-Daleks are canonical foes. Not "cute widdle pepper shakers".

-I will not pit the Silence against Slenderman.
--Or the Silence against the Weeping Angels.
---Even if it's out of curiosity to see if the Angel moves or forgets the encounter.

-I will not attempt to terraform my RC.
--Even if I like to live in jungles.
---The console doesn't like having ferns growing out of the screen.

-I will not shout "HEY WHO TURNED OUT THE LIGHTS?" at any Agent working in the Whoniverse.
--Or sneak up behind them with my hands over my eyes.
---Or draw tally marks on them in their sleep.

-I will not replace BBC!John Watson and the Eleventh Doctor.
--No, not even if Matt Smith tried out for Watson.

-Replacing BBC and CBS Watson is right out.

-Sending CBS Holmes to BBC Irene Adler is just cruel.
--Even if the both of them are into S&M so it looks like a match made in heaven.

-The Pandorica is not a Sue-confining option.

-The Teselecta is not a suitable replacement for the D.O.R.K.S.
--At least not outside the Whoniverse in any case.

-I will not say "Zeeky Boogy Doog" in HQ "to see what happens."

-I will not feed the bears.
--Nor will I put No-Doz in Doc's coffee again. The fire department would string me up.
--Nor will I ask him to fix my paintball gun.
--If I do, I will NOT use it in HQ

-I will not make fun of Karrin Murphy's height. This is for my own safety.

-I will not attempt to steal weapons from RC 625-N-1.
--If I do, I understand that the time I spend in the burn ward will be deducted from my (theoretical) pay.

Suggested addition to 1747: I will not kill Dolores Umbridge.

-No matter how much I want to.

-Or how many people would thank me.


Also:

I will not give Skyfall!verse James Bond an exploding pen.

-No matter how happy he'd be.

-Even though it's canon in GoldenEye.

I will not show any of the Lord of the Rings characters Peter Jackson's movie trilogy, and I will not take them into World One and point them in the direction of the actors who played them.

-Even if I want to reenact the relevant scenes from OFUM.

Neither am I allowed to terrorize non-OFU fangirls with mini-Balrogs.

-Or with any other form of mini.

I am not Miss Cam, and I am not allowed to attempt social experiments based on her writing that involve LotR characters, inhabitants of World One, or both.

• I will not attempt to recruit an Eversor Assassin as an Agent, as that would be Bad.
  
  - Honor Harrington and Lord Castellan Creed must never meet. The sheer amount of TACTICAL GENIUS would overwhelm reality and turn it into a lamppost. Behind which Creed would somehow hide a Baneblade.

I will not introduce Johnny Depp's Mad Hatter to the original Mad Hatter.
-The same thing applies to any other versions of the Mad Hatter.
-In fact, introducing different versions of the same character is forbidden as it only causes unnecessary confusion.

I will not introduce Queen Chrysalis and Roodaka.
-If I do, I will be held responsible for any damage done to both canon and property.

I will not introduce Morinth to Don Juan.

Hey, I'll give it another whack at it. If any of these have been used before, feel free to remove them.

-I will not make Time Lord Jokes around Homura.

-Derpy Hooves is not allowed in Headquarters unless it is completely necessary.

-I will not try to get Male!Shep and Fem!Shep together, the results would be disastrous.

-I will not sing the "Hedgehog Song" when I am in the Sonic the Hedgehog continuum.
--That would be a Very Bad Idea.

-Twilight Sparkle and the Twilight books do not mix.

-I will not mock Stygian Tea. For my own health.
-I will not feed Agent Riaa'lzhor any chocolate, despite the fact that hyperactive driders are funny.
-I will never, under any conditions, let the Borg and a HegSwarm meet.
--If I do, I'll have to sort the resulting mess.
-I will not try to shut the Borg Collective down with Snow Crash.
--In fact, I will not attack any mechanical race with Snow Crash. That's just mean.

--SCP-173 and a Weeping Angel are never to meet.
-If they do, I will have to find a way to stop the inevitable carnage.

--I will not make doctor puns around The Doctor
-Or any Time Lord name puns

--I will not taunt Daleks by calling them trashcans.
-Or pepper shakers
-Or point out their weapon is a whisk and a plunger
-Or at ANY point call them cowards for hiding in neigh-inpenitrable armor

--I will never put SCP-____-J in the SO's office
-I'd never get the chance anyway, I'd constantly put it off for later

--I will never try to convince Luna to create the New Lunar Republic
-One rebellion was bad enough for everypony

That's all I got.

Probably not very funny, but here's a few from me:


-I will not ask Prince Zuko to help me make s'mores.
--Or Deathwing.
--As a matter of fact, I will not ask any being with the ability to produce or control fire to help me make s'mores.
---In the same vein, if such a creature is abusing his/her/its ability in a fit of anger, I will not use the opportunity to roast wieners with the resultant flames, as this will only make matters worse.

-I will not replace every article of clothing Caius owns with pink, frilly dresses.
--I will also not do this to Aro.

-Under no circumstances is Marcus to be told what really happened to Didyme.

• Stop following around Agent Nikki Cherryflower with video cameras. She might be cute when embarrassed just like Sakura, but it doesn't justify triggering the memories of another person. She's trying to stop being just a Sakura clone, thank you.
  
  -- Besides, Agent Sergio Turbo isn't going to like that one bit. And he already held at gunpoint more than enough PPC personnel.
  
  
  I will add more later.

• I will not organize a no-holds-barred 'training battle' between the characters of the Nanoha main canon, the Movieverse, Nanoha Innocent, Nanoha Portable, Magic Girl Fatal Fate, Triangle Heart 3, Lyrical Toy Box, or any other variant or AU of the canon.
  
  - Signum is not a Saber-Class Servant
  
  - I will refrain from introducing Yagami Hayate and Caster together in the presence of the Wolkenritter, Saber, or any amounts of costuming materials.
  
  - I will not introduce the Fate/Kaleid and Fate/stay night versions of Illya.
  --Kuro and Archer are Right Out.
  
  - I will not try to get any Servants to dress up in the Fate/Kaleid Installed versions of their costumes.
  
  - I will not tell Kyubey about the Holy Grail War.
  
  - I will not introduce Akemi Homura and Emiya Kiritsugu.
  
  - I will not introduce Ultimate Madoka to any god-like martyr figures in any canon's mythology.

1. Pigpen from Peanuts is to never, ever come within several light-years of the Migrant Fleet.
   -- Not even to say hello.
   
   1758. Impaling a Sue on Dragon's teeth is not a good idea.
   --Sparkle-husks are to be exterminated with extreme prejudice.
   
   1759. I can't fire a Widow Anti-Matériel rifle with one hand.
   -- Or the Claymore shotgun.
   --- That sort of awesomeness is reserved to Eve.
   
   1760. Don't feed the zerglings.
   
   1761. Bringing a Goliath combat walker into the MechWarrior 'verse is strictly forbidden.
   --That goes for the Viking too.
   ---The Thor is right out.
   
   1762. I will stop putting torches in dark corridors "to stop mosters from spawning."
   
   1763. It's never a good time to shout "Release the Kraken!"
   
   

-I will not steal the hobbits' pipe-weed.

-I will not put a TV in front of the Golden Throne 'to give the Emperor something to do.'

-I will not steal Christ's miraculous basket of bread and fish. There are 5,000 hungry people waiting for it.

-I will not cover Sparklepires in Glitter to make them extra pretty.

-I will not tell Luke Skywalker that his Schwartz is almost as big as mine.

-A Daemonhammer is not a toy.

-The D.O.R.K.S. is not a toy.

-My partner is not a toy.

---Unless they actually are, in which case, disregard that.

-I will not make nerve gas out of Cafeteria soup anymore.

---Even though it seems to work extremely well.

---Nor will I make mustard gas with the hot sauce, or napalm with the jelly.

#1750 made me giggle.

• I will not mention the name Sarah Ferron around Snow Villiers
  -- Mainly for my own safety.
  
  - I will not attempt a mass program shutdown against the Borg.
  
  - It doesn't matter if it looks cool, I will not sporadically fire guns from the hip at trained mercenaries. (Shout out to you, Deus Ex - why'd you have to make gunfire so cool?)
  
  - I will not attempt conversation with a Geth interface by speaking in binary code.
  -- Pretty sure C++ is also off the table.
  
  - I will not pit Superman against a Sith Lord.
  
  - Nor will I pit Batman against Ezio Auditore.
  
  - I will not encourage Commander Shepard to engage in a threesome.
  
  - Making snide jokes st every single remark spoken by Elementary!Sherlock Holmes is probably bad for my health.
  
  - John Riese is not a hired thug, he is a trained CIA operative. I must remember this.
  
  - I am not allowed to transfer the artifacts of Warehouse 13 into the SO's office.
  -- Unless I wish to be retired forcibly, that is.
  
  ---
  
  That's all I've got.

1. I will not provide the SO (or any other Department Head for that matter) with a copy of How to Dynamically Manage People for Dynamic Results in a Caring Empowering Way in Quite a Short Time Dynamically.
   
   1755. Even though the Flowers have enjoyed some success at avoiding talking to agents they don’t want to see simply by shouting that they aren’t in through their office doors, it is highly inadvisable for agents to try this technique when they want to avoid talking to a Flower.
   
   1756. I will stop trying to convince newbies that Soylent Sparkle (think Soylent Green, but made with Sues) is the tastiest thing on the cafeteria menu.
   
   (I particularly like 1743 by the way)