Subject: The soldier shrugged.
Author:
Posted on: 2015-03-07 15:47:00 UTC
“In a way,” he said. Pouring himself a cup of whatever was in reach, he left it on the table and crouched so his face would be level with the Luxray’s. “Who might you be?”
He couldn't spot his sister or her partner anywhere, even though she was the one who'd invited him in the first place.
Alex bit his lip, uncomfortable with the room full of agents he didn't recognize. He tried to maneuver around a girl with green- was that paper?- hair, but accidentally bumped into her in the process.
"Oops! Sorry, are you okay?"
"Huh? Oh, yes. I am alright. Are you okay? I did not want to get into the way of anyone, but I seem to have failed at that." She looks sheepish. "I am Alloy. What is your name?"
Alex awkwardly stuck out a hand. "No last name?" he asked curiously. He couldn't stop staring at Alloy's hair.
Coughing softly, a man wearing a set of olive-green uniform entered the room. If not for his clothes and cleanshaven face, he would have looked identical to a certain beleaguered Floater — and his Time Lord partner.
Fortunately, his ‘alternates’ — he guessed he’d call them that? — were nowhere to be seen, so he headed toward the table, intent on getting himself a cup of something alcoholic.
He swallowed the Sweet Poffin in his mouth and sniffed. "Librarian?" he said hesitantly, then shook his head. "No, you don't smell quite like him. My apologies. Are you his partner?"
“In a way,” he said. Pouring himself a cup of whatever was in reach, he left it on the table and crouched so his face would be level with the Luxray’s. “Who might you be?”
The Luxray frowned at the avoidance of the question, but decided not to press. "Department of Mary Sues, partnered with Rina Dives. You?"
Sighing, he leaned even closer and whispered something in the Pokémon’s ear. “That said...”
He straightened. “Isn’t this supposed to be an ‘eat drink and be merry’ type of party?”
((What did he whisper? You decide!))
((Let's say he whispered his real name, rank and Corps.))
"That's cool, my partner's from World One." Zeb delicately took another Poffin. "You been here long? I'm still fairly new, but the job seems... enjoyable, I suppose."
Outwardly he kept a straight face. “Yes, I’m from World One. You might say I’ve been… ‘around’... for a little less than four years.” He pushed his glasses up his nose with his middle finger. “The way I see things, if the job is ‘enjoyable’, then something’s wrong. Even for a clerk-slash-plumber-slash-administrator like me.”
The soldier grinned, furrowing his brow a bit. “Charming, no?”
Now Zeb was sure there was something the man wasn't telling him- his scent was getting excessively agitated- but still didn't pry. "But wow, four years? That's quite impressive. I've only been around for a few weeks."
“Try to retire ASAP. Otherwise you’ll end up dead, snapped, or something equally unpleasant. It’s not like you have my comfy desk job or anything.” He looked around, squinting. “Isn’t that Ten standing there?” The soldier pointed at Iximaz.
Zeb looked around to see the boy... no, that was a girl, dressed as the Tenth Doctor. He frowned. She smelled like his partner, and he mentioned it to [Desdendelle]. Something seemed very off.
((See, this is what happens when you have Boarders with the same name as their agents, you can't use the names in situations like this without having to make the distinction.))
[Desdendelle] was becoming visibly agitated. “You know, there’s a saying — from the Book of Sirach, that’s Apocrypha to the Bible — that goes, ‘do not inquire in that which is wondrous of you.’ Will you please stop asking annoying questions? I came here to have fun, not to be grilled by a Pokémon of all things!”
"Is the Bible another human religion? But never mind that, I came here with the assurance that this would be enjoyable... but I think something's going on. That girl looks and smells just like my partner, but she's over there," Zeb said nodding at Rina.
((I can't help but feel like this is getting out of hand, but it is glorious.))
[Desdendelle] grabbed his forehead and sighed. “Lemme tell you something,” he said, “some things are classified on a strictly need-to-know basis. This is one of them. Just… don’t, OK? It’ll save both you and me a lots of pains in the backside to just drop this matter entirely and do something else. Like comment on the costumes — isn’t that Supergirl over there?”
If [Desdendelle]’s eyebrow would have gone any higher it’s have broken through the roof. “Do excuse me,” he told Zeb, “but I have something to discuss with that girl.” He pointed at Iximaz again.
With that, he made his way through the throng, muttering “sorry” and “excuse me” and “סליחה” as he made his way toward Iximaz.
((Dun dun DUNN!!))
"Seriously, way to go, Des," she said, though there was a faint grin lingering on her features. "You knew my agent counterpart was here, yet you still pointed me out to Zeb?" she shook her head. "Real me's getting a huge kick out of the situation, you realize that? She's half-considering just having Zeb walk over here and have a listen. And when our authors get involved, there's not really much we can do about it."
“My head ...ing hurts,” he mumbled. “I knew this was a bad idea. Should’ve stayed home and played Warframe instead of answering this invitation.”
[Desdendelle] opened his mouth but all that came out was: “Spoilers! Don’t say anything!”
"I mean, do you have any idea how close I came to mentioning the-" The rest of her sentence was drowned out by a donkey braying. She looked mortified and clapped her hands over her mouth.
“Hey, at least your author has a sense of humour,” [Desdendelle] said wryly. “Mine is, apparently, sick with the flu. He’s grumpy and annoyed.”
"My author is just coming off a flu as well. Missed some midterms because of it. He's not too happy either."
((...EVER! *sigh* Wish me luck!))
A blue-eyed girl, with neck-long auburn hair, in a Supergirl costume, enters the party. She was nervously shaking and was scrunching her arms against her chest, while dissimulatedly covered her right wrist with her left hand, slowly walking and eyeing the place. She was thinking:
"Oh dear, why I did ever agree to come here? I know no one!"
((Technician-In-Training Shui-Hua Liu is a little "undisposed" if someone is wondering about her.))
...that would have been literal, if she haven't had the power limiter in her wrist.
But once the poke war started, she snorted and covered her mouth, and her snorts became a full fledged laugther as the poking continued. Her laughter stopped when she realized she was being stared at, by a blue and yellow lion-looking creature.
"Hey, hey! Guys... You know what that is?" she said, pointing to the frowning Luxray near the food table.
"A Luxray!" he said in surprise. "Must be the new partner of that DMS girl or something. I'd like to pet him if it wasn't for the risk of getting shocked!"
The angel nodded towards Zeb, acknowledging his presence (and totally not inviting him to join the conversation, nope, not at all).
Sarah chuckled, half-amused and half-embarrassed. "Sorry about my partner," she said to the other girl. "He tends to get a bit... wild at parties. I'm Sarah, by the way. And this little dork is Cupid. You are...?" She extended a hand for her to shake.
((If even the new guy recognizes them? Sweeeet.
~Iximaz, who is totally not pleased by this development, nope.))
"but isn't it generally disrespectful to stare at or make physical contact with that particular portion of female human anatomy?" He glanced at Harris for confirmation. "My partner's always rather touchy about the subject."
...pointing at the newcomer with both outstretched hands. "See? Scary red-eyed lion dude gets it and he's not even human. Not sure what his species equivalent is-- I don't want to think about it either-- but that's besides the point."
He paused for a moment, studying Zeb. "Uh... who are you?"
"My name is Zeb. No last name. I'm a new agent in the Department of Mary Sues, partnered with Rina Dives." Zeb nodded his head in lieu of a handshake, which seemed to be the standard human greeting. "Pleasure to meet you."
"Sonia Knight--also Intel-- Supergirl--department unknown-- and creeper dude-- I hope he's not in Orange Team." Harris pointed out each person as he introduced them. "A pleasure to meet you too, Assassin."
Sonia rubbed her chin thoughtfully. "Is that a D.O.R.K.S disguise or is this actually you, Mr. Zeb? Um, if you don't mind me asking, that is."
... with a slack-jawed expression, giving out a very good dying fish impression. When she finally snapped out of her surprise, she said, "Heeey, what's goin' on here? I meet two new people and suddenly half the attendants are here now?" Looks at Zeb and flinches, "Weren't you at the buffet table seconds ago?" Raises her eyebrow, "And what kind of creature are you anyway?" Solvig never released Sarah's hand during all of this talking...
"...I'm a clone of the Supergirl from what was then the Main DC Universe continuum, called New Earth; that was cloned and raised in some sort of Sue-Alternate Universe that imploded and expelled me. Or so say my psychiatrist and the DIAU Agents that rescued me."
"I'm a Luxray, a species of Pokémon. I hope my appearance isn't too frightening." Zeb smiled, remembered that it showed his considerably large teeth, and stopped. "I didn't feel like using the Disguise Generator to become a humanoid, so I came as myself."
He shrugged and turned to Sonia, figuring it was 'one of those things' Rina promised to explain eventually. "You have a very lovely... tunic," he said, struggling for a topic.
...still trying to pry out her hand from the Super's hand, "or at least that's way my psychiatrist registered me." Her eyes opened in realization and stopped pulling, "That's it! There's where I heard the word 'Pokémon'!"
"Sorry, I've only been here for two weeks myself, and half of that was spent-" He cut himself off, flicking his tail nervously. "...Never mind."
Zeb flinched and finally released a Discharge attack on Cupid, who'd run his hands through Zeb's mane one time too many. "Would you stop that?"
((...on glomping Solvig. After all, right now she looks like this. I mean, Cupid might be an indecent pervert; but Solvig, an ex-Sue/Bit Chracter I might add; isn't a fountain of shame either.))
He shook himself in an effort to forget the sensation of hands in his mane. "I'm a Sinnoh native myself, but if I'm able to return home someday, I'd like to visit Kalos. I've heard it's lovely."
Solvig tried to take her hand to her chin to assume a thinking posture, but then realized that Sarah was still holding her hand, "Uhm, Sarah... Could I get my hand back?"
It was immediately followed by an incredibly tall young man, dressed in a black longcoat and matching hat. His glomp had clearly timed out poorly, as he missed the mini and slammed his face into the ground in front of Xericka.
"Ow. My. Nose." He stood up to check if his nose was bleeding, then noticed the Nobody and grinned. "Hey, looks like someone visits the same boutique as the Horseman of Death. My name's Valon, Department of Floaters. Riddle me this: why do mini-Balrogs run from me? The minis in my RC like hugs. Also, what might your name be?" If the deathly pale skin hadn't clued his audience in to strangeness, his meandering stream-of-consciousness rambling probably did.
"Haven't seen that, I'm afraid. And there are other series called Pathfinder, I think there's a novel series by Orson Scott Card I haven't read, but yes, I did mean the RPG. I'd like to play more often, but one of my partners doesn't have a physical body, and the other would get bored rather quickly. That's her over there, talking to the Luxray-girl." He pointed out Kala; a scorpion-woman is hard to miss. "And I don't leave the RC much, so I don't know too many other people in the PPC. I mainly came here because I was told there would be food and cosplay."
"His name's Sigma, and he's a NetNavi from the MegaMan Battle Network continuum. Our RA's been modified to double as a PET." Valon looked around. "He can merrily hop around to anything with a wireless connection, and he usually lives in our console. Hopefully there's nothing in here he can mess with."
Iximaz asked, helping the woman up. "Cool costume, if you are. Still cool if you're not."
"Do excuse the lack of bugs," said Cassie as she dusted herself off. "Couldn't fit them in the hand luggage. Bloody EasyJet. And your costume's pretty amazing too - especially since it's someone people might actually have bloody heard of."
"As for the costume..." Iximaz tugged on her collar. "Comfortable enough at first, but you wouldn't believe how hot it can get. I shouldn't have worn the coat, but it's just too awesome to leave behind. Hope I don't run into the Notary, she'd probably try and kill me. Oh, I'm Iximaz, by the way."
"And, um, yeah, probably a good idea to avoid the little cow. I should know, I write her. Scape, by the way. Er, and to prove that..." Cassie scrawled a message on a napkin. It read thusly:
=]
"I was wondering if there'd be any other Boarders here," she whispered, winking. "Good to finally meet you in person."
((...I'm sorry, that last sentence just made me laugh. We've entered a whole new level of meta with this.))
"Wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey stuff, though I fear that's your line. Sorry. I, er... yeah. But it's definitely nice to meet you too!" Cassie grabbed a dinner roll and made to bite it, and it bounced off the front of her mask, some of it lodging in the spikes. "Well, balls."
Iximaz pulled the roll off Scape's face, picking off little bits of bread that clung obstinately to the spikes. "As for wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey stuff, I still can't get over the fact that we're in the same room with characters we've written, who have no idea they were written by us. Heck, my agent thinks she is me!" She paused. "Eh, you already knew that. But these shenanigans are fun to talk about. Especially knowing what's going to happen ahead of time."
Darkotas ((the World One one, not the native of Azeroth)) reached out to tap on Iximaz's shoulder. Clad in a more accurate version of his Inspector Gadget costume, he checked to make sure none of his outstretched mechanical appendages would get in the way of anyone around him. He waited for her reaction with a huge grin on his face.
Iximaz turned, unable to stop the huge grin when she saw her boyfriend standing behind her. "Darkotas!" she cried, hugging him. "I didn't think you'd show up!"
She pulled him around to face Scapegrace. "Scape, this is Darkotas. Dark, Scapegrace."
"Just like I must be from that thing that we like! That... that thing..."
What followed was a protracted bout of feels, as [SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS REALLY-REALLY-BIG-SPOILERS]
"Man, it's not everyday that you can come to a place like this, is it? Kind of surreal, actually..." A strange look crossed Darkotas' face as he scanned the room. "I suppose we should avoid our alternate selves, eh? My agents are still a work in progress... I have some good ideas for them, at least."
He turned to face Iximaz and Scapegrace once more. "So, what's up?"
"Not... write... because... I'm on... missions?" Cassie looked around nervously. "Nailed it."
"Hey, can't argue with that logic! I'm still learning the ropes when it comes to writing, actually. I can do essays and analysis writing perfectly well, but I have little to no experience with creative writing." He looked over Cassie's shoulder. "Hey, mind telling me if you see someone that looks like me, but in either a leather jacket or a wizard-type robe? I should be fine if I run into one of my agents, but not both. Helps that we all look the same. It's a long story..."
"This makes for a nice break, though." She cast a glance at her agents, who were laughing and having fun. "Poor guys don't know what's in store for them. Though technically this isn't happening for them. Weird stuff, no?"
Iximaz reached into her pockets (which, sadly, were not bigger on the inside) and pulled out a plastic baggie. "Anyone want a jelly baby?"
Darkotas held out a hand eagerly, taking the candy and popping it in his mouth. He looked over to Iximaz's agents. "Poor agents indeed... It's nice that they- or at least a version of them- get some time to enjoy not being stuck in a mission. I suppose it's a mercy not to know ahead of time... as they say, ignorance is bliss."
Clack.
WHUNCH.
"Medic," said Cassie, though since her tongue was trapped in the catch mechanism of her Skitter mask, it came out as "Mrrfk".
Iximaz hesitantly raised her hands. "Uh, need some help there, too?"
To Darkotas, she said, "Don't worry, I saw them over by the buffet table, you'll be fine."
"I'd rather not have to explain why I'm taking so long to write them. It would be awkward, to say the least."
"If we're here, who's dictating what our agents are doing?" He gestured at the crowd of various characters.
"This is starting to feel a bit like Inception."
Cassie smiled, not that Iximaz could see under the elaborate mask. "I know, right? It's so weird. Like, I've got something planned for the Notary in an upcoming mission, but because I'm writing it now it hasn't happened yet! See, there's this terrible bloody Mulp abortion that features Luna-related weirdness and I'm using that to inflict psychological torture on a woman whose only real crime was to have been a renegade Time Lord once upon a time. Oh, and to wear spats without being in a black and white movie. Can't forget that."
"And also that thing we discussed via email, too!" Iximaz looked around as if checking for eavesdroppers. "Dammit, I can't say 'cause we're in an RP." She shook her head. "This is seriously screwing with my brain."
((Oh, when will the madness end?!))
...and only managing a partial success. It took her a few moments to realize that these strangers weren't going to hurt her, though she did consider fleeing in terror an instant before.
"I, w-well..." she stammered, not knowing what to do. "I was a Sue. A-at least until I got here, anyway. W-who are you guys, where am I, and what are all these people doing around here?!"
Her hand was still trembling as she extended it towards Harris's own. "Oh, yeah. That. I do remember being invited by one of the Nursery caretakers, but I'm not really fond of... parties..."
She gulped, but crawled out from under the table anyway and tried to stand up, still shaking a little. "By the way, I'm Lapis. Lapis Lazuli. Uh, yeah. That's it. So, is Purim a... World One holiday or something? And why is everybody all dressed up?..."
All eyes turned to Gaspard as he rose a finger into the air. "Um... just... how old is Lapis? She doesn't look over eighteen... and you said that Upstairs deems her old enough to go on active duty? Isn't it... y'know... wrong for someone that young to go and fight?"
Sonia examined the girl. "That's actually a good point. What is the minimum age for an action department agent? And you, Lapis? What do you want to go into? DMS, I presume?"
"That is practically the definition of disaster. If you don't mind me asking, where did each of you come from? You said you were from the Pokémonverse-- Hoenn, maybe? You're..." he looked at Rayner, "...some sort of male Rainbow Dash, I think? And... er..." he faltered at Evangeline. "I don't know. Sorry. As for me, I'm from World One. Fairly boring, nothing to see here, so... yeah."
Rina skidded to a halt and turned to face the scorpion woman. Her eyes widened. "Woah, cool!" She realized she was staring and composed herself, sparing a wistful glance at the woman dressed like a hobbit before focusing on the conversation at hand. "Rina Dives, and..." She looked around. "Huh. My partner was behind me a moment ago."
Zeb came running up just then. "Rina, don't go running off like that!"
Rina rolled her eyes. "Zeb, you'll be fine without me for ten minutes. Oh, right, tight, introductions. Kala, Zeb. Zeb, Kala."
"That's... kind of all I know, actually."
"I don't even know what Judaism is," Zeb piped up.
"It's a religion," Rina said. She looked at Kala, then at Sigma. "I don't think I've seen... or heard.. either of you before. You been here long?"
Zeb's ears flattened. "I've been here for less than a week and I've already been sent on two. They were horrible."
"Yeah, they were," Rina agreed. "Seriously, though, only two missions? He's gotta tell me his secret."
((I just realized since Zeb doesn't fall into HQ until April and this takes place before Rose because spoilers, this can't be canon, sorry.))
Zeb's tail flicked as he watched the man follow the minis. "I wonder what he was up to during that time?"
"Who cares?" Rina said. "He probably just went AWOL or something and the Flowers just reassigned him when he came back."
*I do hope the console is repaired soon. I would love to delete a Sue.* The eyes on the RA screen narrowed. *If one should enter a computer-world continuum, I will gladly cut them to ribbons.*
Kala shrugged. "It's not up to us what missions we get."
"Do you have any idea how many Metamorphmagus daughters of Remus and Tonks are running around? I've lost track of how many I've killed." Rina sighed and rubbed her eyes. "The last one decided to introduce hydras to the Potterverse. That went over like a ton of bricks."
Zeb suddenly sniffed at the air, his mouth watering when he spotted a platter of Poffins on the buffet table. "If you ladies don't mind, I think I'll excuse myself," he said. "I can hear food calling my name."
*In any case... Miss Dives, have you ever encountered a robotic or cybernetic Sue?* Sigma's eyes narrowed again. *I cannot actually damage them, but I can play havoc with their minds.*
"What Brainiac here is saying is that robots have computer brains. He can enter any computer. I'd tell you to do the math, but he probably already has."
"Most of my Sues have been magical in nature. Lots of Metamorphmagus Sues, couple daughters of Sirius Black, couple twin sisters of Harry Potter, couple daughters of Artemis, standard stuff.
"Any particularly memorable Sues for you guys?"
"I've only been on one mission, and it was in my home continuum. It was being invaded by a character replacement from Prototype, and Valon said that we were incredibly lucky to get rid of him the way we did. The character he replaced canonically survived a nuke."
Rina would have given Kala a sympathetic pat on the arrm, but after spending so much time with Zeb, she was starting to learn not everyone would appreciate the gesture. She settled for a grimace instead. "Still, it can't be as bad as this one mission... I'm not really supposed to talk about it, but let's just say I'm banned from The Devil Wears Prada for trying to kill the canons."
"Most of my targets have been dispatched easily enough with a good whack to the head. Never really had to get creative unless I felt like being ironic. Sues are, surprisingly, pushovers for the most part."
