Yaaay! *bells* by
eatpraylove
on 2015-05-10 18:18:00 UTC
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The comments after the animatronics' CAD readings were hilarious, especially Foxy's and OOC!Freddy's. (I'm still never ever playing the games. I don't do horror, and I don't do possessed killer animatronics.)
Oh, two minor things...
"...Also, ow, my, kidneys.”"
That comma after "my" doesn't belong there.
"Valon popped his elbows back into place before pointing his C-CAD at Foxy."
Uh...is this possible? I don't think Valon would be able to do that himself if both elbows got dislocated.
By the way... by
Voyd
on 2015-05-10 15:03:00 UTC
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Something I make an effort to do in most of my missions is to highlight the good parts of the PPC. A lot of missions nowadays seem to run with the assumption that the PPC is 100% horrible, which kinda rubs me the wrong way.
Thus, the various little moments with Valon and Kala. Whether it's the camaraderie and friendship between the two, the trust they build with others, or the gratitude of canon characters, I go out of my way to remind people that yes, there are parts of the job that aren't going to traumatize you.
... am I reconstructing the premise of the Protectors of the Plot Continuum?
This is great, you two! ^^ *Optional!Hugs* by
SMF
on 2015-05-10 13:12:00 UTC
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And Voyd, I have a question...
Are you planning another FNAF mission? I saw those descriptions of Valon, and now I'm curious. :)
Error by
Omega
on 2015-05-10 12:41:00 UTC
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For some reason when I try to read it Google docs says I am not able to open it with my account.
Congrats! by
Tira
on 2015-05-10 02:03:00 UTC
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Good job on the mission! Like I mentioned, I don't actually know either of the canons, though I have been looking up FNaF. It seems interesting, but I'm kind of wuss when it comes to horror stuff. You did a good job making both halves of the crossover comprehensible to an outsider.
As an AoT fan, I have to ask - what was the context for the reference to Eren? Was it intentional on the part of the Suethor, or just the result of a typo?
I do have two minor criticisms. First, there are quite a few unattributed lines of dialogue, which can get a little hard to follow with as many characters as there are. Second, it seemed a little heavy on references to past missions. They made sense from an in-universe perspective, so I'm not sure if my criticism is exactly fair, but I felt like they slowed the story down a bit. Other than those things, I thought it was really good.