I do not condone, nor do I believe it healthy. But I understand.

There is a reason "an eye for an eye" is a very popular form of punishment. Vengeance is a natural desire for almost all of us. There is a reason we have "good" and "bad" guys. We want to see the bad people get what they have been giving out, if not more. Make them see what they have been doing. Make them pay for their crimes. We are naturally violent creatures. For most of us, we want to lash out, deep down.

But this is wrong.

Wanting to give people a taste of their own medicine is not justice, it is just as wrong. Scapegrace put it best. I think it would be in your best interest to listen to her. An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. It just perpetuates the cycle of violence.

This does not, however, mean you should be passive. There are ways to strengthen yourself and starve out aggressors without being aggressive yourself. If the acts against you are verbal in nature, don't let it get to you. I know, it is hard. Trust me, I know. But if you starve them of the emotional response they want, the verbal aggressors will let you go. And what they want is either sadness or anger. They want you to either hate yourself, or hate them. If you respond either way, they win. Know that you are loved. Know there are people who root for you. Know there are good people in the world, and you are one of them. Remember this, and the verbal attacks hurt less and less over time, until you can start to see the bull for what it is.

If you are being attacked physically, learn self defense. Anything will do, though martial arts is usually the best. And I don't mean do flip-kicks to stop bullies before they get to you. I mean, know how to dodge or take a punch. Know pressure points. Know how you can disable physical aggressors with minimal risk to yourself and them. I would say learn Krav Maga, but given your current emotional state, that might not be a good idea. Judo, Jujitsu, even Karate might give you the confidence boost you need. However, I have to insist: if you turn a defensive art into an aggressive one, you have failed. You have fallen to their level, and become part of the problem.

There is one last thing I would suggest. And what I am about to say may sound bad, but I want you to listen when I say it. Seek therapy. I know it sounds like I am saying you have a mental disorder. You do not. Vengeance is a natural response to have. But, natural as it may be, it is not the healthy one. Therapy has this stigma as being only for the mentally troubled. All therapy really is is having someone there to talk to and give solutions for your problems. Everyone has problems! Sometimes, we all need some help with our emotions. They are trained professionals in sorting out how you feel, and moving forward in a helpful way.

Listen to Scape. Listen to me. You are not a bad person for feeling this way. But you need to rise above it. Be the better person.

Your mindset is the same as theirs. Words can and do hurt people. You've hurt Ix. You've also hurt me, though - obviously! - not to the degree you've hurt her.

Do you understand what's going on here? Do you understand the impact your words have on people?

I can only compare it to a junior high kid "admiring" high school punks because they curse, drink beer in public, and do drugs.

And saying that you "probably will never become a bully" sounds to me like tempting the Ironic Overpower ;)
It's a ticking bomb. You never know when your trigger will be pulled. But when it starts, well... pop goes the weasel.

You are unbelievably wrong about everything you've just been talking about, because you are still in pain and lashing out at anything and everything. Even the people who are trying to help you. I've been there. I've gone through it. And the thing about wanting the people trying to help you to just leave you alone?

Sooner or later, that's exactly what you get. And I will never, ever, ever wish suffering alone on someone.

Not even you.

What you describe is Hobbes' bellum omnium contra omnes, the war of everybody against everybody else. It's not a solution, it's the problem. It just perpetuates itself. If everybody's a bully, then everybody's a bully; there's just a pecking order of bullies with bigger bullies bullying smaller bullies who in turn bully people below them.

What you suggest is just more suffering. Why do you want that? It's not good for anybody, least of all for you.

Furthermore: You are hurting people. You've hurt Ix. Badly. D'you have any idea what you're doing here? I strongly recommend you to think your next post through, because you're walking on very thin ice here.

Expressing your desire to make people suffer is a clear sign of losing it. I don't want to sound harsh, or - Heavens forbid - make myself look like a cyber-bully but I honestly think something broke inside your mind, dear.

Are you familiar with a saying "violence gives birth to violence"? That's a universal truth; bullying won't stop if the victims start to torment their tormentors. Also, if you are not currenly are a victim, it will make you look like the thing you despise. I am no stranger to violence, but doing so just because "I was a victim once" makes you look like a D-list comic book villain.

From our conversations I thought of you as a reasonable lady. Please, don't try to take revenge for the past. Use your past, to live better future - not to re-live past in a different role.

This picture perfectly illustrates what I've thought of, when I heard your declaration of revenge

You do realize that you just told Iximaz and by extension other bullying victims that they are the reason they are being bullied, ie textbook victim blaming? No one is ever to blame for being attacked or bullied. And fighting back might not solve the issue. It could very easily lead to escalations, it could lead to the victim being punished themselves. Because, newsflash! People are irrational and messy and the world we live in is unfair and painful. That doesn't mean that causing someone else pain is the answer.

And believe me, I know exactly how much it sucks to be told that if you ignore it it'll go away! But just because ignoring bullying doesn't work doesn't mean that fighting back tooth and nail will have any better results.

I might not have yet learned to let the past go, but I don't want to perpetuate the cycle. You, on the other hand, are immature, twisted, and no better than the people you want to take 'revenge' on.

You don't sit around and do nothing because it won't change things in the long run. You stand up for what is right, because nobody else has the guts to do so. You take a stand, and you say no, because this sort of thing is not okay.


Imagine dreading waking up in the mornings because you're going to have to spend the rest of your day looking over your shoulder.

You pretend to be sick just so you don't have to go to school. And sometimes you don't have to pretend because you're so scared of what's in store for you that day you actually do throw up.

You lie in bed at night wondering what's wrong with you and if it's not better if you just took yourself out of the picture, because you're apparently making everyone else's existence miserable. Because why else would they so routinely and maliciously pick on you?

And then their taunts get into your head, and you start believing that you are a loser, you are a weirdo, you are a freak.

You have nightmares about the things they did to you, even years after you last saw them.

A couple of the girls actually did suggest I kill myself.

And then they all laughed like it was the best joke in the world.

This is who you want to be. This is what you want to make others feel.

You are no better than them. You are worse, because you have felt what that is like, and you want to spread it to others.

Don't you get it?

By thinking like that, your tormentors have won. You've become the monster, you've been contaminated.

I guess that so much bureaucracy made your brain shrivel. I am not actually suggesting that — gods above, that means sticking Rina and the Reader with you and the Librarian in a locked room. I might be silly but I am not cruel.

~Desdendelle

(I only promise one thing: to introduce you to Amris and notify him that you have a taste for the fine arts. -The Librarian)