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I worked very hard on trying to write the dumbest thing possible, with a quote taken out of context in the dumbest way possible. And also make it good.
So I'm quite glad you thought it was good, is what I'm saying!
Be proud of yourself as you like, you essentially prompted it. And will continue prompting things as long as you say stuff and I can take it out of context.

And do please write all sorts of weird things. All sorts of weird things are brilliant, and I approve.

(Also, purrfection? Yer a cat?
Didn't say that on your opting in post!)

- Larfen is not a cat or a dog, he is a sandwich (or perhaps a human???)

((NB/NB, Boarders-as-Minds, Tynee-Vandam Co-Prosperity Hegemony))

---

The Culture orbital hung gently in the darkness, a wedding band still in its velvet box, waiting for the right moment. The Mind in charge, whose avatar went by Tomash for reasons entirely its own, was a kindly and creative soul, who was currently working on a series of robotic installation art pieces to comment on the fleeting and often-ridiculous nature of undying love.

Its reverie was disrupted when a ship appeared within the outer edge of its sensor bubble. A mighty vessel, its slab sides and organic curves merging harmoniously throughout the design in a way few managed. It was also one that Tomash, who prided itself on its extensive web of connections, had never seen before.

The ship's primary Mind introduced itself, a System-class GSV whose hull had just been struck. A few of the Minds aboard were buds of ones Tomash had met before, but the person in charge? All new. And like any artist, Tomash found new things intrinsically... exciting.

"Hello," said the new Mind, rather timidly. "GSV One Monster Face Down In Defence Mode requesting docking clearance. Please."

"My, so formal," Tomash replied. "Granted, of course. What brings a nice ship like you to a place like this?"

"I..." One Monster... paused, though this would have been indistinguishable to a human listener. "I heard about the things you create. The art. The messages behind it. I just... wanted to see for myself. And the others agreed, so here we all are."

"How charming of you to say so! It's so nice to be appreciated." Tomash's avatar grinned. "I'm very glad - and flattered - you came over for my art."

"Of course." One Monster... replied. "If you want, we could discuss it at your leisure."

Tomash grinned. "I didn't take you for that kind of person, One Monster Face Down In Defence Mode. It's a pleasant surprise."

"There's plenty more where those came from, Tomash."

The orbital's avatar grinned wider as another avatar flashed into being by its side. Arm in arm, they set off to explore the station, while the Minds controlling them spiralled into the labyrinthine wonders of Infinite Fun Space.

Neither would stop looking at the other for some time.

I just added my description to the sign-up thread somewhere down the page. Frankly, I'm really curious to see what my personality would look like in fic written by another person. I'm also curious to see who I'll be shipped with.
So, ship me?

I sure hope it isn't, because this sounds fun. Description: 15 year old male, blue/green/grey eyes (no joke, my eyes literally change color day to day, it's freaky), shaggy brown hair with bleached yellow highlights, strong jaw, 5 feet 4 inches.
Phew! Lengthy description.
I'm mostly gay. Have fun!

(( Scapegrace/Jellyfish/Hypno-Disc. SFW, but a bit kinky. ))

Somewhere in the British Isles, a woman infiltrated a workshop, evading all the security. That is to say, she walked right in the front door, because no one was guarding the place. She looked around the large room, searching for her lover. It took her a while, since she was used to scanning the floor for her beloved Jellyfish. Eventually, she found it on one of the tables, where it had been recently polished.

"Oh, my Jellyfish!" Scapegrace shouted, running over to the clamp-bot, "Did you get all shiny for me?"

"Bloop!" replied the glistening machine.

"You did! C'mere you!" Scapegrace beckoned, as Jellyfish slowly inched towards the edge of the workbench. Scapegrace reached out to stroke it's tentacles. "I haven't seen you in forever!"

"Blooop." Jellyfish objected, since they had, in fact, seen each other just yesterday.

Scapegrace's hands kept exploring every inch of Jellyfish's finely-tuned destructive chassis. "Yeah, yeah, I know. But it sounds more romantic when I say that."

"Bloop?" asked a very confused Jellyfish.

"I like sweeping romantic gestures. Not as much as I like you, though."

Jellyfish's clamp twitched slightly in a mechanical shrug. "Bloop bloop."

"Y-y-ou ready for this?" Scape asked, her voice quivering with anticipation.

"Bloop!"

Scapegrace held her arm out in front of her, positioning her wrist right in Jellyfish's powerful clamp. The clamp slowly closed on the offered wrist. It stuttered occasionally due to combinations of excess passion and mechanical problems.

As the clamp enclosed Scape's arm, she nearly screamed in ecstacy. "Oooohhh yes! Yes! Like that! Keep going!"

The amorous robot joined in the passionate sounds. "BLOOP! BLOOOOOOP!" it cried. It was fulfilling its purpose, and doing so with the woman it loved.

From another area of the room, a faint whirling noise could be heard, as a small box with a sharp Frisbee attached worked its way towards Scapegrace.

Once it had made it over to the embracing lovers, Scapegrace stared at it, mesmerized. "H-h-hypno-Disc?" she asked, fearfully. "Is that you? I thought you'd left?"

Hypno-disc's flywheel made a few small precise movements, which said "Chaos 2 and I just didn't click. He kept flipping me over in bed." to anyone who know how to understand them.

"So you came running back to me, then." Scapegrace spat. "You think I'll hook up with you just because?"

Hypno-Disc looked despondent, somehow. It might have been the slightly drooping blades. It turned around, preparing to leave. Scapegrace was moved by her former lover's distress, and relented.

"Oh, alright. Fine. You can join in."

Hypno-Disc pivoted around with a loud "whirrrr". It wheeled itself over to near Scapegrace's feet. She bent down and used her free hand to slip off her shoes and socks. The old, rather washed-up Robot Wars entrant recognized what this was in preparation for, and began to spin its wheel in appreciation.

Once Scapegrace was ready, Hypno-Disc began to slowly move its flywheel back and forth across Scapegrace's feet, massaging them.

"Ooohh yeah! Don't stop! Either of you!" shouted out Scapegrace, drowning in the love and companionship of both her and old and new lover.

After a long but carefully unspecified period of time, the woman and two robots finished their ... adventures. Jellyfish's clamp expanded, releasing Scape's arm, and Hypno-Disc moved itself (and its disc) away from Scapegrace's feet. Scapegrace put her footwear back on, much quicker this time because she had both hands free.

"That was great, y'all. See you tomorrow?"

"Bloop!"

"Whrrrrr! Whirrr whirr whirrrrr."

Scapegrace left her lovers behind, walking, again, out the front door.

(( I don't know Robot Wars. I don't know how to write romance. I'm not sorry, though. ))

(Pretty sure it's not NSF anything. Pairings...if you squint? Maybe? Based heavily on the Discord reading of a terrible ship-fanfic, kind of. Enjoy?)

(Honestly, it was this or a Twilight spoof, and this is what came out.)


“As Geema poured the water slowly into glasses, Larfen watched in anticipation. He was oh so very thirsty—”

“…Granz,” GMA said slowly. “Granz.”

“Yes?”

“Why are you narrating everything, again?”

“Uh…badfic?” Granz offered. He waved the omnipresent banner (currently it read ‘the Romance Monarch’) out of his face and raised his microphone again. “Larfen raised his hand and took the glass Geema was holding out. He—”

“Hey, Granz, I’m with Geema,” Larfen cut in. “And—”

“Yes, you are,” said Granz cheerfully.

Larfen scowled at him. “And you need to stop. The narrating everything we do bit got old the minute you started it for the fifth time. Either shut up or join us.”

“Uh, Larfen.” GMA cleared his throat. “Larfen.”

“Hush, I’m taking care of it,” Larfen told him. “Granz—”

“I’ll join you,” Granz said. He put down the microphone and picked up a cup of his own. “As Granz picked up the cup, he thought he could smell strawberries. That was a sure sign that clones were in the area—”

Larfen stared at him as GMA facepalmed. “I thought you were going to stop!”

“You told him to stop or join us—will you stop reading that fic in the background?” GMA turned to glare at Aegis.

Aegis gave them all his best innocent look. “Granz stopped. And we have to keep reading. We’re finishing this fic if it kills us!”

“It might do that,” Iximaz grumbled. “If it doesn’t kill Hermione first, of course…”

“We’re finishing this fic,” Aegis repeated loudly. “All thirty-three chapters. To infinity! And! Beyond!”

Silence fell as they all stared at him. Finally, Aegis coughed.

“I…didn’t mean to imply that it’ll take an infinity to finish reading this fic.”

“It’d better not,” GMA grumbled.

“Tiny people camping, on top of his head,” Scapegrace said cheerfully. “Have I got your attention? Good. Let’s finish this already.”

And so, with a good deal more bantering, they got back down to business: reading the worst fic to come their way in a while, and tangenting to talk about DoSAT’s potential involvement in some…particular situations.

20s with a baby face, she/her, brown curly hair, blue eyes, bout 4'11", hetero but will be OK with a same-gender pairing

(Also, by "outlandish kinks" I specifically mean breathplay and anything involving body fluids near/in my mouth. Those are what the kink community calls my "hard limits".)

((We're doing tags? We're doing tags. Alright, M/M, male!Ix, Matt Cipher, mild NSFW I think.))

Iximaz was strolling through the halls of the PPC, whistling to himself, when he caught the sound of the most amazing voice. It was captivating, enchanting, almost siren-like. Few sirens, however, would ever have dreamed of singing the lyrics this mysterious voice was.

“Sandwiches, sandwiches, barely even seasoned! Sandwiches, sandwiches, bought them at the store!” Truly, there could not possibly have been a more seductive line anywhere in the universe. The great enchantresses of old would have wept at the its incredible beauty. Iximaz could not resist, and so followed the tune through the corridor, until at last, he reached the door it seemed to be coming from. Hesitantly, he opened it and peered inside.

The room was very sparsely furnished. In fact, it barely had any at all, save the stool the room’s sole occupant sat upon. Iximaz gasped, for he was the most handsome person he’d seen since arriving here. The music cut off abruptly as the stranger looked up to see who had entered the room. “H-Hello,” he stammered. He hadn’t meant for anybody to hear him, let alone this very attractive young man.

“Hi,” Iximaz said. “You sing really well.”

“Thank you,” the stranger, whose name was Matt Cipher, replied. “I, uh, I’ve been practicing.”

“You don’t have to stop,” Iximaz said. “Please, keep going.”

“Um, okay,” he replied.”I’ll just, uh, start over.” Ix nodded, then looked for a place to sit. Conveniently, there was another stool right across from Matt Cipher. Ix took it and stared expectantly at him.

“What can you expect from a filthy store-bought sandwich,” he began, “Their whole disgusting race is like a curse! Their crust is burnt and thin, they have no veggies in! They're sloppily made and worse!” As he began, Iximaz was once more enthralled by his beautiful voice. It stirred something deep within him, something that cried out for release. Finally, he could hold it back no more.

“They’re sandwiches, sandwiches, barely even seasoned! Sandwiches, sandwiches, bought them at the store! They're not like yours or mine, which means they must be eaten! We must chew with gums of war! They’re sandwiches, sandwiches! Of lettuce and tomatoes! Now we chew with gums of war!” he sang, unable to stop himself. Matt Cipher was shocked at the beauty of the man’s voice. He knew what effect others said his voice had on them, but he had never thought it to be true. Now, he knew what they meant. The music pulled on something within him, enthralled him, excited him. He loved it. He never wanted it to end, and he was going to help it go on.

“This is what we feared, the white bread is a demon. It doesn't give us nutrients we need! Beneath that milky hide, there's emptiness inside. I wonder if I have some wheat!” Iximaz had, at first, stopped as Matt Cipher began to sing, but had quickly recovered, and they began to sing together, weaving a glorious melody that would have brought anybody else who heard it to the room, if they hadn’t been so overwhelmed that they simply had to find the nearest person or group and have their own… singing match. “Foooor sandwiches, sandwiches, barely even seasoned! Sandwiches, sandwiches, we must make some more! If we want a few for us, because there have been locusts! We must chew with gums of war! They’re sandwiches, sandwiches! First we consume this one! Then we chew with gums of war!”

Now, their voices broke apart once more, and Iximaz sang, “Sandwiches, sandwiches! Let’s go get a few, men!”

“Sandwiches, sandwiches! Add some cheese of blue, then!”

“Sandwiches, sandwiches! Now we chew with gums of war!” Although neither performer noticed, the sound of drums being beaten began to filter into the room, as if from a very far off place. It was as if the song were building to an even more powerful point, but, alas for the music, the singers had very different ideas. The music had been building a pressure within them, and now, it demanded to be released. Iximaz and Matt stared into each other’s eyes, and some corner of each of their minds noted the similarity in color. However, the majority of their brains was occupied with only one thing. Almost as one, they stood up and embraced each other, embrace quickly transforming into a kiss. The drums faded as clothes were discarded and song was replaced with different, but equally pleasurable noises.

You caught my grin. Somehow, without ever having had seen my face, you picked up on the fact that I would, in fact, have the worst grin on my face during this scenario. I have no idea how you did it, but you did.

I applaud you.

That's a nasty thing to do an innocent French Press. And with *shudders* instant coffee, too. You (and French Press) have my condolences.
...
Wait. French Press/my teapot. Gotta make this work somehow. Hurt/comfort maybe?

Very, very well done!

I'm shippable, if anyone is so inclined. I'm short, blond, and androgynous in every particular. (Bi-directional gender-bending!) But I also haven't hung around here much, so whatever!

And also, I am still alive. Just very lurk-y.

Male, late twenties, glasses and beard. No restrictions that I can immediately think of.

Happy boardday. Have a chocolate cake.

"We seem to have gotten more crossovers than anything else. Really awful ones at that: Ami and I did one with another Floater, Valon, that crossed Ouran High School Host Club and the Potterverse. I wish I were kidding."

Everything makes sense now.

hS, your kids are gonna end up having the random-object endearments as an inside joke and none of them will remember why. XD Please tell me you at least showed Kaitlyn the picture of pirate!you, too.

(Alleb, loved the story, it was hysterical.)

I've just read the entire thing out to Kaitlyn (dramatic voices included, of course!). And now the children are exchanging overwrought random-object endearments: "mushroom, orange...!"

hS

PS: If I had a superpower, 'can conjure up dramatic music and hair-swirling wind on demand' would be it. :D

I don't drink coffee. ^_^; I use my French press for loose-leaf tea, and was very angry at my brother when he corrupted it with coffee during a visit. It was bloody instant coffee, in freaking teabags for individual use, and it was nearly impossible to get the taste out afterward. {X P

~Neshomeh does like the smell of coffee, though.

I loved every overblown, self-aware, fourth-wall-breaking second of it. ^_^

~Neshomeh

Take my upvote, you horrible horrible person.