Subject: YAAAAAY! *tosses Spikes*
Author:
Posted on: 2015-05-02 16:44:00 UTC
I would've done a little more with the proofreading, but nice to see that you've improved since your first attempt. Good luck with your first mission! :D
Fight!... Wait... What... *clears throat* Anyway, here I go again. No speech this time, speeeches bring bad luck.
What are thoughts on using stuff from the Newbie Gifts recieved in the Welcome Threads? Because there are some things that I received, that I would like to use in my stories.
If it's meant to be decorative or as a means to build your characters, I would say go ahead. If you're using it to give your characters an advantage over the Sues (like it's some sort of special anti-Sue weapon), that would be a bit more questionable in my eyes.
Also, come up with a good in-universe reason as to why your agents might have such a thing. Saying it was a welcoming present is both a bit uncreative and slightly blurring the lines between us and our creations. Who knows? Maybe the explanation will spur further stories.
If I remember correctly, the consensus is 'go right ahead'. Of course, if I'm wrong, go ahead and correct me, guys.
I winterly carried over a tribble.
And then things happened to summerise the tribble, but it lost a lot of its substance. I think it had to do with Budapest or the Hulk.
(This is what happens when autocorrect happens and then TE takes the phone).
Seriously, though, I did definitely carry over a tribble.
~DF
But I'm kind of enjoying this stepping down (up?) effect.
*Thows Permission Party*
As before, all my earlier points stand: You have interesting characters, you've been around long enough that I feel I have a good idea of what you're like, and you can tell a story. As for your SPaG?
Very good this time. I did notice a few minor typos, but it's infinitely much better than last time. One thing I will flag up is that you seem to like bolding words when your characters speak to add emphasis. You might want to try avoiding that, but otherwise well done. So, it is my pleasure to say Permission granted!
Congrats on getting Permission, Edhelistar! I should probably start writing my request, since I've got my agent concepts pretty much figured out... Though I'll probably not have the courage to post it anyway. :P
As a gift, have this plate of Pancakes-With-Way-Too-Much-Sugar! I was trying to make eggnog, but I had a fortunate accident. No Suvian flavouring this time, my provider closed. (Something about "health and safety concerns", or some boring stuff like that)
Also, I'm siding with Desdendelle on this, I know you can do it! Have faith with yourself and present your request, I'm sure you'll get Permission in no time!
I, for one, have confidence in your abilities and am looking forward to reading your Permission stuff.
And thanks to everyone that congratulated me! In celebration, I declare the Danger Room, free to use for everyone! No questions asked!
(After all is just a large Standard Mandalorian Iron-covered Blast Chamber from DoSAT-T&A, modified with Capital Ship-class force fields, Hard Light projectors and a videogame AI [Very Easy, Easy, Normal, Hard, Very Hard, Insane and Suicidal difficulty levels available].)
Now you just need the uniform--what am I saying, those went out ages ago.
Looking forward to seeing your characters in action!
/rolls out in desk chair, tossing squares of Swiss Bleepolate like confetti/
~DF
I plan on submitting my own... eventually. I have a good idea of my agents at the moment, so who knows
*blows noisemaker* *gives peanut butter cookies* I look forward to reading your missions!
I'm still tweaking my own agents, not entirely comfortable with them yet...
Very well done! I look forward to seeing your agents in action.
I have but one nitpick: you mention a NATO-standard pistol as Yuna's weapon. NATO doesn't actually have a standard issue pistol-- ammunition is standardized (9x19mm Parabellum for pistols, 5.56x45mm or 7.62x51m for rifles) but not weapons. A quick look at Wikipedia's list of service pistols suggest that most NATO countries equip their soldiers with HK, SIG Sauer, or Glock 9mm pistols (with the notable exception of Belgium, which uses Fabrique Nationale's Five-seveN and its weird, tiny bullet).
I did research that, but I don't know why I left it like that... probably because I could not choose a specific handgun and left it to be a Generic Handgun...
After doing a bit of research, I found that Maria Hill is carries a Glock in the Avengers movie :
If you want to get into specifics, I think that it's a Glock 19-- a shortened version of the Glock 17.
... the more of it the better. And it seems we aren't the only ones:
"The Glock 19 is effectively a reduced-size Glock 17, called the "Compact" by the manufacturer. It was first produced in 1988, primarily for military and law enforcement."
Quote from Wikipedia. It seems also the guys that made The Avengers love their little details too.
And although Yuna doesn't come from the same continuum, the use of that weapon would make sense, so I'm going to keep it.
Maria Hill's Weapon was at Glock 19. Further all Shield Agents used the Glock 19 as their standard weapon.
Weeeeee! *throws 42 bags of confetti in the air*
You know dude, I think is customary to take the confetti out of the bag before throwing it...
I would've done a little more with the proofreading, but nice to see that you've improved since your first attempt. Good luck with your first mission! :D
To the Batcave! *cue the Sixties Batman's Theme*
I'd just like to add you should pay special attention to your SPaG and avoid ellipsis floods.
Conga Rats, dood.