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Perhaps I should have paid more attention to the warning signs. Like all those furballs you were coughing up, and the way you'd kill birds and drag them to my doorstep and your tendency to lap milk out of a bowl on the ground.

Hm.
I never was the observant type!

Your own conscience and sense of morality ought to sort that all for you, I figure.

I have played TF2! I do not anymore, because the internet where I am is rubbish and online games sort of need the internet. I've not played any of those other ones, but I have gazed jealously at other people who play Overwatch. This now includes you.

*Gazes at jealously*

You don't got, I dunno, a favourite book, or anything like that? Or a series or such?

I read literally anything I can get my hands on. I have a limit currently on how many books I can check out from my public library, because apparently 27 was "too many for any one person to read within a week, let alone a month.".

As for gaming, I play TF2, Overwatch, LoL, The Borderlands Series, and many others.

Will I get verbally assaulted for using comic sans?

G'day, I'm Larfen! Worry very much where I come from, because there are lots of spiders and poisonous snakes and crocodiles. We have a pretty good amount of sun here, too (it goes all over the place, literally every day. It's crazy. It's mad.)

My gift upon you is: a roof. The greatest vampire defence against the sun that we have developed so far. We'll extinguish the threat in its entirety soon enough, don't you worry. But this will do, for now.

What'dyou read, then? Or play?
I'm faaaaairly certain you don't do either of those things with the stuff you listed. And I'm a professional sleuth, which is why I'm curious.

And welcome and such!

Welcome, and have a plate of SPaGhetti.

Since you seem to have missed the bit about using proper grammar when you read through the Constitution (at least, I assume you did from you comment about keeping things PG-13), I'd just like to remind you to keep the txtspk to a minimum when you post.

Anyway, since you said you don't like MLP, obligatoy image is obligatory.

Welcome, welcome, welcome. For your newbie gift, have a LEGO Mary-Sue minifig.
Have you read the Original Series and the Wiki? If you haven't; leave, read them, come back.
Hope you enjoy the Board. Leave your sanity at the door, and have some fun.

*glomps*
*pokes*
Hey dude! I'm glad you joined ^.^ As a welcome gift, I hereby present you with a ten-foot-long jet-black cat-o-nine-tails made entirely of paperclips. It will strike terror into the hearts of all who see it. Don't try to use it for anything, though, it was hard to make and is pretty close to falling apart as it is.

I also advise you to join in the Shipfest, so that we can do newest newbie/oldest oldbie properly this year.

--Key

Hi. I'm maxewell. Don't worry about where I came from.
I'm into pretty much everything. Not a bronie. Not a fan of that.... thing. I'll be pretty much everywhere DW, SPN, The Magicians, Star Trek, Star Wars, goddamn theres so many do I srsly have to list them all

No particular fanfiction is my favorite, same with spinoffs and agents. Though there are many things I can't list on here, thanks to some of the PG:13 restrictions. Anyways.

I'm a vampire too. I sneeze violently in bright sun. Look it up. Legit thing.

Hobbies: Reading. Playing video games. Doing literally anything other than homework. (I rolled a 20 on charisma, it comes in handy for that.)

Cya.

I can haz more? I definitely want more.

This is part 2 of last year's shipfic. Back then I said I'd posted a third. This year I think it may have been more of a fifth. Will I get any more written? Who knows!

~

Clara Oswald watched the readouts on her screen, her hands hovering over the TARDIS controls. "There's some sort of weird ripple effect over most of America right now… I bet the Doctor's mucking about down there. And here we go…"

She took hold of one of the multitude of levers and eased it down, flicking switches with her other hand. Around her the TARDIS vibrated, the air filling with the rising and falling thrumm of its landing pattern. She held the lever steady for two seconds - three - and then pushed it firmly into its locking position.

"And we are down. How about that, then?" She turned to her companion, grinning widely.

Desdendelle looked back at her with Ashildr's face, her expression impassive.

Clara's smile faltered. "Oh. Right. I forgot. Well… we've landed. You can go and get your friend now."

Desdendelle frowned slightly. "I don't think that will work," she said. "I'm hardly recognisable right now." She cocked her head, studying Clara. "She would certainly recognise you, however."

Clara snorted. "Right, because I'm going outside in a corset to hunt for a woman I don't even know. Do you want to know how well that ended last time?"

"Someone has to go," Desdendelle said with a shrug. "I've explained why it shouldn't be me."

"... you know what? I'm just going to pull up the cameras now." Clara reached behind her and toggled a switch, activating the TARDIS's monitoring system. A portion of one wall flickered with static, then resolved into an image of the interior of the diner.

"O-kay." Clara walked round to another panel of the console and took hold of a joystick. "External view is… over there." The image jumped, showing a brick wall. "Er, right, other external view… there."

The picture showed a tarmac surface, and the front doorstep of the diner. Nothing moved. Clara glanced over her shoulder at her passenger. "Are you sure this-?"

"Ahem." Desdendelle nodded at the screen. "Yes."

Clara looked back just in time to see the top of a head vanishing into her diner. She heard the door squeak outside, and footsteps on the tiles.

"Okay," she said, "so there's someone out there. What are the chances it's your friend?"

"It's her."

"... any reason for thinking that?"

"I recognise her." Desdendelle turned away from the console and crossed to the door. She stopped in front of it, looked down at her hands, then shrugged and pulled the white door open.

The young woman who stepped inside had an expression somewhere between scepticism and awe. She brushed past Desdendelle as if she wasn't even there, got halfway to the console, then stopped and turned in a slow circle. "Wow." She crossed the rest of the distance and pressed a hand to the console. "Wow." She turned, walked up to Clara, and stopped just short of pressing a hand to her, too. "Just wow." Then she frowned. "Wait, why're you in your underwear?"

Clara ran a hand over her corset, snorted, and looked over at Desdendelle. "You see? I told you." She turned back to the newcomer. "Glad you've got a better handle on reality than your friend."

"My… friend?" The girl turned in a second circle, as if looking for someone. "I don't- that is-"

Desdendelle took a step forward, held out a hand. "Iximaz."

The girl turned slowly to face her. "You… don't sound right."

"It's me." Desdendelle flicked the imprecision away with one hand. "Desdendelle."

"Oh." Iximaz cocked her head. "Then I guess you don't look right."

"Yeah, he - she - whatever said you could help with that." Clara swung round, perching on the console. "That you're some kind of… mind-swapping expert, I guess?"

"Me?" Iximaz blinked, then laughed uncertainly. "No, I'm just a fan of… oh, no, actually that might work." She turned and studied her friend. "There was that thing with Lady Cassandra; you remember, with Ten and Rose? And I think Davros once-"

Clara shook her head. "Right, you two kids have fun," she said. "I'm going to finish getting dressed." She gave the two of them a pointed look. "Don't touch anything."

Iximaz looked affronted. "As if we we would!"

With that last sentence, prefixing it with "Author's note:", "A/N:" or some other variation of that phrase would have it made it clear that it wasn't part of the fic, as would (or at least in this community) surrounding it in (( double parentheses ))

Thanks. About the quotation marks, I thought that people might think the sentence at the end of the post was part of the fic if I didn't put quotation marks around it. *face-walls at self*

Guess the title cards are only for movies.

I did want a colon. "Particularly now: etc..." I was explaining why it was busy then.

Thanks for telling me how to do italics.

My team is Primarina, Tsareena, Crobat, Roserade, Celesteela, and Gardevoir. Gengar will probably be my between battle substitute.
I don't really have an overall strategy laid out yet, they're just my favorite 'mons. Gonna have to go visit Smogon I guess

This was a pretty good story overall (well, "good" in the sense that it's completely off-the-wall crack that has no business being posted outside of this thread).

The [insert _ here] were pretty funny, and I liked the references to the other shipfics.

Now, SPaG stuff, because this is still the PPC Shipfest.

- The quote mark at the start made me think someone was reading the narration. Then, when there were quote marks around the dialogue, I was confused (because the quotes were unbalanced), and it took me a while to decide that the first quote mark in the story was some sort of typo. Then, I got to the end and noticed the stray quote mark there, which finally clued me in to the fact that you'd put the entire story in quotes.

You didn't need to do that. Furthermore, if you are quoting the whole story, using the same set of punctuation to quote the text and to mark dialogue can be confusing.

- Explicit title-card type scene transitions ("10 minutes later") are generally considered bad style. It's best to incorporate them into the narration if you can.

- In the first paragraph, is a colon the right punctuation after "now"? I think, as it stands, you wanted a semicolon, but you might want to check me on that.

- To do italics on the Board, type <i>insert words here</i> to produce insert words here.

I forgot the tags, oops.
M/M, ice cream kink, mild NFSW, reference to another fic, ridiculousness (that's a given).

This was out there and somewhat cheesy in a good way. I'm also not completely OOC. Whether that's good or not is up to you.

The Tynee-Vandam Co-Prosperity Hegemony sounded so much like a minor political entity from a Banks novel that I Googled it to see if I'd forgotten about it. (It, of course, was a Plort thing)

I'd twigged that the White Herb was going to go away and free up Acrobatics, but hadn't spotted that it would also heal Shell Smash on the way.

Any chance I could get the same sort of commentary for everyone else...? ;)

Death Malteser comes in just behind Katie B. on the list of prospective names, jsyk.

hS

Minior switches into an offensively oriented forme when it goes below 50% HP. You can tell the difference because it turns from the Malteser Of The Damned to one of the Lumas from Super Mario Galaxy. Anyway, it's therefore worth investing hugely into your Attack and Speed stats, since that way you can hit harder and go first against more stuff - Minior's attacking forme has a base Speed stat of 120, which means you can outspeed a lot of other attacking Pokémon even if they're equipped with a Choice Scarf.

As for a set, Smogon has very much the right idea, and it has a fairly specific game plan. Your Minior should be given a White Herb to hold and know the moves Shell Smash, Stone Edge, Acrobatics, and Earthquake - EdgeQuake coverage, as it is known among the collective nerd hive of the internet, is very good indeed, hitting a lot of stuff for super-effective damage. First turn out? Boost with Shell Smash, whatever the opponent does. This will grant a 2x bonus to your Attack, Special Attack, and Speed, at the cost of a penalty to your Defence and Special Defence. However, this is where White Herb comes in: the item removes stat penalties like the ones you get from Shell Smash! Useful, n'est-ce pas?

After that, it's just a question of having your Death Malteser beat things unconscious with your other three moves. Acrobatics is a fantastic move on this set, because it does double damage if the user isn't holding an item - and since White Herb is a one-use-only item that disappears after its use, Acrobatics will get the boost! Between that and EdgeQuake, you're basically set. Go get 'em, tiger! =]

Alas, poor Thyreophorans, we barely knew thee... at least there's still a ceratopsian to carry that weird-armoured-critter banner.

hS

That's part of what I was going for with the voice. (And yes. He wants to sugarcoat the world. Blep.)

Taking things out of context is one of the most fun things to do. You should do so all the time. For example, have this out-of-context quote from Mr. Dad: "Almost forgot my pants!"

And yes, Larfen. Calliope is secretly a cat. How did mew not notice this earlier?

I think the first Sue I read was the one that I eventually took on as a first mission. When I read a Card Captor Sakura fic, I expect to be, well, about the original cast. Not about a OC who's having a love story with another OC, and the canon characters only in supporting roles with almost no mentions of the original plot.

However, I actually think I might have written my first Stu before I stumbled on that one, so... *points at Agent!Sergio* That would be him.

"Granz walked through the hallways of the Board with an ice cream delivery; not bothering to wonder why the Board was a physical space currently (hint: it had something to do with Shipfest). He was too preoccupied with thinking sad, angsty thoughts to care. His job as Ice Cream Monarch left no space for relationships. Particularly now: ice cream was in high demand for dates. Clearly people thought that ice cream was romantic.

Needless to say, Granz was lonely. Everyone else was pairing up. Hell, even a lowly semi-sentient corset got someone! Who was it again? Ah, yes: Aegis. Granz wasn't surprised; that man had charm (you need charm to seduce a corset). Mmm yes, that man was a miracle. He involuntarily slowed down and [insert sappy daydream sequence here].

"Hey! Hey Granz!" A sweetly accented voice broke through Granz's daydreams. He opened his eyes, and found himself face-to-face with Aegis himself. Granz's thoughts at the moment ran something like this: "Oh my God! The Ironic Over-Power is screwing with me really hard. Ooh, screwing, really hard, Aegis, me. Aegis is so hot. Will not drool, will not drool. I drooled! CRIKEY! I'M STANDING IN A PUDDLE OF MELTED ICE CREAM! IN FRONT OF AEGIS. Nom nom, Aegis, ice cream."
"Hey, you still with me, Granz?" The voice came again from that perfect... "Granz!"
"H-Hi! Aegis! I'm really busy right now," Granz cringed at the utter lameness of that. "I was delivering this ice cream to some people, because it's my job, you know? I did *not* stop in the middle of this Generic Hallway to daydream about you. That's *not* why the ice cream is all melted now." He gasped, "Did I just admit I was daydreaming about you?"
Aegis smirked, "You did."
Granz turned tomato red.
Aegis ruffled his hair, "I actually was, well um, I was looking for you."
"Say what?"
"Yeah, AC was rattling on like he does about random stuff, and he suggested, completely out of the blue, that you and me should get together."
Granz face-walled (it's a special skill set), "So you're here because of something AC said?"
"Not exactly. You see, after that run-in, I got to thinking about how much you [insert sappy love monologue here]. And I have some wicked plans for that ice cream, if you don't mind."
"Not at all," Granz was impressed that he managed to rattle that line off instead of just collapsing from the sheer hotness of it all.

10 minutes later

"Mmm, ice cream a la Granz is delicious."
"Aaaahh, oooh, don't stop."

I trust that you can imagine the rest."

So this was my first fic, I hope you all liked it.

I like magic's voice! It seems, to me, very vaguely seductive. Not forceful or overt or anything, but it'd probably go about biting its lower lip, if it had one of those.

Also, I approve of the implication that Matt wants to go about, covering the world in sugar.
Relateable, I say!