Subject: A nice, short mission.
Author:
Posted on: 2015-08-10 00:34:00 UTC

A few errors, though:
1) He pointed at a large man wearing a green spandex suit that was impaled on a steel rod. “That’s Captain Qwark, and he’s dead.”

So was the man impaled, or just the suit? As written, you're saying that the suit was previously impaled on a steel rod, and the man is now wearing a suit with a hole in it.

2) “If I managed to stay, so should have he… but never mind.”
Delete the "have"; it should simply be "so should he".

3) “Get her!” Des shouted, pointing at Rhunön, who was trying to run away. His distraction earned him an elbow in the belly; while he was catching his breath, Ratchet dove for his axe. He jumped on the Lombax and started pummelling him.

From the looks of this paragraph, there are three characters in this scene, all male: Des, Rhunön, and Ratchet.To whom, then, are all those "he"s referring? I ask because that last sentence cannot mean what it says: grammatically, its "he" refers to Ratchet, but that would mean that he jumped on himself!

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