly. Whic is awesome, but not then only verce I writ for. Anwy, I will be makin stories soon, ones that have Ponies, Humans and my special OC, VERCE JUMPER!! He is so cool, you will love hiz storys so much, cause he is bet univerce jumper EVAR!!!
See you soom!!
The story of Verce Jumper, and how he changed the PPC. This is my first story with him, so plese be nice to him.
Genre: Action
Rating: PG-13
Chapter One: The comeing of Verce Jumper
Throught the existance of man, they have wondered, "Am I alone?" When they ask this, they usualy think of other planets, ailiens. Many know for certain that ailiens exist, in fact so many, it is just about scientific fact, but because stupid people exist, it cannot be called so. But a few know of the existance of more then just ailiens, but beings from entirely diferent worlds. Not planets. Worlds. Univerces. They know of the existance of the multiverce, and know that beings live there. But a even more select few can viset these worlds. This story follows one of those few, and how he came to meet the organization that protects some of those worlds. This is the story of Verce Jumper
Verce Jumper was sitting in his Library, reading the Lord of the Rings, a pen in his hand as he scribbled some notes inside the books. Before we continue too far with the story, I should talk about the Library. The Library is no regular library, but rather a seperate world made enitrely out of books and bookshelves. This was the home of Verce Jumper, the home he built and made for himself. Inside, time does not pass, and there is no need for food or drink or bathrooms. He built it like this because he knew he would have to have all this to be able to read all of the books in there. He has this library, because he needs it to travel to worlds. But that is about to become evedent, so let's continue with Verce Jumper. Verce Jumper was reading the Lord of the rings, a pen in his hand, as he wrote in the books. He was making corrections to the word of Tolkeen, as he had just been to Middle Earth, and knew that several parts of it were inacuite. "Tom Bombadill does not exist, as he is me..." he muttered, chekleing as he thought back to that time. When he viseted, he wanted to meet Tom, because he seemed like a cool guy, though he was useless to the story, and was sad to see that Tom was so useless that he did not exist. Still, he knew that the Hobbits had to meet Tom, as he was so important to how the quest worked from then on, though he could not remember what he did exactly to be so important. He danced and sang to the little hobbits, patted them on the head, and saved them from the writes by using his sonic screwdriver he stole from the Doctor behind their back. That was so much fun. "Sauron's eye does more then just look at you..." This was a particularly painfull memory, as the eye can shoot fireballs from the pupill, as a way to defend. That was not so fun. He continued down the list of differences, and corrected for a time, but eventually, he found himself getting bored. Well, there was one thing to do when he was bored.
Verce Jumper closed his book with his eyes, and focused on the book. He pulled on it, trying to tugg the source of the book free and use it to Jump. You see, he travels though stories, thats why he lives in a library. WIth this library, he can travel to the worlds of any story he wants, though there energies. Verce Jumper pulled across the Worlds, using the length of story as a rope to pull himself. Then, instead of him pulling, he felt being pulled. Between the worlds, a gigantic hole was there, sucking in all things around it inside. But this was the Space Between Space, and so there was nothing to pull.
Except Verce Jumper.
Verce Jumper struggled against the hole, but it was to strong. "HOLD ON!!" he yelled at himself. "IT CAN NOT BE. THIS IS NOT HOW IT SHOULD EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!"
bUT IT WAS TOO LATE. Verce Jumper was sucked into the hole.
{A/N: Sorry to leve you on such a clifhanger, but it is just the best plase to end! Please rate in reviews, I want to see what you think. Cool so far right? I prmace I will get the next chapter out soon. Till then. Bie!!]
I can't wait to see what happenes next! Is Verce going to die! I hope not. I like him. U better update soon, tho, or or I'll think of something
I knoe! I won't ever let u have cookies again!
Bey bye
Dazz
Chapter Two: Fall In!
A/N: Part two! Sorry for the wait, but I had soo much to do! Still, at least it was not, oh, 7 months untill the next update! That wold be AWFUL!! Anyway, here you go!
((Oh, and if you are wondering why I'm responding to this post rather then part one; For some reason my computer blocked access to the first part, so I had to do the next best thing.))
In PPC HQ, for once, everything seemed happy. Printworthy was able to walk down the halls withought having to hear the screams of crazy agents ecchoing down the halls . He was on his way to the library to find some more material on Indiana Jonas. For some reason, his DVD case only had the first three movies, but he knew there was a fourth somewhere. As he was walking down the hall, he heard a sound. "-NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!"
BAM!!! Printworthy fell to the ground, with a human on top of him, tangled in a mass of flesh and fur. [A/N: Get your mind outa the gutter!] This was not the first time the found himself in this position either, remembering the time he and his current partner, Marvin, met eachother for the first time. [A/N: I said out!] Printworthy tryed to unfurl himself, but found it much easyer then usual, as the stranger had already escaped the mass.
The human stood and looked around, ignoring the pony at his feet. "Oh. Well. That went far better then expected." He smiled doffily, like the meme face shows for things going better then expected. Then he screamed. "WRONG!!!" he called out, clutching his head in agony. "WRONG!! THIS UNIVERCE IS ALL WRONG!!!"
Printworthy stood and came on over to the man as he scrame. Fantastic, the pony thought, as he came to the man, never can have a day withought screaming, can I? Printworthy put his hoof on the man's sholder after he walked over, trying to comphort the mad man. "Are you OK?"
"ITS ALL WRONG, DONT YOU UNDERSTAND!?!?! THE UNIVERCE, THE MULTIVERCE, REALITY, EVERYTHING!!! IT IS SO, SO WRONG!!!"
PRintworthy looked concerned. "I take that as a no, right?"
The man looked up to the pony with a grey and white mane, a blue coat, and an open book cutiemark with a quill. He was not surprised that the pony could talk, as he had been to Equestria before and had a house there and had almost dated Pinkie Pie once. No, he was surprised as the pony wore a swiss army nife on a shirt. "Why are you wearing a swiss army nife on your shirt?"
Printworthy huffed a little. "It is not a swiss army nife, it is a patch, representing my loyalty to the All Porpous Department. And this is not a shirt, it is a uniform for the PPC."
The man nodded a little. "Oh. That makes sence. BUT EVERYTHING ELCE IS WRONG!!!"
Printworthy used magic to wipe away the tears and some of the pain of the man's suffering. "I am sorry, but what is wrong?"
The man jumped up and grabbed the pony by the fur. "Do you not understand!? the multiverce is inspires novels, not inspired by them! This world is written by words, as is the enitrety of this sector of the multiverce! It is not how it works! It is not how it should work!! EVERYTHING HERE IS WRING!!!"
Printworthy was shoked. The idea that worlds could exist withought being dictated by words was new to him, except when it was not, but then he knew better and so could not imagine worlds without the WOrds now. the unicorn cleared his thought. "I cannot help with that, and I am sorry, but that is how it is here. By the way what is your name?"
The man blinked in confusment. "How could you live in a artificial place like this? And my name is Verce Jumper."
Printworthy shrugged and nodded. "I suppose you get used to it. Oh, nice name there."
Verce Jumper nodded and sniffed, the pain still there from everything being wrong, but he could ignore it now. "Realy? I guess I am getting used to it already, so I suppose, but it is just so... wrong, you know? Oh, thank you, I chose it myself."
Printworthy smiled as Verce Jumper seemed to be calm now. "That is good. Just let the Words seap into you, and all will be fine. Oh, chose yourself? That is cool. Mine was written by an author somewhere, I dont know were."
Verce Jumper smiled back. "Yeah, these Words are comphorting arent they? Yeah, I chose it myself. It is a symbolic name actually."
Printworthy raised a black eyebrow. "Yeah, they are comphorting. Wait, symbolic for what?"
Verce Jumper pulled himself up higher so he looked bigger and more important. "Symbolic for thefact that I can Jump across Verces. Univerces that is. I am a univerce jumper."
Printworthy pinned Verce Jumper against the wall with his horn, scowling. "You are a univerce jumper? Then you must be a Mary Sue! Perpair to meat your doom, Sue!"
Verce Jumper was confused. Sue? Him> But he was not even female. Then he remembered Stus and then he was still in troble. Then he remembered why the univerce was wrong. "Wait!" he said, talking reason. "I am not a Sue!"
Printworthy pushed him harder thouigh the wall. "How do I know?"
Verce Jumper struggled against the horn power. "Because I am not from your sector of the multiverce. I am not from an authors pen, so I cannot be a Sue! That and I am male."
Printworthy fell in shock. Of corce. How could he be a Sue if he was not written by a sue writer? It all made sence, rare within the PPC. "Well, I am sorry." he said, letting Verce Jumper down from his horn power. "I did not even think about that. So if you are not a Sue, then you have to become an Agent."
Verce Jumper stepped back into the wall. "An agent of what?"
Printwothy pointed to his patch. "The PPC. We kill Sues. It is fun, realy."
Verce Jumper thought for a moment about it. "If I dont?"
"Then you are neralized and you forget all about the PPC and this multiverce. Join and you protect some plots. What do you say?"
Verce Jumper thought some more. Join and remember, or dont join and forget? Join and kill, ork dont join and let people not be protected. He knew what he had to do. his curiosity about this world was too great, and he had to pritect the plots of the people he saw in the worlds, no matter if they are worded or not. Verce Jumper stepped forward and shook Printworthy's hoof. "Where do I sign up?"
[A/N: And, chapter 2 done! I will have the 3st chapter up for you guys soon! Hope you rate and review, it really helps me! See you next time!]
I'll be quicker next time! Thsi was amazing!!!!!!!!!!!! Everythings tso tense!! And Verce is gonna be an agent! Yay!
-Dazz
I seriously don't know why I am attracted to these types of storeys. Maybe I have developed an incurable taste for bad writing.
The premise of this story is nothing short of absolute balderdash. I mean, seriously? "EVERYTHING HERE IS WRING!!!" indeed, especially if we are talking about laundromats. Also, catron poneys working for the PPC. Ew, get out.
Of coarse real life writers write stories. That's how it always worked. This nonsense about the fictional universes existing on they're own has to stop. Furthermore, it appears that the overpowered protoagonist you call "Verce Jumper" is violating several laws of thermodynamics. He will be fined and be held responsible for the damages.
-10/10. Apalling.
TheGreatDestroyer
((Wheeeeeeee...))
Bla bla bla, 10/10. Thanks for the rating!
Okay, interesting story. Love that you included a pony! A little too abstract for my tastes, though. I cannont work logic into this story if I tried. But continue! Maybe you'll surprise me! PS Verce is a cool name. Is that Italian?
I'm sorry you thought it was abstract though. I wanted to have a mysterious atmosphere for most of it, as this verce is strange for Verce Jumper, and he has no understanding of what the heck is going on here. I suppose I sucseeded though, as it was as confusing for you as Verce Jumper. So...Thanks?
Actually, Verce is my shorthand for univerce, or multiverce. To him, they are all just verces, thus his name is Verce. Cool right? Well that is just the begining of his coolness. You will see soon...
I dint want to spoil anything, but sinse you asked I will give u a hint... Verce is not dead just yeat...
Im so sorry, but it is going to take me tim to work on the next pardt. I want it to bee good you now, so I dont want to rush it.
NO NOT THE COOKIEES!!! LET ME HAV THEM U JERK!!!!! Jk, I would never hurt you. Unles you take the cookies!
Thanks!
Hey fanficWorld! I'm Kelly. Do you have an opinion? If so, I disagree with it.
So, I've got a plan for an upcoming PPC story, but it's, like, super secret, so I probably shouldn't have said that. Whoopsie-daisy!
Anywho, tata!
P.S. If you see a black bag just lying there with Pinkie Pie stickers all over it, it's mine and should be returned to me. Got it?
Chapter 6 - Zombies
(Author's note: ZERO reviews? I'm disappoint. But hey, here's
chapter six!)
I had a idea.
Zombies.
"Hey," I said to CIA Commander Erik. "Can you get all the
other zombies and bring them here?"
"Sure."
Before I could blink, the PPC was full of zombies. And the
zombies ate everyones brains, so then they were zombies too.
I turned to Erik. "Say how do we get pit of here?"
"Like this."
We ran towards the door. We were almost there when we we re
stopped by the Sunfowler.
"What did you do?"
"We sent the zombies here."
"Why?"
"So you guys would stop killing, because killing is wrong."
"So what?"
"Whadtaya mean so what?"
"I mean killing is'nt wrong."
"Well we disagre."
"Okay."
"Huh?"
"Okay. You can try and convince them that killing is wrong,
but you have to get buy me first."
"Sure."
It was really really gud!!!!!! Update update!!!
-------Dazz
Chapter 5 - Heaven
(Author's note: Whew! Turns out the whole Erik-and-Ilze thing
was just a big misundesrtanding - they were partnered for a
phyisics project. Erik and I are officially back together!
Anyway, Reviews: DazzlingStarryBrightness good to know you
seemed to enjoy my cllifhanger, and I hope you like how it
ends up as well! JayBird, because you hate me I hate you.)
"Where are we?"
A voice came at us. "Heaven."
Lily and I struggled to wrap our heads around this. "Whadtaya
mean, heaven?"
"I mean, you're in heaven."
We paused to think about this. Suddenly Lily screamed "GET ME
THE HELL OUT OF HERE!" When I heard this, I angryed. I choked
Lily until she died.
The angel was upset. There was a poof and then I was in hell.
Satan looked at me angryly.
Then all of a sudden there was a poofI was back in heaven.
"That's why you shouldnt kill people."
Okay.
Wait.
The PPC.
That was why I was there! To get them to stop killing people!
"I need to get down to Earth, please,"
"Sure."
Then there was a poof and I was in the middle of the PPC. ANd
standing right in front of me was CIA Commander Erik.
"Erik?"
"I'm a zombie now."
"Okay."
Chapter 4 - Monster Mash
(Author's note: Ooh, new reviews! DazzlingStarryBrightness, glad you like Kelly Harrington, because I sure do. PinkCarnations, glad you liked the last chapter, but really, you thought it was over? Because it's not. Oh, and I haven't seen Erik or Ilze at all in the last two days. Wonder what their up to?)
I located the Sunflower Officcial. He looked at me kinda funny, although I'm not sure why.
"Look. I was sent here undercover, to shut this place, down, but now I sorta like it. So how do I get out of here?"
"You don't."
Well. That certanly wasn't the answer I was wanted. But hey, I could hang out with Lily! That was a plus.
I got back to the room. I unlocked the closet and let Lily out.
"So what should we do?"
"I don't know."
"We could have a party."
"Sure why not?"
So we partied. Like a hour. There was beer and everything.
Then all of a sudden we saw a werewolf that had been in the room the whole time. We screamed.
"That's a werewolf."
"Yeah."
So we went to the portel.
"Where should we go?"
"Somewhere without a werewolf?"
"Good idea."
And so we went, cluelessly, into the portel, to get away, from the werewolf that wanted to kill us.
(Author's note: Like the cliffhanger? Because I do. Reviws please!)
Im scareded for Kelly and Lily! I hope they get alright!
Bye bey,
-Dazz
Btu your soty is kinda kewl. I liek the wherewolf and how they udes the powetl to get awy from it.
((I like to imagine a wherewolf is a cross between a werewolf and a Weeping Angel: at full moon, it gets teleported to a random point on the Earth's surface. And then turns into a wolf. Because it wasn't having a bad enough night already...))
Chapter 3 - The Traitor
(Author's note: Ohmigod, you whould not BELEIVE what happened yesterday. So I was at school, minding my own beeswax, when I saw Erik with another girl! Gasp! This Latvian excange student named Ilze. I tried to talk to him about it, but he got all antsy about it and wouldn't talk to me. I think he's hiding somethng! I swear, if he ever shows his face to me again, I'll punch him in the face!)
I walked around. I was wondering about what CIA Commander Erik had said, about someone knowing I was CIA. It was angrying.
I looked at a random passerby. No, can't be him. Can't be her, either. I'd know who it was it I saw they.
I was wondering. Then all at a sudden I didn't have to wonder no more, because standing right in fromt of me was CIA Commander Erik.
"What are you doing here?"
"What are you doing here?"
"Well, I'm the one who's supposed to be here."
"No, I am."
"Actully, you sent me here."
"No, I Didn't."
"Yes You DID."
"But its not what it looks like!"
"Oh, I get it, you're the boss. Like a video game."
And with that I punched him in the face. He fell over right away. Then I pulled a torch out of my pocket and set him on fire before walking away. But then I asked him, "How do I get out of here?"
"Why should I tell you? I'm dead!"
Grr. What a jerk.
So apparently I was stuck here.
Pfft. I could think of worse place to be stuck
Like working for Erik.
(Author's note: That was my fave chapter yet! Positive reviews or I'll hate you.)
I did not see that ending coming! You should be making movies instead of that M. Night Shamalan guy, you are way better at twists then he is. Looking forward to more stuff from you!
Peace out!
I like kelly, too! She's so amazng, knocking to Boss out like that!
Bye Bye,
Dazz
Chapter 2 - The Resuce
(Author's note: WOW, peoplea re noticing my story! xX-VerceMaster-Xx, good to know that you enjoy my perspective. However, Kelly Harrington is not going to strop disapproveing of mysogynistic murder. JayBird, come on. Could you at least read the story before dropping such a cruel opinion? I'd type out a mean all-caps flame for you, but it would likely go over your head).
While trying to blend into the backgrround on my first mission - which I'd already mastered, being with the CIA and all - I talked with the other guy, who still hadn't told me his name.
"So who's she?"
"She's Lily. Our Sue."
Great. Now I could add anti-female slurs to my list of things wrong with this oragnization.
I waited patiently, for a perfect opportunity to make my move. Eventaully I saw my chance and went at the boy, grasping his neck and choking him. After a few minutes of this, he fell to the ground, obviously dead.
"Lily!" I shouted.
Lily turned around. I could tell she didn't want to be interrupted. "What?"
"My name is Kelly Harrington. I'm going to make you an offer here. I just killed somoene who wanted to kill you. And they're going to send more people to kill you unelss you come with me."
"Okay." And Lily came with my through the portal.
"Now," I told her, "To do this you got to be stealth. What are you best at, blending in or hiding?"
She looked indecisive.
"I'm gonna say that means hiding. You can hide in the closet." And with that, I gently nudged her over before locking her inside.
After that, I left the room and wandered the halls, analyzing the various agents. This was interrupted by my videophone, which told me that CIA Commander Erik wanted to talk with me.
I crept into an out of the way area, before talking. "This is Kelly Harrington. What is it?"
"Someone knows you're shouldn't be there." I was worried. "You have to find out who."
(Author's note: Wow, I think that chapter was the best yet! If you disgaree, you have no soul. R&R!)
Title: Kelly's Life
Summary: Anger. Misogyny. Murder. This is the legacy of the Protectors of the Plot Continuum - and it's why the CIA sent Kelly Harrington undercover to tear it apart from the inside.
Genre: Action/Adventure/Suspense/Romance
Rating: PG-13
Chapter 1 - The Undercover Girl
(Author's note: This fanfic goes out to the love of my life, Erik, who introduced me to the PPC back in August. Also, this is my first story so please, please don't hate it. Got it?)
After a plane ride, a bus ride, another plane ride and another bus ride, we finally reached a wierd door in the middle of nowhere and CIA Commander Erik finally decided to clue me in on what was to about to be happening. About time.
"You're go undercover in the PPC."
"Whatis that?"
"It's this group of woman-killers."
"What?"
"Well, sometimes they kill men, but mostly it's women. And hey, half of the PPC is women themselves, so you won't stick out."
"Great, that makes me feel so much better."
"OK!"
We kissed.
"One two three!"
All of a sudden, wierd magically things started happening and before I could even react I was somewhere else.
"Name?"
That's a unicorn. THAT'S A FREAKING UNICORN!
I think back to my CIA training. Thef irst rule of being a spy is to not to use your real name. Don't be Kelly Harrington. Be anyone else. I rummage through my mind, searching for a name I can use, before deciding on...
"Georgia Rose." Then, after a pause, "My father is a dentist."
Thank god the unicorn belived me. I was out of that room and in this wierd room in a seconds. There was a boy standing in the corner who resembeled girl repellent. I asked his him name and he didn't answer.
THen there was a loudish EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.
Great, I thought to myself. This is what I was made for.
So since you were so kind to include an review yourself for me, I thought I would leave a reveiew for you. This was a cool story, I like how there are others that learned of the PPC and dont nececerally aprove of the practice of killing the Sues. We know they are evil, but how do the others? I hope that she comes to see our ways, but if not then she must DIE!!! Sorry, its just the PPC is so cool, I dont want to see it sabotaged and ruined.
Good job so far, keep up the good work!
((Actually, I do want to see something like this actually written for the PPC. It would be easy to misunderstand what the PPC is about, so having some agency send in an undercover agent to learn more about the nature of this strange organization would not be too unreasonable. If it came down to it, said agency may tell the agent to try and sabotage the PPC, and answer for its murderous actions. It could be interesting, and funny as heck too. Just a thought.))
Sorr I hav'ent red yuur sotry but yuo shudln't flambe my stroys becase it hurtz mi flyings.
HI GUYS! ITS ME! JayBird! So im on this new FANFICWORLD sight and I am hear to write STORIES!!! Now I kno everyone wants to see more of the beautiful Jaycacia Thornbyrd, but this year I'm taking a BRAKE from her and wwriting about other argents. I hope thats' okay with u!!!!!!! Ill still leave her picture up her - isn't she beautiful?!?!?!
~JayBird
So tihs is the sotry of Christianne an Eledhwen and WAHT HAPPNES TO TEHM. R*R PLX1
Action/Drama, PG-13
Christianne started to notice things going wrong as soon as she woke up. Usually her partner Eledhwen was waiting to give her a kiss to say hello [A/N: I no tehy r suppossed to be going out now bu in my sotry there realtionship is PURRLY PLATE TONIC. So itt was a kis on TEH CHICK ok?!}, but this morning SHE WAS NOT THERE.
"I wonder where Eledhwen is," Christianne stated, and went into the Reaction Centre.
Eledhwen was sitting in front of the console. She looked like she was reading a book, and also she was only wearing a bikini made of black metal. Christianne thought that was a little strange.
"Hello Christianne," she said. "What is that book you are reading and also why are you wearing a bikini made of black metal."
"Oh hello Christianne," stated Eledhwen. "It is a book about how to be nice to people and do you like my bikini?"
"Yes I do," said Christianne, "you look very nice." (A/N: Purrly plate tonic!!1 rember?( "But maybe I would like it better if you took it off." {A/N: Shes onli sayign taht becas she wants to pollish it fore her b/c seh is a goo freind adn PURRLY PLATE TONIC=
"Well maybe I will," said Eledhwen, but then the console said "BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEP" (A/N: Lol)
"Oh we have a mission," said Christianne.
"Yes we do," said Eledhwen, and they went on their mission.
When they got on their mission Christianne looked down at herself and her disguise. "Why am I wearing only a pink nightdress?" she asked. "And also why am I tied up?"
"That would be because you look good in a pink nightdress," said Eledhwen (A/N: PURRLY PLATE TONIC!!1), "and also because I lied."
"You lied down?" Christianne asked. "But I thought elfs always stood up to sleep."
"They do," said Eledhwen. "But that is my other lie. I was actually reading a book about how to be mean to people - and I am not an elf! That is why I am wearing a bikini made of black metal!"
"Gasp!" gasped Christianne. "But I thought you were an elf!"
"NO," stated Eledhwen. Her pointed ears fell off and her hair stood up straight and it was black like her bikini and her teeth started to grow into fangs. "I am actually A GIANT SPIDER."
"Oh no I do not like giant spiders," stated Christianne. "And also where are we?"
"We are in Milkwood, HOME of the giant spiders!" exclaimed Eledhwen. "And now I am going to take you back to my web and trap you and turn back into my true form and then eat you!"
"OH NO YOU ARE NOT!" said Christianne, "because I was just stalling you by asking those questions and now I have freed my arms!" And her arms were free from the ropes which Eledhwen had used to tie her up.
"Your arms may be free but you cannot escape from me!" explained Eledhwen and ran towards her.
Using her powers of deduction learned from Sherlock Homes himself, Christianne threw up a wall of pure force to blunt Eledhwen's charge.
"You cannot escape me!" Eledhwen snarled, her fangs growing longer by the second. "I am the Spider Queen of Mirkwood!"
Oh yes I can!" Christianne exclaimed. "You forget, Eledhwen - I know your secret name!"
"But you will never use it!" stated Eledhwen, and she jumped over the wall and...........
Kissed Christianne on the lips!
Now Christianne was surprised by this because they only had a purrly plate tonic relationship, but she soon realised that the kiss was not plate tonic......
IT WAS A KISS OF DEATH.
So then Christianne used her powers of deduction to jump backwards away from Eledhwen before she could kill her. "Why did you try to use a kiss of death on me?" she asked her.
"Because actually I am in love with you," she said, "but you never noticed and so I am going to kill you rather than live without you."
"Oh ok," she said, "but there is something you should know before you do."
"What is that?" she stated.
Christianne took a deep breath. "Elredwendy Eiffelrochester," she said, using Eledhwen's secret name (A/N: Ok so tahts how I rember it but i cant' be bothred to cechk rite now!), "actually I am in love with you too."
"Oh ok," said Eledhwen. "Then I guess I'll go out with you rather than killing you."
"Ok," said Christianne, and that was what they did.
A/N: I NO RITE!!1 SUPRISE!!! So I rote a sotry abut Waht they did neckst but I lost it so yea. Anywas PLS REVUE NO FLAMES K??!??!1//1?
Keep on writing i wanna kno moar!
Those silly shippers who think that chrissy and ellie are a thing. I'm glad you're writing them plateotniclaly.
I was so scared for Chrissie! And it was so cuuuuute when they said they loved each other!.... D'awwww
U have to find that other part! I want to know what happenes next!!!!
Bye Bye
Dazz
THEY ARE A COUPLE AND THEIR AUTHOR SAID SO AND THAT'S THAT YOU CAN'T CHANGED IT ALS O EVERYONE KNOWS SHERLOCK'S DEDUCTION POWERS ARE LAZER BEAMS NOT FORECEFIELDS HOW DARE YOU WRITE FOR THE PPC!!!!1!!!!!!1111!111111!!!!
You need to learn how to spellcheck. I do not know what "Eledhwen" is other that an abominable hackjob of the dictionary. Otherwsie, good story!
((hS, when archiving, just ignore this post completely. However, I have to take a moment and say that this may well be the funniest comment I have ever seen, on any website, for any reason. This, ladies and gentlemen, is the prime example of how to comedically miss the point!))
THIS STORY MAKES NO SENC! WHY WOULD THEY EVER BE IN A PLATTONIC (which yiou spelled WRONG!!) SHIP IN THE FIRST PLACE!!?!?! THEY ARE OBVISLY IN LOVE FROM THE FORST WORD!! I CAME WNATING SOME HOT LUVE BETWEN THRM AND ONLY GOT DUMB NOT DETH!!!! N SHERLOK HOLMES IS NOT AIR BENDER MORON!!! IF SHERLOK IS NOTT A AIR BENDER, THEN CHRISTINE CAN NOT BE EITHER!!1! YOU NEED TO GIV UP WRITING AND KILL YOURSELF FOR THIS AWFULLNES!!!!!
((A tip to all who want to write poorly: slam out your response without correcting your spelling at all. The quicker you type, the "better" you get.))
I ilked you're stoyr! i limed theta they luv ech other and now their gonig outr! SUPAR KAWAIIDESU! Rite More!
Why is that giving me disturbing mental images? Are you writing citrus-y fanfiction about foreign letters? Does Sesame Street know about this? Are they involved in your story?
I SWEAR IF YOU TOUCH THE COOKIE MONSTER-
No. Calm time. Be calm.
I am calm now.
Still, though. Ew.
Only one thing I can say and no matter how hard I try, George Takei says it better: http://youtu.be/6nSKkwzwdW4
((You need to be in character when you post on the Badfic Game thread. Badfic-writer-style name, response, and the like. Saying "Oh My" could be treated as either a good or a bad thing, so I'm not sure if you were in character or not in that last post, but in-universe, fanficWorld isn't an extension of the PPC Board. It's about the PPC, but it isn't part of it, at least from from the perspective of those "posting" on fanficWorld. It's less convoluted than it sounds.
Out-of-character dialogue is indicated by double-parentheticals, like the ones I'm using. I'm not sure whether user names need to be in a double-parenthetical, so I'm using a generic one here just to be safe.))