Subject: Merlin's beard, robe, and pointy hat.
Author:
Posted on: 2015-02-17 16:45:00 UTC
(He totally had one.) I noticed a lot of places with one more blank line than usual, you might want to get rid of those. Not where it means a scene break, though, there it's good.
You're right, it is less interesting to read the book in first person. Especially with a stupid ninja-druid-whatever-the-f*ck Sue as the main character. Excellent work! *gently tosses Sugar Quills*
A few months ago, I claimed the Legendary Badfic. And now, I have embarked on the suicidal insane noble quest to bring this Godmode Sue to her grave!
I have no idea when RPCoS will be done, since this took freaking forever to finish. Hopefully, it will be sometime mid to late March.
Enjoy!
I've just started reading the 'fic (inspired to do so by reading the mission), and... well, words fail me. Rose Potter is just the worst.
I did notice while reading that Neville was momentarily turned spherical ('the round boy'), which the Agents didn't pick up on. I guess there's enough chargeworthy stuff that a little thing like that doesn't matter.
And another thing... does Zeb have Intimidate? Because I think that might help lessen the impact of Rose's Sueper-strength. (Ugh, that portmanteau seemed like a better idea before I typed it...)
Anyway, I salute your determination in taking on this awful travesty, and I'm looking forward to the next part.
A punny and derisive word all in one!
Zeb has the Intimidate ability, which is funny, since he's... well... not. He could be if he tried, I'm sure. :P
I did start skipping over the less-chargeworthy stuff the further I went, partly because if I included everything, the mission would be several hundred pages long, and partly because it wasn't as important as the bigger charges. Presumably, Rina still wrote them down.
Gleam Eyes (Fairy) (Diamond & Pearl 7)
BP: -- | Damage Type: Status | Target: Single Enemy | Contact: No | PP: 5 (max 16) | Accuracy: 90% | Effect Proc: 30% | Priority: -4
Forces the defending Pokemon out and replaces them with a random Pokemon. This Pokemon has a 30% chance to enter the battlefield with a random stat lowered by 1 stage.
Lightning Star (Electric) (Diamond & Pearl 7)
BP: 100 | Damage Type: Special | Target: All Adjacent Enemies | Contact: No | PP: 15 (max 24) | Accuracy: 80% | Effect Proc: 10% | Priority: -1
Chance to inflict a Burn. Uses double the normal amount of PP.
Plasma (Fire) (Legends Awakened 8)
BP: 20 | Damage Type: Physical | Target: Single Adjacent Enemy | Contact: No | PP: 10 (max 16) | Accuracy: 90% | Effect Proc: -- | Priority: +1
May hit up to 3 times. Each successful hit raises the PP of one of this Pokémon's other moves (not Plasma) by 1.
Shock Bolt (Electric) (Legends Awakened 8)
BP: 80 | Damage Type: Physical | Target: Single Enemy | Contact: Yes | PP: 5 (max 8) | Accuracy: 100% | Effect Proc: -- | Priority: +2
Intimidating Fang (Psychic) (POP Series 8 3)
BP: 65 | Damage Type: Physical | Target: Single Adjacent Enemy | Contact: Yes | PP: 15 (max 24) | Accuracy: 95% | Effect Proc: 10% | Priority: 0
Chance to lower the foe's Attack stat by 2 stages.
Gadget Bolt (Steel) (Arceus 5)
BP: 90 | Damage Type: Special | Target: Single Enemy | Contact: No | PP: 10 (max 16) | Accuracy: 90% | Effect Proc: -- | Priority: 0
Deals double damage if the user possesses a Held Item. The item is removed after use.
Flash Impact (Electric) (Next Destinies 46)
BP: 80 | Damage Type: Physical | Target: Single Adjacent Enemy | Contact: Yes | PP: 10 (max 16) | Accuracy: --% | Effect Proc: 50% | Priority: 0
Never misses. Chance to lower the user's Accuracy by 1 stage.
Snipe Fang (Fighting) (Flashfire 34)
BP: 65 | Damage Type: Physical | Target: Single Adjacent Enemy | Contact: Yes | PP: 15 (max 24) | Accuracy: 95% | Effect Proc: 10% | Priority: 0
Increased chance to inflict a Critical Hit. Chance to increase the user's Critical Hit chance by 1 stage.
Trash Bolt (Poison) (Rising Rivals 9)
BP: 90 | Damage Type: Special | Target: Single Adjacent Enemy | Contact: No | PP: 15 (max 24) | Accuracy: 100% | Effect Proc: -- | Priority: 0
Removes the target's Held Item.
Sparkle Look (Fairy) (Rising Rivals 109)
BP: 70 | Damage Type: Speshul Special | Target: Single Enemy | Contact: No | PP: 10 (max 16) | Accuracy: 70% | Effect Proc: 20% | Priority: 0
Forces the target to switch out. 20% to remove one Entry Hazard (Stealth Rock, Sticky Web, Toxic Spikes, or Spikes) from the opponent's side of the field. Only removes 1 layer of Spikes and Toxic Spikes.
---
Rectangles. They're what's for dinner! =]
...so it's debatable whether forcing her to switch out would do anything at all. I do think the Flame Orb/Guts plan is a good one (how else could a Heracross fight a Skarmory to a draw?), but since he's now confirmed to have Intimidate...
Dropping Rose's accuracy is probably a good bet, though. Yay for Pokémon Agents!
...he also has the move Thunder Wave in his arsenal. 100% accuracy and causes paralysis, which cuts speed to 25% of normal and has a 25% chance to paralyze completely. Not to mention his ability will cut her physical attacks to half their power... hehehe.
Fun fact: Zeb was originally going to be a Lucario, but Rose Potter changed my mind (though his backstory was, in fact, based on an actual Luxray named Zeb who did indeed die on Iron Island to a kamikaze Graveler. I just wanted to have a Lucario agent, but decided against it in the end partially to make tough Sues like Rose easier if necessary, and partially because I wanted to honor that magnificent little bit of data.). I'm actually glad I did; electricity is fun to play with. That, and writing someone non-bipedal/ non-humanoid. That's also fun. Gives me a wider range of description, like tails flicking in agitation or ears flattening to show embarrassment or anger.
The really useful one out of the moves I cooked up is actually Trash Bolt. It's a much more potent ranged Knock Off, basically, and Rose accumulates a few powerful artifacts over the years so it's an easy, safer way of getting rid of a few in one go. Rose Potter sans her collection of Sueviolite is a much less dicey proposition, I'd've thought.
Also I'm kind of limited by what the card moves do and are called. So, y'know, there's... that. =]
But he comes from the video game canon, so... I couldn't use one of these totally cool and awesome moves without breaking the rules. You know how it is, right? {:-)
That's why I keep calling them Dubious Rectangles - their legality is questionable, especially in the light of the online version of the TCG knocking about at the moment. I may not know much about the anime, but I do know the games, to the point where I dabble in Smogon's Rarely Used tier because Gen VI RU has pretty much all my fave poglemens in it, so while I know the stuff listed is about as far away from legal in the games as it's possible to get without introducing the super-powerful Chaos typing (seriously the AMOUNT OF OTHERWISE TOLERABLE PEOPLE WHO DO THIS I SWEAR TO ARCEUS), it's at least reasonably balanced for use in an Agent's situation.
It'd be interesting to showcase the differences between a TCG Poglemens agent and a video games Poglemens agent, both in battling style and in general characteristics. Would a TCGmon agent have access to all the moves, even the weird ones like Delta Kingdra's "Heat Blast" - a Fire-type move? How would the Energy system work? The Tool cards, Supporters and Trainers? The draw mechanics and milling the opponent? Hell, Prize Cards would be an interesting vulnerability! It's a really interesting thought.
For me, at least. YMMV and all that.
Also:-
Is that a thing...? What is it?
You would be amazed at the number of times it crops up, usually as a ludicrously powerful type. I love designing fakemon, so maybe I'm exposed to this more than other people, but it seems to rear its ugly head everywhere I go. It can be done really well - see Pokemon Uranium for an example of how a Chaos typing might actually work - but most of the time it's used to demonstrate power you haven't had to work for.
tl;dr: basically the ultimate Stu typing.
But then again, I guess Fairy kind of took its place. But I've never heard of Chaos type.
But I genuinely seem to see it everywhere. And yeah, I used to see Light-type all the time too, but while Fairy took its intended role, there's still room for a more ordered, holistic Light typing, especially since Fairy's kind of a bit druidic, for want of a better term that won't stir up horrible memories of Rose Potter... =]
I don't know how versed with Poképhemera you are, but that ability (Luxray's hidden one) is actually much more useful in context, both from a combat and thematic standpoint. If you have a way to inflict a burn on yourself, then you can't suffer another major status effect, and as long as you get topped up with heals every now and again you get a 50% attack boost for free. Which means Zeb needs something that'll guarantee a burn, since Rose Potter AFAIK cannot learn Knock Off. She might well be a knock-off, but she can't actually learn it.
So, what can do that in the games, hm?
Flame Orb.
...and just you wait; the "Druids" use portals, there are mellyrn in Potterverse now, the big reveals occur halfway through the stories, and Rose Potter makes Tom Riddle look empathetic and compassionate by comparison! She deserves to have logic set in in her despite when Hedwig perches on her shoulder!
I trust you have five different demises planned for the other fics?
There is not enough brain bleach in the world.
I already have five more deaths planed for her. It's a crying shame we aren't allowed to torture Sues. *cracks knuckles* That doesn't mean we can't not employ painful means of death! :D
...and I, for one, am glad that I've never actually taken the time to read the original. Arceus's majestic hat hair, those excerpts are just horrible.
I'd be happy to have my DMS team volunteer to help (I know Rayner would love to take a bite out of Rose Potter, and E.V.L. would be happy to revisit one of the continua she invaded when she was still a badfic character), but I'm sorry to say that I myself literally cannot be of any use at this time. After my next mission with these two and the next interlude for my Floaters team, I'll have to drop out of writing PPC stuff until Spring Break, for two big reasons: a guest lecture in Indianapolis at the end of February, and my final dissertation defense in early March. I've been working my tail off almost nonstop to prepare for both of them, and I don't think I'll be getting any breaks anytime soon.
If it's any comfort, I could take a raincheck for a future collab between your DMS team and mine. Anyway, good luck with the rest of these, and Falchion wants you to know that he's keeping his talons crossed that Rina will turn out okay. *virtual hug*
Rose Potter personally offended me. I fell almost obligated to take her down, you know? Never mind all those other people she offended, nope
*accepts hugs*
How did she offend you, that is? (Or were you being facetious?)
But Prisoner of Azkaban especially. That's been my favorite book for the last fourteen years of my life, and she ruined it.
No, not just ruined it.
Absolutely, completely, and utterly destroyed it.
I'd volunteer my agents to help, if needed, but I'm afraid Nume's having none of it. He's preparing to board up the RC door as we speak, Ilraen's protests and the likelihood of injuring himself in the process be damned. {= P
I suppose there's Derik and Gall, but I don't think you'd really want them along. They'd probably create more problems than they solved.
Still, FicPsych stands ready to provide your agents with the psychiatric care they'll undoubtedly need. Emergency in-fic intervention is also doable.
In honor of those about to spork, we salute thee!
~Neshomeh
It's probably for the best Nume and Ilraen are staying behind. Rina would get on Nume's nerves like woah. She's a bit of a fan. ;) As for Derik and Gall... yeah, Gall would probably try to charge Rose and end up ruining it.
I'll definitely take you up on that FicPsych offer. Rina, especially, is gonna need it something awful by the end of this.
Did I mention you were mad? Because you are absolutely stark staring flibble. I wouldn't want to take even the first Rose Potter fic on with my agents in a month of Mondays, let alone all six. You are a machine.
Agent Rina, please accept this elegant and finely-crafted designer briefcase. Don't be surprised at the weight, it has first edition hardbacks of all seven Harry Potter books inside and they get quite weighty, as I'm sure you're aware. Agent Zeb... well, what to get for the Luxray who has everything? I've got some Rectangles Of Dubious Legality And Origin if you want more variety in your moveset, but I wanted to give you the full set and I haven't finished it yet. Lessee... ooh! I know!
Zeb used Substitute!
And before you ask how I typed that mission, I used my feet.
i r gud.
This is going to be such an exercise in mental discipline. And eating M&Ms, that will be happening a lot.
Rina eagerly takes the books out of the briefcase and stokes them fondly before putting them in her pockets. The briefcase... is left to gather dust in the corner of the RC.
Zeb nudges the plushie and shrugs. It's nice.
"How are your pockets big enough for hardback Harry Potter books? I'm a clown and my pockets aren't big enough for that! Also, have a balloon PokePuff."
*FX: Sound of inflated rubber being dextrously bent into shape*
"I might or might not have 'borrowed' my jacket from the Doctor..." *grin*
"Hey, Agent Go To Blean, do yoooour pockets do that?"
"I'm not talking to you, human."
"... Is this about your spy costume again? Oh, wait a second, that must have TONS of pockets! I mean, what else would all the zippers be for? And since it's skintight, like all the best spy costumes, that must mean the pockets are bigger on the inside for that too! Thanks for helping me out!"
"Agent Dives, kill me. No, kill her, then kill me. And don't make her death quick."
That was... uh. Yeah, that's a badfic I'm really glad I've never read.
(You'll be glad to know the Canon Librarian screeched in actual pain inside my head when Inheritance got destroyed; I had to go back and confirm that it's described as Zeb's copy, not a borrowed one)
I liked the relatively low-key kill at the end of this one; it's both appropriate (countering Miss Overpowered with simple blunt-force trauma), and sets up for harder and harder kills as the series goes on.
(Have you read Kippur's missions into the Marrissa Picard series? It's one of the few instances of repeat-kills I'm aware of, so it might be interesting for you. Oh, and I guess technically my Al and Death mission/s count; the two halves were written separately, but the second piece was only very short, and is now tacked onto the end)
hS
Guess I shouldn't make assumptions; I thought you'd read all the LBs. ^^;
Rina was secretly very upset her book got destroyed. Sure, she hates it, but she likes her books in pristine condition. But she has appearances to keep up, y'know. ;)
I have... a plan, of sorts, for the later kills, but it's going to probably end up being rewritten like twenty times before I settle on a final version. OP!Morally Devoid!Dark!Rose is scary.
And yes, I have read Kippur's missions. It was partly what inspired the multiple-kills thing (can't believe I forgot to list it as a LB series...).
You will do all six parts? I’m looking forward to this.
Some nitpicks though:
Rose answered all of Snape’s answers perfectly.
Who asked all the questions then?
the scrambled to find empty seats
You probably meant they.
promptly and expertly redressed the wound the wound on Snape’s leg
and
even all the the way across the pitch
and
a portal to the Room of Requirement room
Somebody call the Repititive Department of Repetition, please.
Rose was trying to decide if she wanted to let Hermione swear on her druidic amulet so she could see Rose naked all the time.
I’m confused. Does the amulet, after Hermione swore on it, allow Hermione to see through Rose’s clothes? This doesn’t match what I concluded from the scene where McGonagall explained the Travelling Aid amulet. Apparently it allows Rose to travel without much luggage, enabling her to summon or conjure all the clothes she wants to wear in a weird druidic ritual that requires undressing before the new clothes can be summoned? Did an attempt to avoid giving us too much information result in not giving us enough information about what this amulet really does? You should keep in mind that, although the badfic is legendary, somebody may read this unspoiled.
HG
*laughs manically* Huh? What do you mean, what's my straightjacket size?
Thanks for pointing out those errors. I don't know how I keep keep doing doing the the double double word word thing thing. ^^;
The amulet just projects a camouflage of clothes. Rose is actually starkers the whole time. If someone swears on the amulet, they get to see her naked ALL the time. Lovely, innit? Anyway, went back and clarified it. Thanks!
I don't see it as very problematic for Neville to have a learning disability, actually.
A lot of his trouble definitely comes from lack of confidence, but that isn't incompatible with a learning disability.
Neville's got the typical jagged skill profile of someone with a specific learning disability--he's way better at some subjects than others, as you can see when you see Neville in Herbology vs. Charms, for example. That kind of skill gap is common for real-life people with things like dyslexia or dyscalculia.
Neville definitely blossoms by the end of his schooling, especially since he learns to concentrate on his strengths. It becomes obvious that he's not universally a slow learner; he has weaknesses that he has to work around, like his lack of confidence and the trouble he has with paying attention to details and keeping track of complex things in his mind. I don't think he would have a learning disability in a Muggle school; maybe he'd lean toward inattentive-type ADHD, but that'd be about it.
Anyways, that doesn't really justify the way this fic treats Neville. The writer gives Neville this old magical injury, an old curse that suppressed his magic and gave him this learning disability. And then, once Rose Potter is in the picture, she essentially cured him all at once, just like that. There's no personal growth for Neville learning how to cope with his problems and his lack of confidence. There's no working around weaknesses. They're just taken away. Neville with a disability is unacceptable to Rose Potter, so Rose Potter takes the disability away. Shy, clumsy Neville just isn't good enough for her, even though he was plenty good enough for Harry Potter. Unfortunate implications much?
Keep in mind though, that a lot of Neville's problems seemed to be a combination of 1) Not having his own wand until book six, 2) His lack of confidence, first from his grandmother's always comparing him to his father, later all his relatives convinced he's a squib, and 3) Professor Snape's bullying.
After Dumbledore's Army, Neville finally started to become more confident in his abilities and was able to hold his own for a while in the Department of Mysteries, even though he was using a wand not suited for him.
I could see someone writing a good fic about Neville having a learning disability, but at one point, Rose uses the word 'retarded' without a second thought. And then she proceeds to 'cure' him because he's needed to replace Ron, and we can't have a retarded person spoiling her Mary Sue fantasy!
Ugh, I feel dirty writing that.
Now I want to write a fic about an intellectually disabled Hogwarts student. I mean, why wouldn't wizards have that, same as Muggles do, right? So what happens when Hogwarts does have to arrange for special ed for someone who maybe still needs reading or basic math lessons, whose magic is just as strong as any other wizard's, but who's slower at learning? Maybe it's a new development because traditionally, disabled wizarding kids are kept at home. But if this kid is Muggle-born, or if their parents are fighting for them rather than ashamed of them, then why wouldn't they go to Hogwarts, same as any other student? That might be interesting to do. I'd have to work out the character's personality and goals and such...
this one fic someone wrote for a wheelchair-bound friend who would never in a million years be able to go to Hogwarts, thanks to those 142 staircases. It was a wizarding school for disabled children. Quite a tear-jerker, really.
Why couldn't a wheelchair user go to Hogwarts?
I mean, yes: Stairs. I get it; stairs are a problem. However, this is a culture that has broomsticks. As in: Things that can hover, ascend and descend, and that you can ride on--including safe versions that only hover a few feet above the ground, don't go fast, and are made as children's toys. What on earth is stopping wizards from building a hover chair for a wheelchair user, with which they could ascend and descend stairs as easily as though they had been riding a broomstick?
Actually, I'm going to answer my own question here: Chances are, wizards have the same hang-ups about disability as Muggles do, and what's possible with the technology available isn't always what's actually being done with it. A person who needs a hoverchair might not be getting one simply because people think of broomsticks as sports equipment rather than assistive technology.
A wizarding school for disabled children would be rather interesting to write about. I don't know why it'd be a tear-jerker in and of itself. Were you referring to "I don't get to go to Hogwarts"? because yeah, I can see a kid being sad about that. That's just the way things go when you have a disability and nobody bothers to make those small adjustments to the world, so you can live in it alongside your neighbors.
It was a few years back. I just remember thinking the end was heartbreaking.
And that is actually a very good point about the hovering wheelchair. Still, I suppose it's the thought that counts.
I think the whole "Fixer Sue" stuff really is the worst thing about these fics. By "fixing" every character and situation she comes across, Rose basically destroys all the interesting stuff in the series, kills characters by taking away every part of their personnality that she doesn't like -that is, pretty much everything-, and then it's just "Look at how overpowered I am". How is that even interesting to write, even for a Suethor?
I'd like to ask you to take a look at this mission, which is into a badfic I wrote, or this one, which was written by a PPC Boarder (and PPC'd on request), or for that matter SkarmorySilver's first mission, into a story by himself.
'Suethor' isn't a word that tells you anything about a person, and I kind of regret not jumping up and down on it when it was first coined. All it tells you is that someone has written a bad piece of fanfiction - and there are three reasons people do that.
1/ They're trolling, or deliberately trying to provoke a reaction. That's really not as common as some Boarders think.
2/ They know it's bad and don't care. This seems to be how most Boarders think virtually all badfics are created, and I believe - I have to believe - it's why people use 'Suethor' as an epithet. But they're wrong. It's very rare that someone literally doesn't care, and they're usually very obvious - they include comments like 'this is the WILD and CRAZY story me and my friends came up with on a sugar rush last night in which Legolas is our new maths teacher and he totally loves all of us!'. Most badfics fall in category three:
3/ They write badly because they don't know how to write well. Look back at Rings of Power, my linked mission. I have a whole bunch of writing from about that time which consists of:
-Group of people encounter situation.
-Every single thing which happens in the area affects them.
-No-one can solve anything without their help.
-They get all the good stuff.
I did the research. I knew the layout of Lothlorien, and the timeline of the books. I didn't make up nonsensical, non-canonical stuff. But I hadn't learnt enough to let the protagonists operate in the world, rather than warping it around them. If they ran into trouble, it was specifically aimed at them - because that makes for added tension, right? R...right?
The vast majority of badfic writers are young, and still learning to write - heck, I was probably sixteen or seventeen when I wrote that, not even that 'young'! But it's very rare that people can write really well without lots and lots of practice. No, reading a lot doesn't help: it takes practice to realise that you are doing it differently to Terry Pratchett, or J.K. Rowling, or what have you. And you won't notice by reading back your own story, either.
So yeah, we kill Mary-Sues, and exorcise Bad Slash, and break up Disturbing Acts of Violence, and all that other stuff - because it's fun, and because it lets us highlight what's wrong about it, and as catharsis on behalf of the canon characters. But we always, always need to remember that authors aren't out to get us. The vast majority of them just want to write, because they enjoy it, and they have a fountain of ideas in their heads which they need to get down. The only way for them to learn how to do that well... is to do it badly.
hS
I define it as "an author who's so much a beginner, or doesn't care enough, that they write Mary Sues". Most of us went through our own Suethor stage; I wrote an egregious, literally all-powerful Animorphs sue at one point.
When I read the phrase "even for a Suethor", I understood it to mean, "Even for someone who's not very good at writing (yet?)." As in, Even if you aren't very good, wouldn't it still be boring to write like this? Wouldn't you still have the insight to see the problem?
I think that maybe this author just got started writing one way, and kept going by momentum. I remember that once I established my Sue, it was a lot easier to keep her Sueish than it would've been to reform her. And I was too invested in my story to step back and think, even though I knew it wasn't perfect.
Speaking of, I don't know if any of you would like to try PPCing an Animorphs fic, but if you do, go ahead and give me a shout. They're future AUs set about five years after the series ends, and the Sue is a girl named Emily who finds out she's the Ellimist's daughter. Yes, really. :)
I'd love to send Nume and Ilraen into an Animorphs crossover. I just haven't been able to find one that reeks sufficiently for my taste. And it would help if it involved Andalites prominently, too. It really surprises me that such a fic hasn't been easy to come by, but it hasn't.
~Neshomeh
I'll tell you if I find something. Andalite culture interests me, too--they seem so advanced in some ways, so backward in others, and just plain different. The author did very well inventing them as a species--them and the Hork-Bajir. Hork-Bajir are wonderful because of their unique method of concentrating intelligence in "seers", which creates a community that's nothing like what we'd see on Earth, where geniuses are more like the extreme end of normal than a group apart. What if we had a very few people with an IQ of around 140, while everyone else's hovered around the 40s and 50s; can you imagine how odd a society ours would be if that were the case?
Anyways, yes. Will keep my eyes out for "good" Andalite-bashing fics for you to torture Ilraen with. :)
Just messing with Ax, Elfangor, or even Aldrea would work for me (though I can't imagine there are many fics that even mention Aldrea). I know lots of people like Ax and Elfangor, so you'd think there'd be plenty of Sues for them, and therefore a percentage of crossover Sues. I just haven't seen 'em.
But yeah, Andalite culture is interesting. I gotta wonder how they managed to turn society back from an urban system and return to a less concentrated sorta-rural one, but without giving up on their technological advances. I kinda wish we could do that here on Earth.
~Neshomeh
Drat, I knew I should have kept the link to that one where she goes to Hogwarts and dates Malfoy! *rageface* I don't remember where it was, but wasn't on the Pit... drat.
Such a thing cannot possibly exist. Please tell me you're making it up.
Oh god, you're not making it up, are you? D =}
~Neshomeh, afraid.
Well, my Google-Fu is insufficient to find the wretched thing. I guess that's good.
... Who am I kidding, I'm disappointed. I want to torture Ilraen, darnit!
~Neshomeh
Let's just pray that was because the author deleted it. *shudders*
(Mission can be found here, if you're interested.)
I think I had a particularly bad case of hubris: My grammar was already loads better than most of what I'd seen on the Pit, and I knew Harry Potter like nobody's business. I even had a plan to write out my OC, and even had plans to create another timeline based on what a fifth Marauder would do to change the future.
It sucked.
I never bothered to spell check, convinced I was already doing it right; I didn't check how to spell names in the books, certain I knew it already; at one point, someone called Purebloods 'bigamists' instead of 'bigots' because I didn't realize my vocabulary wasn't as impressive as I thought (and couldn't be bothered to check if I was right). And the 200+ reviews raving about my fic didn't exactly help.
The only special power I'd given my OC was necessary for the plot to happen! She was a half-blood without a Trajek Past, her parents were happily married and loved her, and she was good at Defense Against the Dark Arts, sucked in Charms, and was average in everything else. She helped James practice Chasing but never tried out for the team herself. She doesn't sound like a Sue from this description, but when you get into the story itself, you start to notice none of the characters seem to have a life outside of her. The entire world exists to serve.
But I never thought for a second that my character was a Sue. I never gave urple descriptions of her hair, or eyes, or wardrobe. I made sure she didn't have a Trajek Past. I refused to let her be the best at everything. She was only distantly related to a canon character.
And yet, she was still a Sue.
In retrospect, I learned a lot about it, and I would have loved to see someone, anyone, come in and give me conceit, even if it had been in the form of a mission. I don't know when I realized my character was a Sue, but I'm glad I did. That story is really what gave me the practice I needed to realize what was good and what wasn't (though nobody ever stops learning). I just wish I'd realized my mistakes sooner.
I didn't really want to imply that "Suethors" just don't car about their writinge, and I am aware that most authors of badfic jusy don't know how to write properly.
The "even for a Suethor" might have been a bit much, but what I meant was that I genuinely don't see how "Overpowered character fixes everything" is enjoyable to read or write for anyone. It just seems... I dunno, boring?
I should probably find a way to have my phone's autocorrect recognize English.
(For writing, not reading)
Most people are really pleased with themselves when they come up with a way to fix a problem - particularly when someone who's theoretically 'better' than them is the one having the problem. It's one reason people watch quiz shows: to feel smug when they get the answers the contestants miss.
So think of a book you've read or a film you've watched where the characters had difficulties which you could see an easy way out of. For a concrete (and relevant!) example: the correct solution to the final part of the Triwizard Tournament in the Goblet of Fire movie is, quite clearly, to wait at the entrance for the other contestants to get out of sight, then pull out your wand and say 'Accio Goblet of Fire'. There's nothing in the movie that would prevent it (restrictions on spell use, limits on the spell, etc), so it's totally what Harry should have done.
But just realising that, while it feels pretty good, isn't really enough. I mean, you don't want to brag, but surely all those people who're just accepting the film at face value should have noticed it - and didn't. You've picked up on something most people missed; it's practically your duty to tell them about it. But you don't want to just say it, because that would be bragging.
But a story is different. You can write it into a story, and people will be really impressed by how well you solved the problem. So you create a fifth contestant (because we know the other four didn't get it), let's call her Iris Granger, and you have her win the TWT by exactly that means. What'sisname never dies (and probably gets together with Iris out of sheer gratitude, though for that to work she'll need to be able to see the future, so let's do that too), Harry doesn't have to fight Voldemort, everybody wins. Only, wait, didn't Voldy get injured or something in that fight? We don't want to disrupt the rest of the story, so maybe Voldy should teleport to confront Iris after she gets the cup. And actually, I've just had a great idea about how to easily beat him...
And after all that thinking you've done, and all that intricate plotting, and all the things you put in so as not to break the story, some asterisks over at the PBC Bored or whatever claim Iris is a Mary-Sue. The nerve of some people!
(It was guns, by the way. Guns kill Voldemort. But why did Iris have a gun? Hey, she can see the future...)
hS
Really now, this is just awful. The fic that is, the mission is top notch. Rina steadily losing her sanity has been a fun trip. Question though: why kill her multiple times instead of throwing her to the Department of Repeat Offenders?
Though those weren't specifically written to be followed chronologically like Rosie... *shrugs* Besides, she makes me mad. Getting to kill her six times will be fun.
Oh, you think this is sanity slippage? Think again...
She DELIBERATELY offs Quirrel!? And of COURSE she's a hitherto unheard-of form of Metamorphmagus with Speshul abilities
I trust the amulet will be completely destroyed in the end? I mean, this is one sick story!!!!!
Brain.exe rebooting now.
And yes, I'm planning on throwing that foul thing into Mt. Doom. There's no way anyone would want to keep that thing as a trophy. (The wands, on the other hand...)
She insists Tonks is a 'Spina Metamorph' as well. It's disgusting. Sadly, that is the least of her crimes.
I'll enjoy those NMs&NMs :)
Just... WTF?!?!?
Did the Suethor even think about what is actually plausible?! WHY did she decide to shoehorn ninja skills in; isn't being a wizard Speshul enough?!
And riddle me this, Suethor:
How could Rose possibly have learned ninja skills; the Dursleys would not have let her!
If Rose is a ninja, then why is she staying with the Dursleys? She could, for example, survive in the forest! (And that would only serve to increase how formidable of a person she is.)
And why does Dudley even bully her, since bullies only pick on those who cannot fight back!
And that's just the first few paragraphs!
*breathes hard*
Iximaz, I salute your high tolerance for BS.
Ugh, what could possess someone to even write this?!
*headwall*
Query, though: Am I misreading, or am I to assume that Rose goes everywhere in the buff?
Good luck with the rest of the series. Let's hope that Agent Rina, unable as she is to indulge in any Bleep, doesn't become indisposed soon after!
*offers Full Restore for Zeb and Butterbeer for Rina.*
Here. You'll need it.
A few errors:
1) Zeb’s keen ears still caught what she said.
“Damn rookie…”
You should replace that period after "she said" with a colon.
2) Polkiesses
Mini-Aragog. Remove that first E; it should be "Polkisses".
3) reigning in the electricity
Homophone error. Remove the G; it should be "reining in".
4) It’s to show how calm and collected she in in the face of danger!
I believe you meant to say "how calm and collected she is in the face of danger"?
5) Zeb, his eyes watering and wishing desperately he could burn his nose off to be rid of the smell, just nodded.
Zeb's eyes were wishing? Some rewording might be needed here. Consider this: "Zeb just nodded as his eyes watered; he was desperately wishing that he could burn his nose off to be rid of the smell."
6) mass neutralization
I believe you meant to say "mass neuralyzation"?
We shouldn't make negative comments about the writers of fanfics. We shouldn't make assumptions about said writers, either. It's borderline flaming, when it's not actually flaming, and even though for some inexplicable reason we haven't said so in the Constitution, that's really not acceptable behaviour.
hS
Oh, my tolerance for BS is so so very very low. I had to take a break every so often and ended up eating an entire bag of M&Ms over the course of writing this. (I'm guessing it'll be three by the time I get through OotP.) Just... the whole thing... *vomits*
You're not mistaken: she really DOES go everywhere nekkid. It's because she's a 'druidess'. I'll just say my leather-wearing D&D druid would kick her bare @$$ into next week if they met.
*takes the presents eagerly* These will be much appreciated... once they get back. Muahaha.
Thank you for pointing those out! Fixed!
Kark me sideways, I never thought someone would tackle a badfic this long.
-Bow-
You have my respect, Milady Iximaz!
That said, there's a small case of Dog Latin in the mission: in Nudatio is not Latin. The correct (ablative) form is in nudos, and even that is highly irregular (and, since Latin is a Classical language, frowned upon).
But in the fix, Rose refers to it as such. I should probably put that in quotes, actually.
And this is just the first... *sobs*
I'm here and I have agents that clearly weren't traumatised enough.
You can also charge for that piece of Dog Latin. "In Nudatio"? Seriously?
But sadly, the grammar is the least of the problems.
(He totally had one.) I noticed a lot of places with one more blank line than usual, you might want to get rid of those. Not where it means a scene break, though, there it's good.
You're right, it is less interesting to read the book in first person. Especially with a stupid ninja-druid-whatever-the-f*ck Sue as the main character. Excellent work! *gently tosses Sugar Quills*
Heh. *noms Sugar Quills*
Anyway, I don't know why, but for some reason, the formatting near the beginning got really screwed up. No idea why, since I think it's just that one section... Any thoughts? I tried playing with line spacing. The entire thing is single-spaced, but that didn't seem to help.
Here, it's a jar of paralytic girtablilu venom. A few milliliters of this will leave the subject on the floor and twitching for about five minutes. Three centiliters will induce permanent paralysis. A deciliter will interfere with the heart and lungs, causing death by either asphyxiation or cardiac arrest.
You have half a liter. Make it count.
*inspects the jar*
Drat, it's not Potterverse-compliant. :( I guess I'll save it for later.
It makes use of natural chemicals. It's not like Kala has magical venom, it's just a neurotoxin.
I'll still have to save this for later, I'm afraid. The gift will be appreciated once Rina and Zeb are able to return to their RC, though. :)
I found a Harry Potter/Monster Musume crossover last month. So far it's just copied the plot of MonMusu and replaced Kimihito with Harry, but it was way too early to judge the fic, as it was only up to MonMusu's second chapter.
I wonder if that fanwriter is still working...
...'cuz has "Gary Oak's Seal of Approval(tm)"!
That was... What do you mean, I've not read it yet? Eh, I bet it'll be awesome. I mean, the mission, not the fic.
