Subject: Re: Things I Am Not Allowed to Do at the PPC
Author:
Posted on: 2013-02-02 23:48:00 UTC
I will not introduce Queen Chrysalis and Roodaka.
-If I do, I will be held responsible for any damage done to both canon and property.
I will not introduce Morinth to Don Juan.
I promise I'll get this one to the wiki on time.
1743. I may NOT give Shadowfax a cutie mark.
1744. Under no circumstances may I inform the Mass Effect Reapers of the PPC's existence.
1745. Under no circumstances is Old Man Willow to meet the Redneck Trees.
1746. Under no circumstances is Ahuizotl to meet Queen Berúthiel.
1747.I will not kill Dolores Umbridge.
-No matter how much I want to.
1748. I will not refer to Darth Vader as "The Volcano Man" when on the Executor.
-This is for my own safety.
1749. I will not give Jar Jar Binks a Random H-Bomb.
1750. I will not give Herod the Great a Death Note.
1751. I will not play recordings of goldfinch songs around the Sunflower Official.
-If I do, I will not grumble about the ten consecutive biology-mangling lemons I get assigned.
1752. I will not play "Derpy's Iron Anvil" around Twilight Sparkle.
1753. I will not assign Derpy Hooves to straighten out a Hearth's Warming tree.
-Daleks are canonical foes. Not "cute widdle pepper shakers".
-I will not pit the Silence against Slenderman.
--Or the Silence against the Weeping Angels.
---Even if it's out of curiosity to see if the Angel moves or forgets the encounter.
-I will not attempt to terraform my RC.
--Even if I like to live in jungles.
---The console doesn't like having ferns growing out of the screen.
-I will not shout "HEY WHO TURNED OUT THE LIGHTS?" at any Agent working in the Whoniverse.
--Or sneak up behind them with my hands over my eyes.
---Or draw tally marks on them in their sleep.
-I will not replace BBC!John Watson and the Eleventh Doctor.
--No, not even if Matt Smith tried out for Watson.
-Replacing BBC and CBS Watson is right out.
-Sending CBS Holmes to BBC Irene Adler is just cruel.
--Even if the both of them are into S&M so it looks like a match made in heaven.
-The Pandorica is not a Sue-confining option.
-The Teselecta is not a suitable replacement for the D.O.R.K.S.
--At least not outside the Whoniverse in any case.
-I will not say "Zeeky Boogy Doog" in HQ "to see what happens."
-I will not feed the bears.
--Nor will I put No-Doz in Doc's coffee again. The fire department would string me up.
--Nor will I ask him to fix my paintball gun.
--If I do, I will NOT use it in HQ
-I will not make fun of Karrin Murphy's height. This is for my own safety.
-I will not attempt to steal weapons from RC 625-N-1.
--If I do, I understand that the time I spend in the burn ward will be deducted from my (theoretical) pay.
Suggested addition to 1747: I will not kill Dolores Umbridge.
-No matter how much I want to.
-Or how many people would thank me.
Also:
I will not give Skyfall!verse James Bond an exploding pen.
-No matter how happy he'd be.
-Even though it's canon in GoldenEye.
I will not show any of the Lord of the Rings characters Peter Jackson's movie trilogy, and I will not take them into World One and point them in the direction of the actors who played them.
-Even if I want to reenact the relevant scenes from OFUM.
Neither am I allowed to terrorize non-OFU fangirls with mini-Balrogs.
-Or with any other form of mini.
I am not Miss Cam, and I am not allowed to attempt social experiments based on her writing that involve LotR characters, inhabitants of World One, or both.
I will not introduce Johnny Depp's Mad Hatter to the original Mad Hatter.
-The same thing applies to any other versions of the Mad Hatter.
-In fact, introducing different versions of the same character is forbidden as it only causes unnecessary confusion.
-Especially different versions of gods or godlike deities, because that causes destruction as well as confusion.
Now I'm actually picturing a bunch of them meeting...it's a bit chaotic. Pretty funny, though.
Thanks for the mental image(s)!
~DF
I will not introduce Queen Chrysalis and Roodaka.
-If I do, I will be held responsible for any damage done to both canon and property.
I will not introduce Morinth to Don Juan.
Hey, I'll give it another whack at it. If any of these have been used before, feel free to remove them.
-I will not make Time Lord Jokes around Homura.
-Derpy Hooves is not allowed in Headquarters unless it is completely necessary.
-I will not try to get Male!Shep and Fem!Shep together, the results would be disastrous.
-I will not sing the "Hedgehog Song" when I am in the Sonic the Hedgehog continuum.
--That would be a Very Bad Idea.
-Twilight Sparkle and the Twilight books do not mix.
-Twilight Sparkle and the Twilight books do not mix.
Oh, but imagine the possibilities! Can't you just see Pinkie Pie singing "Smile Smile Smile" to the characters of Twilight just when they're at their broodiest?
-I will not mock Stygian Tea. For my own health.
-I will not feed Agent Riaa'lzhor any chocolate, despite the fact that hyperactive driders are funny.
-I will never, under any conditions, let the Borg and a HegSwarm meet.
--If I do, I'll have to sort the resulting mess.
-I will not try to shut the Borg Collective down with Snow Crash.
--In fact, I will not attack any mechanical race with Snow Crash. That's just mean.
-- This is also because if Agent Lana finds out that I drugged her girlfriend, she will violently have me volunteer for Natav's experiments
- I will not steal Kiel's War Turtle
-- My being in headquarters won't stop her. She'll just break in and recruit as many agents as possible to her harem
- Not only will I not allow Lux onto Drowtales: Space Age, I won't let her into ANY part of the Daydream area of Drowtales, and in fact will do everything I can to keep her from learning it exists
- I will not replace my console's beeping, or any other music, with Fame'nidea's music
-- I can however replace Songfic!Sue background pop music with it, because hearing them try to sing 'scratch off the scab, bleed out the poison!' or 'gonna chew on your neckbone, to quench the thirst, the Vloz'ress madhouse is waiting, come join the cursed!' With Fame's cheerfulness will be greatly amusing.
- I will not organize a music battle between Kyo'nne Val'Illhar'dro and Fame'nidea Vloz'ress.
- I will not send a Sue to be one of Kharla'ggen's dolls. Torture is still not OK
In the first one (the addendum to Des') it's Narav, not Natav
In the War Turtle one, the addendum should be 'Even going back to headquarters won't stop her from getting it back. She'll just break in...' so on
Also;
- I will not show Kirl the Great A'tuin. Her turtle love does not need more fuel.
Why did you and I have the same "mass-program-shut-down against the Borg" idea? XD
--SCP-173 and a Weeping Angel are never to meet.
-If they do, I will have to find a way to stop the inevitable carnage.
--I will not make doctor puns around The Doctor
-Or any Time Lord name puns
--I will not taunt Daleks by calling them trashcans.
-Or pepper shakers
-Or point out their weapon is a whisk and a plunger
-Or at ANY point call them cowards for hiding in neigh-inpenitrable armor
--I will never put SCP-____-J in the SO's office
-I'd never get the chance anyway, I'd constantly put it off for later
--I will never try to convince Luna to create the New Lunar Republic
-One rebellion was bad enough for everypony
That's all I got.
--SCP-173 and a Weeping Angel are never to meet.
-If they do, I will have to find a way to stop the inevitable carnage.
Which one would win in a fight, do you think? Not that any of us would be able to see it, due to [REDACTED]. Actually, it would [REDACTED] [REDACTED] or else ________________ would [REDACTED] and then [REDACTED] and everyone dies.
Probably not very funny, but here's a few from me:
-I will not ask Prince Zuko to help me make s'mores.
--Or Deathwing.
--As a matter of fact, I will not ask any being with the ability to produce or control fire to help me make s'mores.
---In the same vein, if such a creature is abusing his/her/its ability in a fit of anger, I will not use the opportunity to roast wieners with the resultant flames, as this will only make matters worse.
-I will not replace every article of clothing Caius owns with pink, frilly dresses.
--I will also not do this to Aro.
-Under no circumstances is Marcus to be told what really happened to Didyme.
Following the Hayate one:
Yagami Hayate is never to meet Daidouji Tomoyo either. The cosplay-induced stress on Nanoha, Fate and Sakura would bring them to the breaking point, and Madokami only knows the amount of damage they would cause.
-Miki Sayaka is right out. The chance of them becoming an unstoppable tackle-groping duo are too high.
(And, yes, the Tomoyo one totally happened in IrregularS. However, I will leave it off-screen.)
Addendum to the third (Hayate and Caster$
--Trying to get Kharla'ggen Vel'Vloz'ress involved is not only Right Out, but will earn me a FicPsych visit and a 'talking to' from Kiel with the aid of Friend Demon and Baliir
- I can only involve Kiel in Sue hunts if the Sue is in Drowtales
- I will try to keep Friend Demon from gaining access to the Board, or at least try to use whatever keeps it from telling Kiel about Snadhya'rune to censor out the information.
Seriously, sometimes I wonder if Kiritsugu is actually Homura's father.
Angsty past, check. Time manipulation, check. Affinity to firearms and explosives despite having access to magic, check. Character abused by Kill-Them-All Urobutcher (aka Gen Urobuchi), check. And I'll stop here.
Putting them together would cause the time-space continuum to be irrimediably warped. And explosions. Lots of explosions.
So, I'll add this:
-- We want HQ and the time-space continuum still in one piece, thank you.
-- Ditto for Homura Akemi and Nanoha Takamachi. They would end up teaming up against Walpurgisnacht.
--- The fact that they would probably win is not a valid justification, no matter how awesome the ensuing beam-and-explosion-spam would be.
--- Besides, the collateral damage to Mitakihara City would be more than enough to make Madoka wish to repair everything.
Even more than Kiritsugu, Homura must never EVER meet Gilgamesh. Timestop + all of the weapons of the Gate of Babylon.......
Unless the Gate of Babylon includes rocket launchers, guns, plastic explosives and obviously ANTI-SHIP MISSILES, 'cause our Hommando has no use for swords amd spears.
And Homura's shield is not to be laughed upon. KING OF HEROES, DO YOU HAVE ENOUGH FIREPOWER?
Granted, it was able to outmaneuver the missiles launched from Berseker's F-15J, but it was more of a magical flying boat.
And Berseker isn't a skilled pilot. But, then again, he's Berseker. We cannot expect him to calmly plot his maneuvers. Had Gilgamesh met Ace Combat's Mobius 1 or the Ghosts of Razgriz, things would have gone differently...
Hommando would surely abuse such an ability. Fighter jet squadron? Check. Tank battalion? Check. An entire warship fleet? Do I need to answer that?
Homura is one of the reasons why Break The Cutie can be a very, very bad idea.
Didn't you just do that? here?
And so, another addendum is necessary.
---- Yes, we know that they already meet once in HQ without blowing up stuff, but we don't want to tempt fate anymore.
And, in fact, I did that too in my last MST.
We've been lucky until now...
Sparkle-Abominations would be worse; they explode on death.
1758.5 Never, EVER give a 'Sue to the Collectors!
Also, Geth and Cylons should never meet.
I will not introduce a Mass Effect banshee to any other variety of banshee.
(Number these as you will, this is getting confusing...
Also, grammar correction for # 1762: that would be "monsters", not "mosters.")
- I will not try to draw links between the asari and the protoss.
-- Even if they're both blue, biotic/psionic, extremely long-lived, partially uplifted by aliens, and fearsome warriors.
--- Asking questions about their "hair" is also out of the question.
- Sticking a little "Collect me" sign on Commander Shepard's back is just plain mean.
- There is no good reason to justify calling upon the Summoning Dark to avenge me.
-- NOT. A. SINGLE. GOOD. REASON.
-I will not steal the hobbits' pipe-weed.
-I will not put a TV in front of the Golden Throne 'to give the Emperor something to do.'
-I will not steal Christ's miraculous basket of bread and fish. There are 5,000 hungry people waiting for it.
-I will not cover Sparklepires in Glitter to make them extra pretty.
-I will not tell Luke Skywalker that his Schwartz is almost as big as mine.
-A Daemonhammer is not a toy.
-The D.O.R.K.S. is not a toy.
-My partner is not a toy.
---Unless they actually are, in which case, disregard that.
-I will not make nerve gas out of Cafeteria soup anymore.
---Even though it seems to work extremely well.
---Nor will I make mustard gas with the hot sauce, or napalm with the jelly.
#1750 made me giggle.
The name is "Serah Farron," not "Sarah Ferron."
Hey, between FF13, Star Ocean: The Last Hope, and Lost Odyssey, I've got so many "Sarah" names going around in my head that it's hard for me to keep track.
Seriously:
Star Ocean: Sarah Jerand
Lost Odyssey: Sarah Sisulart
FF13: Serah Farron
There was even an instance somewhere of a Sera.
My head is spinning.
Oh. Yeah, sometimes names can get jumbled when we know so many.
Also, I apologize if I came across as condescening.