Subject: "Technically, I'm not supposed to be."
Author:
Posted on: 2015-03-06 22:20:00 UTC
"Wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey stuff, though I fear that's your line. Sorry. I, er... yeah. But it's definitely nice to meet you too!" Cassie grabbed a dinner roll and made to bite it, and it bounced off the front of her mask, some of it lodging in the spikes. "Well, balls."
I don't suppose anyone remembers last year's Purim RP? It was basically a fun sort of thing where every single resident and affiliate of HQ got an invitation to a Purim party, and was invited to come in costume. It was a lot of fun, as I remember--so why not do it again this year? Today is Purim, after all, and Shushan Purim is tomorrow (or today, if you're Desdendelle/in Desdendelle's timezone or somewhere similar). Why not make it a potentially temporary annual event?
Purim, essentially, is a Jewish holiday that happens once a year, and is full of fun. There is traditionally a feast (or festive meal), we dress up in costumes, there are Purim shpiels (that is, short, funny, amateur performances of the Purim story), drinking is actually encouraged (for those who want to), and we give gifts of food/candy (and often drinks) to our friends. Giving money to charity is also part of the holiday, and the hamantaschen (cookies, yum!) that we eat apparently helped to spawn an annual debate among PhD holders, which is just about the best thing I've ever heard. (The link has some short extracts from the debates, which are pretty funny). In short, it makes for a rather fun RP atmosphere!
So, what do you say? Shall we embark upon a second Purim RP?
The Rules/guidelines are the same as last year:
-Everyone is welcome. That means new agents, old agents, reluctant agents, enthusiastic agents, agents who wandered in by mistake...everyone. It also means minis, kids, and possibly pets. Free-To-Use Agents are also good.
-This is newbie-inclusive! While I know some newbies (often depending on just how new they are) have agents they're thinking about, many other newbies don't--and, well, this is Purim. It's a party. Everyone should be able to come! So...everyone includes Boarders, with the condition that you're incognito! Pretend to be your costumes, pretend to be newly-recruited agents, whatever you like--as long as you remember that the vast majority of PPC HQ's inhabitants don't know the Board exists (and would forget if they found out). Of course, this isn't just for newbies; if you're not a newbie and you really, really want to, write yourself in! The same rules apply, though. (This didn't really happen last time, apart from one exception that I know about, but it's definitely still open!)
-On canon-compliance: this one is up to you. For my part, I consider most of what my agents get up to in this as canon, to the point of working the occasional reference into various works in progress. Referencing without much detail is also a potential thing--for example, "That was quite the party, wasn't it?" "Yeah, I think my mini was organizing an army to annex the food tables at one point." "What, seriously? I didn't even notice." "Neither did I, until I got hungry." ...Anyway, you can call this canon or not (or anything in between) for your agents as you wish. It's entirely up to you.
-Have fun! It is Purim, after all, and Purim is a time for celebration. So let's celebrate!
Fellow Boarders--let's have a party.
/Exits stage right, throwing hamantaschen/.
~DF
PS: And so it begins:
"Sister!" Naergondir, SIELU agent and Noldorin Elf, ducked under a tree branch and grabbed his sword from the response center's floor. "Sister, are you prepared?"
Gurnirel, Naergondir's partner, slipped barefoot through the RC's foliage until she stood in his line of sight. "Meldaner, it is you who insisted on forging gems that glow. If not for that, we should have left long since. The festival will have begun without us."
Naergondir attached the sword to his belt, and straightened his tunic. "Saileldë," he said firmly, "costumes are encouraged. Should I not strive for accuracy?"
Gurnirel pursed reddened lips. "If you wish for accuracy, dear brother," she replied, and shook back the golden curls of her hair, "you should not have made them; for the Silmarilli were taken from Fëanor, and we do not know of anyone who has dressed as one of his foes."
"Indeed," Naergondir said, "but sister, false Silmarilli only add to this pretense. He did wear them upon occasion in Aman."
"This," said Gurnirel quietly, "is not the blessed land. And you are no prince of the Noldor."
Naergondir's mouth twisted briefly. "Indeed not," he said slowly, "and for that I am grateful. But come. We must hasten, if we are to taste the delicacies." And he began to wend his way through to the door.
"And have you your 'Silmarilli'?" Gurnirel asked. She followed him, curled hair bouncing lightly on the shoulders of her Hobbit gown as she moved. "'Twould be a shame to have spent so long making them only to forget them here."
Naergondir shook his dark-haired head. "They are here, sister," he said, and patted a belt pouch. "They are safe." He reached the door, and cast her an amused look. "Saileldë, do not question my costume further. I have elected to dress as a gifted Noldo who came to grief; you, dear one, have dressed yourself as a Halfling. Both of our choices could easily be questioned."
"Aye," said the elleth dryly, and opened the door, "but mine, at least, is the less likely to cause offense." She smiled at him, and stepped out the door with falsely hairy feet. "Come, brother. Let us attend this 'Purim' festival."
Naergondir followed her, and closed the RC door behind them. "Yes," he said quietly. "Let us away to this festival. No doubt there will be much to explore..."
And with that, the Calaquendi burst into the latest on their list of silly songs, and began to walk. Two clear voices bounced off the walls around them as they went:
"Ohhh once there was a wicked, wicked man
"And his name it was Haman!"*
--
*To the tune of "For Tonight We'll Merry, Merry Be". Not my invention.
Ginger wasn't about to let a party pass her by. She made a beeline for the Bleepka, leaving Alloy surrounded by people.
Alloy looked around at the crowds of agents, and promptly followed Ginger towards the food setup.
When Alloy had maneuvered her way through the crowd, Ginger was already attempting to engage anyone around her in conversation.
((OOC: There's a setup for anyone who wants to talk to the newbie agents... ^_^))
He couldn't spot his sister or her partner anywhere, even though she was the one who'd invited him in the first place.
Alex bit his lip, uncomfortable with the room full of agents he didn't recognize. He tried to maneuver around a girl with green- was that paper?- hair, but accidentally bumped into her in the process.
"Oops! Sorry, are you okay?"
"Huh? Oh, yes. I am alright. Are you okay? I did not want to get into the way of anyone, but I seem to have failed at that." She looks sheepish. "I am Alloy. What is your name?"
Alex awkwardly stuck out a hand. "No last name?" he asked curiously. He couldn't stop staring at Alloy's hair.
Coughing softly, a man wearing a set of olive-green uniform entered the room. If not for his clothes and cleanshaven face, he would have looked identical to a certain beleaguered Floater — and his Time Lord partner.
Fortunately, his ‘alternates’ — he guessed he’d call them that? — were nowhere to be seen, so he headed toward the table, intent on getting himself a cup of something alcoholic.
He swallowed the Sweet Poffin in his mouth and sniffed. "Librarian?" he said hesitantly, then shook his head. "No, you don't smell quite like him. My apologies. Are you his partner?"
“In a way,” he said. Pouring himself a cup of whatever was in reach, he left it on the table and crouched so his face would be level with the Luxray’s. “Who might you be?”
The Luxray frowned at the avoidance of the question, but decided not to press. "Department of Mary Sues, partnered with Rina Dives. You?"
Sighing, he leaned even closer and whispered something in the Pokémon’s ear. “That said...”
He straightened. “Isn’t this supposed to be an ‘eat drink and be merry’ type of party?”
((What did he whisper? You decide!))
((Let's say he whispered his real name, rank and Corps.))
"That's cool, my partner's from World One." Zeb delicately took another Poffin. "You been here long? I'm still fairly new, but the job seems... enjoyable, I suppose."
Outwardly he kept a straight face. “Yes, I’m from World One. You might say I’ve been… ‘around’... for a little less than four years.” He pushed his glasses up his nose with his middle finger. “The way I see things, if the job is ‘enjoyable’, then something’s wrong. Even for a clerk-slash-plumber-slash-administrator like me.”
The soldier grinned, furrowing his brow a bit. “Charming, no?”
Now Zeb was sure there was something the man wasn't telling him- his scent was getting excessively agitated- but still didn't pry. "But wow, four years? That's quite impressive. I've only been around for a few weeks."
“Try to retire ASAP. Otherwise you’ll end up dead, snapped, or something equally unpleasant. It’s not like you have my comfy desk job or anything.” He looked around, squinting. “Isn’t that Ten standing there?” The soldier pointed at Iximaz.
Zeb looked around to see the boy... no, that was a girl, dressed as the Tenth Doctor. He frowned. She smelled like his partner, and he mentioned it to [Desdendelle]. Something seemed very off.
((See, this is what happens when you have Boarders with the same name as their agents, you can't use the names in situations like this without having to make the distinction.))
[Desdendelle] was becoming visibly agitated. “You know, there’s a saying — from the Book of Sirach, that’s Apocrypha to the Bible — that goes, ‘do not inquire in that which is wondrous of you.’ Will you please stop asking annoying questions? I came here to have fun, not to be grilled by a Pokémon of all things!”
"Is the Bible another human religion? But never mind that, I came here with the assurance that this would be enjoyable... but I think something's going on. That girl looks and smells just like my partner, but she's over there," Zeb said nodding at Rina.
((I can't help but feel like this is getting out of hand, but it is glorious.))
[Desdendelle] grabbed his forehead and sighed. “Lemme tell you something,” he said, “some things are classified on a strictly need-to-know basis. This is one of them. Just… don’t, OK? It’ll save both you and me a lots of pains in the backside to just drop this matter entirely and do something else. Like comment on the costumes — isn’t that Supergirl over there?”
The very least he could do was play along. And maybe figure out what was going on later.
"From what little I know about continuua, I think she resembles Supergirl," he said. He was flat-out lying through his teeth, as he had no idea who or what Supergirl was, but it was probably safe to agree.
((This is so Zeb right now.))
Across the room, Iximaz groaned. "Way to go, Des," she muttered.
At her computer in the kitchen, the real Iximaz was grinning madly, already anticipating what would come next and laughing at everyone's expense. "Best. Roleplay. Ever!" she cackled, drawing odd looks from her mother. "Let the madness continue!"
If [Desdendelle]’s eyebrow would have gone any higher it’s have broken through the roof. “Do excuse me,” he told Zeb, “but I have something to discuss with that girl.” He pointed at Iximaz again.
With that, he made his way through the throng, muttering “sorry” and “excuse me” and “סליחה” as he made his way toward Iximaz.
((Dun dun DUNN!!))
"Seriously, way to go, Des," she said, though there was a faint grin lingering on her features. "You knew my agent counterpart was here, yet you still pointed me out to Zeb?" she shook her head. "Real me's getting a huge kick out of the situation, you realize that? She's half-considering just having Zeb walk over here and have a listen. And when our authors get involved, there's not really much we can do about it."
“My head ...ing hurts,” he mumbled. “I knew this was a bad idea. Should’ve stayed home and played Warframe instead of answering this invitation.”
"This has gotten so freaking meta I'm seeing what I'm seeing and what my author's seeing at the same time. You have any idea how wonky it is?"
Iximaz looked around as Zeb approached, trying to be sneaky. She glowered at the ceiling. "Really? Really, me?"
The real Iximaz sat back in her chair and grinned. "Have fun!"
“I’ve a feeling real-you or however you wish to call her has a disposition toward the cruel when characters are concerned.” [Desdendelle] looked at his cup, found that it contained something not dissimilar to Anise, and threw it, disgusted, into the nearest trash can. “I’m just… not gonna talk. At all.” He mimed locking his lips and throwing away the key.
"It actually kind of varies depending on what mood she's in, or what she thinks will make a good story."
Meanwhile, Zeb blinked, shook his head, and walked back to the buffet table, frowning like he'd just forgotten something important.
"Author interference? You're really going there?" Iximaz said wryly. She didn't get a response. "Anyway, she got out her 'everyone gets a happily ever after' phase she had as a Suethor. Trying to make things a little more balanced in terms of endings. Still gets a bit carried away at times, but that's what betas are for, no?" She popped a jelly baby in her mouth.
"I'll be right back, I need to go check this out."
He left in the same direction he had seen Zeb move towards, disappearing as a sudden conga line obscured the view of anyone watching him go.
Just then, a person who looked almost exactly like him and wearing a dark red robe passed by, looking around the room. He approached the girl in the 10th Doctor costume with a confused look on his face.
"Um, hello. Have you seen my partner? He looks like me, but in a leather jacket. ...say, have we met? You seem familiar." he asked.
[Desdendelle] opened his mouth but all that came out was: “Spoilers! Don’t say anything!”
"I mean, do you have any idea how close I came to mentioning the-" The rest of her sentence was drowned out by a donkey braying. She looked mortified and clapped her hands over her mouth.
“Hey, at least your author has a sense of humour,” [Desdendelle] said wryly. “Mine is, apparently, sick with the flu. He’s grumpy and annoyed.”
"My author is just coming off a flu as well. Missed some midterms because of it. He's not too happy either."
"Not to mention the attention the attention span of one." Iximaz patted [Desdendelle's] arm sympathetically. "Hope he gets to feeling better. My suggestion is lots of tea." She dug a finger into her ear and hissed, "No, not coffee, you know he hates that!"
Jumper looked over towards the approaching Luxray, smiling a little. "Just, remember to act like we belong here. We are agents, right? Well, at least I am. Sorta."
Jumper coughed in his hand, adapting a slightly different tone of voice. "So, then I told her, 'Listen, if you don't like it, that's fine. I don't like you very much, but I still have to put up with you!' She let me keep my little sparklewolf after that."
((...EVER! *sigh* Wish me luck!))
A blue-eyed girl, with neck-long auburn hair, in a Supergirl costume, enters the party. She was nervously shaking and was scrunching her arms against her chest, while dissimulatedly covered her right wrist with her left hand, slowly walking and eyeing the place. She was thinking:
"Oh dear, why I did ever agree to come here? I know no one!"
((Technician-In-Training Shui-Hua Liu is a little "undisposed" if someone is wondering about her.))
Before she could continue that thought, though, she heard that joyous cry, and next moment, someone had tackle-glomped her and pressed his face into her bosom. That someone happened to be an angel dressed as Hermes.
And an instant after that, a teenage girl in a Black Widow costume had yanked him off of her.
"Cupid!" Sarah cried out in indignation. "What. The Hell?! This is a public gathering!"
"Oh come on, don't be such an eggplant!" the angel replied cheerfully. "Isn't having fun the whole point of all this?"
"You're supposed to have fun in a respectful manner," Sarah admonished, though she was smiling nonetheless.
"Oh, you mean, not like this?" he asked, poking her in the tummy.
She burst out laughing and cried, "No you don't!" before engaging him in an all-out poke war. In front of the new girl.
(A/N: And yes, I linked to my Pit RP blog on Tumblr. Make of it what you will ^_^)
...that would have been literal, if she haven't had the power limiter in her wrist.
But once the poke war started, she snorted and covered her mouth, and her snorts became a full fledged laugther as the poking continued. Her laughter stopped when she realized she was being stared at, by a blue and yellow lion-looking creature.
"Hey, hey! Guys... You know what that is?" she said, pointing to the frowning Luxray near the food table.
"A Luxray!" he said in surprise. "Must be the new partner of that DMS girl or something. I'd like to pet him if it wasn't for the risk of getting shocked!"
The angel nodded towards Zeb, acknowledging his presence (and totally not inviting him to join the conversation, nope, not at all).
Sarah chuckled, half-amused and half-embarrassed. "Sorry about my partner," she said to the other girl. "He tends to get a bit... wild at parties. I'm Sarah, by the way. And this little dork is Cupid. You are...?" She extended a hand for her to shake.
((If even the new guy recognizes them? Sweeeet.
~Iximaz, who is totally not pleased by this development, nope.))
She watched from the corner of her eye how the Luxray broke his stare from her, then tried to go somewhere and returned to the table like he had forgotten something.
Then, she eyed warily at Cupid and saw Sarah's outstreched hand and shook it sheepishly, "I'm Kryp- I mean Katy- I mean Solvig! Yeah, Solvig Karinsdotter, tha-that's name that the psychiatrist at Fictional Psychology gave me, yes." She sighed, "It feels... different having an identity, other than my superhero one." Solvig gave a small timid smile.
((The name's Swedish, is pronounced "SOOL-vey" [or "su:l'vi" in IPA]. In other other things; thank you very much! I wanted her to meet Sarah at one point, but like this... Maaan, just feels great!))
He made a beeline for Cupid and grabbed a double fistful of his toga. The Spy pulled the angel up to his eye level and put on his best War Face. "Listen here you little pile of crud. I saw what you did and I came to tell you that you can't go around and just shove yourself into people--"
Harris' tirade was interrupted by Sonia, who appeared between the two men and separated them by spreading her arms wide. "All right, break it up." She rounded on Harris and pushed him back a few steps. "Firstly, you keep your hands to yourself--"
"But that was completely inappropriate--!" shouted Harris, arms still reaching towards Cupid while making grabby motions with his fingers. Sonia leaned against his chest with her whole body to stop him from moving.
"I agree, but you're gonna use your words instead of your fists to drive your point home, all right?"
Harris pouted but let his arms drop to his sides. "Yes, Sonia."
"Good." The Pegasus Knight looked at Cupid. "And seriously? Why did you do that? Didn't your mother teach you any manners?" Finally, Sonia looked at Solvig. "You all right, miss? He's not bothering you, is he?"
"but isn't it generally disrespectful to stare at or make physical contact with that particular portion of female human anatomy?" He glanced at Harris for confirmation. "My partner's always rather touchy about the subject."
...pointing at the newcomer with both outstretched hands. "See? Scary red-eyed lion dude gets it and he's not even human. Not sure what his species equivalent is-- I don't want to think about it either-- but that's besides the point."
He paused for a moment, studying Zeb. "Uh... who are you?"
"My name is Zeb. No last name. I'm a new agent in the Department of Mary Sues, partnered with Rina Dives." Zeb nodded his head in lieu of a handshake, which seemed to be the standard human greeting. "Pleasure to meet you."
"Sonia Knight--also Intel-- Supergirl--department unknown-- and creeper dude-- I hope he's not in Orange Team." Harris pointed out each person as he introduced them. "A pleasure to meet you too, Assassin."
Sonia rubbed her chin thoughtfully. "Is that a D.O.R.K.S disguise or is this actually you, Mr. Zeb? Um, if you don't mind me asking, that is."
... with a slack-jawed expression, giving out a very good dying fish impression. When she finally snapped out of her surprise, she said, "Heeey, what's goin' on here? I meet two new people and suddenly half the attendants are here now?" Looks at Zeb and flinches, "Weren't you at the buffet table seconds ago?" Raises her eyebrow, "And what kind of creature are you anyway?" Solvig never released Sarah's hand during all of this talking...
"I have no idea, either," Sarah laughed in embarrassment. "But in his defense, Cupid actually has no idea how to behave himself like, 90 percent of the time."
"Wouldn't that be 95 percent?" the angel replied with a slughtly mervous chuckle, still a little shaken by his encounter with Harris.
"Oh, shut it, Glitter-For-Brains," the Super said with a dry smile and a roll of her dark blue eyes.
At Solvig's confused look, Sarah decided to explain. "I first met Cupid in a Kid Icarus badfic a while ago. He was a really powerful Sue-Wraith who possessed Pit and tried to add to his backstory."
"Let's just say it went over like a wing-suit glued together with wax and flown on a hot summer day," Cupid added with a shrug. "Luckily, Lady Palutena got me a ticklish new body to inhabit, and I love it to bits! Well, not literally, but you get the idea..."
"So, how 'bout you?" asked Sarah. "You sound a lot like a former character replacement yourself. Supergirl? Power Girl? Or someone else entirely?"
"...I'm a clone of the Supergirl from what was then the Main DC Universe continuum, called New Earth; that was cloned and raised in some sort of Sue-Alternate Universe that imploded and expelled me. Or so say my psychiatrist and the DIAU Agents that rescued me."
"I'm a Luxray, a species of Pokémon. I hope my appearance isn't too frightening." Zeb smiled, remembered that it showed his considerably large teeth, and stopped. "I didn't feel like using the Disguise Generator to become a humanoid, so I came as myself."
"Phrasing."
"Harris, shut up," said Sonia, rolling her eyes. She looked at Zeb again. "You can also say the same thing about me: I used to be a bit character in a badfic-- a Pegasus Knight who served Exalt Emmeryn of Ylisse. This is my uniform... plus some riding breeches." She pulled at her white riding pants and added: "The original uniform is just a tunic, then the boots. I always got really cold legs when flying so... yeah."
- - -
((Think Cynthia, but with the aforementioned riding breeches.))
He shrugged and turned to Sonia, figuring it was 'one of those things' Rina promised to explain eventually. "You have a very lovely... tunic," he said, struggling for a topic.
"It's pretty much the only thing I have left from home except for Nimbus. Er, my pegasus, that is. Mr. Mansfield and his recruitment team were kind enough to let me keep her when I joined."
At the mention of Mansfield, Harris grimaced. "But it still doesn't make him less of a despicable character."
"Oh! Oh, no. Of course not," said Sonia. "He's... um... yeah." Deciding to switch topic, she turned to Solvig. "I'm very sorry to ask you this, but what's your name? I didn't quite catch it the first time around."
...still trying to pry out her hand from the Super's hand, "or at least that's way my psychiatrist registered me." Her eyes opened in realization and stopped pulling, "That's it! There's where I heard the word 'Pokémon'!"
"Well, my brother explained the short version first. He's a Skarmory, just so you know."
She then remembered that she was still holding Solvig's hand - and that she was still upset with her partner. So she let go of her new friend's hand, before giving him a megaton slap.
"OWWWWW! Hey, that HURT!" Cupid cried out, rubbing the red handprint left on his face.
"And if you ever go diving into somebody's cleavage again, I will stick my foot so far up where the sun doesn't shine that Panacea will be picking my toenails out of your teeth!" Sarah snapped at him. "UNDERSTOOD?!"
He nodded guiltily. "I guess I understand now what the Anti-Lustin's for..."
"And I should've made you take it before we went," Sarah added, pouting and shaking her head.
"I wonder..." he muttered to himself. He cleared his throat and spoke up: "Question for all of you. Do any of you know about the Department of Personnel's new Active Recruitment Division? How about Mansfield? Anyone?"
"Harris..." Sonia discreetly shook her head while keeping eye contact with her partner.
The blond man returned Sonia's stare. "Just asking," he said.
"Sorry, I've only been here for two weeks myself, and half of that was spent-" He cut himself off, flicking his tail nervously. "...Never mind."
Pointed out Solvig to Harris, "and my time was spent between Medical, Fictional Psychology, the Canon Library and the Nursery; that's why the psychiatrist sent me to the party."
She then turned to Sarah, "I'm sorry I don't know what a 'Skarmory' is... Is some sort of Pokémon creature? Because I have only three of them, incluiding er... Zeb, was it, right? and they're all completely different, and I don't know how many of them are."
(A/N: Continued from this.)
"He's a Steel and Flying type, and he looks like a bird with a head like a pterodactyl and Swiss Army knives for wings. Actually, there are almost 700 species of Pokemon to date, and who knows how many more we'll get in future games. Cupid would know more about them, though, being from a Nintendo continuum, and don't get me started on Adam - er, Falchion himself."
She steered the conversation back to their origins. "As for me, I'm a clone as well - specifically, I'm actually Stratogale, a deceased bit character from The Incredibles. Well, specifically, a fan-made interpretation of her created for a fic that got ruined when my author turned out to be a colossal asshole and ended up getting at least ten other continua thrown into the mix."
Cupid, who was now trying to pat Zeb on the head (with understandably shocking results), stared at the Super in abject horror. "You never told me about that specific part of your homefic before!"
"You wouldn't have believed me, Angel Face," she replied, eyeing him suspiciously. "Anyway, the mega-crossover elements of my homefic may have actually been the pivotal reason for my being assigned to the DIC - though I did go through several missions with Adam and Rosie (that's Falchion and Rashida to you guys) before then."
She turned to Harris and Sonia. "The last one I had before leaving was the one where I first ran into Lover-Boy here. I'm still thankful that Lady Palutena lent a hand in that mission, because now the only two things I have to worry about with him are getting him to moderate his alcohol intake and teaching him to hold a conversation without being indecent."
She spared another aside glance at Cupid, who was still trying to pet the Luxray, getting comically zapped each time.
The auburn-haired girl grabbed her head and looked almost like she was getting a Blue Screen of Death, "And I thought my native continuum was complicated!" Suddenly she crossed her arms and pouted "Oh wait, it is more complicated." Then raised her left brow in thought, "Now that I think about, I probably come from a crossover too. The crossover part? Me! None of my genetic makeup was from that continuum and that neatly explains why I was expelled, instead of assimilated by the canon; when it imploded."
Zeb flinched and finally released a Discharge attack on Cupid, who'd run his hands through Zeb's mane one time too many. "Would you stop that?"
If getting zapped for the twelfth (or maybe thirteenth?) time didn't make Cupid get the message, his vocal displeasure probably did.
"Alright, alright! Sorry about that!" he said hastily, backing away quickly and patting out his smoking cowlick. "Anyway, yeah, both Sarah and Zeb are right. And not only that, the Pokemon games have had six different releases over the span of almost two decades."
He turned to Zeb again, his hands behind his back. "I'm honestly jealous. There was a twenty-five year gap between my home continuum's original game and Kid Icarus: Uprising, and it was only thanks to my canon duplicate's makeover in Super Smash Bros. Brawl that the latter even exists."
((...on glomping Solvig. After all, right now she looks like this. I mean, Cupid might be an indecent pervert; but Solvig, an ex-Sue/Bit Chracter I might add; isn't a fountain of shame either.))
(I honestly didn't expect Cupid making an ass of himself to attract so much attention, but given the pic, I'm not too surprised myself. His being a covert lech, and a bumbling troublemaker in general, is actually gonna be a plot point in his first mission. It's a shame that I started it so close to my graduate defense, because I am having so much fun writing this guy.
By the way, I'm totally game for both beta-reading your Permission writings and co-writing with you once you get the green light - I have a feeling Sarah and Solvig will make great friends in the near-distant future! If that's okay with you, I'll be happy to take this to PM! :D)
((It might take a while though, Arts is a harder career than it looks; but I will try to make time for writing, in fact the events here are canon for me. Now, how this could be taken to PM...))
((But I've always found the superheroines who covered up to be more attractive, just because they dressed sensibly. I suppose the ones with invincibility can get away with midriff-baring outfits, but I think armor is hot. Shows they care more about kicking a$$ than looking good.
Speaking of hot, check out this fan art of Power Girl.))
((I really hate that entire skimpy-outfit schtick that's been going on since forever. For example, I never liked Zero Suit Samus-- donotgooglewithoutsafesearchpleaseandthankyou-- I prefer this artist's redesign.))
He shook himself in an effort to forget the sensation of hands in his mane. "I'm a Sinnoh native myself, but if I'm able to return home someday, I'd like to visit Kalos. I've heard it's lovely."
... after all she had no idea about what they were talking about. Then her expression saddened and turned to Sarah, "Hey Sarah, can I ask you something?" She rubs her shoulders, "How does it feel to have a life outside the Capes & Spandex?"
"Well, relatively speaking," the Super chuckled darkly. "I've made it a point to never even touch capes with a ten-foot pole ever since I got my sorry nameless butt shredded by that jet turbine in my one appearance in canon. As for my life in the PPC, the entire reason I opted to move out of my brother's RC was because Rosie gave me a hard time, especially on the mission that led to Cupid getting rescued. Of course, knowing what I've heard about her, I'm not surprised at all."
"Wasn't she the one who transferred to Floaters after that tragic accident last year?" asked the angel, putting the winged helmet of his cosplay back on. "When I was still a Sue-wraith and I faced off against her, I managed to get a glimpse into her head and caught a couple of hints. I never got the full picture, though, at least not before Lady Palutena stepped in."
"Rosie's been keeping that particular fiasco under wraps for months," said Sarah. "All I know is that the partner of one of her friends died before she could save him. The rest, well... let's just say she never liked to talk about it."
Solvig tried to take her hand to her chin to assume a thinking posture, but then realized that Sarah was still holding her hand, "Uhm, Sarah... Could I get my hand back?"
Xericka signed. "Gremlin, do not make a fuss."
Gremlin gave no indication that she heard her partner. Rather, her attention was glued to the two spies talking to the shaken-looking girl. "The nerve of some people," she muttered through clenched teeth. "I mean, where do they friggin' get off? 'Blue hair? Is she a Sue or something?' That's... that's hair-cist."
The Nobody rolled her eyes. "Hair-cist. Really?"
"I'm gonna go give them a piece of my mind."
Xericka quickly reached out and grabbed Gremlin by the collar of her blue tank top. "You said that you would not cause a fuss before we came here," she said. "You said that this was an exercise in relaxing and self-enjoyment. I am holding you to that. Leave the spies alone."
"But they said—”
"I neither need nor want you to get offended on my behalf. Their words are irrelevant to me."
"Is Aunt Gremlin gonna beat those guys up?" a new voice added from around knee level.
The two agents looked down. Aiden was clutching onto Xericka's boot with one hand and a half-eaten hamantaschen with the other. He stared up at Gremlin, his face all curiosity and innocence underneath the paper scar tied around his head like an eye patch.
Gremlin sighed. "No," she said, slouching slightly. "Auntie Gremlin will not go beat those guys up. She will instead stay here by the snack table and drink, 'cause your mom asked nicely."
"Thank you," Xericka replied. She smoothed down her red and black jacket before taking a sip from her own wine glass.
Gremlin merely mumbled in response.
It was immediately followed by an incredibly tall young man, dressed in a black longcoat and matching hat. His glomp had clearly timed out poorly, as he missed the mini and slammed his face into the ground in front of Xericka.
"Ow. My. Nose." He stood up to check if his nose was bleeding, then noticed the Nobody and grinned. "Hey, looks like someone visits the same boutique as the Horseman of Death. My name's Valon, Department of Floaters. Riddle me this: why do mini-Balrogs run from me? The minis in my RC like hugs. Also, what might your name be?" If the deathly pale skin hadn't clued his audience in to strangeness, his meandering stream-of-consciousness rambling probably did.
"You see?" she said. "Just using the disguise generator to color different parts of your normal coat red does not an Asami Sato costume make."
Xericka ignored her, focusing instead on the new and somewhat strange arrival. "I am Agent Xericka with Department of Bad Slash. This is my partner Gremlin and my son Aiden." She paused as Aiden gave a short wave with his cookie. "I cannot help you with your mini problem. My experience with them has been quite limited."
"Question," Gremlin added. "Isn't hugging a tiny fire demon potentially bad for your health?"
When Valon heard the name "Aiden," his expression changed, just for a moment, to pure melancholy. He bounced back quickly and continued his train of thought.
"One can digest anything, as other minis of her kind proved in my last mission, one can charge at forty miles an hour, and I just got a mini that looks like it might explode. Fire demons are nothing."
Valon looked over Xericka's outfit. "I feel like I should know this, but who's Asami Sato? I'm dressed as Charon, from Pathfinder. He's the archdaemon representing death by old age."
...she did not mention it. Instead, she took another sip from her glass.
"By Pathfinder," she said, "I assume you are talking about the role-playing game. If there is another such named universe, I have missed it. As for Asami Sato, she is from Legend of Korra. She is a mechanical genius who serves as one of Avatar Korra's chief confidants."
Gremlin snorted. "Confidant, huh? Is that what they're calling it now?" She picked another hamantaschen off the table and handed it down to Aiden, whose face was now covered with a fine layer of crumbs.
"Haven't seen that, I'm afraid. And there are other series called Pathfinder, I think there's a novel series by Orson Scott Card I haven't read, but yes, I did mean the RPG. I'd like to play more often, but one of my partners doesn't have a physical body, and the other would get bored rather quickly. That's her over there, talking to the Luxray-girl." He pointed out Kala; a scorpion-woman is hard to miss. "And I don't leave the RC much, so I don't know too many other people in the PPC. I mainly came here because I was told there would be food and cosplay."
"One of the agents who recruited me is involved quite heavily with tabletop role-playing," she eventually said. "I am not sure if he runs any Pathfinder games, however. He also really only plays out of a private club, which is a complication all of its own."
The Nobody looked over at Valon's partner. "How very interesting. And you said your other partner had no physical form?"
"'He's 'n AI of s'me kind," Gremlin chipped in around a mouthful of cookie. "Prob'ly."
Xericka looked over at her partner, one eyebrow arched in skeptical surprise. "How would you know that?"
Gremlin swallowed her food before answering. "The remote activator that scorpion-lady is waving around doesn't... you know, feel like normal ones. Normal activators are just kinda blah. That one's like a party. Not sure what kind of party, though. It doesn't feel like a Halo AI, or even a Portal AI." She looked back at Valon. "Am I right? Am I close? It's something to do with that activator."
"His name's Sigma, and he's a NetNavi from the MegaMan Battle Network continuum. Our RA's been modified to double as a PET." Valon looked around. "He can merrily hop around to anything with a wireless connection, and he usually lives in our console. Hopefully there's nothing in here he can mess with."
...but it certainly wasn't going to be her last. Iximaz checked at the threshold to make sure her costume was in order: blue pinstriped suit, brown longcoat, red Converse. She ran a hand through her hair to make sure it was standing up properly. She pushed a pair of square glasses up her nose.
Satisfied that her Tenth Doctor costume wasn't crooked, she headed in, almost immediately heading to the other side of the room when she spotted Agent Rina talking to Kala Jeng, Zeb padding away toward the buffet table. Even if it was almost impossible at the moment to tell she was a girl, it wouldn't do for her agent persona to run into her real self.
I don't know why I didn't do this last year, she thought, grinning as she looked around at all the agents. Wonder how many other Boarders are going to show up?
The elaborate ensemble was, if Cassie was honest with herself, rather uncomfortable. At least she and the inspiration for her costume had a similar bust size, though what the canon herself would have made of that comparison was, alas, very clear. It involved buzzing things in the middle of the night, when no-one else was around. Also, the goggles were beginning to fog up and it transpired she hadn't sanded down the plastic on the inside of the mouthguard, so that was all manner of fun and jolly japes.
"Er, excuse me," she said to a startlingly accurate Tenth Doctor cosplayer, "I, er, I was wondering what exactly you're meant to do here? Um, I'm Cassie. Well... technically I'm Taylor, but only for this evening."
The chitinous, dark grey body armour, spikes, mandible-shaped mask and glowing yellow eyes added up to an intimidating presence, but it was somewhat mitigated when the tall girl managed to trip over her own feet and faceplant next to the other girl's shoes. "Don't worry about that, by the by, it won't show on red shoes."
Iximaz asked, helping the woman up. "Cool costume, if you are. Still cool if you're not."
"Do excuse the lack of bugs," said Cassie as she dusted herself off. "Couldn't fit them in the hand luggage. Bloody EasyJet. And your costume's pretty amazing too - especially since it's someone people might actually have bloody heard of."
"As for the costume..." Iximaz tugged on her collar. "Comfortable enough at first, but you wouldn't believe how hot it can get. I shouldn't have worn the coat, but it's just too awesome to leave behind. Hope I don't run into the Notary, she'd probably try and kill me. Oh, I'm Iximaz, by the way."
"And, um, yeah, probably a good idea to avoid the little cow. I should know, I write her. Scape, by the way. Er, and to prove that..." Cassie scrawled a message on a napkin. It read thusly:
=]
"I was wondering if there'd be any other Boarders here," she whispered, winking. "Good to finally meet you in person."
((...I'm sorry, that last sentence just made me laugh. We've entered a whole new level of meta with this.))
"Wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey stuff, though I fear that's your line. Sorry. I, er... yeah. But it's definitely nice to meet you too!" Cassie grabbed a dinner roll and made to bite it, and it bounced off the front of her mask, some of it lodging in the spikes. "Well, balls."
Iximaz pulled the roll off Scape's face, picking off little bits of bread that clung obstinately to the spikes. "As for wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey stuff, I still can't get over the fact that we're in the same room with characters we've written, who have no idea they were written by us. Heck, my agent thinks she is me!" She paused. "Eh, you already knew that. But these shenanigans are fun to talk about. Especially knowing what's going to happen ahead of time."
Darkotas ((the World One one, not the native of Azeroth)) reached out to tap on Iximaz's shoulder. Clad in a more accurate version of his Inspector Gadget costume, he checked to make sure none of his outstretched mechanical appendages would get in the way of anyone around him. He waited for her reaction with a huge grin on his face.
Iximaz turned, unable to stop the huge grin when she saw her boyfriend standing behind her. "Darkotas!" she cried, hugging him. "I didn't think you'd show up!"
She pulled him around to face Scapegrace. "Scape, this is Darkotas. Dark, Scapegrace."
"Just like I must be from that thing that we like! That... that thing..."
What followed was a protracted bout of feels, as [SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS REALLY-REALLY-BIG-SPOILERS]
"Man, it's not everyday that you can come to a place like this, is it? Kind of surreal, actually..." A strange look crossed Darkotas' face as he scanned the room. "I suppose we should avoid our alternate selves, eh? My agents are still a work in progress... I have some good ideas for them, at least."
He turned to face Iximaz and Scapegrace once more. "So, what's up?"
"Not... write... because... I'm on... missions?" Cassie looked around nervously. "Nailed it."
"Hey, can't argue with that logic! I'm still learning the ropes when it comes to writing, actually. I can do essays and analysis writing perfectly well, but I have little to no experience with creative writing." He looked over Cassie's shoulder. "Hey, mind telling me if you see someone that looks like me, but in either a leather jacket or a wizard-type robe? I should be fine if I run into one of my agents, but not both. Helps that we all look the same. It's a long story..."
"This makes for a nice break, though." She cast a glance at her agents, who were laughing and having fun. "Poor guys don't know what's in store for them. Though technically this isn't happening for them. Weird stuff, no?"
Iximaz reached into her pockets (which, sadly, were not bigger on the inside) and pulled out a plastic baggie. "Anyone want a jelly baby?"
Darkotas held out a hand eagerly, taking the candy and popping it in his mouth. He looked over to Iximaz's agents. "Poor agents indeed... It's nice that they- or at least a version of them- get some time to enjoy not being stuck in a mission. I suppose it's a mercy not to know ahead of time... as they say, ignorance is bliss."
Clack.
WHUNCH.
"Medic," said Cassie, though since her tongue was trapped in the catch mechanism of her Skitter mask, it came out as "Mrrfk".
Iximaz hesitantly raised her hands. "Uh, need some help there, too?"
To Darkotas, she said, "Don't worry, I saw them over by the buffet table, you'll be fine."
"I'd rather not have to explain why I'm taking so long to write them. It would be awkward, to say the least."
"If we're here, who's dictating what our agents are doing?" He gestured at the crowd of various characters.
"I mean, we're in the middle of an RP, but even as I'm saying this, the real me is sitting on her stupid swivel chair, typing the words I'm saying right now. It might give you a bit of an existential crisis, but you'll get over it soon enough, I'm sure. I mean, you have the advantage over most of the agents here, since I'm pretty sure none of them have stopped to consider they have their own authors."
Iximaz gestured down at herself. "I mean, look at me. I don't have a Tenth Doctor cosplay put together in real life, but that didn't stop me from giving me one."
"This is starting to feel a bit like Inception."
Jumper grinned at the gathering of boarders, his coat billowing as he walked towards them. "The way you, yourself are here, and yet, sitting at a table in some college coffee shop. Quite the thrill, is it not?"
He bowed slightly to the group, nearly knocking off his hat. "World-Jumper, at your service. Feel free to call me Jumper." He pointed towards the young lady dressed as the Tenth Doctor (and pulling it off distressingly well). "Let me guess... Iximaz? And this would be Darkotas, right?"
((I am dressed as a Commissar from the Imperium of Man: 
Because the idea of a Psyker who uses the Warp to traverse the galaxy rising to the rank of commissar is hilarious and extra heretical.))
"And..." Iximaz cocked her head. "Huh, I think it's about bedtime for my author now, but only, what, a few seconds passed for us? This is weird stuff. Like being able to see both places at once."
She grinned and pushed her glasses up her nose. "Nice costume, by the way."
((Just wanted to do a reaction post.))
"There's a reason I'm asking you to call me Jumper. I'm doing a kind of body-swap thing with the Jumper here. Seeing as he's not properly introduced yet, I thought I could take advantage of his Author Insert nature. Let me tell you, feeling the twisting of space-time is something else. I can actively feel the time warp around all of us Boarders. You should meditate on it sometime, in 'real life.' Interesting stuff."
"Hey, not a bad costume yourself. I really like the sneakers. Perfect shade of red, I love them!"
Iximaz beamed and gave a little twirl. "The shoes were really the easy part. Real me has a pair already, but I kind of cheated with the suit." She grinned. "I would ask how did you know it was me, but you probably read the other posts. I can't help but feel like us Boarders are taking over the RP."
She paused and held out the baggie. "Oh yeah, you want a jelly baby?"
"Just went off what you told me when we talked before. Short brown hair, little on the tall side, and a massive Doctor Who fan. I was a little afraid you might be a newbie I never met before. So to be sure, I checked the posts." Jumper chuckled. "Anyway. How are things with the agents? I take it Rina has been treating herself?"
((You know, because agents are like our kids.))
"Glad you could make it! Wow, nice costume. Can't say I have any experience with Warhammer 40k, but I've heard great things. As for my costume, I had this Gadget getup sitting around from the last convention I attended. For a first cosplay, I think it came out rather well!"
The young man beamed from ear to ear and attempted to adjust his glasses, forgetting as always that he had chosen to wear contacts.
"Let me tell you, midterms? Not fun. I was afraid I was going to miss this.
"Thanks! It took a lot of work, let me tell you. I'm just starting to get into 40K. I still have a lot to learn before I can send somebody into that particular continuum. Don't want to commit accidental heresy after all."
Jumper smiled, poking at the Inspector's chest. "Nice costume. Do the gadgets work?"
Cassie smiled, not that Iximaz could see under the elaborate mask. "I know, right? It's so weird. Like, I've got something planned for the Notary in an upcoming mission, but because I'm writing it now it hasn't happened yet! See, there's this terrible bloody Mulp abortion that features Luna-related weirdness and I'm using that to inflict psychological torture on a woman whose only real crime was to have been a renegade Time Lord once upon a time. Oh, and to wear spats without being in a black and white movie. Can't forget that."
"And also that thing we discussed via email, too!" Iximaz looked around as if checking for eavesdroppers. "Dammit, I can't say 'cause we're in an RP." She shook her head. "This is seriously screwing with my brain."
((Oh, when will the madness end?!))
(A/N: Rather than have any of my existing agents take part in this, I might as well take the opportunity to introduce a new one. Basically, remember this fic? Well, let's just say that the Mary Sue of the fic escaped after I left dA and discontinued it two years ago, and ended up in the PPC by mistake with nowhere else to go. Enjoy!)
It's funny how the Ironic Overpower drops you in the strangest of places.
The air seemed to shimmer for a few brief moments, and then, like something out of a cartoon, it spat out an anime-style pre-teen girl, who landed on her butt with a dull thumping noise. She sat there, momentarily confused, and then realized that there were a lot of strange people surrounding her.
The girl's large blue eyes swiveled around wildly in their sockets as she tried to find a hiding spot, though she was quite sure her royal blue hair with baby blue (or was that blunde?) streaks certainly wouldn't have gone unnoticed even if she hid under the snack table.
Which was exactly what she did a few seconds later.
How frustrating it was that even after two years at the Nursery, the blue-haired girl still had to struggle to get anywhere via plot hole. Granted, she had improved quite a lot since she'd first ended up the PPC (by complete accident, of course), but plot holes are fickle things, and with the obvious exception of portals, they tend to drop you off in the most inconvenient of places. In this case, this particular one had landed her smack in the middle of a huge costume party - and parties weren't exactly her idea of fun.
Quivering anxiously and trying not to hyperventilate, the girl curled up into a fetal position under the table and, in complete and utter disregard of the Ironic Overpower, she silently prayed to all of the legendaries that nobody would notice her...
Their owners bent at the knees and peered under the table-- or at least one of them did. Gaspard, hampered by the hundred kilograms of neosteel on his back, barely made it to the crouching stage before stumbling a bit and decided that he wasn't going to try to do gymnastics while stuck a combat armoursuit. "Hey, Frost. Who's under there?" said Gaspard, straightening himself.
"It's, uh... A little girl with blue hair. Hang on a minute..." The Spy waved at the girl. "Hey, kid. You all right? Can I help you or something?"
"Blue hair? Is she a Sue or something?"
"Hang on a minute, I'm investigating," replied Harris.
...and only managing a partial success. It took her a few moments to realize that these strangers weren't going to hurt her, though she did consider fleeing in terror an instant before.
"I, w-well..." she stammered, not knowing what to do. "I was a Sue. A-at least until I got here, anyway. W-who are you guys, where am I, and what are all these people doing around here?!"
"Harris Frost, Spy Twelfth class, Department of Intelligence, at your service. Stompy McMetalboots over here is Gaspard De Grasse, my colleague. You are in...?" Harris looked at Gaspard expectantly.
"Uh... we're in one of the presentation rooms... I think? The RC number wasn't written at the entrance," said Gaspard.
"Well, there you go. Oh yeah, and this is the Purim party. Neat, right?" Harris held his hand out towards the girl. "Now, are you gonna sulk under there for the rest of the party or are you gonna get yourself some food?"
"There's cake," added Gaspard from somewhere above the table.
Her hand was still trembling as she extended it towards Harris's own. "Oh, yeah. That. I do remember being invited by one of the Nursery caretakers, but I'm not really fond of... parties..."
She gulped, but crawled out from under the table anyway and tried to stand up, still shaking a little. "By the way, I'm Lapis. Lapis Lazuli. Uh, yeah. That's it. So, is Purim a... World One holiday or something? And why is everybody all dressed up?..."
...in order to peer over his armour's massive chest plate and look at the blue-haired girl. "Er, Purim. A long time ago on Earth, the Persian empire wanted to eliminate the Jews, but their plan was foiled by a man named Mordecai and his cousin Esther. This," he carefully raised a hand to avoid delivering a power-armoured backhand to a passerby, "is a celebration to commemorate the event. Food, costumes, and plays are the order of the day." He shifted his weight from one foot to another. "Though I'm not exactly dressed up-- more like stuck in this thing until someone with the right power tools can cut me out."
Harris offered a piece of cake to Lapis. "Here, kid. Eat up. So, you're at the Nursery? That must mean that someone accompanied you here, right? Where are they?"
- - -
((I swear, the CMC-300 is the coolest thing ever.))
"Crap, I should've known!" Lapis said in mortified surprise. "Uh, do you mind? I'll be back in a sec!"
She put the cake on the table before ducking back under it, vanishing behind the cloth draped over its edges. A moment later, there was a blip, and then silence.
A moment later, the rainbow-haired guy Gaspard had nearly whacked in the face piped up, "Oi! Watch where you put that, punk!"
"Rayner, that wasn't nice of you," said E.V.L. "This is a holiday, and we really should be enjoying ourselves."
"Says you," Rayner shot back, adjusting the shades that came with his costume before turning to Gaspard again. "By the way, Blue Hair's with me, technically. My old partner and I reported her when she first showed up at the PPC. I did want her to come with us, but she's not exactly in cahoots with big social events like this."
"Guess the Ironic Overpower wouldn't have any of it, huh?" His partner replied, taking a cookie to munch on.
Blip. "Any of what?" Lapis's voice came from under the table.
He crouched next to the table but didn't lift the tablecloth. "I can hear that you're using a D.O.R.K.S under there. Are you all right? Is it working?" Harris turned to Gaspard. "Hey, De Grasse! Maybe she could lend you her unit after she's done with it!"
Gaspard's eyes darted from Harris to Rayner, who still seemed to be a little bit irritated by the near-miss. "Er... thanks but no thanks. I, er... I'll just keep my 'costume' on, eh?" The Spy felt safer in a nigh-impregnable walking neosteel fortress anyway.
At that moment, a woman dressed in the Ylissan Pegasus Knight uniform strode up to the agents, a plate of cake in hand. She smiled at the newcomers. "Heya! D'you guys know each other?" The brown-haired woman-- who was around Rayner's height-- put her plate on the table and stuck out her arm. "Sonia Knight, DoI! I'm with Harris and tin man here. And you are?"
He shook Sonia's hand, flashing a razor-toothed grin. "And this annoyance here is my partner, Evalengine von Lily or something."
"Evangeline von Lilith," said E.V.L., adjusting her rubber octopus mask with her clawed wing which, like the rest of her body, was dyed green. "Though E.V.L. works just fine."
"Oh, and the blue-haired girl cowering under the table is Lapis Lazuli," added the humanized pegasus in the black trenchcoat and shades. "She's currently staying at the Nursery but the Flowers are working on assigning her now that she's old enough to begin work as an agent. Hey Blue Hair, what continuum were you from again? Pokemon?"
"Yes indeed," the younger girl replied before emerging from her hiding spot under the table. Previously, she had been dressed in a long-sleeved blue shirt that exposed her midriff, with matching pants along with a darker blue belt with dangling flaps of cloth hanging from the sides. Her new outfit was similar, but darker blue streaked with red, with a white chest area; a similarly colored mask that looked like a whale's head concealed the top half of her face.
Rayner looked up and down the former Sue and smiled. "Kyogre?"
"I happened to bring this outfit with me when I bailed out on my homefic," Lapis replied, taking the cake for herself. "All I needed was the mask. And no, I actually don't have a D.O.R.K.S. with me - I had to rush back to the Nursery to get the costume."
E.V.L. chuckled. "Experimenting with plot holes, I take it?"
The blue-haired girl rubbed the back of her head in embarrassment. "How did you think I got here in the first place?"
All eyes turned to Gaspard as he rose a finger into the air. "Um... just... how old is Lapis? She doesn't look over eighteen... and you said that Upstairs deems her old enough to go on active duty? Isn't it... y'know... wrong for someone that young to go and fight?"
Sonia examined the girl. "That's actually a good point. What is the minimum age for an action department agent? And you, Lapis? What do you want to go into? DMS, I presume?"
"I was ten in my homefic, but my author abandoned it two years ago, and I ended up at the PPC HQ after that. Rayner's old partner was the one who put me in the Nursery - "
"We do not speak of my old partner, ever," Rayner cut her off fiercely, before returning to a casual tone. "But anyway, yeah, I think the minimum is around 12 or so - I've heard of at least one agent who started work at that age. Then again, of course, the Pokemon anime lets tweens run around with fire-breathing dragons and plants that can eat you whole..."
"Either that, or Ash was just unreasonably skilled," piped up E.V.L.
Lapis gave the ex-Ficubus a deadpan expression. "Isn't that the case for anime protagonists in general?" she said. "At least I didn't fall in love with him like, you know, a normal Sue would've. He was a friend, simple as that."
The blue-haired girl turned back to Gaspard. "And I'm actually not going into the DMS - way too risky. And Bad Slash is a no-go for obvious reasons, so I'll most likely end up in the DIC. At least there usually aren't as many Sues to get rid of there."
"Maybe you'd like Intel better?" asked Sonia. "There's even less danger involved-- even if you do get accepted into Action Division."
"I don't think Upstairs cares at this pointed," said Gaspard. "From what she told us she's pretty much locked into DIC. Even if I personally think it's far too young to be doing this at your age, good luck to you, Miss Lazuli."
Harris, who had been observing the rest of the room, frowned and stood up straight. "Did you see that? Hey, Sonia, De Grasse. Did you guys see that?" He stabbed a finger towards a short angel who was currently engaged in a poke war with someone dressed as Marvel's Black Widow. "That scoundrel just buried his head in that girl's chest! That's totally inappropriate!" Harris then pointed at the auburn-haired Supergirl. He rolled up his already-rolled up sleeves and marched forward, determination in his eyes. "I'm gonna go and give him a piece of my mind, just you watch..."
As Harris left, Sonia and Gaspard exchanged a quick glance. "It is harassment," said the French Québecois agent.
"I agree," replied the former bit character. "I'll just make sure Harris doesn't go overboard..." she added as she followed Harris.
Gaspard, suddenly deserted by his colleagues and surrounded by strangers, awkwardly shuffled in his metal boots. "Er... you guys having fun?"
"Didn't I hear of that angel guy?" asked E.V.L. As she took another cookie. "He and I may well be the only Sue-wraiths who have ever been recruited. From what I heard, though, his conversion was a lot less painful than mine."
"Did I miss anything?" asked Lapis, finishing her slice of cake. "I was kinda busy talking with you guys... Did he do something that Harris didn't like?"
"He's thirteen, I think," said Rayner. "Hormones up the wazoo and no sense of inhibition... Did you honestly think something like that WOULDN'T happen?"
"You weren't so chaste yourself back in your homefic," the ex-Ficubus pointed out.
He glared at her like he wanted to rip her throat out. "Tell me again why I still work with you..."
Lapis decided not to guess what had happened, and decided to change the subject. "To answer your question, Gaspard... Well, actually, not really. I've had a harder time adjusting to life at the PPC than most people. I know, I know," she added before Rayner could get a snide comment in. "I turned up here totally unprepared. It's just that, you know, being a Sue and stumbling into an organization of Sue-hunters is practically a recipe for disaster..."
"That is practically the definition of disaster. If you don't mind me asking, where did each of you come from? You said you were from the Pokémonverse-- Hoenn, maybe? You're..." he looked at Rayner, "...some sort of male Rainbow Dash, I think? And... er..." he faltered at Evangeline. "I don't know. Sorry. As for me, I'm from World One. Fairly boring, nothing to see here, so... yeah."
"All three of us came from badfics," Rayner explained. "Well, mine was a semi-fic blip, because my author didn't even get to start writing it before realizing that an AU humanized slash version of a certain legendary MLP badfic was a dumb idea."
Lapis tsked and shook her head, her extravagantly-colored hair fluttering a little. "I'm still amazed that anyone could actually think that it was a GOOD idea. And not amused at all."
"If you ask me, I'd say your homefic was weirder," said E.V.L. "From what I've gathered from Pony Boy's head, you originated from some pastiche of the Pokemon anime involving an entire new region full of fanmade species created by an artist on DeviantArt that your author really liked."
"Yep," Lapis sighed bitterly. "The fic was supposed to be about Ash journeying through this noncanon region, but it included a few WTH casting agency additions involving AU characters from other continua, and a lot of other weirdness thrown in later on. I was supposed to be an avatar of a fanmade legendary based on Leviathan, for example, and the fic was going to explore the implications of that. But things happened and my author went to college, so he returned all the fakemon to their creator and discontinued the fic. I think I was one of the scant few who managed to escape before the uncanonical region was destroyed."
"And what became of your connection with that legendary?" asked E.V.L.
"Broken and beyond repair," the blue-haired girl replied simply. "I have the weapon I wielded in the fic, but without the legendary's power, it's primarily used for combat rather than Magic!! of any sort. I also have some baseline hydrokinetic abilities as well, but that's about it."
Purim... that's a celebration of the events of the Biblical book of Esther, right? Growing up Christian taught me things.
Anyway, I've got a new agent joining Valon and Kala.
---
Three more agents entered the room. One was in costume as a skeleton with a trenchcoat and wide-brimmed hat, one was a seven-foot scorpion below the waist, and one was inside the RA hanging from the scorpion-woman's belt.
"So Valon, I notice that you were a lot more willing to come here than to Rudi's bar."
"Call me not Valon, for I am Charon, Horseman of Death. And when ever do I get to cosplay?"
A gentlemanly voice issued from the RA. *I do hope there's a computer here. It has been a dreadfully long time since I've seen another NetNavi.*
The scorpion-woman unhooked the RA and held it up to her face; a pair of scarred blue eyes could be seen in the screen. "I'm sure I can jack you into something, Sigma. Just as soon as I ask what that girl's dressed up as."
Sigma's eyes blinked in the RA screen. *That is Rina Dives of the Department of Mary Sues, but I'm not certain of her costume.*
"Have you been hacking into Personnel's files again?"
*No, Kala. They've increased their security; they have military-grade NetNavis on patrol there. Now where did our partner go?*
Kala Jeng looked around. "He always disappears when you take your eyes off him." Forgetting Valon for the moment, she scuttled up to the girl dressed as an electric lion. "Hi there! I'm Kala Jeng, DF. And you are?"
---
Yep, meet Sigma.EXE. Valon will be off somewhere doing strange things; unless someone brings attention to the super-tall dude dressed in black, I'll be focusing on Kala and Sigma.
Rina skidded to a halt and turned to face the scorpion woman. Her eyes widened. "Woah, cool!" She realized she was staring and composed herself, sparing a wistful glance at the woman dressed like a hobbit before focusing on the conversation at hand. "Rina Dives, and..." She looked around. "Huh. My partner was behind me a moment ago."
Zeb came running up just then. "Rina, don't go running off like that!"
Rina rolled her eyes. "Zeb, you'll be fine without me for ten minutes. Oh, right, tight, introductions. Kala, Zeb. Zeb, Kala."
*Kala, I just... oh, have it your way. At any rate, my name is Sigma. Before you ask, no, Kala is not wearing a costume. Our other partner could not make a costume for someone of Kala's... unusual body shape, shall we say.*
Kala shot an angry look at the RA before speaking again. "Yeah, I'm a girtablilu from Monster Musume, Sigma is a NetNavi from MegaMan Battle Network. He lives inside computerized devices, so keep him away from robots."
Kala looked around. "What exactly is Purim, anyway? Valon was too hyper to give me a compete response."
*I was also unable to research the subject before I was removed from the console. All I managed to determine is that it's a religious holiday of some sort for Judaism.*
"That's... kind of all I know, actually."
"I don't even know what Judaism is," Zeb piped up.
"It's a religion," Rina said. She looked at Kala, then at Sigma. "I don't think I've seen... or heard.. either of you before. You been here long?"
"Sigma showed up in our console a few days ago, and Valon decided to keep him. As for Valon... wherever he is... he's been here for over a year, but for most of that he kinda dropped off the radar."
*I have not yet undertaken a mission. Kala has been on one, to her home continuum I might add, and Valon has been on two.* The eyes on the RA screen shifted uncomfortably. *The fact that we have not been deployed together yet might be my fault. I think I accidentally spread a virus on our console, and now it's overrun by high-level Mettaurs. DoSAT Navis are still trying to clean that up, and I do not believe I shall be making many friends in that department.*
"Now I really wish I knew where Valon was. He would have been able to explain what a Mettaur is."
*It's a Goomba-like virus with a hard hat and a pickaxe. Quite adorable, really. A large number are even harmless.*
Zeb's ears flattened. "I've been here for less than a week and I've already been sent on two. They were horrible."
"Yeah, they were," Rina agreed. "Seriously, though, only two missions? He's gotta tell me his secret."
((I just realized since Zeb doesn't fall into HQ until April and this takes place before Rose because spoilers, this can't be canon, sorry.))
Before Kala could begin an angry rant, Sigma continued speaking. *Valon undertook one mission as a temporary partner to DF agent Magdalen Blackwell. After that, he completely disappears from the records for a whole year, only returning immediately prior to Kala's recruitment in December. It's almost as if he stopped existing during the interim. Even more curious, Valon's original assignment was the Department of Mary Sues, yet he's in Floaters when he reappears in the records, with no mention made of transfer. And speaking of Valon reappearing, I do believe I've spotted our wayward partner. Let's leave him be for now; I do believe that's a mob of minis he's chasing.*
Kala looked around; yes, her partner was right over there, following a bunch of mini-Balrogs around with absolute adoration in his eyes. His attempts at being sneaky were somewhat foiled by his height; a six-and-a-half foot young man was difficult to miss.
Zeb's tail flicked as he watched the man follow the minis. "I wonder what he was up to during that time?"
"Who cares?" Rina said. "He probably just went AWOL or something and the Flowers just reassigned him when he came back."
*I do hope the console is repaired soon. I would love to delete a Sue.* The eyes on the RA screen narrowed. *If one should enter a computer-world continuum, I will gladly cut them to ribbons.*
Kala shrugged. "It's not up to us what missions we get."
"Do you have any idea how many Metamorphmagus daughters of Remus and Tonks are running around? I've lost track of how many I've killed." Rina sighed and rubbed her eyes. "The last one decided to introduce hydras to the Potterverse. That went over like a ton of bricks."
Zeb suddenly sniffed at the air, his mouth watering when he spotted a platter of Poffins on the buffet table. "If you ladies don't mind, I think I'll excuse myself," he said. "I can hear food calling my name."
*In any case... Miss Dives, have you ever encountered a robotic or cybernetic Sue?* Sigma's eyes narrowed again. *I cannot actually damage them, but I can play havoc with their minds.*
"What Brainiac here is saying is that robots have computer brains. He can enter any computer. I'd tell you to do the math, but he probably already has."
"Most of my Sues have been magical in nature. Lots of Metamorphmagus Sues, couple daughters of Sirius Black, couple twin sisters of Harry Potter, couple daughters of Artemis, standard stuff.
"Any particularly memorable Sues for you guys?"
"I've only been on one mission, and it was in my home continuum. It was being invaded by a character replacement from Prototype, and Valon said that we were incredibly lucky to get rid of him the way we did. The character he replaced canonically survived a nuke."
Rina would have given Kala a sympathetic pat on the arrm, but after spending so much time with Zeb, she was starting to learn not everyone would appreciate the gesture. She settled for a grimace instead. "Still, it can't be as bad as this one mission... I'm not really supposed to talk about it, but let's just say I'm banned from The Devil Wears Prada for trying to kill the canons."
"What's prada, and why would the devil be wearing it?"
*The Devil Wears Prada is a film. I'll provide more information as soon as I get around to infiltrating the Netflix database. As for the Stu my partners killed, Miss Dives, I was able to glean from research and the mission report that their method of disposal -- feeding him to a water-based life form -- was the only way to destroy him safely. He was a replacement of the main character of Prototype, a viral monstrosity that can't stand water and was only slain by being consumed.* The blue eyes blinked a few times. *Viral means disease in this instance.*
"Most of my targets have been dispatched easily enough with a good whack to the head. Never really had to get creative unless I felt like being ironic. Sues are, surprisingly, pushovers for the most part."
((It'll give me something to do until things die down enough for me to post the Shipfest. ^_^))
There had never been any question as to what costume Agent Kaitlyn would wear. She'd been practically bouncing in her Galactic Tyrant-brand Executive Pivoting Helium-Cushioned Mobile Throne of Glory as she read the invitation, and Selene had seen the (metaphorical) fire in her eyes when she swung the chair around.
"We're going to a party!"
"Do we have too?"
Kaitlyn glared at her partner. "We're going to a party. Aaaaand it's a costume party, and I'm-"
"You can't use the disguise generator."
"Wasn't gonna. I'm dressing up as a hobbit - and you can't stop me."
Selene shook her head. "I wouldn't dream of trying."
"As for you..." Kaitlyn tipped her head to the side and studied her partner. "You could be a Borg, that'd work. Or you could go as Aule, keep it in the continuum?"
"If I were going, I'd be perfectly capable of choosing my own disguise."
Kaitlyn's eyes narrowed, and her voice turned dangerous. "'If'?"
~
"MUSHROOMS!"
Selene sighed and followed Kaitlyn across the floor. The younger woman had ended up in a copy of Pippin's costume from the movies, a decision which came as no real surprise. Selene herself had considered several costumes, but Kaitlyn had delivered scathing rebuttals to each proposal. Finally, the vampire had given in and let her partner make the decision.
She plucked at the ragged fabric draped between her arms and sides, doing her best not to let her claws tear it up too much. She'd argued against the idea, but Kaitlyn had been adamant, and ultimately Selene had lacked the will to resist. That didn't mean she wasn't constantly remembering Dafydd's reaction to finding out she was a vampire: You don't look like one... you know, bat wings, iron claws, that sort of thing. And they smell.
"If only you could see me now," she murmured, shaking her head slightly and feeling her deliberately matted hair shift against her back. At least she'd managed to keep Kaitlyn from making her stink.
((Yep, Selene's dressed as Thuringwethil. Good thing she's mellowed since the old days, or Kaitlyn would probably be on fire about now))
hS
((I'm thinking if I do make this canon, it's before Rose Potter.))
[Bip.]
"Never heard that one before," Zeb said, eyeing the console.
"It means we have a message," Rina said, spinning her chair around and clicking on said message. Her eyes lit up. "Ooh, cool! There's a Purim party going on! And we're supposed to come in costume!"
"Er, why?"
"Because it's fun!" Rina jumped up and went to her dresser, throwing out items every which way.
~
In the end, Zeb just opted to go as himself, and Rina went as a Luxray gijinka, "Because it's funny," she'd said, though Zeb didn't really see what was so amusing about a humanoid Luxray. All Rina had done was spiked, then spray-dyed her hair the same color as his mane, slapped on a headband with ears that resembled his somewhat, dark gray jeans, and a long-sleeved blue and yellow striped shirt with a dark gray tee thrown over top of that. A fabric tail hung limply from her belt.
"Aw yeah, it's like we're twins or something," she said as they were walking down the Generic Gray corridor. "It helped a lot since I had the real thing in front of me the whole time." She grinned. "Shame you didn't decide to go in costume, but what's a Luxray to do? Be a lion?"
"You're sure this party's going to be fun?" Zeb asked warily, ignoring her question. "Nobody's going to pull out a flamethrower or anything?"
Rina laughed and readjusted her headband. "Nah, I don't think anything like that happened last year. But I was in Medical during the last party, so I don't know. I heard it was fun, though."
They approached the doors. Inside, they could see people already milling about, listening to music and eating food.
"I mean, a bunch of agents together in one room? Things couldn't possibly be boring under these circumstances- OH! There's someone dressed like a hobbit!" Rina tore off, her tail flying out behind her. Zeb stood awkwardly in the doorway for a moment before running after her, apologizing when he bumped into other agents.
"Remind me why I'm here, Frost," muttered Gaspard as he fumbled with his CMC-300's external visor release with an oversized armoured gauntlet. "I could be waiting for the technician in DoSAT to come back instead of taking up space here. Besides, this is a Jewish holiday, right? It's just wrong for me to partici-- ah, here we go." The Spy's clumsy mechanical hand finally found the tiny metal latch by his collar. He pressed on it and inhaled deeply as the suit's dome-shaped visor slid back into the helmet section and let some fresh air in. "Oh, thank goodness. I was suffocating in here with the broken ventilation system..."
Harris Frost watched his colleague in the two-metre tall fusion-powered suit of armour fan himself with his hands. "Well, you did say that the machine to get you out of there was broken..."
"Yes."
"And that the only techie to know how to fix it was in Medical after that accident involving the Evangelion unit that DoSAT keeps around..."
"Yes."
"And that your D.O.R.K.S is on the fritz..."
"Not my fault if the Sue I was following was tossing around EMP 'nades like mad..."
"And that the armoury was closed..."
"Seriously, why would they do that? Even the the DoI supply depot is out of stock!"
"And that my D.O.R.K.S was also broken..."
"You really need to be careful with those things."
"So I suggested that you'd better just take some time off and come with Sonia and me to a little party we'd been invited to. Now stop complaining and enjoy yourself," said Harris, adjusting the shirt on his Fire Emblem-verse's myrmidon costume. "Speaking of which, I don't see her anywhere. You're taller than me in that thing; what do you see?"
Gaspard swivelled about, his armoursuit's servomotors gently whirring as they worked. "There's a lot of people here. I don't see her anywhere... but there's a lady dressed like a hobbit and another lady... er... I don't even know." The Spy gestured towards a part of the crowd and Harris' eyes followed.
"What is that?" asked the blond man. "Iunno what that is, but that's a nice hairdo."
"I suppose, yeah."
Agent-in-training C.J. Holton sat at his desk, attempting to figure out why his computer refused to function in HQ. As he worked, he could see the tall form of his partner Darkotas approach out of the corner of his eye. The warlock stopped at the edge of the desk, fumbling with a pocket in his robe and throwing down a piece of paper on the surface.
"C.J., have you heard anything about this "party" we've been invited to? I found this notification on our door," said Darkotas. He pointed towards the flyer. "Apparently it's a celebration of some sort. We're supposed to wear costumes."
C.J. glanced at the paper. "A party? Normally I'm not up for that sort of thing, but..." He looked back at the screen, noting that it had frozen once more. "Anything's better than trying to figure out this piece of junk." he muttered with a scowl. He stood up to stretch his legs and turned towards his partner. "Alright, costumes. Any ideas?"
Darkotas thought for a moment, running a hand through his sandy hair. "I suppose I could transfigure us into-"
C.J. cut him off. "No magic. Ever. You know what happened last time in Orgrimmar, and I never want to deal with that again."
Darkotas sighed. "Fine. Do you have another idea?"
A mischievous grin appeared on the young man's face. "As a matter of fact, I do, Dark. Got any spare robes?"
As the agents walked into the room, they could see a great number of people in a multitude of colorful outfits. Darkotas leaned over to whisper to his partner. "Are you sure swapping clothes was a good idea? You know we look identical - everyone is going to think you're me!"
C.J. fumbled with the hood of Darkotas' spare robe and giggled."That's the beauty of it, Dark. We can fool everyone! Besides, you don't look half bad in my leather jacket."
The warlock scowled and left to disappear in the crowd. C.J. scanned the room, looking for familiar faces. Finding none, he decided to look for a snack instead.
Gremlin tugged at her blue sleeve-length gloves as she walked alongside her partner down the corridor. The sounds of people chatting and laughing was growing louder. "Why didn't we come to this last year?" she asked.
"Four back-to-back missions in the Mass Effect universe," Xericka replied. "Those were followed closely by one and a half bottles of Bleepwine split between the two of us."
"Ah. That would explain why I can't remember that day very well." Gremlin looked over at Aiden, who was being toted in his mother's arms. "You excited, big man?"
"Parties!" he exclaimed. There was a warning grunt from Xericka as he wriggled around in a sort of brief and clumsy dance.
"You like your costume?" Gremlin asked.
He looked down at his gold and red robes, then back up at Gremlin. "Yeah! I'm Zuko! He was bad then turned good, just like mom!"
Gremlin chuckled as she straightened up. "You hear that? You're just like Zuko. Maybe you should've gotten dressed up like Mako instead of Asami. You know, if you wanted to keep to the pattern and all."
"I have neither the hair nor the eyebrows to properly take on a Mako costume." Xericka glanced over at her partner. "But perhaps that would not have mattered."
"What do you mean by that?"
A small smirk flitted across the Nobody's face. "I merely am suggesting that if people are fine with a tattooed, shorter version of Avatar Korra, perhaps I could have gotten away with portraying Mako after all."
"Oh, har de har har."
