Subject: Good job
Author:
Posted on: 2015-06-20 23:53:00 UTC
It's well-written, but almost a little too much, if that makes sense. You really captured what depression feels like.
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Interlude - Headlock by
on 2015-06-20 21:40:00 UTC
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In which Gaspard has a bad day.
Special thanks for Iximaz, Desdendelle, and Alleb for their excellent beta-reading services.
Concrit is welcome, as always. -
This is – I – take it away by
on 2015-06-21 18:27:00 UTC
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Don’t worry, no actual damage done. I just felt uncomfortable reading this, because it reminds me too much of younger me. Which actually means that it is very well done. I wouldn’t know that what I eventually grew out of was a depression, if you hadn’t shown me and Tira hadn’t told me its name.
One thing though:
He asked the woman why she should leave: he had reserved the computer lab for his club.
"she" should be "he".
HG -
Thank you, sir! by
on 2015-06-21 18:35:00 UTC
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I'm just glad I could pull this off. My goal is to create a relatable character-- good to see that I'm hitting the right notes.
Correction applied. Your magic eye never seems to miss a thing, HG. Thanks a million! -
Congrats on the Interlude! =] by
on 2015-06-21 09:35:00 UTC
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Though congratulations are probably not in order, given how well you've described someone with depression. I have a Monologue myself. You... you're okay, right?
Also:-
"The couple looked gather glum"
Gather should probably be rather in this case. -
Correction applied! by
on 2015-06-21 14:24:00 UTC
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I've managed to chase most of my Monologue away-- though some of it still persists. Just gotta keep chipping away at it until I can fully reclaim my headspace.
Thanks for commenting! -
Good job by
on 2015-06-20 23:53:00 UTC
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It's well-written, but almost a little too much, if that makes sense. You really captured what depression feels like.
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Many thanks. by
on 2015-06-21 14:27:00 UTC
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I'd argue that the Monologue is just that-- "almost a little too much". Not quite enough to turn you into a complete mess (most of the time) but just enough to interfere with your day-to-day activity with a:
(✿◕ ‿ ◕) Friendly reminder that you're not worth it!