Subject: Thank you, sir!
Author:
Posted on: 2015-06-21 18:35:00 UTC
I'm just glad I could pull this off. My goal is to create a relatable character-- good to see that I'm hitting the right notes.
Correction applied. Your magic eye never seems to miss a thing, HG. Thanks a million!
In which Gaspard has a bad day.
Special thanks for Iximaz, Desdendelle, and Alleb for their excellent beta-reading services.
Concrit is welcome, as always.
Don’t worry, no actual damage done. I just felt uncomfortable reading this, because it reminds me too much of younger me. Which actually means that it is very well done. I wouldn’t know that what I eventually grew out of was a depression, if you hadn’t shown me and Tira hadn’t told me its name.
One thing though:
He asked the woman why she should leave: he had reserved the computer lab for his club.
"she" should be "he".
HG
I'm just glad I could pull this off. My goal is to create a relatable character-- good to see that I'm hitting the right notes.
Correction applied. Your magic eye never seems to miss a thing, HG. Thanks a million!
Though congratulations are probably not in order, given how well you've described someone with depression. I have a Monologue myself. You... you're okay, right?
Also:-
"The couple looked gather glum"
Gather should probably be rather in this case.
I've managed to chase most of my Monologue away-- though some of it still persists. Just gotta keep chipping away at it until I can fully reclaim my headspace.
Thanks for commenting!
It's well-written, but almost a little too much, if that makes sense. You really captured what depression feels like.
I'd argue that the Monologue is just that-- "almost a little too much". Not quite enough to turn you into a complete mess (most of the time) but just enough to interfere with your day-to-day activity with a:
(✿◕ ‿ ◕) Friendly reminder that you're not worth it!